classical music reviews

update: i haven't forgotten about requests! just a lil busy in the Real World. i'll get to them soon!!

dvorak's symphony no. 9 in e minor, 1st mvmt, is like if you were dreaming one night of a world where jobs weren't shitty and you got time to be outside and do the things you love, but then you woke up to remember that you're a industrial era factory worker, and had to take the train commute into the giant, sprawling, and smoky city that you hate to work the dangerous factory job that you hate, and while you're there, you keep thinking back to your dream and talking to the people you work with about it, so that by the end of your day, you've started a violent revolution that ends in the total destruction of your factory and the city being set on fire and you walking away to go back to sleep in your bed.

everyone should aspire to be like beethoven, who disliked entitled people so much, he would refuse to play to the point that the archduke of austria must decree that social rules of court do not apply to you.

the first 50 seconds of "the bells of notre dame" from the hunchback of notre dame is like if you were a casual catholic chilling in the nave by the main alter, and the choir was still practicing for christmas mass, and you're bored but then all of a sudden, the big stained glass of the madonna cracks and shatters and a masked figure floats in through the opening and everyone is freaking out and you're stunned and ready to die, but it just turns out that it's dracula and he's bored too.

ives's "piano sonata no. 2 'emerson'" is like if you were walking around your small town at night while having a mental breakdown, and every once in a while you're like "okay im good im fine now" but your brain was immediately like "bitch no we are NOT fine" and it went on like that until you found yourself sitting on a bench watching the sun rise and then feeling like nothing happened

rachmaninoff's "prelude op. 23 no. 5 in g minor" is like if you were the reclusive new captain of a brand new ship, and you're heading out for your maiden voyage, and leaving the docks is hectic cause all the civilians are waving goodbye and your crew is boisterous and you just want a moment of quiet, and then finally, once you're​ out in the open waters and it's night time, you get to stand on the deck by yourself and look up at the stars in all their glory, getting to breathe before the sun rises and it all begins again.

grieg's "in the hall of the mountain king" is like if you were a tiny mouse a part of a tiny mouse black ops team, and your mission was to steal from the cheese plate during a fancy human party without getting caught. and you and your team are sneaking around and being super badass, and then when you finally get to the cheese, a human goes to take a piece the moment you've gotten there, so they see you and all hell breaks loose and you make a daring escape all while saying "shit shit shit" over and over again.

chopin's "nocturne op. 9 no. 2" is like if you were the child of a rich and boring regency period family, and you're stuck at yet another one of those god awful parties where everyone's so blasé but pretending to have the time of their lives, and you get fed up with it, so you sneak outside and start walking around in the forest, where you stumble upon a beautiful fairy dancing upon a creek. and you watch her laugh just out of the sheer joy of dancing and realize her smile is the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, and you just watch her intently, until she finally notices you there, and instead of shying away, she invites you to dance with you, and you do so and it's the most alive you've ever felt. and by the end your clothes are soaked, but you don't care, and she sprinkles you with fairy dust and you fall in love with your little creek fairy.

tchaikovsky's "hymn of the cherubim" is like if you were dying and death came for your soul, but she turned out to be a really hot chick, so you bang it out and it's awesome, but then she's like "okay to time go" and she slam dunked your ass into hell

mussorgsky's "the great gate of kiev" is like if you died and showed up at the big pearly gates of heaven and st. peter was like "oh SHIT DUDE what is UP" and let you in before everyone else, and everyone dapped you up on your way by, and everyone inside heaven was freaking out like you were a celebrity, and then you finally reach wherever the fuck god chills out at, and she's like "i know all the sins you did while you were alive" and for a second you think she's about to throw your ass straight into hell, but then she's like "nah that shit was awesome welcome home" and she proclaimed you duke/duchess of heaven, then everyone got mad drunk and high and partied in the clouds.