Ars Amatoria

It was Wednesday afternoon, four days since our introductory date with Carlos.  Other than a few formal pleasantries between Kat and C, we hadn’t heard much from him about his thoughts on our proposal.  Kat and I had spoken often and openly about our feelings and things seemed good between us.  She had gotten over her fear that I wanted to share her as an ulterior motive to date other women.  I had gotten a taste of submissiveness to another man and found it intoxicating.  

I had closed my office door to have a rare bit of privacy and self-reflection.  Why was I so willing to endure the jealousy in order to see my wife writhe under another man?  After spending the evening together it all felt so natural.  Carlos seemed comfortable being a leader, but I had slid so easily into the role of subordinate.  As I looked through the glass of my office at all of the people who report to me and hang on my every word and whim, I had trouble reconciling that role with my desire to serve.  My phone beeped a notification of an incoming text from my wife.  She was letting me know that she and Carlos had been texting and sexting all afternoon and that he had asked her for my number at the office.  She wanted to give me a heads up that she had given C my direct line.

Within 15 minutes, my phone softly rang, the caller ID showing Peterson Construction.  I was immediately nervous, butterflies twirling in my stomach.  From what Kat had told me, it didn’t sound like he was turning us down, so why was I nervous?  I stared down at my phone, excited to answer, but also afraid.  Finally, I had to pick it up. “Hello Mr. Peterson.” I chirped.  Why the fuck did I say that, and what happened to my voice?! “Hey Kellie.” Came his deep, commanding response. Waiting for him to drive the conversation, he was purposeful and direct. “I wanted to follow up on our interesting outing last weekend.  I’ve been texting with your wife today, but the two of us should sort things out before moving any further along.  I have no experience with this sort of odd arrangement.  Truthfully, before seeing it for myself, I never would have imagined you as the sort of guy to go in for this sort of thing.  I mean, I know you’re not the most masculine guy, but you have a reputation for being a hard-ass.  I just want to make sure I we’re all on the same page.  If you’re looking for me to join you and Kat in a 3-way, I’m not game.” “No.  I’m not interested in participating.”  I said.

“So help me understand.  What’s in it for you?” He asked. This was a point of embarrassment for me, and I didn’t want to answer him.  How could I explain these feelings to another guy.  I barely understood them myself.  When my pause became an outright blank, he stepped in, “Look, if this relationship works out, I think the three of us will always have to be completely honest with each other.  But that’s most important now, before things progress any further.  My perspective is pretty easy to understand.  I’ve had the chance to sleep with my share of married women in this town, but I’ve never gone through with it.  Full honesty, your wife was the first woman I was gonna take that leap with.  And it’s not just ‘cause she’s sexy and beautiful, but more because I feel like we built a real connection.  I hope you don’t feel threatened by that, but it’s important for you to know.  When I think about my own feelings toward her, I can’t get my head around the idea that you want to share her.  I need to understand this because I’m not interested in being part of a one-time fantasy or an on-again/off-again, pure sex relationship.  Are you OK with that…and if so, how?”

On one level his honesty was helpful, but on another level it terrified me.  Was he thinking of something deeper with my wife?  Did he not really understand what we wanted?  I decided I had better be totally honest myself.  So I stumbled on, “It took countless hours of therapy to figure all this out, but I’ll give you the abridged version.  Kat and I have a happy and successful marriage—if we didn’t, this sort of unconventional arrangement wouldn’t be possible.  When we were first dating and early in our marriage, we also had a pretty vibrant and fulfilling sex life.  But over time, that physical intimacy ebbed.  What we learned in therapy was that Kat and I are both, basically submissive personalities.  Even though I have a job where I have to be all-Alpha all the time, it’s not my true nature.  The fact that she and I are similar is not a problem in our every-day relationship, but it does affect physical intimacy.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like both of us want a partner that’s like a Dominatrix, it’s more subtle—neither of us ever initiated sex.  I think in most relationships, one of the partners, usually the man, initiates sex whenever he gets horny.  That’s not the case for me.  So after a long enough period, our “mutual sex drive” just evaporated.  Now that we have kids and are financially secure, I want to focus on making us both happier.  In a nutshell, I think my wife can have a more enriched life with me as her husband, partner, and mate, while also having a truly satisfying sex life with a partner more capable of giving that to her.  I don’t know if you’re the man to give that to her, but there’s a natural attraction between the two of you, so it seems like a good place to start.”

“That actually makes a lot of sense.  My ex-wife and I were both dominant personalities and we fought all the time.  We always made up and had our best sex afterward, but the sort of situation you and Kat are working toward would not have worked for us.  That doesn’t mean I don’t understand it, because now I have a much better sense of it.  I’m willing to explore it with you guys.  I’ll leave it up to you to make whatever arrangements you want to make.” He said.

