To One in Paradise

there’s no permanent self and that’s pretty cool

i'm tired so i say i will just handle it tomorrow but then it is tomorrow and there's another thing i have to do today so now i have two things to handle (today and yesterday's burdens) so now i'm stressed about doing both and then i spend an hour thinking about how both of these things are going to take up so much time and energy and i should have done that other thing yesterday and it's not even that hard and i get stuck doomscrolling or whatever so now i have to mentally make rules to combat the procrastination because i really do need to get at least one thing done today so i don't let myself eat or sleep or enjoy things until one thing gets done but despite the rules i still can't make myself just get up and start so i get locked for hours in the in-between where my body is frozen and rotting but my mind is on fire in a glass box and honestly in these wasted long hours i don't think i even see the world around me and after a long time eventually if i'm very lucky/have sufficiently punished myself into movement i finally manage to do one or both things on my list and that should be great but instead of feeling proud or relaxed i'm annoyed with myself because i've wasted the day and how can i be exhausted when i literally haven't done anything and literally so many adults have actual lives and problems and meanwhile i can't manage basic fucking tasks and then i realize oh fuck there's a third thing which i forgot about until now and but i really am tired so i say i will just handle it tomorrow but then it is tomorrow