I am Circular's Partner

One gently squeezes my hand between both of his palms as he says “squish.” I reciprocate. When he looks like he’s feeling sad or lost, I ask if I can squish him, and he will show me where I can squish him. Sometimes it’s almost like a hug, but most of the time, it’s just a hand or an arm I press between my palms. Then he squishes my hand in return, says “squish,” and moves on. He will come ask for squishes now, when he recognizes that he needs them.

Another boy smiles and sticks his chin out at me, and if he’s really excited, he’ll lean his whole body toward me. The first time he finally won a game at circle time, he got so excited he even ran over and bumped chins with me. He now does it when he sees me outside of school too. I stick out my chin to acknowledge him, and he grins and runs over and I lean down for a chin bump.

Yet another child swings my hand really fast. At a time when another child would be seeking a hug, she stands beside me and holds my hand, and swings it back and forth, with a smile if I’m lucky. The look on her face when I initiate the hand swinging is priceless.

Another one bumps his hip against mine when he walks by in the hallway or on the playground, or when he gets up after I’m done working with him. No eye contact, no words, but he goes out of his way to “crash” into me, and I tell him that it’s good to see him. He now loves to crash into me when I’m least expecting it. He doesn’t want anything, really. Just a bump to say “Hi, I appreciate you’re here.” And when he’s upset and we have to take a break, I’ll bump him, ask if he needs to take a walk, and we just go wander for a bit and discuss whatever’s wrong, and he’s practically glued to my side. Then one more bump before we go back into the room to face the problem.

I verbally express affection. A LOT.

My husband… doesn’t. I don’t know why. For the longest time part of me wondered if it meant he loved me less.

At some point I told him about a thing I had done as a kid. Holding hands, three squeezes means ‘I Love You’.

Suddenly he’s telling me I Love You all the time.

Holding my hand, obviously, but also randomly.

taptaptap

on my hand, my shoulder, my butt, my knee, whatever body part is closest to him, with whatever part of him is closest to me

All the time.

More often than I ever verbally said it.

It’s an ingrained signal now, I can tap three times on whatever part of him, and get three taps back in his sleep. Apparently I do the same.

It’s made a huge difference for us.

I loved subbing there and would often be placed there. It probably helped that the way I teach is trauma informed (thanks Circ).

Why the fuck can’t I get my own fucking anon hate? Circular gets harassed on the weekly. But my anon hate? IS STILL THEIRS? Wtf man.

Also lmao you’re just mad that you’re single.

That's genuinely WILD that you think dissociative parts, caused by debilitating trauma and constantly influenced by said trauma and the disorder that resulted from it, is "not that different" from a fucking therapy tool. They are WILDLY different, just because there may be some similarities doesn't at ALL make them comparable. They don't have alters, we do, and that's because alters function completely differently.

And truthfully I do have some slight issue with IFS patients using the term system, but the difference is that they don't claim to be just like us. They don't go into our spaces and call us bigots and assholes for not liking it when they barge in and make OUR SHIT about THEM.

And before you say "They aren't invading-" Yes they are. They constantly post shit in our tags, they join anti endo servers just to fucking bitch at us for being anti endo and then scream when we don't take kindly to that, they take our posts and twist them around to be about them, they say that origin is the only difference at all, they fucking look down on us for being fucking traumagenic.

It's not just "trauma bullshit causing more dissociation", it's altering the very way our brain functions on a fundamental level. It's being constantly tormented by intrusive thoughts, having nightmares of the shit you have to go through, it's alters frontstuck for stress they can't handle and hurting the body in a desperate attempt to cope, it's alters sabotaging your recovery because they're scared shitless of it, it's having dissociation so constant and severe that it keeps you from being able to do everyday tasks.

Calling that shit "not that different" from a form of therapy that doesn't even fucking make alters, or anything that even remotely functions like them, is honestly insulting.

Heavy.. HEAVY agree with these tags.

Why is it that people are understanding of what’s insulting with every other community and disability EXCEPT dissociative disorders.

“Anxiety is basically the same thing as PTSD but without the trauma bullshit.”

“Impulsive thoughts are exactly like tics but without the neurological glitchy bullshit.”

“Hair color is exactly like skin color but without the racist bullshit.”

That’s how you sound with this take, you sound stupid honestly. Just bc you relate to someone bc you’re a little similar doesn’t make you the same, didn’t think I would have to say that in the big 2025 but here we are ig.

But to you guys it’s obvious that what they said was wholly and completely idiotic. The adolescents are the ones who are obviously at a point in their life where what they say is absolute truth on a subject they just learned about online.

Yeah I see.