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The level of affection they had for each other was natural. Hyunjin never planned to grab her hand and pull her closer to him when they were walking in a group, or pat his lap for her to sit on during movie nights, or press a kiss to her cheek with his arm wrapped around her waist to greet her. He just did those things without thinking because they felt right.

It was the same for her. Laying her head on his shoulder while waiting in line, fidgeting with his rings and fingers when talking to their friends, nuzzling her face into his chest when she gets sleepy or tired. Being around him was safe and cosy, she couldn't help being touchy with him.

And all this happened in the first few weeks of knowing each other.

Over the years, the physical affection developed more and more until they became no different than a couple in their puppy love phase. One night a month or two into knowing each other, Hyunjin invited her for a sleepover to bing watch a movie saga they've been wanting to get into. Halfway through the second movie, they were both feeling extremely sleepy and barely able to keep their eyes open but couldn't find it in themselves to go to sleep just yet as they were enjoying the conversation they were having.

They both didn't know how it happened but one second Hyunjin was mumbling something in response to the story she was telling him, and the next he was thinking about how pretty her lips looked up close and how he wanted to feel them against his, so he leaned down and pressed a small peck to her lips. Her only response to it was to giggle softly and continue on with her story.

Since then, small pecks on the lips became a thing between them, but mostly when they were alone. It had nothing to do with hiding it from people, but the level of comfort that priors the kisses only settled when it's just the two of them. They were caught many times at get togethers when they got lost in each other and Hyunjin mindlessly pressed his lips to hers briefly. Their friends were confused at first but shrugged it off. They weren't hurting anybody, why should they care?

The two had a lot in common, but the one thing that made their bound stronger is fashion. They both loved expressing themselves through their clothes, trying out different styles and getting inspired by one another. They especially love matching even in the most subtle ways possible, like wearing the same belt or socks. So when Hyunjin became the brand ambassador for Versace and was invited to attend their spring-summer fashion show, he immediately asked for an extra invite to take y/n with him.

She was worried at first. He wasn't going to be with her the entire time, unfortunately, and they weren't going to be sitting next to each other. He was obviously going to be at the front row seats with all the other celebrities. The thought of being alone in a strange place—with the only person she knew sitting far away—unsettled her. What if someone questioned why she was there? How could they possibly believe she was Hyunjin's plus one and not just some weird fan who had managed to sneak in?

But he reassured her that she wouldn't be alone and would be sitting with his manager and stylist which managed to calm her anxiety enough to accept the invite. Hyunjin was ecstatic, especially since he made a request to style her entirely from the new collection. Being the Versace prince, he was given the entire catalogue to pick from, and the moment they landed in Italy he gave the list of items to his stylist to prepare.

“The top dress thingy from look 59 with the purple bra from look 57. The jeans from look 32 but not with red underwear, they will not match and it will bug her the entire time. I think look 56 has green underwear, get her those. The platform heels in purple just like in look 50 and the Tag Bowling Bag also in purple. For jewellery, whatever you pick for me.”

His stylist tried her best to write everything he was requesting down as fast as he was talking. “what about for you?”

Hyunjin shrugged at the questions, “didn't pay much attention to the men's clothes so whatever you think would look good.”

On top of that, he hired a whole hair and makeup team to get her ready. This was her first ever fashion show. A milestone she always dreamed of reaching and he was so proud to be able to turn it into a reality. He impatiently waited in the living room of their hotel suite, a smile on his face as he heard her laugh with the team behind the bedroom door.

“Hyun, you're ready ?”

He fixed his posture slightly but stayed leaning against the chair he was sitting on, “I've been waiting for over an hour, angel.”

She came out of the room squealing excitedly, her heels clicking with every step. She stood in front of him wearing the clothes he meticulously picked for her. Her eyeshadow matched the colours of her outfit. Her lips were glossy and smiling widely at him. Her jewelry was exactly the same as his. Hyunjin was obsessed. She exceeded the vision he had in mind. His fingers picked at his lips slightly as he stared at her up and down repeatedly. He simply couldn't take his eyes off of her. An angel on earth, she was. One sent especially for him. He must've been a really great person in his past life to be rewarded in this way.

