Cometstarlight

Ive noticed this about Ana but you genuinely have such a screwed perception on other people when ur mentally struggling like a part of me feels irritated at this racist girl but I was fat phobic and a pick me (mentally) and all around had a miserable internet persona when I was at my worst.

The constant comparing yourself and restriction all day like that shit gets to you out of no where. Like ive been banned from wattpad before because I was so bitter and miserable and that kind of pain really sucks so you never know how a person is feeling on the inside and no one cared that I was struggling that deep.

I'm used having eating issues now but back when this shit snuck up on me, all day I had to find ways to make myself feel superior with my weight because it felt like it was all I had to hang on to so I got banned from Pinterest.

Fast forward to now, my life is normal, like I have a great boyfriend, I live a soft life and run a small buisness but I mean fuck I still st🌟ve and have restricted eating cycles but I always look back at my pics like bro wtf. At the end of the day this shit is a disorder. It feels cute to romanticize it because what else are you gonna do? But it does genuinely fuck up your perception on life and others and it'd really not who you are at the core. It's just the disorder talking. I still have fucked up thoughts like using my ex best friend as reverse thinspo, and feeling better that im thinner than my sister but again, its just the disorder speaking and I learned to keep that crazy shit in control.

Like why do i feel like my boyfriend is using me as fatspo or something like he literally complains about wanting to gain weight but then will literally NOT EAT