little comic vignette on lost tongues, half-ness, and the things our immigrant parents wanted for us. i love shane and his weird unspoken alienation from other asian people in pursuit of excellence in a white-dominated field, and i really hope season 2 touches more on that <3

يَا حَبيبِيُّ يَا وَرَدَّةِ عَلَى سور

Rageen Ya Hawa(راجعين يا هوى) by Fairuz x Hollanov

Translated lyrics 4 the anglophones under the cut.

every ugly thing you hold inside

I really like this

for me also his loneliness is tied up in his relationship with Irina as well, and this belief that I have that they were unhealthily co-dependent on one another while she was alive. I think she called him her best friend and he was too young to find that strange. he was so close with her in my mind that it isolated him even further from kids his age, because more often than not, he would have rather chosen to spend time with his mama than anyone else. I think he felt responsible for her too, as her mental health declined before his eyes and he watched her cry and talk about how lonely she felt; how could he not be there for her?

so when i feel like dooky i find it hard to take showers bc showers are boring and long and ugh ugh ugh

to a normal brain (and me when i have the energy) a shower is just one task. you take a shower and then you're done

to a not-normal brain (tired, depression, etc.) showering is a series of tasks. take off your clothes. turn on the water. scrub down your body. wash your hair. turn off water. dry your body. lotion. all while fighting against your brain that wants the quickest dopamine hit possible.