I Don’t Know If I Can Take It Anymore

Things were different yesterday I could move how I wanted every single day

I closed my eyes and woke up to a new world Everything before came unfurled

The sky is red The panic is palpable All changed overnight, is this the new normal?

The sky is red We still talk about it But we have mostly moved on There are other worries Like the football game and the traffic and the holiday shopping

The sky is read Blue all but a memory I want to scream The sky is red! The sky is red! But we have moved on To other worries like what’s for dinner and who’s turn it is to wash the car

Words and feelings are trapped in my head With pen and paper or a blank word doc Words flow like a waterfall in spring Pushing out what needs to get out

I need to remember this That in winter when it’s all frozen and stuck and stagnant

Spring can be here in a second I deserve to express and to feel and to YELL

My body doesn’t work like it did before Every day I get used to it more and more

I want to yell, “this body is not mine!” I want to scream, “Everything is not fine!”

love is lazy weekends. pancakes and laughter and cozy cuddles. prepping for the week on sunday recharging and recuperating

love is planning trips carving out intentional time to be together quality time in your arms is the only place I want to be

I love words and I love thinking. I love describing and capturing feelings in words for myself to look back on or for others to read. I love words and I love thinking so much I forget to feel.

I mold feelings into words before I can even grasp how I’m feeling and what it feels like and why. It is what protected me in the past. Kept me safe. But I’m safe now. Safe at home and safe in love. I. Am. Safe.

So processing is words and writing and thinking. But processing is also feeling and talking and moving and drawing and creating things and breaking things.

I can feel you right here, But your mind’s far from near

I won’t let you feel like this anymore, Can we please just go back to before?

The weight you carry is not yours alone to bear. So please please please please please share.

Let me carry some things for you Let me show you what I can do.