“do a little twirl for me, angel.” he mumbled in a daze. He felt drunk. Drunk off of her beauty. All the models in the world should thank their lucky stars she decided to pursue something else as a career because he was sure she would be the most demanded model in the industry. Who wouldn't want her to represent their brand and be on the cover of their magazine?

“what do you think?”

He beckoned her to come closer with a motion of his two fingers and she walked closer until she was near enough for him to grab and pull her into his lap. Their faces were barely a centimetre apart. Their noses bumping with every breath they take. Hyunjin inspected her face up close, taking in her features, every beautiful mark, freckle, and blemish he could see.

“you're gonna be the death of me,” he mumbled, his arm around her waist tightening slightly to pull her closer to him until their chests were pressed together, “I don't know if I can handle you not being mine any longer.”

“but aren't I yours already?”

At the moment he couldn't think or do anything other than kiss her. So he did, he pressed his lips to hers with a gentle force making her tip back slightly.

This was a different type of kiss. Their previous ones were sweet, cute, rebellious even because it wasn't something friends did. But this one was full of pent up emotions. Emotions they both held back and locked away in their hearts thinking the other would not want to be anything serious and stop whatever it was they were doing. It was also full of relief. Relief that they were wrong. They both loved each other deeply.

“you're gonna ruin both of our makeup.” she mumbled against his lips. He couldn't find it in him to care about the makeup, the people waiting for them behind the closed door or the event they had to go to, not when he had her all to himself while she was looking like that.

They didn't break away from each other until a knock was heard from the team in the other room. Heat rose to her cheeks as she pulled away from him, “Hyun, seriously. We're gonna be late.”

“It's not my fault my girlfriend is so hot.”

She hit his chest lightly and got up from his lap. She tried her best to make it seem like she didn't spend the last 10 minutes making out with her best friend turned boyfriend by touching up her gloss and fixing her disheveled clothes (thanks to his hands squeezing and caressing every part of her he can reach). Hyunjin stayed seated, not bothering to do anything other than stare at her. Feeling his eyes on her, she looked back at him from looking at the mirror and smiled.

“come on, now. We need to go.”

“I love you.”

She froze halfway through closing her gloss. This was the only thing they never said to each other. They both unknowingly felt the same about it. Saying those three words would make things real, too real. They didn't know if the other could handle them. But hearing him utter them with so much confidence and certainty, it was the last confirmation she needed.

She approached him slowly and leaned down when she was in front of him, “and I love you,” she presses a small peck to his lips making him smile, “so much, more than anything.”

“anything ?” he asked, his voice smaller, gentler, like he was on a cloud and couldn't disturb it by being too loud.

“more than the Lindt holiday chocolate box.”

Hyunjin gasped jokingly, “oh, you're very serious then.”

“incredibly serious” they both burst into giggles that the hair and makeup team still locked away in the other room were able to hear and broke into quiet squeals, not being able to handle how adorable they were.

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It was their last meeting before he told her about getting the surgery and in an effort to push away the awkwardness and intensity in the air caused by the incident that happened at the exact spot they were sitting in, he decided to show her his art, something he didn't show to anyone in the world. It wasn't like he didn't like what he made and didn't want people to see it, it was more like he wanted to gatekeep them to himself, but at that moment it felt like the right thing to pull out his phone and show her some of his canvases.

It wasn't her immediate reaction of "wow, you're very talented" that got him, it was the way she named techniques he used, mediums, the meanings behind every stroke, little things he added that he thought only he could catch. She called him a poet who uses a paintbrush to express himself instead of a pen. That was probably the highest compliment he's ever gotten from anyone.

She gasped when she noticed anything new in a painting, excitedly explaining her point of view which was either the same exact as his or made him see his work in a new light. She explained to him that she couldn't afford to be an artist even if she had the skills, but she loved watching art analysis videos and documentaries.

Seeing her come out of her shell further than before to discuss his art made him pause his brain from thinking and just take her in. Her smile was genuine, her hand gestures were big, she stuttered a little when she couldn't get the words out fast enough, she squealed in happiness when he told her her analysis was right. In that moment, she was the most beautiful girl he's ever had the pleasure of being with.

