tweet tweet on the street :D

issue is, Bruce is just so happy to see and talk to his kids at any point that he doesn’t even notice the breach of privacy, and the kids just end up feeling really awkward about how happy their dad is to see them.

Jason will bring up something in conversation with Bruce that was only privately relayed through texts between Bruce and a colleague, smirking because he knows Bruce is gonna be really paranoid about who’s watching his texts, except Bruce just smiles and happily chats with him for thirty minutes and he’s in a good mood all day because Jason willingly had a casual conversation with him, and when the JL ask why Batman’s in such a good mood at a meeting later that day Jason just goes bright red and doesn’t know what to say because he didn’t realise how much Bruce genuinely craves just catching up with him every now and then.

Dick will stalk him for weeks and wait until Bruce has a really tough busy day at work, specifically so he can wait for the evening where Bruce finally has a single moment to himself in a bar somewhere to relax, and then he busts in loudly sitting down next to Bruce and talking non-stop while ordering a drink, thinking that Bruce is going to be mad because this was his one peaceful moment and Dick ruined it by constantly tracking him. but instead the second Bruce realises Dick’s there all his exhaustion disappears. he gets a really wide genuinely pleased look on his face and happily offers to buy Dick a drink because ‘it’s so rare that they get to hang out!’ and Dick is left floundering because he was trying to be an asshole but now he just feels bad that he doesn’t spend time with Bruce outside of patrol business.

Tim keeps watching him through security cameras and updating him through text on his location in an attempt to make him tired of the constant supervision, but every time he texts Bruce like ‘you just walked into starbucks for the second time today.’ Bruce will just openly smile at his phone and respond like ‘would you like me to get you a drink? i can drop it off at your office if you’d like :)’ and Tim has to give up almost immediately.

Part 1 here

“Saturday won’t work for me. My son’s baseball team is having a bake sale.”

The entire room goes silent, because no one realized Batman even had a kid. Or went out in the daylight.

“What?” one of the others asks, still shocked.

“A bake sale,” Batman says slowly, like they’re all a little stupid. “It’s a fundraiser.”

“I know what a bake sale is! But since when do you have a kid?”

“Have you not met Robin?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised. “He’s been to the Watchtower several times now.”

“Robin’s your kid?” gets asked first, followed closely by someone else asking, “Robin is real?”

“Can’t you just drop him off?” Superman asks, trying to calm the situation.

“Well I’m also the coach, so that probably wouldn’t be setting a very good example for the kids, Superman.”

“You’re the coach?” Someone asks.

“Yes.”

“Of a little league team?”

“Yes.”

“Are we in the Twilight Zone?” Hal whispers to Barry, who shushes him.

“Will Sunday work?” Superman asks quickly, wanting this to get resolved.

“So long as it’s over with by 4pm.”

“Why?”

“I told Robin I’d take him to the Gotham Knights game.”

Everyone’s heads are spinning. Batman is actually acting like a normal guy with a normal kid. This is not at all what they imagined he was like outside of the cowl. Some of them didn’t think he ever actually took the cowl off at all.

Thought you’d appreciate my ideas on this 🤭💖

Mark, the manager: Okay. So. We do pride ourselves on being the establishment of choice for the vigilantes of Gotham.

That means you will be serving the Bats. And there are a couple ground rules.

Now. Unfortunately this has happened enough times that it is a rule. Do not flirt with Nightwing. I know he starts it, he's joking, don't finish it. That's just an HR demand waiting to happen. And I will fire you.

Second. If Red Hood comes, don't ask him if he wants his fries jokerized. Just do it. He does want them jokerized but don't mention it.

Uhh, fair warning, the middle one will stalk you. Just for a bit. It's normal I think, he's just doing a background check. That's my bad, apparently I hired a 'Shadow' once, whatever the fuck that means.

The yellow one and the purple one, are cool. Yellow comes mostly during the day, so you don't have to worry. And if Purple drops any glitter just sweep after she leaves.

The one that looks like Batman but gender-bend is cool too, but you're not allowed to say 'yes' if she offers teaching you self defense. That's an order from Corporate.

Do not. –Listen to me– Do. Not. Serve the little one meat. I don't care if you're tired. I don't care if there aren't any veggie options left. You don't serve him meat. He's a vegetarian, last guy to get it mixed up is the reason why we have a job opening, got it?

And lastly. If ANY of them is actively bleeding or looks worse for wear, you press this button and don't say anything. It sends Batman a message and he pays us extra if we let him know his kids are hurt.

Mark, the manager: Any questions?

Also them using the bat computer for this is hilarious