We’ve had plenty of date nights together, but this evening had whole different vibe.  Nothing was gonna happen but she prepared like it might.   She was so attentive to her appearance.  She had gotten a manicure, spent extra time on her hair, but the biggest tell was the way she had laid all her clothes out on the bed.  I hadn’t seen her take such care since before we were married.  On the one hand, it was great to see her putting in the effort to look her best, on the other hand, it was a little hard for me to watch knowing it was for another man.  As I look back, this was my first glimmer into the blissful humiliation that would eventually become my life.  Watching her take such care to look sexy for another man hurt, but it hurt so good.    

Kat and I, through therapy and beyond, had talked to death the idea of opening our marriage to other men.  We all acknowledged it was my idea and Kat was clearly only going along because she wanted me to be happy.  She knew I didn’t want to see other women, but there was no way for her to understand how erotic it was for me to imagine her so empowered.  I have become consumed by thoughts of her desiring a powerful, younger man, and that man wanting her so fiercely that he would muscle me out his way to get to her.  But even more arousing than the visualization of the sex, was imaging her telling me that she wanted this other man, that she would have him, and I would just have to learn to live with it.  But I knew that she would become so assertive with me until she grew in confidence.  

Kat said I looked calm, but it was an act; I was nervous about it.  Carlos and I are friendly but not friends.  I also didn’t want to give away how much I wanted this.  In truth, I wasn’t even sure myself why it was so important to me.  I had no idea how C would react to our idea, nor how I would feel seeing them together. I had spent my whole life projecting a certain image—that of a man in charge, decisive and powerful.  But I wasn’t happy.  My wife wasn’t happy.  If tonight went as expected, I would be casting that image aside and allowing a different version of me to emerge.  I had no idea how that would feel.

When we walked into the club, and they saw each other, my cock stiffened as my heart broke. Carlos looked at my wife the way I used to look at her.  His face lit up as he broke into a genuine, warm smile.  She looked hot and he was very appreciative.   It turned me on to see a young, attractive man so hungry for my wife.  Kat probably didn’t notice the little hitch in her step as she hurried to him.  They embraced and kissed just at the corners of their mouths—like they wanted to do more but weren’t sure it was right.  It would take very little to convert that to a full sensual kiss.

Carlos and I were cordial for a while as we got the measure of each other.  I tried to appear cool and nonchalant, but Carlos quickly figured things out.  He seized on my desperation to assert his dominance.  At first, he was wary and deferential.  By the end of the evening he was firmly in control.  It was a struggle for me at first, but pretty soon I didn’t even have to think about it…letting him take control felt comfortable and perfectly natural.  By the end of the night, when he needed a refill he would just hand me his glass.  I could see Kat was horrified, obviously embarrassed for me.  But pretty soon she too was just handing me her glass.  I think as Carlos realized that he was obviously the Alpha in the relationship and that I was a natural beta, he started to believe our situation might work.  At the end of the evening he handed me his bar bill and said, “Pay this.”  I just said, “Yes Sir.”  My cock firming in my pants.  

On our walk home Kat asked me how I thought things went.  I admitted that it couldn’t have gone better.  I could see her beaming in the moonlight.  After a while she commented about how rude Carlos was to me.  I told her that’s the way it had to be between us.  I said, “To make this happen, there will be adjustments.  Some guys are wired to be in control, and others are not.  Carlos is one of those guys who thrives on being dominant.” “And you’re not?” She asked. My first instinct was to lie or equivocate in some way to protect my ego, but I didn’t think that would help us reach our goals.  So I just opened up, “At work I have to be in charge.  People look to me to be decisive and confident in running the business, and I’m good at it.  It feels natural at work, but outside the office, things are different.  You heard it in counseling and I tried to let you lead at home, but before tonight, I wasn’t 100% sure how I’d feel about it.  I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but when Carlos realized that he was the true Alpha in our little pack, and he started taking control, I actually got aroused by it.  Is that totally fucking weird or what?” She gave my hand a little squeeze and said, “It’s not weird at all, and I’m glad you told me.  I’m for sure not an expert, but I think you get aroused by it because maybe your psyche is telling you that this is right for you and not to let it get away.  If we’re being honest, at first it was hard for me to watch.  I’ve never seen you cave like that and it was like I was watching a stranger.  But after a while it was totally obvious that you weren’t pretending to be submissive.  You looked so at ease and genuinely happy, and it made a lot of my worries about this situation go away.”