But he kept denying what he felt, telling himself it was only because he knew she liked him and he felt guilty for putting her though all that pain. He couldn't like someone while dating another person, it wasn't right for anyone. He loved his girlfriend, right? Those feelings were just his heart playing tricks on him.

But he couldn't keep denying them when the thought of her moving on physically pained him.

So he admitted them. To himself and to her.

At first, she only stared at him in shock, her eyes wide open and lips parted. Both their faces were wet with tears. The only sound that could be heard in the room was his sniffing and the fan of her computer. But then she started gasping for air, her hands shakily reaching out to hold on tightly to his arms. She felt like something was squeezing her lungs and making her heart beat faster than it ever did. Hyunjin panicked thinking he made her condition worse. He apologised in between helping her regulate her breathing, but she couldn't hear him over the loud ringing in her ears. She felt like the world around her was spinning while simultaneously being on a rollercoaster.

Then everything went black.

Hyunjin nearly lost his mind. He shook her body and slapped her face lightly to wake her up, but she stayed slumped over in his arms. His sobs were probably heard in the hallway outside the dorm room but he couldn't care. At that moment, he genuinely thought she was dead. He could've proven himself wrong by just checking her pulse and feeling it beat faster than normal, but he couldn't remember any of his first aid training even if he tried.

“y/n please... please wake up I- I'm sorry I promise I won't hurt you again just plea-”

She suddenly took a deep breath and sat up straight, resembling someone coming back from the dead in a movie. Her heaving was suddenly gone and she was able breathe without feeling like thousands of needles were prickling her chest. She lifted her head slowly and looked around the room, comforted by the sight of her own belongings. Her eyes then landed on Hyunjin in front of her who looked like he had an encounter with a villain from a horror movie.

“a-are you okay ?”

She nodded, still trying to make sense of what just happened. One moment she thought she was about to meet her maker and the next she felt like she was reborn.

“my chest... It doesn't hurt to breathe. It feels normal like- like I don't have anything choking me from the inside.”

It didn't take much thinking from both of them to realise what happened.

The roses were gone.

They stared at each other in disbelief, both breathing heavily from what just happened. The shock rendered them mute, an unspoken feeling between them. Hope, excitement, happiness. They didn't know which one it was exactly, but they were too scared to face it in case they were wrong and her body was just playing tricks on her.

“Please call Jisung.”

Hyunjin couldn't pull out his phone and click on the familiar contact fast enough, especially with how shaky his hands were. He put the call on speaker and grabbed her hand tightly, hoping the simple gesture brings her enough comfort the way it was doing to him.

“I know you love me a lot, Jinnie, but calling me during class is a little extreme don't you thi-”

“Jisung.”

The boy on the other line immediately heard the urgency in Hyunjin's voice and stopped talking. He should've known his friend wasn't the type to call someone when they were busy unless it was an emergency.

“I'm at y/n's and I basically confessed that I like her too-”

“you what !?”

“-she basically had what looked like a panic attack, heavy breathing, fast heartbeat, all that. But then she passed out for like two minutes and when she woke up again she took in a gasp of air like she was coming back from the dead and she's saying her chest doesn't hurt anymore.”

“well yeah that's what happens when she's cured of hanahaki! Her feelings are returned and so the roses disappear!”

Hyunjin couldn't hold back the smile from breaking on his face. She was cured. She wasn't going to die. His feelings were not fake, they were real. He loved her as much as she loved him. He wanted to hug her so bad but she was still in shock and he didn't want to overwhelm her.

“Jisung a-are you sure ?”

“y/n, my darling, I have watched enough videos of people talking about their experience when cured from this disease to know what I'm talking about. If my eyes could talk they would complain about how many tears were shed on those nights.”

Her shoulders visibly relaxed at his words. Hyunjin squeezed her hand that was tightly holding on to his making her look up at him and offer him the tiniest smile. After thanking Jisung and hanging up, she didn't think twice about wrapping her arms around his neck. He quickly returned the hug with his own arms around her waist, pulling her close until she was on his lap.

