cinnamon

Chapter four

Chapter one

Tw- fem!reader, sexual topics, abuse, blood, injuries, open cuts, stitching, drugs/alcohol, super light fluff. I am not responsible for the media you consume <3

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(Y/n)s head drowsily bumped against the cold glass window against the gutted road. Su-bong anxiously mumbled to himself in attempt to calm down his racing heart while her eyes slowly fluttered open and her senses became more aware. She listened to the deep male voice that was accompanied by a loud, piercing ringing in her ear. Her eyes were coated with a light film that required a few hard blinks to get rid of.

Her eyes then started to focus on the blurred lines of the rushing road underneath her. Her memories of the last hour began becoming clear in her mind as the deep murmuring made her heart started to sink. She gasped loudly like she had been resuscitated, remembering the last thing she had seen was the large mans gritting, spitting lips in her face as he choked her unconscious.

She jumped in her seat without fully knowing her surroundings, reaching her fist back and sending it towards whoever was in the drivers seat for which she assumed was the terrible thug from earlier.

"Hey!" Su-bongs hand quickly swatted hers away before she could connect with his cheek. The car swerved towards the sidewalk but jolted quickly back on the road from being deathly startled from her sudden defense. She still hadn't fully woken up yet because she sent another punch in the same fashion. "Cut it out!" He tightly gripped the steering wheel with his left hand to keep the car straight as his right hand was protecting himself from the delirious girl. "It's me, Baby." He looked over at her with furrowed brows as his arm covered his face for his own safety. "Choi Su-bong, you know, remember me? We work together?" His tone was sprinkled heavily with sarcasm as her chest rose and fell with exasperated breaths.

"S-Su-bong?" She reached for his arm that covered his face and pulled it down so she could get a better look in the dark scene. Her breathing was extremely broken and shakey as her heart thumped out of her chest like a cartoon character. "What happened? And why are you here? Are you up to this?" She clutched his arm in disbelief as his eyes calmly looked over at her. 

"I'm offended you think I would do that to you." He shook his head offended with twitching eyes. He then moved his attention on the road in front of him considering was flying down the road, cutting people off and running lights to make sure no one was following them. Her small hands still held onto his forearm, still staring in disbelief that he was in front of her. "Relax, you're safe." He looked down at her nails that had began to dig into his skin.

"Where are we going?" She was completely frozen in her seat with a dry mouth and pounding head. Her body felt dehydrated and drained but her adrenaline was coursing heavily through her veins.

"Your apartment." He kept his demeanor calm despite the blood dripping down his temple and his throbbing bloodied knuckles that were harshly gripping the steering wheel. As if he read her mind he already spoke before she could protest against the idea. "I have bad people at my place, it's not safe there."

She swallowed the lump in her throat as her body still shook with fear. Her lips trembled as the terrifying moments repeated in her head vividly as she tried to piece the events together in a timely order. "I don't know what happened." Her voice almost sounded apologetic as she still clung onto him like she was gripping the edge of a cliff. He was trying his very best to keep his cool for her. He had never seen her look so shaken up and startled, and he's seen the horrendous things other people tried to do to her. "I-I was defenseless and I tried so hard to get him off," Su-bongs jaw clenched at the image her words were putting into his head. Her uneven voice only had made him assumed much worse must've happened. "I didn't have any weapons on me, I tried, I really did-"

"Stop," he cut her off as his mind spiraled angrily with too many thoughts at once. He was shaken up as well but was much better at concealing it. He felt anxious, angry, upset, and the vivid imagery of her attacker that plastered in his every corner of his mind. He just wanted to think clearly to himself for a moment. "You don't have to explain yourself to me. I'm not mad at you, okay?"

"Okay." Her trembling voice was almost inaudible as her heart finally slowed down. She took a minute to breathe and take in her surroundings. Her eyes scanned Su-bongs tense face as his one arm was stiff against the wheel. His eyes are extremely concentrated on the road in front of him considering how intoxicated he is, but this was a normal feeling that he was used to and knew how to maneuver around. Not to add that the adrenaline coursing through him had given him the power to focus. Blood ran down the side of his sharp face from a minor cut and had trickled down to his white tee shirt. She noticed the goosebumps that covered his arms and realized how cold it had been, wondering why he wasn't in a jacket. She just then realized that she had been taken outside in just her tiny lingerie that had little coverage in the freezing night.

