T A S T E L E S S H A Z E

forgetting the test on the COUNTERTOP behind her.

there's an anxiety in her bones that she can't quite shake, not knowing what she was feeling, but that she was definitely spiraling. she'd managed to take a walk outside, running circles around the fucking neighbourhood by the time she gets back. stripping down the bed, needing to keep her hands BUSY, as if it might distract from the truth that was waiting for her, unanswered, looming. but the sound of sunny's voice just cuts right through her peace, startling her so severely that he likely saw that panic in her eyes, the way that they were already welling up with tears because she just knew from the sound of his voice...

and honestly, that shit hits like a PANIC ATTACK. "i-i'm sorry, i-" her voice trembling, shaking out, there's terror embedded in her chest, and he could hear it rattling about within her tone. because like, what if he was going to say that she'd been careless, that this was like, a mistake? rue hadn't even like, figured out how to acknowledge it yet, her stomach twisting, and her not knowing from what. "i didn't think..." well. yeah. neither of them really had, had they?

the instant her terrified voice hit the air, sunny closed the distance between them. “hey, rue, no. why are you sorry?” that was the last thing he wanted her feeling right now. was he anxious? obviously. his girlfriend was pregnant – probably?? maybe?? – and they’d never really talked about any of this. not seriously, anyway. not in a way that prepared him for a test sitting between them and a thousand possible futures opening all at once. his mind immediately started sprinting ahead of him. he didn’t know if this was something she wanted, or something she wanted but not with him. what if she didn’t want to live with him? what if she thought he’d be bad at this? what if she wanted to leave, or what if she wanted him to leave, or what if –  noppppe. that wasn’t helping. sunny pulled her against him and buried his face in her hair, holding her tightly enough to reassure without making her feel trapped. “okay, i mean – i don’t think – i guess we both…” he trailed off with a helpless sigh, then forced himself to slow down. his hand moved gently over her back. “okay. rue, let’s just do one thing at a time.” he pulled back enough to look at her, his expression soft despite the panic still twisting beneath his ribs. “is it yours? the test?” a beat passed, and his thumb brushed carefully beneath her eye, catching the tears that had spilled over.

oh. god. how did this come to fruition? he desperately wished devon were here. he'd already managed to fuck it up with noah, and he was so, so nervous that hudson wouldn't like him either. "uh, yeah." he blinked. "we've been together for a... while." incredible, sunny. absolutely incredible.

Devon doesn't respond right away. Not really out of anger or animosity, but because he'd learned that the people he loved often filled silence with fear before he ever had the chance to speak. He watched Sunny retreat into himself by inches, watched guilt bow his shoulders and pull his eyes toward the floor as though he was already bracing for a punishment that hadn't been delivered. There was something painfully familiar about it. The frantic explaining. The instinct to get ahead of the disappointment before it had arrived. Devon knew that posture because he'd spent most of his life wearing it.

His hand found Sunny's almost absentmindedly, threading their fingers together before the distance between them could become something larger than a few inches of couch cushion. His thumb traced slow circles around Sunny's knuckles, grounding himself as much as the man beside him, and he let out a quiet breath through his nose while his thoughts settled into something gentler than the panic Sunny had clearly explained.

"I remember," he murmured, his voice carrying the same softness it always seemed to reserve for Sunny. "I remember you telling me you talked to him." His gaze lingered on their joined hands before lifting to meet Sunny's again, steady and unwavering. "And.. thank you for telling me now." It would have been easy to fixate on the image alone — Noah and Sunny yelling at one another in the middle of a park, two people Devon loved colliding because they were both carrying grief sharp enough to mistake for anger. All Devon could think about was how inevitable it felt in hindsight. Noah loved with every nerve exposed, and Sunny defended the people he loved with that same reckless devotion. Ash's name wasn't something either of them could brush past carelessly. Neither of them had ever been particularly good at stepping away before emotion got the better of them. Devon knew better than most how quickly old wounds could convince someone they were fighting a battle that wasn't actually happening.

"I know my brother," he said quietly, "and I know you."

There wasn't accusation in his voice, only a tired sort of understanding that came from years spent watching hurt people collide with one another despite the best intentions. "Noah has a habit of, like, sounding a lot harsher than he means to. Half the time, he's trying to communicate something. It comes out sideways 'cause he's already expecting the worst from whoever he's talking to." A faint, almost weary smile touched the corner of Devon's mouth. "And you.." His free hand lifted to brush a strand of hair back from Sunny's forehead. "I know grief. I know it well. I know that you and I are similar in it. Defensive, even."

