homesick

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU JUST MISS SOMEONE BUT YOU CAN'T TELL THEM BECAUSE THEY PROBABLY DON'T MISS YOU, AFTER YOU FUCKED UP AND REALLY HURT THEM BECAUSE YOU WERE SO AFRAID OF BEING LOVED THAT YOU PUSHED THEM AWAY IN ORDER TO CHASE AFTER SOMEONE WHO COULD NEVER LOVE YOU THE WAY THAT YOU DESERVED, AND ONCE YOU REALISED AND WENT BACK TO THAT PERSON YOU HAD RUN OUT OF SECOND CHANCES AND INSTEAD SPEND MONTHS BEING HEARTBROKEN OVER WHAT YOU COULD HAVE HAD IF ONLY YOU KNEW BETTER BUT NOW THAT YOU FINALLY DO IT'S TOO LATE

Even though I was the one to end things, I still feel the loss of what we were. I still remember how much I loved you, back when we were both happy. The way you made me feel.

Sometimes my mind doesn't want to remember the bad things. I have to remind myself that you were the one who hurt me first. How you lied and manipulated reality in order to paint yourself in a better light. Your empty words and promises showed me how you're not capable of ever truly putting me first.