ColdFlash Trash @coldflashx - Tumblr Blog

Hi guys. I'm alive.

I don't think I'll be coming back. Not in the way I was before. This fandom's grown without me. I've gained hundreds of followers, even since I've been inactive. I don't think I can slide right back in to the community. Hell, I don't even know half of your URLs anymore. As for writing... That's probably not going to happen either. Maybe, hopefully, Flash and LOT will reignite my interest. I still really want to continue with that Prison Break crossover especially, but I just can't right now. Thank you for all of the messages. I'm trying to work my way through them. Just as a general answer to everyone: I got bad. Really bad. It wasn't exactly a suicide attempt, but, well honestly I don't want to go into details about these past few months. Please respect that. In still in a bad place, but I have reasons for hope. I'm just finding it hard to do things. So I don't know if I'm coming back now, or if I am how active I'll be. But I feel you all deserve to know that I am still here. I am still alive. And I missed you guys.

#coldflash #I miss our tiny little fandom family #when there were five of us freaking out about that time Cold looked him up an down in Rogue Air

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momomoon

So I was just watching something that gave me this idea, so here it goes.

Family Portrait Killerwave where Iris is like a professional photographer, and Caitlin has tried everything to get Mick into some photos with their now 3 year old daughter. Mick’s not to privy to pictures, but finally he says yes after Caitlin guilt trips him with their daughter.

Now Mick is a very caring father, but he just never actively shows it around other people. So, imagine his hardship trying in trying to naturally smile and play with his family. Finally he just stops caring about the camera and Iris gets some amazing candid shots.

Later when Caitlin invites everyone over for their daughters birthday, they find tons of pictures hanged around the living room and people are so surprised to see how different Mick looks with his family.

There’s a photo of Caitlin holding their daughter and laying her head across his shoulder while he had an arm around her and it looked absolutely beautiful in the sunlight. There’s even more with Mick throwing their daughter up in the air with a large grin across his face. all 3 of them laying in the grass, Caitlin in her white sun dress, their daughter in a matching dress with sun flowers and Mick in a dark polo. Iris even caught a shot with Mick spinning Caitlin in a flower field. It’s a different personality to Mick that Caitlin’s seen since the beginning, and everyone else is just starting to see. Some of their guests are also very surprised that Mick wouldn’t cover up his burns on his arms to which Caitlin explains why Mick doesn’t cover up.

After the dinner, Caitlin ends up speaking with Mick in their bed that night with such pride. how she knows how much of a great father he is, and he should never change.

#killerwave junk #this ship needs #more love #killerwave

Hey lovely, I hope you're doing okay :)

Hey darling :)

I am doing ok. I’m actually doing really good right now, things are going well in my life.

I mean, I still have a few issues and in still really struggling with motivation to write anything - fandom related or not - but I’m really making progress.

Thanks so much for the message!

I got a new boyfriend and he always calls me 'hun' which is cute enough, but when he texts me it always corrects to 'Hun' and that's better because I feel like a badass warrior

#hey look I'm still alive #don't ask me about my writing I suck and am a bad person

daughterofscotland

replied to your post

“how has your life become a teen drama?”

Your life could be a show on the CW! Or a lifetime movie.

That’s exactly the discussion a friend of mine and I have been having about this situation. I s2g I have no self control when I’m drunk, I’m pretty sure I could have a successful TV show that’s just me trying to do damage control after every night out.

#i do find it interesting that at work nobody gives a shit about me kissing the girl #but as soon as i kiss a boy shit goes down

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how has your life become a teen drama?

mate I don’t even know how it happened. I’ll try to simplify it.

Girl 1 (me) gets drunk. Girl 1 kisses girl 2, who is a coworker. Girl 1 kisses boy, who is also coworker. Boys ex-girlfirend of two weeks is also coworker. Boys brother is also coworker. Girl 2 is secretly dating the DJ. All this happens in the club where they work.

Boys brother is not happy about me kissing his little bro, especially considering he only broke up with his girlfriend a couple weeks ago. Now the guy is flirting with me more and I’m not sure where we stand, or what I even want from this. It also turns out Girl 2 is attracted to me, but doesn’t want to do anything other than drunk make out because 1) doesn’t want a relationship with another girl right now and 2) is dating the DJ.

And this is just the tip of the relationship clusterfuck at my place of work. All I wanted to do was get drunk and kiss people.

#i do it to myself #in my defence my head is still messed up from what went down the other week #Anonymous

*whispers* I’m actually writing something again

It’s only the follow up to the lightning phobia piece, but hey, it’s fiction and it’s coldflash. Probably wont be posted for a couple days, but at least I’ve started getting into the swing of things again.

#negl im writing to distract myself from the fact that my life has turned into a teen drama this past week

Hi. so, please don't take this the wrong way, but when are you going to start writing again? this fandom needs you around its not the same. take your time if you need it though, i hope your ok?