His expression softened further; the disappointment he felt directed nowhere near Sunny himself. It rested instead on the circumstances, on how grief had a way of convincing good people they were under attack. "I wish it hadn't happened. I wish neither of you walked away feeling hurt. But, baby.." His thumb continued its slow rhythm across Sunny's skin. "Misunderstanding someone is not the same thing as wanting to hurt them."

Devon leaned closer until their foreheads nearly touched, his eyes never leaving Sunny's. "Do I think telling my brother to fuck off was your finest moment?" A quiet, breathy laugh escaped him despite himself. "Probably not." His smile faded into something infinitely more tender. "But I also know you well enough to know that if you thought Noah was being some kind of way," he swallowed around the ache that settled behind his ribs, "you weren't reacting because you're cruel. You were protecting something you still carry with you every day."

He squeezed Sunny's hand a little tighter, hoping he could somehow transfer the certainty he felt into the man sitting beside him. "The part that, like, sucks the most for me isn't that you yelled at him. It's more about the fact that you sat with this by yourself 'cause you thought I'd stop seeing you the way I do." Devon's voice grew quieter, almost reverent. "I hate thinking about you carrying that around, convinced I would love you less for, rightfully, crashing out." His forehead rested against Sunny's, his eyes slipping closed for only a moment before opening again.

"You're allowed to be human. Losin' your temper and all that. God knows Noah's done it more times than either of us could count." Another tiny smile surfaced. "And I've certainly had my own moments." He let the silence settle naturally this time, warm instead of suffocating.

the second devon’s fingers interlaced with his, sunny sighed, some of the panic finally loosening its grip. not immediately, and not completely, but enough that it no longer felt like his heart was trying to claw its way out of his chest. he turned to look at devon as he spoke, holding onto his hand a little tighter than necessary. sunny had never been good at letting his feelings settle. anxiety was always simmering beneath his skin, waiting for any excuse to boil over, even when there wasn’t a good reason for it. he loved devon. devon was his best friend. they lived together, for god’s sake. there was no reason for sunny to be this afraid of disappointing him, but knowing that didn’t make the fear disappear. when devon brushed a stray piece of hair away from his face, sunny leaned into the touch without thinking. “i know,” he said quietly. “and i know he loves you, and…” he laughed nervously, one hand lifting to rub the back of his neck. “i mean, i don’t really think he likes me.” a beat passed before his gaze dropped. “and i – yeah.” the words dried up as devon continued, his thumb tracing slow, soothing arcs over sunny’s hand. “it definitely wasn’t my best moment.” his head dipped lower, shame curling through his stomach again. “i felt really bad. i apologized then, and i just feel…” he trailed off, shoulders drawing inward. “i don’t know.” his voice sounded small because he felt small, the guilt making him want to fold in on himself until there was nothing left to be upset with. then the space between them disappeared, devon’s forehead pressing gently against his. sunny’s expression softened, and he nudged his nose against devon’s, clinging to the closeness. “you know my head,” he murmured with a tired sigh. “it’s not very nice to me.” the kiss against his mouth was soft enough to make sunny hum, his fingers tightening around devon’s again. “you don’t have to talk to noah,” he said once they pulled apart. “i feel like i kind of started it.” a beat passed, and his eyes lifted to devon’s. “but, yeah. i’m sorry i didn’t tell you sooner. i should’ve trusted you enough to tell you the whole thing right away.”

did he think he was going to last very long? no! not even a little. not with the way their tongues tangled together, and the way they moaned directly into his mouth – vibrating against his lips, chasing friction like someone starved for it. every sound she made traveled straight down his spine and settled at the base of his stomach. his chest rose and fell in uneven waves, the muscles in his stomach tightening with each thrust, and he let his eyes close, letting the darkness behind his lids sharpen every other sense. he slowed his movements, hips rolling up in long, deliberate strokes instead of the frantic pace before, allowing them to set the rhythm. their bodies moved together like water – fluid, inevitable, the wet sound of skin against skin filling the quiet room. "yeah?" he mumbled against her lips, voice low and wrecked, barely more than breath. "you feel perfect." blue eyes opened, heavy-lidded, and trailed across their face like he was memorizing it – the flush high on their cheeks, their lips swollen and parted. his hand drifted from her breast, fingers ghosting over the damp skin of her sternum, up to the nape of her neck where he grabbed her hair and tugged. not hard. just enough to tilt their head back, exposing the tender line of their throat. he stared at it – the pulse fluttering beneath pale skin, the other marks already blooming there from his mouth, purple and pink against white. evidence of what he'd already done to her. he pressed another kiss to her neck, soft, almost apologetic, before his mouth trailed lower. his teeth found the spot just above her collarbone and he bit down – not breaking skin, enough to feel the give of flesh between his teeth. he sucked at the mark, tongue laving over it to soothe the sting, adding to the constellation of bruises already scattered across her skin like a map of where his mouth had been. "gonna get fucking bred if i come in you again," he murmured against her throat, the words vibrating against her skin. his hips resumed their upward thrusts – he could feel himself getting closer and he gritted his teeth, jaw flexing, trying to hold on to the edge a little longer. just a little longer. he wanted to feel her come first. wanted to feel her clench around him and fall apart while he was still inside her, still moving, still filling her up with every inch. the air between them was thick with heat and the sharp, sweet smell of arousal, their combined musk clinging to the sheets, to their skin, to everything. he breathed it in and groaned, pressing his forehead against hers, their noses touching. his hand in their hair loosened, fingers combing through the damp strands instead, tender now, and he kissed them again while his hips kept moving beneath them, relentless and worshipful all at once.

