Think Pieces/Photos

Sometime you may wrap yourself in superficial proof of how far you’ve come and how successful you are. That isn’t the real you, and as long as you use those things to attract people, especially women, you won’t find what you want. When you are comfortable enough to leave that brand behind and be exposed, then you may find your real love. Be kind to yourself. You work hard and love intensely. Value your journey more than your acquisitions, and your joy will bring you the best life has to offer. Find your joy and share it freely. Joy is love.

For someone else to do it for me

Live life and love

That'll never come

Will I finally become financially stable?

I always loved the silence of that phone. Lost in thought, those minutes where the world doesn't matter, seconds to decompress. We all need it, right? I like to believe so. The quality time is great with friends, lovers, and family, but that time alone gives us the opportunity to think and put our life in perspective. Create plans to shape our future, among other things. When that phone doesn't ring, it's the sweetest sound, but in retrospect, it can also mean that you isolated yourself from people that you know and they are continuously asking questions about your whereabouts. At that point, you'll spend that time staring at that phone that doesn't ring.

What is a dreamer? I always ponder this question. I've been told once or twice that I was a dreamer but never knew what it meant. The two times I did hear it, the contexts were different. The first time it was made to make me feel like I was nothing, lost to the reality of the real world; the second time made me feel I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. Painting this picture of life, sometimes my vision becomes impaired, and I think of the instances when I heard this label that was given to me. I chose to believe that we are all dreamers, because without dreams, this world seems so bleak.

The characteristics that shapes us can also be the characteristics that break us. Think of it in this aspect: one who loves only to please everyone they meet and has a great personality can also try so hard to be liked that he or she loses themselves in the process. I write this because I believe that person is me. I've tried so hard and I've come so far in the last couple of years, but yet somehow on this journey I lost sight of the real me. I can't recall who that is anymore. I've always been one to get lost in my thoughts, but now I'm so far gone sometimes I can't recover. But this journey isn't all bad. I became smarter, wiser, more aware of how to behave and what is socially acceptable, which I previously wasn’t aware of. I still have major flaws that needs work for sure and I also need to figure out a way to get back to some of my old ways. Why should I not love the old me but I don't love the new me neither? The real question is what truly makes me happy? In my twenty-seven years of living I do not know. One day I hope to figure it all out. My life so far has been one hell of a ride. Some things I wish never happened while others helped me dearly, but though I may fuck up, I'm hoping I learn a thing or two in the process.

I heard how weird I am all the time. From co workers, peers, strangers, and the opposite sex. I guess people label what they don't understand and have no intention of getting to know. Should I change who I am? And be the person that people expect me to be? No, I can’t. I won't let people define me, so what if I'm quote-unquote different and I don't appeal to the masses? It’s part of my mystique. But I'll be lying if I said it didn't bother me at times that hearing the infamous quote of "you're weird" that I wear like a badge on my sleeve doesn't get to me. I would love for people to understand that when I don't speak, it's because I always wondering what to say, how to say it, and when to say certain things that I just don't speak at all. I get lost in my head, so don't think I'm being rude because I would love to engage in conversation but can't muster up the words to do so. Trust and believe when I say these are words from a complex soul.

Magnetic forces bought us together, but time drifted us apart. I was lost in you, consumed by your synergy. You intrigued my mind, gained my heart and soul. My day dreams were visions of you, smiling in a field full of beautiful flower just like yourself. I remember wanting to show you off to the world like the most precious diamond, mentioning you to my friends like you were the greatest thing since slice bread. Great times would you say? But those times faded away, we got older and wanted different things. Or should I say you wanted to live more, I understand we were young and foolish but I still think of those times even if you don't and though you left(I wish you didn't) I regret nothing. You helped me experience one of the world greatest joys and I want to thank you and just know I wish you the best beautiful flower.

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