Citrus & Cyanide

he glides his hand up and down your back, memories of the night before floating by. his hand on your neck, your legs around his waist, the deep arch in your back when he moved you onto your hands and knees and you braced your hands against the wall because the angle felt better at a perpendicular position. he recalls kissing your shoulder, muttering his praises, wiping your mind blank and his own of the responsibilities of college and the ones waiting for you two at home.

“shh,” he warns your roommate. she gives him an eye roll.

“you don’t even li—”

“shut the fuck up,” he yell-whispers.

her jaw clenches. he can tell she wants to argue further with him, but she has an early morning class. she grabs her jacket and shoots him a final glare, daggers piercing, and then she leaves the dorm. lip relaxes once she’s gone, peering to your face to ensure you stay asleep. he’s grateful to see you’re still unperturbed.

you need this. you have a work study and you pulled an all nighter the other day to finish an essay he barely understood due to how different your fields are that you’re studying. all he could offer was a shoulder and head afterwards, perfectly sating you into relaxation much like last night when you kept on rambling and his head still hurt from his quizzes earlier in the day.

lip adjusts your pillow and your neck so you don’t wake with it aching. he plants a kiss onto your forehead as he does. he just wants you to be comfortable. you’re going through so much. he knows what that’s like, going through a tumultuous phase in his life himself. anytime he has a second to breathe, more shit goes wrong. it’s the same thing happening to you. life finds a way to be shittier and shittier, so if he can make it less so, he will.

you look so pretty as you sleep. so… at peace. he lingers to watch, smiling to himself as you adjust, as your nose twitches, as a soft snore escapes for a moment before returning to your deep breathing. he doesn’t tire of the sight. of your mumbled questions and your laugh. he looks forward to seeing you after thinking about you all through class. maybe you wouldn’t mind meeting his family, as fucking crazy as they are. he has a feeling you’d accept them and—

what the fuck is he doing?

it hits lip like a freight train. when exactly did this start up? he can’t remember when he just had sex with you and you two parted ways without much discussion or preamble, agreeing to do it again without having to say it through texts asking for availability. at some point that he didn’t notice, and he wonders if you haven’t, this changed. you started to actually talk and open up more. and soon, he did the same, sharing stories and circumstances before sex, having pillow talk after… kissing as you both recovered, sleeping together without it being sexual, asking about each other’s days, good morning texts, shared embraces, easy conversations, fucking outings where nothing happened, but his hand still held onto yours.

he scrambles out of the bed after carefully detangling himself from you. he picks up his pants from the floor as quietly as he can, pushing one leg through and then the other. he can’t keep doing this with you. you’re… it’s too much. all of this is. the last thing he needs is another person to care about when things always go sour and relationships don’t work with gallaghers. if he’s caring about you, what about school, himself, what about his family? he doesn’t have time for it. he’s a shit boyfriend anyway. mandy could tell you that. karen, bless her and screw her for several reasons, could say it even if they never were officially together. lip’s no fucking good. not for you.

his head jerks up after searching for his shirt on the floor to the image of you groaning and stretching your arms. you glance up at him sleepily.

“where you going?” you yawn.

“… uh… class,” he mumbles.

“i thought you didn’t have one until 10?” you prompt next.

yeah. of course you know that. he told you last night, an excuse to fuck you longer, hold you longer, spend more time with you–

“you’re right… uh, i don’t. forgot,” he lamely replies. he fidgets as you stare at him and it’s then he realizes he sees his shirt peeking from under the sheets, still in the bed.

“then come back to sleep,” you say with shutting eyes, snuggling the sheets and scooting to make room for him in the tiny frame.

he sighs as he looks at your tired features. he should go. he should turn around and ghost you, stop answering your texts, stop telling you good morning, decrease how much he comes to see you, flat out ignore when you ask him to. he should find someone else, some other broad that can help satisfy him, someone he doesn’t get tingles in his stomach and fingers from when he looks at them. he needs to forget about you before it’s too late, before he ruins you, before his life gets fucked again and he drowns you in shit that’s none of your business, that never should have been your business. these feelings are fucking bullshit.

but something in lip unbuttons his jeans. something in lip unconsciously undoes his buckle and zipper, drops his pants back to his ankles, carries himself with heavy footsteps back into your bed. something in him tells the doubts to shut the fuck up as he settles back against you much like he did your roommate, and something winds up silencing them as he breathes your scent. he holds you closer to him and fuck it all, he smiles as you kiss him. he smiles as he’s the one to kiss you back with more fervor, and oddly content with sharing more lazy kisses before dozing off for another nap.