She quickly crossed her arms to cover herself only to be met with the touch of a heavy cotton fabric against her fingertips. She looked down at her arms and chest that was covered in a large black zip-up that smelled heavily of cigarettes and his signature cheap cologne. Even her seatbelt was properly secured across her cold body as he quickly weaved in and out of the other vehicles with ease. She looked down at her hands that were still holding his arm that rested against the center console. His veins were extremely prominent in the dim lighting the streetlights provided. Her right hand had been coated with blood that brought her awareness to the stabbing pain that pierced her right shoulder. Her blood had started to coat his skin but he didn't even notice, nor would he care.

"Are you alright?" He broke the tense silence as he got off the familiar exit that would take her into her neighborhood.

"Yeah." Tears gently pricked at her eyes as her mind started to go through all of the consequences her brother would have for her. This would be considered a large mistake on her end. Her brother never would blame the attacker, only her. It was always her fault.

"Where are you hurt?"

"Just my shoulder, I think." She looked out the window at the dark sky. Instead of worrying about her current injuries she busied her mind with the best options of defense against the upcoming punishment from Gyeong.

"You were knocked out and a bloody mess, it's more than just your shoulder." He retorted as he drove fast through the empty streets and to her complex.

"Um," She hummed as she tried to remember the blows she endured. "He hit my head a few times, and my thigh is cut. that's it."

"You sure?" He asked with a cocked brow. He wanted to make sure he knew everything so he could mentally prepare a game plan for what he was going to do with her. His mind was bustling and loud, he couldn't even hear his little voice think.

"Yeah." She swallowed as her fingers slowly unclenched from his stiff forearm. "What happened to him?" Her eyes widely gazed at his strong side profile. He held his breath for a moment as his arm flexed underneath her hands while he made a fist around the gearshift.

"I killed him." He said quietly while tilting his head back and closing his eyes. (Y/n) had froze once at the words she just heard and no reaction or response came from her. "I got my guys on it already. They're taking care of the body as we speak." He nervously looked over at her as he pulled into her apartment complex and speedily drove around towards the back entrance of her building near the dumpsters. "Are you mad at me?" He sheepishly asked as the car jolted forward in park.

"No, no." She quickly responded to him as her hands still laid on his arm for her own comfort. "I'm blessed you were there." Their eyes connected with each other in the dark car. Everything went quiet for a few long moments as they both analyzed each other for the first time in months. She felt so relieved and excited to see him, but at the same time the circumstance didn't make it enjoyable. Her eyes almost began to sparkle when she gazed at him and his familiar face. But to him, her face wasn't familiar at all. It was quite different from the last time he seen her. The dark bags underneath her eyes have almost become invisible and her eyes glimmered with tranquility as he got sucked right into her gaze. Her face hued a warm tint with rosy cheeks and nose compared to how pale, sick, and sad she constantly used to look.

After a few more moments of the shared silence he finally spoke up with burning cheeks. He was almost afraid she could feel the heat radiating off him. "Would you like me to walk you to the door?" He asked in a hushed tone as her hands continued to jitter against his tattooed skin.

"Can you come in please?" She whispered considering her throat was completely dried up. She didn't want to be alone right now. He nodded feverishly as he took the key out of his ignition and they both started to pull at their door handles to get out quickly. Even though neither of them said it, they both knew they had to rush inside considering they don't want to be seen at all. She began to slowly stand up but even the slightest amount of pressure sent a shooting pain that jolted down her entire left leg. Her breath got caught in her chest while immediately collapsing back into the cold pleather seat. "Fuck..." She winced as her face crinkled up in pain. Her hands immediately gripped onto her thigh to try to suppress the pain.

