I am carrying a sadness that comes from mourning. A death of something in my life that was both a source of happiness and security, but also a cause for tension and unnatural indifference. It was a necessary death, but the pain and sadness that comes with is not- or no, itās necessary for such an occasion but I wish it would dissipate faster. And so when my mind decides to involuntarily replay how you took one last look at me before saying goodbye, - in that way that I could tell you were trying to etch every last detail of me in because you knew once you stepped out that door, the bond between us would begin to callous over and never be the same.. and how you allowed your eyes to well up with tears, as if they were the last gifts youād bestow me of your tender love- I cannot help but heave a deep sigh. Breathe it out.Ā Extinguish the thought. Resurface from the dark. I cannot help the sound that escapes me every time. Itās a dragged out āhaā sound. It is like the remnants of a scream from my deepest self thatās bounced off the walls of my cathedral heart, only to escape my body as a wispy wind. And while it is a new sound that only occurs when the waves of my emotions become too turbulent to suppress, it is familiar.
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