Commander Eric Shepard

commander-eric-shepard:

Should I subtly encourage one of them to make a move?

You can ask Kasumi to rig something for you, but I’m not getting THAT involved.

Oh come on. If you’re subtly encouraging this interaction and for the old man to get shot down because he damned well knows she doesn’t have a damn thing for him but he’s too fuckin’ stubborn to ever say ‘no’ you gotta capture that

Humiliating my crew members isn't really in my job description... but like I said, ask Kasumi, she's pretty nosy.

[MSG] Make sure to videotape it so we can show other varren owners. [MSG] This may be the first step to getting a varren Olympics.

[MSG] …what are Olympics?

[MSG] Old Earth tradition [MSG] People crazy good at sports compete [MSG] Winners get medals [MSG] Or a varren treat as the case may be

[MSG] I suppose I could put Tali or Kasumi on the job [MSG] I usually use my status to get extra umbrellas for drinks [MSG] How about an umbrella for Eezo’s water dish?

[MSG] Umbrella and one of those twirly straws

[MSG] The straws that make crazy shapes? [MSG] Does he know how to use a straw?

[MSG] What’s that saying? [MSG] If there’s a desire there’s a way? [MSG] I fucking don’t know [MSG] What I do know is that I am going to teach my varren to drink from a crazy shaped straw [MSG] And shields

[MSG] Make sure to videotape it so we can show other varren owners. [MSG] This may be the first step to getting a varren Olympics.

…because I’m not Zaeed?

Shit, I got confused. Maybe that last blow to my head last mission rattled something around… So to correct myself here, what do you have that counters the way Zaeed says “goddamn”?

Should I subtly encourage one of them to make a move?

You can ask Kasumi to rig something for you, but I'm not getting THAT involved.

Put 'Confess!' plus an accusation about my muse in my ask, and my muse will confess whether it's true or not!

…because I’m not Zaeed?

Shit, I got confused. Maybe that last blow to my head last mission rattled something around… So to correct myself here, what do you have that counters the way Zaeed says “goddamn”?

Should I subtly encourage one of them to make a move?

[MSG] Definitely before [MSG] Wait what [MSG] Why steal their boots?

[MSG] I’m naturally curious [MSG] Indulge me

[MSG] If he’s gonna come on our missions, he’ll need his own shields you know [MSG] I’m not sure they make ‘em for varren

[MSG] I suppose I could put Tali or Kasumi on the job [MSG] I usually use my status to get extra umbrellas for drinks [MSG] How about an umbrella for Eezo’s water dish?

[MSG] Umbrella and one of those twirly straws

[MSG] The straws that make crazy shapes? [MSG] Does he know how to use a straw?

Yeah, I think “clean my rifle” was a euphemism. Why do you think you have a better chance than him?

Because I’m me and he’s him?

Yes, but Samara’s Samara. As Zaeed mentioned, she certainly has a "soft side.“ What do you have that counters that?

…because I’m not Zaeed?

Shit, I got confused. Maybe that last blow to my head last mission rattled something around... So to correct myself here, what do you have that counters the way Zaeed says "goddamn"?

[MSG] Definitely before [MSG] Wait what [MSG] Why steal their boots?

[MSG] I’m naturally curious [MSG] Indulge me

[MSG] If he’s gonna come on our missions, he’ll need his own shields you know [MSG] I’m not sure they make ‘em for varren

[MSG] I suppose I could put Tali or Kasumi on the job [MSG] I usually use my status to get extra umbrellas for drinks [MSG] How about an umbrella for Eezo's water dish?

Ah, figures. [He fakes a prepubescent voice.] I’m eleven AND A HALF! [Returns to his regular voice.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure he wants to cuddle with you and/or do the do. He feels similarly about Samara, I think.

Yeah, I think “clean my rifle” was a euphemism. Why do you think you have a better chance than him?

Because I’m me and he’s him?

Yes, but Samara's Samara. As Zaeed mentioned, she certainly has a "soft side." What do you have that counters that?

[MSG] Definitely before [MSG] Wait what [MSG] Why steal their boots?

[MSG] I’m naturally curious [MSG] Indulge me

[MSG] If he's gonna come on our missions, he'll need his own shields you know [MSG] I'm not sure they make 'em for varren

[MSG] Definitely before [MSG] Wait what [MSG] Why steal their boots?

[MSG] I'm naturally curious [MSG] Indulge me

Ah, figures. [He fakes a prepubescent voice.] I’m eleven AND A HALF! [Returns to his regular voice.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure he wants to cuddle with you and/or do the do. He feels similarly about Samara, I think.

Yeah, I think "clean my rifle" was a euphemism. Why do you think you have a better chance than him?

[MSG] Well… [MSG] If you can train him to do that and buy the armor yourself [MSG] Why the hell not. [MSG] Just be aware that that puts him in danger. [MSG] And you’d be in charge of controlling him.

[MSG] Fair point [MSG] If anyone could control him I guess it’d be you [MSG] I hope by “shitmonster” you don’t mean he’s gonna crap all over the ship

[MSG] I’m gonna need a demonstration of that [MSG] A potty trained varren sounds like a circus act [MSG] Note to self: always check footwear before putting it on

[MSG] And then put the helmets back on them? [MSG] Nice

[MSG] Definitely before [MSG] Wait what [MSG] Why steal their boots?

She has a tattoo? She’s never mentioned it… I guess it’s never really come up in conversation. [His eyes glaze over for a few seconds, as if daydreaming, then refocuses.] We’ll have to see how high she can jump sometime I guess. [He chuckles.] You have a point, but even my fists can’t crack a turian’s natural plating.

Believe me. Quarians can jump. Those fuckers and their legs… *tsktsks with a shake of her head* Never bet any sort when it comes to jumping and shit. They’re tough fuckers.

Quarians do have nice legs… You have experience being on the wrong end of a bet like that I take it?

What? Me? No.. never. No. *Shifty eyes. ..then a shrug* Okay. Maybe.

How on earth did you find yourself betting on quarians jumping??

Quite the combination. Just a heads up - I’m pretty sure Zaeed has some expensive, hard-hitting tequila stowed away somewhere, if you need a drinking buddy. [He lowers his voice a bit.] I think he has a thing for you by the way.

Ah, figures. [He fakes a prepubescent voice.] I'm eleven AND A HALF! [Returns to his regular voice.] Yeah, I'm pretty sure he wants to cuddle with you and/or do the do. He feels similarly about Samara, I think.