Misguided Clown

if you’re falling in love (let me feel it)

Chapter: 1/4

Wc: 10.7k

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: implied/referenced past sexual assault, canon typical violence

Summary:

Aaron’s starting to get a little frustrated, for lack of a better word.

He and Spencer have been dating for going on three weeks now, and it’s not getting any easier.

He thought that the lump in his throat would fade away once he settled into Spencer’s gentle hands and plush lips, thought that every trace of guilt and anxiety that he’s doing something wrong would slip off his shoulders, replaced by long elegant fingers massaging out the knots in his muscles.

He thought he’d get better, and yet here he is three weeks in, sitting on the couch with shaking hands as he counts out his breaths all because he dared to kiss his boyfriend. It’s humiliating.

There are too many things working against him at once.

AKA dating Spencer is more than Aaron could have ever hoped for; he just wishes he could do something about it

Thinking about Spencer’s first valentines without Diana.

Feeling lost bc he’d always visit her nursing home to read vday poems with her like he’s done since he was little, deciding to fill that time with Aaron and Jack bc they’re the only things that make him feel better.

Then, when he’s sitting on the couch waiting for Aaron to finish making dinner, Jack comes into the livingroom holding a book.

Spencer recognizes it immediately; its the poetry book he and Diana would read.

Jack asks about it, and Spencer tells him it belonged to his Mom. Jack hesitates, unsure if he should press because he knows how much Spence has been missing her. But he knows his Papa, and he has a suspicion it might help, so he asks Spencer to read some to him, and Spencer, tears in his eyes, sits and reads valentines poems to his son.

Jack is older now than Spencer was when this tradition started, but then, Spencer’s older than Diana was back then, too.

So he gets to pass on his tradition, reading and explaining these poems as Jack listens with rapt attention. Unbeknownst to them, Aaron listens in with a smile from the kitchen.

Later, when Jack’s gone to his room and Aaron and Spencer are enjoying a romantic end to their valentines, Spencer says,

“You told him to do that, didnt you?”

Aaron smiles, pressing a kiss to Spencer’s forehead as he refills his wine glass.

“He found the book on his own,” he says, “I just told him to ask you about it.”

Spencer smiles, fighting back tears as his lover settles in beside him.

“Thank you,” he says, his voice hardly loudwr than a whisper.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Spencer,” Aaron says, because Spencer doesn’t need to thank him.

Spencer smiles and huddles in close.