“I'm sorry for taking so long and hurting you in the process. I wish I met you earlier, it would've made things much easier for the both of us, but I promise you,” he pulled away slightly without loosening his hold, his eyes locked into hers, unwavering and intense, “I'll do everything in my power to make it up to you.” he declared with certainty, his voice strong and clear to make sure she knew how serious he was about her.

She didn't know what took over her. One moment she was looking into his eyes as he made his vows for her and the next she was pressing her lips to his, finally feeling their plushness and softness after dreaming about them for so long. Hyunjin hummed against her lips, his hands pulling her closer until there was no space between them. He kissed her back like she was the first sip of water he had in a very long time.

He didn't want to sound like a cliché romance script, but they were really made for each other. Holding her close felt natural, like it wasn't his first time with his arms around her. Her lips were familiar and he was enjoying the feeling of them against his own. He was starting to think they knew each other in a past place because there was no way this was their first time being this intimate with each other.

He tried to pull away to breathe but she shook her head and grabbed him by the back of his neck, “nuh uh,” she mumbled without opening her eyes, “I'm not done yet. Not that I finally have you.”

“there's no need to rush, we have forever, remember? I'm not going anywhere.” he reassured her in a low voice but she wasn't having any of it and stopped his smirking by pulling him into another kiss. How could he deny her, though? Now that he thought about it, he'd probably never say no to her. She was going to be the most spoiled girlfriend in the world.

He couldn't wait to be the one to do that.

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Her eyes widened as she stared up at Hyunjin who looked like he was about to kill his friend with that glare, “w-what ?” she stuttered out. Her heart was in her stomach, scared that her worst nightmare happened and she was the reason for ruining his perfect relationship.

He shook his head and let out a sigh, “Don't worry about it. Did you talk to the doctor yet? ” She shook her head as they took a seat on her left, “I was supposed to an hour ago but I told them to wait until you got here”. His face immediately morphed into a look of guilt and apology. Just as she was about to reassure him that it was okay, the nurse called her name, telling her that the doctor was ready to see her again. She glanced over at him, a look of fear in her face that she couldn't force herself to hide.

“You'll be okay. We'll be there with you the whole time, and Sungie here is an expert at hanahaki so he'll be asking all the right questions for you.”

Jisung nodded fast behind Hyunjin, the simple action calming her down. She kept repeating reassuring words to herself as she got up to follow the nurse to the doctor's office. The two boys followed behind her as they walked down the long clinic corridors.

The doctor seemed nice. He had a smile on his face as he explained the procedure for her, one that seemed genuine and kind. She tried to listen to what he was saying, but the nerves were eating her alive and her ears were ringing louder than his voice. Thankfully, Jisung was paying attention to every word being said. She was pretty sure he didn't blink the entire time.

“So, do you have any questions ?”

“Yes, why did you not mention the 1% chance of her not only forgetting about the person she's in love with but also the chance of her never being able to fall in love again?” Jisung suddenly spoke up.

Her head snapped to look at the doctor and it seemed like he was caught by surprise just like she was. All the colour drained from his face and he was trying to stammer out an appropriate answer.

“That's not-”

“Oh but that's not all,” he cut him off and pulled his phone, “there are three ongoing lawsuits in the country because people were not told the side effects of the surgery, one of the lawsuits is against this very clinic.” he showed the screen to the doctor who sighed in annoyance and turned his face away. Y/n glanced at Hyunjin but it seemed like he was just as surprised by Jisung's action.

“Do you happen to skip over these facts so people would get the surgery and you get paid the insane amount of money? Because I honestly can't think of any other reason you would keep that information to yourself.”

With three intense stares directed at him, the doctor's shoulders sagged in defeat and he pursed his lips, “there is a chance that all that would happen but-”

“Cancel the surgery.”

The doctor tried to change her mind by explaining that those cases are very rare and that he'd do his best to give her the best experience and prevent anything from going wrong, but she was already picking up her bags and running out the office, not wanting to hear another word. She didn't even look back to see if Hyunjin and Jisung were following her.

