such fragile minds

Congratulations to everybody healing, building and moving forward. You deserve it

do you ever sit up at 3am and realize that your chances of happiness are basically fucked. do you just realize suddenly that the culmination of your experiences and traumas have already shaped you into someone who cannot enjoy the world properly and your mental scars will follow you around like a shadow until you die, and that you’re exactly the kind of adult you were scared to become when you were a kid

can’t believe I’m so deeply heartbroken over something that never happened.

I used to know everything when I was a child and I used to write down the secrets of the universe on pieces of paper so that I wouldn’t forget them bc I knew the adults had lost their minds but now I’m an adult too and I’ve lost the pieces of paper and I can’t wait for the day that existence feels organic and natural again so that living becomes an art form and I can use the canvas of my life to show something worth seeing

i am under so much pressure. i keep telling myself this is so a diamond can fall out of my mouth whenever i speak. i feel life like a centerpiece. i am wonderful to behold and so delicate, always silently cracking. who will hold me? there is no good reason to be worried from the outside. i am perfect, always have been. always will be. do not look in. do not go searching. if i open one door, all my rot will fall out and we will be drowning. do not wonder about me. i will cry about this and then pull myself together and make a better story. this is it, right? what you need me to be. 

when does it come back, mom? it has to come back. tell me it comes back, because if it doesn’t…. what else, you know? just me, and dirty linen, and an ache that spills forever across my floor.