Once Kellie was gone, Carlos said, “I’m still thinking this whole thing is some kind of prank.  I can’t believe you would be up to that Kellie’s kind of a dick.” “I wouldn’t go along with that!” I said. We were at that point where he started thinking it might really happen but was afraid to believe it.  He said, “I don’t totally understand it and have a lot of questions.” When Kellie got back with the cocktails, Carlos started asking a million questions.  He wanted to know how we got to this point and did it mean our marriage was ending.  Did other people know we were exploring this?  We explained how painful it was getting here, the shouting, the tears, the hundreds of hours of counseling.  But we are keeping it private, for now.  Sure, there’s a huge element of sexual fantasy for Kellie but if our marriage wasn’t strong we would never be able to go through this.   And the sex was just one component of broader changes going on in our marriage.  The point is, this was not a whim.  Carlos is a smart, well-educated guy and he seemed to be earnest in deciding if he wanted to get involved.  I was glad that he was being serious and not just figuring out an easy way to fuck me.  His questions got personal and uncomfortable.  He asked us how often we have sex and the answer was embarrassing to both of us.  It had been months.  We sleep in the same bed, but we only sleep.  He asked why we never fuck.  We were both honest and blunt. Kellie said he was always too tired and I said the sex isn’t worth waking him up for.  I know that had to hurt Kellie’s feelings but I needed to say it…this was a relationship that demanded honesty between all three of us.  

He asked Kellie if he was prepared to hand his beautiful wife to another man. He said he thought he was, but that he saw it differently.  He wasn’t giving her to him, Carlos was taking her.  Carlos didn’t understand.  Kellie said he spends all day in a job where he has to be in charge, the man in control.  He has to act like an Alpha male but it’s an act.  When he comes home he wants to relax to just be himself.   “Kat needs a man who takes charge.  I think that’s one characteristic about you that’s so attractive to her.  You’re young, aggressive, and dominant.  She can’t resist that, she’s giving in to her base nature, so you can just take her from me and there’s nothing I can do about it.  That’s totally hot.”

Carlos was all smiles.  He said, “Since we’re all being honest, I’ve been interested in Kat for a while.  Even when I was still with my wife and I would see her at school events, I imagined what we might be like together.  She’s always been standoffish but over the past few months she’s changed.  I knew she was interested and just figured she was cheating on you.  I’m more than happy to take her from you…behind your back or in the open.”

I reached down and felt Kellie’s crotch…he was rock hard.  He was clearly OK with that.  And judging from the soaked state of my panties, I was definitely OK with it.  

“Look, I like your wife.  She’s beautiful and smart, and obviously needs a man in her life.  I’m looking forward fucking her, but I’m not interested in being just her fuck-buddy.  I expect more.  I can’t put my finger on it exactly, but whatever I decide you’ll have to live with it.  if you can’t, then let’s call it a night and part as friends.”

I expected Kellie to explode and tell Carlos to fuck off, but I leaned into my husband’s ear and whispered, “I want him.”  Kellie’s head drooped and he said, “Fair enough.”

Kellie was the one pushing us toward change – he proposed the Wife-Led-Marriage and constantly hinted that we bring another man into our marriage but when I told him I had a prospect, he totally blew me off.  Normally I would have let it drop but we were communicating better since going to therapy, so I confronted him.  Plus I was a little annoyed.  I was bored, neglected, and unsatisfied.  My husband never touched me anymore and I had pretty much given up on having a great sex life again.  I needed men. I needed sex.  But I was afraid to cheat and get caught risking my marriage and family by being dishonest with Kellie.  Now that there was a glimmer of hope I wasn’t gonna let it pass me by.  I pulled Kellie into the bedroom and said,

“What’s the deal? You’ve been nagging me forever to open the marriage up to new men and when I tell you there’s a man showing interest, you blow it off.  Are you not really serious or do you just doubt a man would actually be into me?’

 He was clearly surprised at my behavior and immediately made nice.  He reassured me that he was serious and gave me the greenlight to do what it took to find the right guy…he would support me with any guy that made me happy.

I was psyched because I really liked Carlos and I was pretty sure he was attracted to me.  At the next soccer practice I dressed a little sluttier than normal and waited to see if C would notice me.  I didn’t have to wait long.  He sauntered over to me and immediately paid me compliments about how I looked.  I was wearing a tight, very short denim skirt a casual button-down blouse and super-sexy high-heeled sandals.  I decided not to wear a bra and it was a warm day so I loosened a few buttons.  Carlos noticed!  Despite the distractions, he managed to converse fairly well.  I didn’t try to hide my flirtations in the least and C went with it, picking up the teasing, playful banter and tossing out gentle suggestions about his interest in sexy moms.  I hinted that now that he was divorced he must get a lot of action from all us bored housewives.  This got a blush and quick denial.  He asked what Kellie would think if he knew I dressed like this for soccer practice.   I wish I could have snapped a photo of his expression when I told him the outfit was Kellie’s idea.  

This proved a good lead-in to moving the conversation in the direction I wanted it to go.  He asked me to clarify.  I sketched out vaguely that our marriage was entering a new, unconventional phase that would involve me dating outside the marriage. He was understandably confused. He said that didn’t sound like the Kellie he knew and asked me what I was really saying.  I decided to just be blunt, honest and lay it out there, so I admitted that Kellie and I were having trouble in the bedroom and were exploring ways to spice things up.  Carlos was aroused but skeptical.  He said,

“You’re not just toying with me, right?”