She stopped when she felt the cold air wrap around her as she reached the outside of the clinic. A rush of emotions hit her, relief at first, but then sadness. That was it. She was going to die. Surgery was her last hope of going back to living a normal life without suffering from unrequited love. It wasn't even her fault. Why was she being punished for loving someone who didn't love her back? Couldn't she just get rejected, cry for a few days and move on?

“hey,” Hyunjin whispered as he placed a hand on her shoulder, bringing her to reality. She didn't have the energy to wipe away her tears and pretend she was okay. She wasn't okay. She was hurt, in pain, heartbroken, sad. She just wanted to go home and wait for death to take her.

“I'm so sorry I overstepped, y/n.” Jisung's head hung low in embarrassment. He didn't know what happened in the office, one moment he was making commentary in his head about all the sweet talk the doctor was feeding her, and the next he was opening his mouth and calling out his bullshit.

“please don't apologise,” she turned to look at him as she finally mastered the energy to wipe her wet cheeks, a small sad smile on her face “I'm glad you were there and spoke up, god knows what would happen if I followed through with the surgery, so thank you for informing me before it was too late.”

Jisung nodded his head and accepted the reassurance. He was happy to help her out. She was such a sweet girl and undeserving of going through this torture. He could never handle having hanahaki disease and had so much respect for her, especially since she's gotten so close to Hyunjin which was only making things worse for her. If he were in her place he would probably go into isolation until he forgot about the feelings.

Hyunjin offered to drop her off at her dorm which she gladly accepted. She didn't have the energy to grab a bus or call for an Uber ride she couldn't afford. The car ride home was quiet with only the radio playing lowly in the background. It was a good distraction for her brain and she momentarily stopped thinking about her tragic future.

Hyunjin insisted on walking her to her dorm and even suggested stay with her for a little while, but she told him she was probably going straight to bed since she didn't get the best sleep the night before. The moment she crawled under her duvet, all the emotions came flooding back. She allowed herself to sob into her pillow until she couldn't anymore and eventually fell asleep.

She didn't show up to any of her classes or library meet ups with Hyunjin for a whole week. The latter was constantly texting her asking for updates, but all her replies were short and hours apart. He tried not to worry but his heart couldn't stop clutching with fear that something was wrong with her. Jisung tried to convince him to pay her a visit and at first he refused thinking he would be bothering or she wouldn't want to see him, but after she didn't text him back the whole day, he found himself rushing to her dorm and knocking on her door.

She was surprised to see him, never expected him to pay her a visit during this time but nevertheless, she let him in. She tried not to pay attention to the relief that seemed to replace the worry on his face when she opened the door, but the butterflies in her stomach were making her heart beat a little extra fast knowing he cared about her enough to be happy to see her doing better than he expected.

“I'm so sorry we haven't progressed in the project like we're supposed to, I just really needed a few days off.” she sat next to him on her bed, an apologetic look on her face.

“don't be. The professor says we've made a lot more progress than the other groups so we'll be fine. It's been boring without you, though. I miss having you chatter my ear off instead of Changbin or Jisung, your topics are more interesting than theirs.”

He seemed like he was trying to lighten the mood but all he did was make her breath hitch. She didn't know whether he meant those words or not but they affected her greatly and the butterflies were now a herd of elephants stomping and trumpeting loudly. She almost punched her tummy to make it stop, instead she smiled and chuckled.

“Your girlfriend must've been thankful to spend more time together, no ?”

His smile dropped and so did her heart. Shit, did she say something wrong? Did that come off weirdly? She internally scolded herself for saying too much. He probably didn't like the fact she mentioned his relationship given the fact he knew she was in love with him.

“We actually broke up a week ago so I've just been hanging out with the boys.”

Now that she thought about it, Jisung did mention something about a break up the day she was supposed to get surgery but so many things happened since then that her brain erased that moment from her memory.

“Oh my, I'm so sorry I didn't kno-”

“It's fine,” he looked up from staring down at his hands and smiled at her, “it was bound to happen, anyways. She's the possessive type and didn't like when I spoke to anyone but her, not even professors which is kinda gross,” his face morphed into a look of disgust making her giggle, “I'm glad it happened when it did, now I can eat lunch without her scolding me because my fingers grazed the cashier's for too long when I was grabbing my change.”