"Hey, hey, hey." He ran around the front of his car and to her side to stop her from another standing attempt. She swallowed hard so prevent herself from vomiting caused by pain, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the headrest. She didn't even feel the freezing air consuming her bare body as she examined her bloody leg completely startled. She didn't even felt it during the car ride. "Don't move, let me help you." He leaned over her in a disgraceful manner and grabbed her duffle-bag that was thrown in his messy backseat. She cringed away from him since his entire chest was shoved in her face, his oversized white t-shirt gently rubbing against her nose that was quick to fill up with his scent.

"You got my bag?" The corners of her lips tugged up his thoughtfulness as he straightened his posture and stared down at her.

"Yup," He smiled back proudly before he reached his hand down for her to grab on. Both of her small hands had grabbed onto his one, pushing herself up with a groan. She leaned all her weight on her right leg as she then reached for the roof of his car to help stable herself. She wobbled backwards in her tiny heels that were starting to slip into the cracks of the concrete. "Ah, he got you good didn't he?" Su-bongs arm had quickly shot out and supported her back before she would completely lose her balance and fall again. "Is this okay?" His arm loosened around her as her breathing became more heavy with the painful pressure shooting down her leg.

"Yes, yes," Her eyes squeezed together as she slowly began to lean against him, her hands clutched onto his shirt in an attempt to release the pain she was enduring. "I don't know if I can walk." Tears pricked her weary eyes as she innocently looked up at him which had made his heart sink. Sympathy wasn't a feeling he was used to, but whenever he was with her his entire body was filled with it.

"It's okay," His lips pressed together as she was still holding herself up with his car and shirt, her right hand leaving bloodstained prints against his white tee. "I'll carry you in, okay?" He nodded down at her with assurance that he didn't mind doing so. "It's almost one in the morning, I don't think anyone will see." He looked over his shoulder to make sure no one had followed them. She nodded feverishly as the cold air had now sharply nipped at her bare skin. She didn't care how she got in, or who had seen her, she just wanted to be home. "Alrighty, ready?" His brows raised as he looked down at her but she couldn’t even verbally respond. It was too painful for her to speak. Slowly he had bent down and placed one of his arms near the back of her knees and the other underneath her arms and across her back. "One, two, three," He counted off and with ease he lifted her up. She felt immediate relief as her legs dangled off the ground and she had moved her one arm around his neck to secure herself more in his grip. He started walking towards the backdoor while her body bounced along with his every movement. With one arm he reached for the handle and swung open the entrance to her building, moving his eyes down at her face every few seconds to make sure he wasn’t hurting her.

After a brief walk up the stairs and down the hallway they had reached her door. He tried to multitask as he held her, lifting his knee up to hold her bottom as he single-handedly tried to reach for her bag that was around his shoulder. "Here, let me get it." She grinned at his goofy efforts in trying to get her keys for her. No one had ever made that much of a kind effort for her. She leaned herself towards his shoulder and reached down for the zipper as he held his head up towards the ceiling. He knew if he hadn't her chest would be right in his face and he'd be tempted to look.

She shuffled her hand blindly around her bag until she had found the keys and unlocked her door. He rushed the both of them inside and reached behind him to lock it. "Woah," He murmured, his eyes scanning the newly decorated home. His heart fluttered as he realized the last conversation they had and how she truly listened to him.

"I have a first aid kit in my bathroom." She snapped him out of his small trance and he quickly became back on task.

"Where's your bathroom?" His head looked left and right in search for another door.

"Go through my bedroom, it's in there" she pointed towards the open door to her room and he obediently followed her words. He set her carefully down on her clean bathroom counter and flipped on the light switch, immediately looking at her with wide eyes for more directions. "Under the sink," She grit between her teeth while looking down at her gashed open thigh trying her best to compress the pain. He popped open the small case that had a large assortment of supplies that looked brand new. He started pulling out everything frantically and shakily organizing the miscellaneous supplies. Her eyes lazily stared at him while her head fell back against the cool glass mirror. "Do you even know what you're doing?" She skeptically looked down at him as her left hand reached to squeeze her shoulder in attempt to stop the throbbing.