“Water?” you ask, shrugging your shoulders, trying to sound confident despite the embarrassment of the situation.

“Yeah, I got that.” He says, slightly irritated, crossing the street with his hands in his pockets, taking them off to grab the wheelbarrow.

“No!” You swat his hand away, and he looks at you with an exaggeratedly offended expression, nudging you with his hip to take the wheelbarrow.

“Just accept the fucking help.” He grumbles, pushing it toward the entrance of his house, past the rusted iron fences.

“Thanks.” You mumble, looking down, hands shoved in the pockets of your hoodie.

“Did they cut off your water again?” He asks, leaving the wheelbarrow by the entrance steps.

“Yeah. Didn't pay the bill ‘cause I got fired. It's been driving me crazy. I don’t even know how I'm going to survive this month. It was either water or electricity.” You explain your miserable situation to Lip, probably the only person who’d understand.

“Eh, everyone can survive a few days without a shower.” He quips, making you laugh.

“Especially you, Lip.” You tease, and he opens his mouth with that classic, funny indignation you've come to know so well.

“Look, I don’t smell.” He defends himself, still laughing. “Not my fault if the water runs out before I do.”

“Okay, okay,” you sigh, heading toward the jugs to grab one, but he stops you again, gently nudging you aside. “What now?”

“I’ll carry it. You work like a fucking machine, you'll ruin your organs before graduate in college.” He says, and you know he’s right, and probably the only person who’d help you. 

He picks up the jugs one by one, carrying them to the kitchen, where you stay to make tea for both of you. He sighs, sitting down at the table.

“Too heavy?” You joke, placing the cup in front of him.

“No, just tiring.” He replies, taking a sip of the tea. “You’re weird. How do you have money for all this fancy tea, but not for the water bill?”

“Crazy, right?” You comment, and he laughs through his nose, softly groaning in pleasure from the sweet taste of the tea. “I think it's just some kind of thing to distract me from the misery of this crappy place.”

“Better than mine, for sure.” He adds, glancing around at your chaotic house, but somehow it feels more comforting to him than anywhere else. Your house felt like a home. “Can I move in?”

“Can you get water from Mrs. Callaway’s faucet every day?” You tease, raising an eyebrow.

“Deal. Cheap rent to live in my best friend’s house.” He says, grinning, finishing the last sip of tea. “What is this? It’s so good.”

“Ginger with cinnamon and cloves. I also added hibiscus. Brown sugar for that nice color.” You recite, and he looks at you in awe, shaking his head. “What?”

“I’ve seen stuff like this on TV. You’re amazing. Can I have more?” He asks, offering you his cup.

“Of course.” You smile, grabbing the cup and heading to the kitchen, hiding the goofy grin that spread across your face when he complimented you.

He follows you, eyeing the containers on the shelf, tracing each little label with his finger. Rosemary, lemon balm, coriander seeds, jasmine, tangerine, pineapple peel—some written in languages he couldn’t even name.

“What’s the one we’re drinking? I know you have an answer for every single one, you weirdo.” He jokes, watching you laugh with your whole body as you hand him another cup.

“Colds, warming up, aches. Lots of stuff.” You explain, and he nods, closing his eyes to savor it again.

“Hey, when I move in, you’re just gonna make me drink tea and forget about meals? Like, some evil witch?” 

“What were you expecting? That's so obvious.” You continue the joke, and he smiles, finishing his tea, that warm feeling settling in his chest.

you and Lip have been friends for as long as you can remember, doing everything together and being classes as joined at the hip due to your closeness.

this of course, led to speculation and rumours that you were dating.

you’d never understood it before, neither of you did, but now— now you harboured feelings for Lip that you hadn’t told anyone about.

tonight though, you planned to tell him.

you’d invited him over, on the premise of having to tell him something. this of course had piqued his interest, though everything about you intrigued him, because he felt the same exact way about you. 

tilting your head, you lay it on his shoulder. ignoring the plume of smoke as he exhaled and pulled the cigarette from his lips, offering it over to you before you shook your head. 

“hey Lip?”

you murmured softly, looking up at him with softened eyes. catching the way his lips curled up slightly before he hummed, looking away again as he took another drag of his cigarette. 