"no, you're never being too loud," he laughed, moving closer to him. "i'm just nosy, and if you're watching something about sharks and not showing me, that's like, sacrilegious." a beat. "why not tiger sharks, huh? they're the better shark." his tone had taken on a teasing lilt.

mona feels his tension before she sees it, that pull that's been there since before they had a name for it. like somehow her wolf had known for her. the decision to tell him hadn't come lightly, but too many months passed where she had disappeared, so much guilt built up inside her chest that eventually she hadn't been able to hold it back. after returning to him yet again with her tail between her legs and sadness in his eyes that got deeper every month, she cracked, fearfully and tearfully explaining everything to him.

she explained what she had been born as, finally told him how she had grown up without a pack. how her own mother had been the only person she lived with, but the connection had never grown. she showed him how her nails could turn into claws; a rare but not unheard of trait only gained by alphas. how she didn't want to create a pack that didn't have him in it. mona was never sure on how they ended up deciding that she would turn him. she had never planned on doing that; he deserved so much more than the pain he'd feel every single month when he shifted, bitten wolves had a harder time than those that had been born.

the least she could do was should what stress of his she could. she couldn't take all of his pain away, but she could distract him from it. his shyness always gets her, even after all this time, it always tugs on her chest and makes her wolf paw desperately for him. they had always been connected by something mona couldn't explain. now that she could, she only wanted to claim him more. "hi, baby boy."

she pulls him from the counter and he goes so easily that mona doesn't think there was ever of a version of him that didn't follow her. sunny had always come to her softly, even before the bite. before the bond had a name and before mona had any right to think of him as her's. he had always looked at her like she was something holy, even when she kept leaving him with nothing but excuses and half truths. it still made her chest ache.

her arms looped around his shoulders, fingers slipping into the hair at the nape of his neck as he pulled her close. the hum in his chest vibrated against her, deeper than it used to be, and mona felt herself settle in response, her wolf soothed and pleased, pressing close to the surface, greedy for every point of contact.

the sunlight caught in his hair and warmed the kitchen. the steak sat forgotten on the cutting board, its sharp scent still hanging in the air. he'd have to get used to it eventually, the intense hunger and how to not let it win. he ha to learn the instincts that came with what she had given him. she couldn't keep pulling him away from every hard thing, but she could give him a moment. she could give him this.

mona swayed with him slowly, her thumb brushing small circles against the back of his neck. "i know its hard." it would never be the same for her, and sunny was the first bitten wolf she had spent time with, but she heard enough stories to know how much harder it would be for him. he wasn't born knowing how to be this. guilt slid through her, familiar and bitter.

of course things would be different. he knew that. he’d understood it from the moment she told him there was anything different about her at all. sunny had never thought it was selfish. he thought it was incredible that, with everything she was and everything she carried, she still wanted him. he’d always seen her as the reason for the thunder and the light and everything warm in his life, and he didn’t want to spend any more time away from her. even before he could put the feeling into words, some part of him had felt complete from the moment she entered his life. maybe there was some greater force that knew they were meant to find one another. when she made the suggestion, he hadn’t needed to think twice. he’d let her bite him with all the trust in the world, and it was only afterward that he learned just how afraid she’d been. the change was hard. there was no point pretending otherwise. it hurt, and quite frankly, it scared the shit out of him. going through it was undoubtedly something he’d need time to come to terms with, especially after the first time he’d felt that awful itch beneath his skin, the need to change building inside of him. but whenever he looked at her, he knew it was worth it. and when she could see ash through his memories, it felt even more so. sunny grinned against her hair when she said she loved him. he knew that, obviously, but it still made his heart light up every time she said it. the offer was there for her to finish preparing the food, but he shook his head. “no,” he mumbled, holding her a little closer. “i can do it. in a minute, though. i wanna stay here.”