Luckily for the both of them, this wasn't his first experience preforming first aid. Unfortunately he had gotten quite good at it over the past few years. "Just trust me," his blown out pupils had become extremely visible in the bright bathroom light which made her feel a bit more anxious. But she didn't have any other choice, she didn't have insurance to go into a professional doctor. "I know how to do everything." He smirked up at her and she shook her head gently with a scoff.

"Right." She sarcastically responded and he got right to work. He cleaned each of her wounds thoroughly and wiped up the excess blood that covered her body. He took his time, being slow and gentle with each touch considering how much pain she was already in. The peroxide bubbled in her cuts cleaning out any bacteria that was hidden in her skin but it had stung in the process. After he was finished shortly examining each cut he then had reached for the needle and thread, which made her freeze up instantly. "What do you need that for?" Her eyes flashed between his and the small medical needle that was held between his pointer finger and thumb.

"To fix the hole in my shirt," He joked at the obvious question but she didn't have a pleasant reaction to his humor. "Baby, these wounds are deep. You can't leave them open you'll bleed out everywhere."

"Seriously?" Her lips sneered at the thought of getting stitches. She's had a crude experience with getting stitched in the past when her brother was ruthless with treating her. He angrily rushed through the entire procedure, constantly scolding her for the injuries that weren’t even her fault.

"Seriously." He mimicked her with pressed lips that hid a smile. Her mind had kept racing to the previous incident and how treacherous and painful it had been. She shakily reached her hand towards the towel rack that sat near her mirror, gripping the small white towel with clammy hands. She slowly brought the neat fabric up to her lips as she fixated on his slim, trembly fingers threading the needle.

"How can I make this hurt less?" Her mind was in a frenzy as her timid voice rang through the bathroom. She hadn't felt this worked up in a long, long time. She still wasn't even fully calm from the last few hours of events.

"By relaxing," He had finished prepping the needle and fixed his posture from the hunched ever position he was previously in. He towered over her in the small washroom with a stern, focused look in his eyes. He was slowly losing his patience with her anxious energy bouncing off the walls and straight into his nerves. "You're freakin' me out, stop it." His upper lip tweaked as her face began to lose color.

"D-do you have anything? Numbing cream? Any drugs or something? Pills? Blow? Any bud?" In a million years she would have never asked anyone that question, but she's willing to do anything to make sure she was not in her conscious state of mind during this small procedure. "Come on, I know you do-"

"I'm not giving you drugs." His face softened as he watched her eyes dart around the room like something were about to jump out and attack her. At first he thought she was just overreacting, but the genuine terror that washed over her body completely drained her of everything. Her color, her normal attitude, her words, everything.

"I need something." She pleaded as dark mascara filled tears weld under her eyes. She was a very pretty crier, he thought to himself as he watched her pale cheeks glisten under the florescent light.

"I'm sorry I don't have anything on me." He lied while throwing his hands up in the air defensively even though it was a lie. The pills he had kept in his necklace were way too dangerous for her and he didn't want to risk her life. Especially with a possible head injury he knew it wasn't worth it. "Just relax, okay?" He reached behind him and pulled down the soft bath towel that was hanging over her shower curtain, and out of respect he had covered her bikini area since he was going to be quite close when stitching her thigh.

"Wait, wait, wait," She frantically waved her small hands when he only picked up the needle for less than a second. "I have a bottle of liquor in my closet, top shelf." She instructed him but he had only cocked a confused eyebrow at her. "Go get it please." She demanded but he was hesitant as he stared at the frantic girl. "Come on" she begged him with a streaky-teared face and pleading eyes. It didn't take him long to cave.

He walked out of the bathroom and rounded the corner of her room where her small closet was placed in the corner. Her closet was fairly empty so it didn't take him long to find the unopened bottle of expensive dark liquor. Su-bong was surprised by the rich choice from the girl who is completely sober. She had never touched anything besides cigarettes even though she was heavily influenced by the people surrounding her.

"Do you even drink?" He walked back into the bathroom with the etched glass bottle, holding it up to her face with a surprised look.

"My brother gave it to me for a housewarming gift when I first moved in." She explained and carefully took the bottle from his hands and already started to rip off the plastic seal.