Hyunjin intentionally left out the part where she made him choose between having a lazy day at her place and going to the clinic to be with y/n. He tried to explain that he needed to be there for his friend on the day she was having surgery without mentioning why but she was having none of it. His choice was obvious and he didn't care that it cost him his relationship. He would never make her choose if the roles were reversed.

“How are you doing, though? I know I kept annoying you all week with the same question when texting but I can't help being worried.”

Her cheeks flared up at the thought of him being worried about her again. He did text her a lot the entire time she was hibernating in her room but she thought he was doing it out of guilt. But seeing him today, she was starting to think he actually cared about her.

“Trying my best to accept the fact my life is ending earlier than I thought,” she chuckled despite how painful it was to admit that, “but other than that I've just been at home, eating, sleeping, watching YouTube. Surprisingly the Chinese medicine you gave me has been helping me a lot with the petals so I haven't been coughing them out as much as I used to.”

Hyunjin was hit with the sudden realisation. She was basically dying, very slowly and painfully. There will come a day where she'll take her last breath and cease to exist. He won't have anyone hear him rant about the prices of art supplies, or how much he missed his dog, or how Chan looks like a walking zombie during finals. He won't have anyone send him dozens of reels daily without pressuring him to watch them immediately, or talk about the niche documentary they watched in detail while not being able to memorise information for the class they were paying to study, or be the inspiration behind some of his favourite quick sketches.

“Hyunjin are you... Crying?”

He lightly touched his cheeks and indeed, there were tears streaming down his face, tears he couldn't stop. She had untangled herself so deeply in his life that the thought of her not being part of it... It was painful.

His hands cupped her cheeks without even thinking before his fingers slowly caressed them with a feather like touch and his eyes travelled all over her face like he was trying to memorise all of her features before it was too late.

“I wish you would move on from me and live the life you deserve...” he choked out the words quietly through tears, his thumb swiping away her own that managed to slip out, “I would give up everything for you to find someone better than me who would love and cherish you... Who would not hurt you the way I've been hurting you...”

“but why is the thought of you loving someone else hurting me ?”

@seungmininmynheart @mingihttps @cerisevivii @lizal1cious @stayjinnie @nelisska @puccaaak @girlwhoresstuff @elqk @tboboee @lili-thewriter @whatifthisaintreal

five

Jisung simply nodded his head, urging him to continue. It didn't come as a surprise that someone had a crush on Hyunjin. He could think of at least ten people who do, but they never affected him to the point he was scared and worried. 

“It's not like a normal crush, though... She has stage two hanahaki disease.”

He stopped his mouth from flying wide open. That was the last thing he was expecting him to say. Jisung was the biggest hanahaki nerd thanks to the endless comics and manga he read since he was a kid that featured the disease. They led him to spending a lot of late nights watching documentaries, reading research papers, and even chatting with people who supposedly had it. If it didn't require having a medical degree, he would become an expert and the best in the field.

“Hanahaki- wow, I never met a person in real life who had it.” Jisung mumbled and leaned closer to his friend, “are you sure they actually have it and not faking it to break your relationship ?”

Hyunjin shook his head and adjusted his cap, “I saw the petals, they were pink and covered in blood.”

There was a beat of silence. Jisung was left speechless. No wonder he was so unresponsive the whole morning. Someone out there is being tortured just because he doesn't like them back. It must be eating him alive, especially since he can't do anything about it.

“Wait, you only get to stage two if you get closer to the person of your affection and you said "she" but none of the girls I know you know have been exhibiting symptoms except-” Jisung let out a loud gasp and quickly covered his mouth when he shushed him.

“Oh- oh my god,” he stammered out, momentarily uncovering his mouth, “it's your project partner, isn't it? She's not part of our friend group and you said she coughs a lot at the library because of her allergies, but it's not the allergies, it's the disease!” he whisper-yelled before covering his mouth again.

Hyunjin sighed in frustration and took off his cap to run his hand through his hair, “I don't know what to do,” he mumbled and looked down at the table, “I tried talking to her when I found out, but at the time I didn't know it was because of me. I didn't realise that until last night.”

