INTERNATIONAL POLICE CASE FILE #A-101
DUFFLE BAG RECOVERED FROM CRASH SITE ON MELEMELE ISLAND - ROUTE 2
REPORTED LOGGED BY: AGENT JOHNSON
STATUS: IN TRANSPORT WITH AGENT JOHNSON
RECOVERED ASSETS:
12x shrink-wrapped bricks of unknown white powder labeled "COCAINE"
1 currently opened
Made me feel AWESOME for about five minutes - like I was qualified to do backflips
I cannot do backflips
Also felt like I could put Tapu Koko in a headlock - pure power
Not very yummy
One black "iPod" music player
Manufacturer: "Apple"
Origin: "Designed in California" and "Made in China" (???)
The music on this thing SLAPS
Unsure who "The Mack" is but I'm welcoming his return with open arms
Purple wired earbuds
Soft gummy bits go in your ears
Surprisingly comfy
Green bobblehead figure
Unknown character, contains a speaker that says multiple phrases
"The greatest teacher, failure is."
Grammar is horrific but I think that's part of his deal - same, little dude
"Made in China" again (???!!!???!!!) they seem to manufacture EVERYTHING, don't they?
ADDITIONAL NOTES:
Cargo does not seem to originate from any known region of our world
Wreckage shows immense devastation... registration and serial number of the aircraft do not have a match to any logged systems
No pilot or crew recovered