"I'm not the one to tell you what to do, but be careful." He gave her a gentle warning as she anxiously unscrewed the cap and brought the liquor up to her nose, the strong smell already made her face tense up. Not even seconds later she had already placed her lips against the bottle and started taking large gulps despite this being a sipping drink. Her eyes tightly squeezed together as her throat burned from the thick liquid. After chugging for a few more seconds it felt like hot honey pouring down her throat and pooling in her belly, giving a warm bodily sensation. Her face was strongly contorted together and she accidentally slammed down the bottle against the counter. She shook her head a bit as her tongue hungout disgustedly to get off the extra taste of liquor. "Wow." Su-bong started snickering at her cringed face as he looked her up and down with shock. "You okay?"

"I'm alright," She took a breath as she let her eyes close softly, finding comfort in the warmth the alcohol was distributing. "Let's just get this over with." She swallowed the dry lump in her throat before putting the towel against her lips, biting down against the soft fabric and squeezing her eyes shut.

His shaky hands got to work with her words of approval and he had taken a breath to stable himself. It wasn't a pleasant experience at all for the both of them. Almost every five to ten minutes her hand would timidly reach for the bottle that was sitting next to her and drink recklessly in attempts to numb her physical pain. A few times Su-bong had even protested against it, telling her she's had too much but she'd always snap right back. After thirty minutes of just stitching her thigh, he moved onto her shoulder that was still bleeding lightly down her arm. He now had a lit cigarette dangling from his lips and her glasses on his face so he could see better. Her drunk self was constantly babbling at him as his concentrated eyes were narrowed on the needling moving in and out of her thin skin, smoke suffocated her face but it was an oddly comforting scent for her. His large hand stabled her arm and the other stitched away as she scolded him every now and then, 'Your dumbass is going to get ashes in my wound, this is unsanitary.' 'It helps me focus.' 'Yeah okay. Then were you not focused when you were fixing my leg?' 'Stop talking Baby.'

But finally after the excruciating hour of whimpering and tears she sat extremely drunk on her bathroom counter feeling sweet relief of the needle not stabbing in and out of her. A faint smile was pressed against her lips as she soaked in the moment. Her headspace was no where to be seen. In this moment she had been the most vulnerable but she didn't even notice and didn't even care. The alcohol had worked numbers on her nervous system.

"Don't put that stuff away yet." Her hand lazily lifted and pointed at the plastic first aid case as he was throwing the supplies back in the box. "C'mere..." she curled her fingers towards herself as her bloodshot eyes stared up at him. She reached over to her faucet and started to run the warm water. She used the same cloth that she was previously biting on, damping it underneath the running water. He paused and watched her every movement before she looked back up at him with innocent eyes. "Come here," she announciated better and goofily smiled at his brows that were knitted together.

He stepped closer to her in the already tight space leaving a small distance between them. Her thighs were on either side of him as he swallowed down his nervousness and lust while his eyes buzzed against her dewy skin. Carefully her small hands reached up to his face with the warm cloth and began to wipe his temple that still had dried blood that ran down his temple to his neck. He wasn't in any pain at all in all honesty but he couldn't deny that the hot rag felt extremely nice against his cheek. Her other hand stabled itself on the other side of his face and he froze as her hand cupped his cheek with delicacy. He tried his best to control his twitches but his lip was basically trembling at the feeling of intimacy.

He studied her focused, drunk face while she cleaned him up. Her tongue stuck out with concentration and her eyes hung droopily. Her own cheeks were completely tearstained and her lips were gently swollen from her painful cries. She had never looked prettier, he thought.

Her touch was extremely gentle against his tough skin and it made him feel extremely fuzzy on the inside. His eyes zoned in peacefully on her face as he slowly felt himself melting in her small fingertips. No one had taken care of him like this in a very long time. He felt so fuzzy against her touch that he could have fell asleep standing up.

"You know what?" She leaned back against the mirror to get a better look of his nervous face while her hands still lingered on his cheeks. "I've been waiting to see you again."