Jisung looked at his friend with pity. He couldn't imagine being in his position. He tried to come up with something to help him, but every idea seemed worse than the one before it.

“Listen...” he started off, his hand extending to hold Hyunjin's fidgeting ones, “I know I'm the last person who can say this because I shut everyone out when I'm in a mood, but I really think you should talk to her. See if she's open for surgery and even offer to pay it for her.”

He knew Jisung was right. But it wasn't the talk that he was scared of. Y/n was an excellent communicator. They didn't agree on a lot of things working on the project but they were able to talk and compromise like grown adults. He was scared of hurting her more, scared of pushing her away, scared that the surgery wouldn't be successful. But the talk needed to happen sooner than later.

“But you need to know,” Jisung started off and let go of his hand, “removing the flowers means she'll lose all her feelings for you, and if she doesn't, there is a 25% chance they'll grow back. There is also a 1% chance of her completely forgetting about you and her ability of love being damaged.”

Hyunjin's eyes widen, “w-what ?” he stuttered out, shocked and confused.

Jisung nodded, a look of sadness and pity on his face, “yeah, experts tend to skip mentioning this when they talk about the surgery,” he shook his head in disappointment, “can you believe it? It's not even included in the contract they sign beforehand!”

Hyunjin groaned and laid his head on his folded arms. There was no way out of talking to her. This was a life or death situation, and he didn't want to be the cause of someone losing their life whether it was directly or indirectly.

"Hey, can we meet at the cafe right outside of campus tomorrow at 10 ?"

The message scared y/n. It was so late (for her anyway, her bedtime was 10PM) and sudden, but nevertheless, she agreed. Maybe he needed to talk urgently about the project and texting wasn't enough? Yeah, that was surely it. She had totally forgotten that he saw her cough out pink petals, too busy with classes and work to keep overthinking about that day.

How she wished she remembered because she would've refused to meet him.

He sat across from her at the cafe looking like a nervous wreck. It reminded her of how she felt when he first talked to her, but he looked more scared. He had a totally different vibe compared to the place he chose to meet at. She always wanted to visit it but she couldn't afford to pay an arm and a leg for bean water and what looked like the idea of a croissant just because the atmosphere was cosy.

“I wanted to talk to you about your condition.”

She didn't want to talk about her condition. If she could erase that entire moment from his brain she would do it in a heartbeat no matter how much it cost. It was her secret and he wasn't supposed to find out about it.

He took in a deep breath, preparing himself for what he's about to say “I know it's because of me.”

Oh, how she wished she had the neuralyzer from Men in Black.

She didn't know how to answer him. What was she even supposed to say or feel? Should she be angry? Emotional? Act surprised? Pretend he got it all wrong? It was confusing. She felt like leaving this place and going home to cry over how bad her luck is.

When will this nightmare ever end?

“Since you're suffering because of me, I want to offer you a treatment option,” Hyunjin swallowed thickly. She was too calm, it was making him nervous, “in the form of surgery. I found a great doctor who has helped many people. You don't need to worry about payment, it'll all be covered by me.”

He waited for any sort of reaction, even if it was angry and loud, but he got nothing. Her face stayed neutral, emotionless. It was scarier than the possibility of her lashing out on him.

“So what do you say ?”

She didn't say anything for a few seconds, eyes locked down on her hands. He bit down on his bottom lip nervously and patiently waited for her to say something, anything. Eventually, she looked at him, eyes almost empty with no life behind them.

“Okay. I'll get the surgery.”

@seungmininmynheart

four

—

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

Panic was evident in Hyunjin's voice. He knew of hanahaki disease. Read about it in books, saw it in movies, heard stories about it in music. It's one of those things that a lot of people talk about and even fake on social media, but it was so rare that the fakers were easily spotted.

He never expected to see it right in front of him.

“I'm fine, don't worry! Just- allergies, it's normal.”

He stood next to her, eyes wide open and hands shaking, “normal?! Coughing up flower petals is not normal, y/n! You have hanaha-”

“Shhh!!” she snapped to cut him off and turned to look at him with a finger pressed firmly against her lips, “are you trying to tell the entire library my business?! Be quiet!”

