curiouser

Ballerina Amelie Segarra dances the en pointe ballet technique (in which the performer typically dances on the points of their toes) on the tips of huge, menacing kitchen knives in an empty, darkened theater on a grand piano. 

Realising that I actually dissociate quite a lot is weird.

Speaking and as soon as I’ve said it I can’t remember what I said. Or people telling me I’ve said something and I have no memory of saying it, or I think (like adamantly) that I’ve told someone something and they’ll be like…you never told me that.

I lose the plot of a conversation that I am a part of and I have to sometimes ask what we’re talking about.

Things that would normally scare me don’t at times and I’ll be standing there with no feeling but numbness and I’ll literally say “Wow that would normally scare me..”

When I was younger I literally remember crossing a road on my way to school and walking up a road and suddenly looking back and having NO memory of ever walking there or walking across the road. I remember kind of feeling scared about it too.

Feeling like my body is fake and slightly off/doesn’t feel like mine. Looking at my arms and they don’t really look like mine. I’m aware it’s mine because I can see it’s connected to me but it doesn’t seem like mine.

I get this feeling that my body is out of proportion and that my fingers are too big and they’re changing and objects feel weird and tangible. This one is really hard to explain.. 

Not knowing whether I’ve been sleeping or if I’ve just been blanking out hard. There have been times where I’ll be laying down in bed and I’m not sure if I blanked out or fell asleep although it doesn’t feel like I had been sleeping it just felt like I blanked out. When that happens I’ll be laying down and my eyes are open but all of a sudden it’s like I can see? It’s really weird.

Sometimes I’ll be really sad or crying and it’s like my emotions get cut off and I don’t feel anything. I’ll literally just stop crying suddenly.

I get this feeling that I’m floating and my body is high up and kind of spinning. My head will be spinning and my body kind of feeling like it’s on a roller coaster. 

Sometimes my body feels like it’s going in slow motion but everything else is happening the same or it feels like the world and time is in slow motion and only I’m going at the right pace.

Sometimes places seem so unfamiliar and off and it’ll be looking outside my window and it doesn’t seem familiar although I’m aware I’m looking outside my window. OR I’ll feel like I’ve been to a place but that I have no memory of going to. It seems weirdly familiar although I’m not sure why