"You have?" His eyebrow jolted up with small, cocky smirk. "I knew it." He cockily fixed his hair that had his visible overgrown dark roots showing that he hadn't touched up since he had done it a few months ago.

"Yeah, right." She scoffed and shoved his shoulder away from her. The alcohol had consumed so much of her body that she forgot her leg was throbbing as she scooted herself off the counter and landed hard on both of her feet.

From intoxication and pain she had stumbled backwards right into Su-bong who had already anticipated the action. "My god," He murmured as her back slammed against his chest with small gasp of pain. "Let's get dressed, okay?"

"Why am I undressed?" Her confused brain had looked down at her exposed body that was still in one of her work uniforms. "What did you do to me?"

"I did nothing but help you," He started to nudge her out of the small bathroom and into her bedroom while she used him as support. She limped against him before she dropped down to her soft bed with a large sigh. He looked around the clean bedroom for her dresser where he assumed he kept her clothes. He rifled through each of the drawers until he pulled out a large pair of old sweatpants as well as a large oversized crewneck that was once her brothers. "Alright Baby," he hovered over her with the clothes draped over his shoulder. "Do you need help getting dressed?" She didn't even respond to him since she was getting a bit nauseous. The room suddenly felt like it was spinning around her as her eyes lazily open and closed. "Alrighty then." He pursed his lips and took a deep breath before he carefully began to dress her, being extremely cautious around her new stitches and other wounds.

Chapter three

Tw- fem!reader, abuse, sexual topics, knife, blood. I am not responsible for the media you consume<3

Chapter one

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Ever since su-bong had invaded (Y/n)’s apartment without much warning she struggled to think about anything else.

The conversation had perfectly repeated in her head several times a day for a very long time. Her brain kept winding up the music box that contained his deep voice the second it had seemed to finally stop. She couldn't help it and she hated it so much. Although, after that day she began to approach life with a lighter heart. It wasn't easy for her to do after drowning in her own misery for several years, but step by step she was improving.

She had attempted to make her apartment more personable due to him calling her out for the place being so bland. She never took the time to know herself so it had made it quite difficult for her to decide what she should purchase. Money wasn't even an issue for her and she could get anything she imagined, but nothing came to mind.

One gloomy night she had the evening all to herself. She was off from the club for the next two days and her brother hadn't bothered her to deliver anything. She went to her closet and carefully brought down the old laptop her brother gave her after he had bought a new one. She brought it to her living room and sat down on her couch with the laptop in front of her on the coffee table, swiping her hand over the plastic surface that was covered in a thin layer of dust. For several long minutes, she stared at the blank browser unsure what her self-discovery research plan was. Her fingers shakily reached for the keyboard and slowly clicked the keys as a jumble of words appeared before her. She didn't know why she felt so anxious to find herself. It felt extremely embarrassing since she was just now trying to figure herself out at the age of twenty. Her finger pressed firmly down on the 'enter' button with the embarassing prompt, "what is the best color to like?"

Over the next few days of examination, she finally gathered the courage to buy herself the things she had wanted. It was a weird feeling. She never shopped materialistic for herself, only for the benefit of her own survival with weekly grocery runs. And finally, after several hours of walking up and down every single isle (multiple times) in the nearest retail store, she had made the grand purchase of two items.

She felt so accomplished of herself when she set down the miniature statue of a seated shiba dog strategically on her coffee table, even giving herself a smile. She set down the small ceramic crescent moon shaped dish near the dog, which really added the cherry on top for her.

She couldnt understand why but she had really wanted to tell Su-bong about her new purchases. She hadn't seen him now for over three weeks and she didn't have no way to reach him. She only had two contacts in her phone which are her brother and her brothers best friend jeok haneul, who was also his right-hand man in his business.

Everyday she had forced herself to try something new. She started to smile at strangers passing her by, dancing alone in her apartment (only to 'Thanos' music, that was the only type of music anyone had ever showed her), buying herself materialistic items, and going for walks on her own without her brother having a task for her. Slowly, her appreciation for life was growing.

