Iâm gonna say this as bluntly as possible so people wakey wakey.
You know how in Hotel Transylvania the human Johnny asks Dracula if that myth about a stake to the heart is true, and Dracula rolls his eyes and goes, âyeah, well, who wouldnât that kill?â
Thatâs me, to you.
About thinking the Lilo & Stitch Live-Action looks âcute! Good, even!â
Donât you get it?
They played the music you heard as a little kid. They combined a cute little child actress with all the features of animals your brain is programmed to loveâbunny, cat, puppy, dye it blueâand they got the guy who originally voiced Stitch under contract to come back.
âYeah, well, who wouldnât think thatâs cute?â
Itâs a little girl and an amalgamation of your favorite animals set to your childhood. Of course it rings the âcuteâ bell.
That doesnât mean itâs good.
It means youâre Pavlovâs dog. They rang a bell, you started drooling for your mint.
A good movie. Is about. The music and the cuteness and the acting ALLLL working TOGETHER. Working together towards what? Working together towards reminding or convincing you of a good, beautiful, true MAIN POINT.
The main point of the original Lilo & Stitch was âFamily is choosing to love one another and belong to one another even when youâre flawed.â
Itâs why Lilo NOT SCREAMING when she meets Stitch, in contrast to EVERY OTHER CHARACTER WHO MEETS HIM BESIDES HER, is important. Because sheâs chosen to love him despite his ugly monstrousness.
Itâs why Stitch NOT UNDERSTANDING THAT HEâS BAD is important. Because it would be easier to love a little fellow who wants to be good, versus the actual character Stitch is: bad, likes being bad, and canât help it on his own.
Itâs why Lilo would NEVER IMPLY that âfamily members are morally good even when theyâre not perfectâ because if that were the lesson, she would not be trying to teach him to quit wrecking everything he touches, Nani would not try to make Lilo understand that she shouldnât bite her classmates and would not try to stop herself from yelling at her. No. Family wonât give up on you when youâre bad, but that doesnât mean they let you keep being bad and call it âgood.â
The movie is going to suck because they got the characters wrong down to their core, and because they think all it takes to get you to drool is by ringing a fuzzy CGI bell that sounds like the music and voices from your childhood, which proves theyâre lazy.
And theyâre right to think that.
Because all you are like âWow! Disney looks like theyâre going to nail this oneâbased on the trailer where Lilo reacts the same way to Stitch that everybody else does and Stitch is the size of a terrier instead of the size of Lilo herselfâduhhhh except for Pleakley not crossdressing lolâ
And yaâll are wrong. Yaâll arenât remembering what the real movie was like or why anything in it was actually important if you like those trailers.


