Hey darling

Honestly I’m not sure. I want to start again soon, I just haven’t been able to get into it. Start of next week I’ll probably sit myself down and force something out. I’m ok enough to get back to doing things :)

#also thank you for being nice to me even though its probably a lie #Anonymous

Tag 10 followers you want to get to know better

I was tagged by pretzel-log1c

Name: Nicole Nickname: Cole Birthday: June 21 Star sign: Gemini Gender: Androgyne Height: 5'10″ Sexual orientation: Bi Favourite colour: Red Average hours of sleep: 14 Lucky numbers: ??? Last thing I Googled: earth-3 owlman Word that comes to mind: whoops (I may have made out with a coworker last night whilst intoxicated...) Number of blankets I sleep under: 4 Favourite fictional characters: Kaladin from TSA. Arutha from Riftwar. Silk from Belgariad. Akkarin from TBM. Magnus from TMI. I read too many fantasy books... Favourite famous people : Gerard Way Favourite books: The Stormlight Archives/The Cosmere Favourite bands: I can’t even try to narrow that down Last film I saw: Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths Dream trip: Dream trip is no trip Dream job: English Teacher/Lecturer and Researcher

I think pretty much everyone has been tagged in this by now...

#im kind of back guys #not writing again yet but looking through tumblr #im feeling a lot better #well i feel like crap because i had too much tequila last night but yknow otherwise feeling a lot better

me: i did THIS THING AND I AM PROUD OF IT WHAT DO YOU THINK!!!!!!!!!!

others: yeah it's good

me: . . . , , , .. . . ,, you didn't get super excited and you didn't scream and praise me to no end so i'm going to conclude you hate what i did so i'm going to hate it too

#aka everything I write #also everything I do #and am

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What way are you disabled, if you don't mind me asking? :/

I don’t mind.

It’s a combination of things. I have fibromyalgia, which is the main one, and that gives me chronic pain (over my entire body), nausea and fatigue, along with half a dozen other minor symptoms. I also have mild scoliosis and significant insomnia. I have recurring tendosynovitis (which isn’t really a disability, but it can render me incapable of using my right hand). There’s also a significant chance I have early onset arthritis.

#Spoonie #it's hell but I look 'normal'#which is both a blessing and a curse

I'm so sorry people are dicks, and I'm very grateful you are okay. <3<3<3

Thank you <3

#Anonymous

do you/would you ever consider beta-ing work? You're my favorite fanfic author..

Hello, darling.

First off I just want to say I’m really flattered, thank you. I’d be happy just to hear someone liked my work, being somebody’s favourite is something else.

I don’t, and never have, beta’d fanfiction, but I would for shorter pieces. I’m too unreliable to commit myself to a longer work in good conscience. But anything under a handful of chapters or maybe around 20k words I’ll be happy to read through and evaluate. I’d actually really appreciate it - I’m currently a literature student and I want to be an English teacher, so it would be great practice for me!

Whilst that is the case, I’m currently taking a bit of a break from writing. I don’t plan to be inactive for more than a week though, so if you’re ok with that just shoot me a message off anon.

#Anonymous

I’ve received so many wonderful messages from you guys over the past day or so. I was in tears and couldn’t bring myself to reply to all of them, not yet at least. But I will. I can’t express just how much this all means to me.

I’m going to take a few days, I think. Step away from my writing for a little while. Probably not even a week, but that depends on how things go. I’m still feeling quite weak so it’s probably for the best. I’ll try to make up for it when I get back, I do still have those smut prompts lying around, after all ;)

Don’t be surprised if I delete this. I’ve already posted things and deleted/edited them away today. I’ve really debated with myself whether this needs to be said.

Wednesday night I attempted suicide.

I try not to talk about it too much, but it’s not a secret around here that I am both depressed and disabled. For the most part, you all have been wonderful, either not mentioning it when unnecessary or giving me words of kindness when I’m feeling down. But, as I’m sure anyone who has been in this position knows, one negative voice can outweigh a hundred positive ones in the right circumstances.

I’ve been the target of anon hate for a while now. I would normally ignore it, but I was masochistic enough to let them keep sending it. Wednesday night it came to a head. I posted something about me having a rough day, and this person jumped on it. I didn’t just receive a hate message, it was an essay. Nine messages at a maxed out word count. They basically jumped down my throat for everything I’ve ever done on this blog.

They judged me for my religion and they judged me for my lack of faith. For speaking up about my disability. For speaking about my depression and for writing certain things that explore depression and other mental illnesses. They slammed my gender identity and trashed me for having the nerve to be born white and to be thin.

They waited for me to be at my weakest, and then they tore me down. They succeeded, but I failed. (I blocked them, but sadly you can’t see who they are when it’s an anonymous message. Tumblr blocks the IP address, not the blog.)

Now, the reason I’m saying all this is because this person is a part of the fandom. To know all the things they mentioned, they must have been following me. They mentioned Iris West when they were judging me for being white. They mentioned other blogs, blogs I know and love, in these messages. (I won’t disclose what these blogs were; the anon seemed to approve of them, so I don’t think they’re in danger, and for the most part the owners are above my suspicion).

So really, I just want to warn you all. There is someone very hateful, and very dedicated, out there. And now that I’ve blocked them, they may turn their attention onto somebody else. If they target you, don’t do what I did. Don’t keep it secret. Don’t let it get to you. One message (or nine) at precisely the wrong moment made me do something I wouldn’t have been able to fix. It was only my apathy, my flatmate, and a lot of luck that saved me. If someone is targeting you, ask for help. Turn to people. I know that there are so many wonderful people here who would have helped me if I had asked.

Don’t make the same mistake I did. Don’t let this person get to you.

#coldflash #tagging because im 90% sure theyre at least tangentially a part of the fandom #tbd #probably

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Are you ok? What happened?

I’m ok :) long story

#Anonymous

What do you call a seagull that flies by the bay? A Bay-gull!! I hope you feel better soon ☺️

Ha :’) Thank you, I really appreciate this x

#Anonymous

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