supernatural but it's literally just ooc conversations I've had with my friends

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@cobrodependent
supernatural but it's literally just ooc conversations I've had with my friends

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🩷💙 N E O N N I G H T S 💙🩷
⭐[my social media links]
from house of incest by anaïs nin
Don't worry about it

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dean calling sam “sweetheart” when they’re little kids in a way that’s pretty normal for young kids, it’s what mom called dean when he was little and now sammys little. but then it’s dean calling sam “sweetheart” way past when it’s normal, sam’s like 12 years old and it’s so casual dean, I’m hungry can I have a snack? from the backseat sure, sweetheart. as dean passes back the jerky. john puts a stop to it. tells them their both too old for that and to knock it off. dean nods out a yessir. and looks away. sammy feels his face get bright red as he slumps down into the seat and he does not cry.
the thing about Faith is they literally heal Dean to humiliate him. his determined skepticism and disdain is a pronounced FEAR RESPONSE to the concept of God because of course concepts like 'hope' and 'faith' are fucking scary! faith makes you vulnerable. It makes you naked. It’s inherently the practice of taking down your shield, doing a trust fall, showing your underbelly, risking absolute humiliation. That’s like, the whole point. and dean is s1 is all exoskeleton, he's Tough, nobody's allowed under his skin, and he gets soooo horribly twitchy around priests. he can't resist snarking at Roy bc this culty southern gothic bullshit is FREAKING HIM OUT. which is exactly why Roy picks him, because a skeptic is a satisfying convert, they want to forcibly tear his armor away in front of everybody, haha bet you believe in God now. it's a violation. he doesn't react with wonder, he reacts with HORROR, of COURSE, bc why do I deserve to live, why was the natural order disrupted for me, you did something to my body that I don't understand, you got under my skin, everyone was looking, this is humiliating. and then s4 happens.
i think that when people assert that dean's actions are insane but ultimately understandable while sam is uniquely batshit crazy it's because they have not thought long and hard enough about sam's internality and i'm being a killjoy about it
Vent art though i still enjoy how it looks and I think Sam sometimes stays up late at night because he cant fall asleep because he keeps thinking ab how hes a monster and suicidal i guess hi ....

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the really annoying fucking thing is nobody blames dean for anything ever except sam that one (1) time during the great angel rape debacle of 2014 which means that this fucker gets to point fingers all day every day remorselessly
sorry okay fine. remorsefully. dean is full of useless self hatred and remorse all the time.
Being an spn watcher with siblings is really funny bc it gives you a great point of reference for how insane Sam and Dean act. Sometimes I say well perhaps I’m just a pervert misconstruing their beautiful brotherly bond. And then I imagine myself and my real life brother having any one of their interactions and like…social services is getting called I’m sorry!!!!
sam who was praised for being “mature for his age” when really he was just anxious and hyperaware and exhausted all the time. adults loved that he could hold a conversation with them. loved that he made eye contact. loved that he asked questions.
sam learning very early that being articulate could get him out of danger. if he spoke calmly enough, intelligently enough, reasonably enough, maybe adults would listen. maybe they’d stop yelling. maybe they’d treat him like a person instead of luggage being dragged from motel to motel.
which means adult sam has this terrible habit of arguing like his life depends on it. because on some level, it used to.
sam getting called “future lawyer” every time he questioned authority as a kid. teachers saying it with that strained little smile adults get when a child notices too much. because sam wasn’t argumentative for fun, he was just constantly trying to locate fairness in situations where fairness did not exist.
dean joking that sam always “has to have the last word” but secretly feeling kind of proud whenever sam verbally destroys somebody. like yeah that’s my terrifyingly intelligent little brother actually.
sam in college realizing normal people debate for enjoyment instead of survival. absolutely world-shattering revelation for him. like you mean other people’s stomachs don’t drop during conflict? you guys are doing this recreationally?
mary winchester and jody mills in 12x06, celebrating the life of asa fox
Sam Winchester SUPERNATURAL — 1.06 "Skin"

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John telling 10yr old Sam to do something and Sam stubbornly refusing, insisting he doesn’t have to listen to him. then Dean asks Sam to do the same thing and he agrees without hesitation
Season 4, Episode 3. "In the Beginning."
When Dean gets sent back in time (to April 30, which feels special to ME PERSONALLY but is really not that important) and all he's told is "You have to stop it," how hilarious would it be if what he had to stop was John buying the VW van? And he succeeded right away, 10 minutes in, and then the episode was over.