I don't know what I'm doing...

+ data visualisation:

here are the final findings:

arthur glances at merlin’s mouth 209 times. merlin returns 108. arthur remains the thirstier participant from pilot to finale, at no point did this gap meaningfully close. arthur pendragon may be a king, but statistically speaking, he is also the most embarrassing participant in this show. that’s just science.

merlin’s slutty little neck appears 144 times, with 127 of those occurring in seasons 1-2 alone. the dramatic collapse after season 2 leads to a near-total disappearance of The Throat in seasons 3-5. this decline also coincides with the upward trend in merlin’s homicide rate beginning in season 3. this data strongly suggests an inverse relationship between throat exposure and his emotional stability: as his hope and happiness diminishes, both his body count and his neckerchief rises.

arthur makes physical contact with merlin 312 times across the series: 250 instances of normal human contact and 62 incidents classified as Freak Behaviour (thrown objects, aggressive manhandling, and weapon-adjacent foreplay).

for two characters who spend nearly every waking moment together, rely on each other emotionally and physically, and repeatedly risk their lives for one another, there is something deeply unwell about the fact that they only refer to each other as “friends” a total of 20 times. statistically speaking they would rather die, kill, or stare at each other’s mouths than verbally acknowledge what they are to each other.

finally, arthur being told that he’s loved only 7 times across the entire show is actually insane when you consider how badly he wants it :/

this now concludes the analysis. thank you for following this longitudinal study. we are all worse off. please direct all complaints to the BBC itself.