Citric Evenings

By Mallory Ortberg on The Toast

MONK #1: do birds have meetings MONK #2: absolutely they have a Meeting Hat and everything MONK #1: what do they have meetings about MONK #2: mostly who gets to wear the meeting hat

MONK #1: do human women sleep in beds or– MONK #2: no that’s dogs you’re thinking of MONK #1: right right

MONK #1: what part of the knight do fish go on MONK #2: the head MONK #1: thanks MONK #2: oh absolutely no problem at all MONK #1: both lying flatwise across the head, or…? MONK #2: no one on each side like ears MONK #1: ok great

MONK #1: so when a dog and a bird make out MONK #2: right MONK #1: it’s usually the bird that’s on top right? MONK #2: yeah usually MONK #1: great

MONK #1: hey is it owls or people that live in caves and build fires? MONK #2: owls

MONK #1: hey roughly what size are sparrows MONK #2: mm it kind of depends MONK #1: like AS big as a tree or not quite as big as a tree? MONK #2: oh pretty much the same size as a tree

MONK #1: can cows sail boats? MONK #2: hahaha no common misconception they have to put wheels on the boat and roll it over land

MONK #1: what do birds eat MONK #2: other birds mostly MONK #1: like different kinds of birds, or something else MONK #2: no birds only eat exactly the same kind of birds that they are

MONK #1: what kind of bird tucks people into bed at night usually I mean MONK #2: any bird any kind of walking bird MONK #1: and when it tucks you in, people usually look… MONK #2: incredibly worried it’s incredibly worrying when the bedbird tucks you in

MONK #1: ugh sorry to bother you again MONK #2: no no its fine this is what i’m here for what is it MONK #1: what part of a goat is a snail again like the front end or the back end MONK #2: what part do you feel like should be the snail part MONK #1: the back part? MONK #2: you shouldnt doubt yourself you know more about goats than you give yourself credit for

MONK #1: what usually rides horses like people or– MONK #2: fire

Sanders staffer had previously reported this security glitch multiple times, to no avail.

“Withholding access to this critical information at such a critical time for the campaign is equivalent to sabotage.”

Max Ernst montrant à une jeune fille la tête de son père (Max Ernst Showing a Young Girl the Head of his Father) by Max Ernst, 1926-27. Oil on canvas, 114.3 x 146.8 cm. National Galleries of Scotland.

From the National Galleries of Scotland:

This large work was painted while Ernst was working with the surrealist group in Paris, and seems to highlight his oedipal conflicts with his father – the Surrealists were fascinated with psychology and the theories of Sigmund Freud. The ‘young girl’ may be the artist’s dead sister, in which case an incestuous triangle of father, son and daughter is implied. Ernst used a technique that he invented, called grattage to create the forest. This involves the painted canvas being laid over a rough wooden surface and scraped to produce a rich, grainy texture. The large ring in the background represents the sun.

I don’t read it like that.1 To me, the father’s head symbolizes all of the aristocracy of Europe. Ernst, and many others, blamed “their fathers” for the horrors of WWI. The girl represents pre-war and innocent Europe. The colors on Ernst’s body are painted to look like armor in the various colors of the flags of European countries. The golden ring could be a Wagnerian symbol of the ring of power.2

Caveat emptor: I’m just a guy with a blog. I imagine the Scots have a few more sources to back up their interpretation than I do. ↩