“if you liked someone, how would you.. you know, ask them out?”

the words came out quieter than expected, nervousness riddled through them. 

he choked on the drag he had taken, something he’d never done in all the time you’ve known him and he’d started smoking. 

Lip coughed, his face scrunching in surprise at the unexpected question. he quickly cleared his throat, trying to play it cool as he exhaled a cloud of smoke but his eyes flicked over to you with that familiar mix of curiosity and hesitation.

“dunno, i uh—you asking for a friend?”

he teased, though his surprise remained. his lips had curved into a half smirk, but his eyes avoided yours. 

with the way he failed to meet your eyes, his demeanour avoidant— it had you shifting anxiously next to him. 

“well.. yeah—i just, guess i’ve never known how to”

you mumbled, chewing anxiously on your bottom lip. after a beat, Lips eyes focused on you again, as if he was giving your words more weight than he usually would. 

“wouldn’t overthink it, you just.. ask”

he shrugged, lifting the cigarette to his lips again and taking another drag from it. you watched him as he did it, sighing slightly as your mind raced. 

it felt silly, being so worked up and worried over something you shouldn’t be, but Lips your best friend. 

and best friends don’t have crushes on each other.. right?

“who were you uh, trying to ask?”

he spoke up, glancing towards you and tilting his head ever so slightly. giving him a half smile before you sighed, mouth opening and closing as words failed to form proper sentences. 

each word died on the tip of your tongue, which made you sigh again. 

“just this guy”

you had managed to get out after a minute, glancing away as he quirked an eyebrow. something akin to a chuckle leaving him as he took the last draw of his cigarette, flicking it aside as he exhaled. 

“this guy?”

he questioned, and you could practically hear the smirk on his face. rolling your eyes before slapping at his shoulder, earning another chuckle from him. 

despite his chuckles and the smiles he was giving, he was fighting an inner turmoil and worry. 

he wanted that guy to be him, but you wouldn’t. you were best friends after all. 

“there’s this girl too”

that piqued your interest, though it also broke your heart a little. 

there was some girl that your best friend liked, while you liked him. if there was any chance with him, it was currently going out the window. 

“what girl?”

you asked quietly, almost embarrassed by your eagerness to know. he gave a chuckle as he shook his head, dropping his gaze to where you were basically curled into his side. 

both of you often sat like this, or even closer, but tonight it all felt different. 

“she’s cute”

he shrugged, but it didn’t answer your question. it only made your worries of losing him to another girl worse. 

in his head, he thought it was obvious he was talking about you. he thought you were the only girl in the world really, and he done his best to show it. 

now though, Lip had taken notice to the way you failed to meet his eyes and the deep sighs you let out. 

“what’s up?”

you met his eyes again at his question, giving another half smile before sighing again. 

“you like another girl”

he froze at your mumbled words, though his lips quickly curled into a smirk. he nudged your shoulder before wrapping his arm around you to pull you closer. 

your eyebrows knitted together as he stifled a laugh, trying to pull yourself from his arms to ask what was funny when he replied. 

“i don’t like another girl, i like you”

it was your turn to freeze now. 

he liked you? Lip Gallagher liked you?

god that felt like a dream, and you couldn’t help your lips curling into a smile at the fact that actually liked you back. 

“you like me?”

he chuckled again but nodded, letting you turn to face him as his arm fell away from around you. 

“yeah dummy”

you nudged at his shoulder at the name, but leaned into him again nonetheless. 

resting your head on his shoulder as you whispered to him. 

“i like you too”

you couldn’t see the look on his face but you knew it was something akin to smug, his lips still curled into a smirk. 

“thought it was obvious that i liked you”

he told while resting his head against yours, listening to you scoff slightly before shaking your head. 

meeting his eyes again, whispering out to him before his eyes fell to your lips. 

“clear as dirt”

he gave a half offended ‘hey’ while you laughed, Lip laughing too after a moment. 

generally, whenever the two of you were this close Lip always admired you, but now that he knew you liked him it made his admiration go further. 

“can i kiss you?”

he asked without thinking, and you nodded just as mindlessly. 

his lips pressed to your softer than either of you expected, quickly melting into his kiss while his hands cradled your face. 

after a minute you pulled apart, though keeping your faces inches apart as you whispered out to him. 

“kiss me forever please”

Lip stole another kiss, just as soft as his precious kiss. pulling back again he whispered against your lips. 

“whenever you want them”