CLOUDY 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

pt: ivan (bad things) stamps. end pt.

(Art credit 1) (Art credit 2) (Stamp template)

Req. by anon, made by mod 🧃

here u go ^_^ i tried to work with what i could.... shoutout to special Friend once again whos screenshots i ripped these from

Bad Things.

🦭 🫧 mamegoma grapics ⋅˚₊‧ ଳ ‧₊˚ ⋅

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I think something really interesting to me about Ivan's character is that he very specifically REFUSED to change for the better.

Im not trying to say I agree with the Ivan apologist crowd who are like "But he was mentally ill he deserved better he did nothing wrong he just needed help!!"

He HAD people who could have supported him. He had a loving mother and a friend that was always willing to help. ANDREW was always there for him, he always WANTED to help Ivan. He saw that Ivan was going down a dark path and TRIED to help, and Ivan snapped at him and started treating him worse for it because he couldn't handle the idea of being in a worse position than Andrew in one more thing. Even though Andrew only had his head above the water when it came to mental health recovery.

Like the scene 11 rework, we literally see Andrew try to remove the cysts, he WANTS to help, but when he does Ivan only gets more aggressive, taking away your hammer at first and then getting to the point that Andrew genuinely felt Ivan would KILL him.

So no I don't think Ivan's actions are excusable or forgivable in any way, real Ivan fans do NOT defend Ivan.

I also think Ivan's horrid mental state gets downplayed sometimes too though. They are NOT an excuse for his actions but he WAS dealing with unchecked mental issues and a terrible fear of being forgotten and it led him to justify every bad decision he made to the point of fantasizing about murdering his best friend. Then, when the consequences bit back and he was shown and TOLD that he was in the wrong and that everything that happened was HIS fault because HE made those decisions, he refused to believe it. He refused to believe that ANYTHING he did was his fault, blaming it all on some intrinsic, non-existent part of himself that he had no control over. He could acknowledge that harm was caused by him but TRULY refused to believe that he was to blame.

But the worst part is that I think he could have gotten help. I think he could have gotten better. Recovered mentally and become a better person. Do I think he would have? No, because he refused to take even the first step in admitting that he had a problem, or that he was in the wrong at all. Do I think becoming a better person would exonerate him from what he did to Andrew? No. He'd have to live with that for the rest of his life. But that's the thing.

Ivan was not unable to become a better person because he was REALLY broken beyond repair

Ivan was unable to become a better person because he REFUSED to.

Even The Tumor starts to say "You can still clean up the mess you made" but has to STOP because Ivan immediately shifts the blame on to it.

I think people need to remember that Ivan's mental health DID matter, A LOT, but NEVER in a way that excuses him or lessens the effects of his actions.

Also I find it interesting how Andrew, the whole time, talks about finding no worth in himself. He truly believes that he doesn't matter in the slightest, and yet he FIGHTS to survive, he keeps going just to feel happiness again. He knows it exists, that its out there somewhere, and maybe after everything he MIGHT be able to find it again one day. To see that sunset that had been burnt down such a long time ago.

Then Ivan sees himself as underappreciated, someone who's done no wrong, someone who DESERVES, and is ENTITLED TO a legacy, and yet he doesn't fight. He allows himself to die because he can't see a way out of his situation that doesn't involve him actually acknowledging his faults. He's so worthy and Entitled to so many things but once he realizes those things are out of his reach he just allows himself to wither.

Anyway one thing I'd LOVE to see more of when it comes to good ending AUs is Ivan actually having to go through a recovery. I'd love to see Ivan slipping back into old habits of entitlement and having intrusive thoughts and maybe even sometimes acting on them and then falling into those cycles of guilt and feeling completely unlovable not only for his thoughts but for the things he DID do. That paralyzing fear that you're broken and the only thing you'll be remembered for is the harm you've caused. That fear that you can't trust yourself because of the person you once were/the person you could have become if you didn't catch yourself.

Except its a Bad things au where andrew meets someoene who reminds him of ivan sometime after he died errrmrmmmm 😄😄😄😂😂😂

This doodle is based on that one silent hill audio that goes like Do I look like your girlfriend👀👀👀WIth that one song. u know what wait i can edit this in

credit to retroghoulie on yt ur the goat

Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart