Sometimes when nothing's going my way and I'm mad about it, I start thinking about what'd be the stupidest fucking rampage of rage that I could go on. Recently I've been thinking about how once I get my tax returns I could spend the entire thing on the cheapest possible bike locks, and then go out at night wearing nothing that could identify me on security cameras and lock down everything.
Lock some store's door handles together. Lock a stranger's bike onto another stranger's car door. Put a bike lock on a park bench attached to a manhole cover in the middle of the road. Several parked cars bike lock daisy chained together. Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you everything getting locked. I'm putting the whole town in lockdown.
And then one thing actually does go my way, like the grocery store has the bread I wanted, and I'll look at it like "you have singlehandedly saved this entire town from bikelockalypse."
Every white man secretly daydreams of having one inconvenience too many push them into going full Joker. Personally I am unfortunately this one.
You might be recognised buying them all from one store because what kind of maniac needs twenty bike locks. Suggest getting one or two from multiple stores and sending acquaintances to do the same (with or without telling them why you need the bike locks in the first place). Either that or blackmail the store owner to not snitch that someone bought their entire stock.
