supernatural side blog

dean calling sam “sweetheart” when they’re little kids in a way that’s pretty normal for young kids, it’s what mom called dean when he was little and now sammys little. but then it’s dean calling sam “sweetheart” way past when it’s normal, sam’s like 12 years old and it’s so casual dean, I’m hungry can I have a snack? from the backseat sure, sweetheart. as dean passes back the jerky. john puts a stop to it. tells them their both too old for that and to knock it off. dean nods out a yessir. and looks away. sammy feels his face get bright red as he slumps down into the seat and he does not cry.

the thing about Faith is they literally heal Dean to humiliate him. his determined skepticism and disdain is a pronounced FEAR RESPONSE to the concept of God because of course concepts like 'hope' and 'faith' are fucking scary! faith makes you vulnerable. It makes you naked. It’s inherently the practice of taking down your shield, doing a trust fall, showing your underbelly, risking absolute humiliation. That’s like, the whole point. and dean is s1 is all exoskeleton, he's Tough, nobody's allowed under his skin, and he gets soooo horribly twitchy around priests. he can't resist snarking at Roy bc this culty southern gothic bullshit is FREAKING HIM OUT. which is exactly why Roy picks him, because a skeptic is a satisfying convert, they want to forcibly tear his armor away in front of everybody, haha bet you believe in God now. it's a violation. he doesn't react with wonder, he reacts with HORROR, of COURSE, bc why do I deserve to live, why was the natural order disrupted for me, you did something to my body that I don't understand, you got under my skin, everyone was looking, this is humiliating. and then s4 happens.

i think that when people assert that dean's actions are insane but ultimately understandable while sam is uniquely batshit crazy it's because they have not thought long and hard enough about sam's internality and i'm being a killjoy about it

the really annoying fucking thing is nobody blames dean for anything ever except sam that one (1) time during the great angel rape debacle of 2014 which means that this fucker gets to point fingers all day every day remorselessly

sorry okay fine. remorsefully. dean is full of useless self hatred and remorse all the time.

Being an spn watcher with siblings is really funny bc it gives you a great point of reference for how insane Sam and Dean act. Sometimes I say well perhaps I’m just a pervert misconstruing their beautiful brotherly bond. And then I imagine myself and my real life brother having any one of their interactions and like…social services is getting called I’m sorry!!!!

John telling 10yr old Sam to do something and Sam stubbornly refusing, insisting he doesn’t have to listen to him. then Dean asks Sam to do the same thing and he agrees without hesitation