itās been a year of being āØsingle⨠and I survived and more š„° hereās to many more happy days

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@cofluoxetine
itās been a year of being āØsingle⨠and I survived and more š„° hereās to many more happy days

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Iāll always miss the version of you that existed before the resentment festered
I donāt miss you anymore though
āPlease be patient with me. Sometimes when Iām quiet itās because I need to figure myself out. Itās not because I donāt want to talk. Sometimes there are no words for my thoughts.ā
ā Kamla Bolanos
Richey Edwards

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Tush November 2012 āCarriettaā by Alice Rosati with model Josefine Nielsen
āThe more familiar two people become, the more the language they speak together departs from that of the ordinary, dictionary-defined discourse. Familiarity creates a new language, an in-house language of intimacy that carries reference to the story the two lovers are weaving together and that cannot be readily understood by others.ā
ā Alain de Botton, On Love

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Sketchbook_jpeg on instagram
love yourself more than others doĀ
Last night, I told my mother "I wish I was dead" in a fit of rage and winter clouded her eyes. But it wasn't white and it wasn't quiet, it resembled something like helplessness and rage. She was in pain and I knew I hurt her. I wanted to say something, anything, but how do you withdraw a declaration of war? How do you stop the bombs that already destroyed homelands? In that moment I remembered how she always told me that when she was a kid, she was too afraid to sleep with the lights on. Not because she was afraid of monsters, but because she feared her grandmother would die. Because when you're a kid, not seeing it means it doesn't exist anymore. I saw the winter in her eyes again and I knew I had switched off the light, she wasn't angry, she was afraid.
And I also remembered how she always told me I'd always be 3 years old for her, always a child, and for the first time, I heard in the voice of a three year old "I wish I was dead". My heart broke. And I wanted to hug her and hold her, tell her I was sorry, that I didn't mean it. Before I could move a hand, she left the room. The entire evening, I saw myself as she saw me, a 3 year old child. I saw the child hurt herself and cry herself to sleep every week, fight her friends with her tiny hands and two ponytails, I saw her depression and her anxiety, I saw her yell "I wish I was dead" and I knew. I knew. I wanted to shout through the walls, yell and cry and tell my mother that now I KNEW, but I didn't. I wept and wept until I heard a quiet knock and a soft familiar voice whispered, "Dinner is ready".
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The world is a sphere of ice and our hands are made of fire
byĀ jorgitoacj

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Iām tired of feeling like this.