After he apologised, he helped her clean up with the supplies she carries with her before sitting back down. There was a pregnant pause afterwards, one filled with so many questions from Hyunjin, and she could tell. He kept fidgeting with his fingers, eyes looking at her briefly before turning away to look at anything else and lips parting as if he was about to say something before stopping himself. She let out a deep sigh, preparing herself mentally.

“Go ahead, ask your questions.”

“Who in the world is worth putting yourself through all this pain ?”

She let out a chuckle and he frowned his eyebrows in confusion. “If only he knew,” she thought to herself. Of course, she wasn't going to tell him the truth. That she was going through all of this because her heart chose him as her beloved. That she hoped and prayed some miracle would happen and he would return her feelings. That she would let herself reach stage three if it meant seeing him smile because of her. She simply replied with a shrug and a small smile.

“If you are already on stage two, it means you've had these feelings for a long time. Why don't you confess and save yourself from hurting?”

She wished it was this easy for her. Y/n didn't fear rejection, she feared embarrassment. She didn't want to become the joke of campus because she confessed her feelings to the most popular guy who also happens to not only be taken but also way out of her league.

“It's not that easy. The person... They're in a relationship, a very happy and healthy one. I would be a really bad and ugly person if I ignored that for my own selfish benefits.”

He tried to reason with her and explain that getting rejected might be beneficial for her to get rid of those feelings, but she cut him off, too tired to continue this conversation. She thought his question would be less... Specific? Personal? She didn't know how to explain it exactly, but they hurt her more than she thought they would

“Can we stop talking about it? It happened, you saw it, it dies here and no one else hears about it. Can we finish this project now?”

Sensing the clear frustration in her tone, Hyunjin nodded his head and dropped the topic. He really wanted to help her. Over the past two months of working together, he grew to like her a lot as a person. She was very interesting and they had a lot of interests and favourite things in common, way more than he has with his current partner and friends. Conversations with her became very easy after she got comfortable with him and working with her was a breeze. It hurt him to see her in so much pain and agony over a person who was probably not even worth it.

When he got home, he decided that he couldn't just stand there and watch her waste away her life. First , he researched ways to help make her condition less painful and more manageable. Most suggested to just get the surgery done but there were some remedies he could make for her that a lot of people said were helpful. Then, he started researching about her. He tried to find who her friends were and anyone she hung out with in the hopes of pinpointing the person she has feelings for. He went to Felix first. He was the same major as her and they shared the same classes every semester. Thankfully, Felix was one of his very close friends and didn't question why he was asking him so many questions about his project partner.

“She keeps to herself. I don't think I've ever seen her hang out with anyone. Oh, except for Leaf the cat, she's the only one he allows to pet him.”

When that failed, he decided to find out when did her feelings exactly start and maybe that would lead him to the beloved. He knew that she was coughing when they first started the project so the disease probably developed before that. Stage two started only a couple of days prior so he looked into that more closely.

"Stage two of Hanahaki disease typically starts 6 to 8 weeks after the affected individual develops close proximity to the person of their affection. This stage is primarily characterized by a distinct change in the coloration of the flower petals, which transition from white to pink. Prior to its onset, patients may experience a range of prodromal symptoms including recurrent fevers, sweating, tremors, and more difficulty breathing."

Hyunjin stared intensely at his laptop as he read the article to try and make sense of it. He remembered seeing her exhibit all those symptoms and at the time she blamed it on her constant allergies and the random flu that hit everyone who lived in the dorms. She most definitely lied to him so he wouldn't find out she had the disease. He sighed deeply and pushed the laptop away from him. He was still confused on why she was allowing herself to go through this. Reading the symptoms and side effects alone made him vow to never allow himself or any of his friends to go through something like that.

"Stage two of Hanahaki disease typically starts 6 to 8 weeks after the affected individual develops close proximity to the person of their affection."

“Weird,” he mumbled to himself, his brows frowning as he stared intensely at the calendar he made which detailed the timeline of the disease’s development “we started working on the project exactly 8 weeks before stage two sta-”

Oh.

It finally clicked in his brain.

He was the reason she had hanahaki disease.