She stopped looking at her two jobs as an obligation, but more as a privilege. Well, one of them at least. Her dancing had become more passionate and fun, she had let loose and now somewhat enjoyed stripping in the dark club. Although, working for her brother still had loomed over her head like a rain cloud. She didn't have a choice with him. But she wasn't going to let that drag down the rest of her spirit.

Over the next few weeks her apartment had become more than a place of shelter. As she learned more and more about herself her place had turned more cozy and comfortable, more personable. She had so much money saved up over many years that she was actually having fun spending whatever came to mind. The only sad part about it all was that she had no one to show it to. This was one of the first times she had felt so proud of herself that she actually wanted to show off her accomplishments, but there wasn't anyone to commend her. She was used to it though, and the praise she gave herself was more than enough to satisfy her.

~

(Y/n) sat along side her coworkers in the messy dressing room as she got ready infront of her vanity mirror. Light chatter filled the small room between them as muffled music spilled through the door. She even joined in every now and then which always shocked the rest of the girls even though she has been more talkative the last few months.

She sat comfortably in her soft robe that gave her coverage when she was off stage. Underneath, her full body was in display with the skimpy black bra that pushed up her breast, and a black cheeky pair of underwear. Small black heels decorated her feet as she leaned closely to the mirror as she applied lipliner.

Her eyes were tight lined with a black that was complemented by a smoked out lid. Her long lashes that were accentuated with mascara had truly made her eyes pop, even though in dark atmosphere on stage it was barely visible. "Baby," one of the girls frantically pushed open the door with a sigh which made everyone jump up and look at the doorway. "You're on in five, it's a fucking nightmare tonight." The blonde young woman ripped her robe off of the hook and quickly covered her tall skinny body, shaking her head frustratedly. It was a Friday night and one of the most popular strip joints Seoul, so it wasn't uncommon to have a few hellish nights here and there.

(Y/n) looked in the mirror and fixed her hair one more time by running her bitten fingernails through her soft locks. Even with the exasperated energy her coworker had just displayed, she was excited to go out tonight. She had been practicing a new pole routine that she had been working very hard on, and she was ready to show it off.

She touched up a few spots of her pretty makeup that wasn't too much but perfectly brought out her features. She pressed her lips nervously as she used a large brush to powder her face quickly before a few knocks were heard outside the door.

The owner walked in with a clipboard in his hand, all of the girls greeted him and he politely nodded back. "Baby, you're on in two." He looked down at his clipboard and then at (y/n) who shook her head with his words. She shimmed her robe off her back and let it fall on the back of her chair as she got up to follow her boss backstage.

Out in the main venue it was packed shoulder to shoulder with a sea of people. Drunk and desperate men had littered the floor with drinks in hand and a nasty mind. Bright flashing colorful lights filled the smoked out room giving the space a loud euphoric feel. People were shouting over the music considering it was so loud and the bartenders had been slinging drinks all night long.

All of the men were speaking to each other over the mutual topic of the women on stage. Even if they didn't know each other, the sick and degrading things that would come out of their mouths gave them all something in common. Majority of the people were all standing around the stage for the women, desperately waving their bills and hollering for the next to come out. Some of the men had even paid extra money to get a table and seats in front and the sides of the stage while the rest of them all stood around like beggars. But, there was one who stood against the back wall of the club watching from a distance.

"Hey," a middle aged man with a messy beard and untamed hair held his shoulder as the pungent smell of alcohol radiated off of his body sweat. "You nervous? Never been to a strip joint before huh?" The man let out a wheezy laugh as he began hitting the boy against the wall.

Su-bong didn't respond. Instead he took a long sip of his dark whiskey as his eyes stayed glued on the stage. "Yeah." He didn't even look down at the man as he wheezed some more, patting Su-bongs shoulder as if they were good friends catching up and laughing together.

"Why even come here then if you're not going to get close to the fun?" He tried to pull Su-bongs shoulder with him up to the stage but he was quick to snap.

"Don't fucking touch me man." He swatted his hand off him with a venomous look of in his black eyes that stared down at the man. "Go enjoy the show." Su-bong had pushed the man away from him and took another sip of his drink.

The older guy had quickly turned around like he was going to strike him back but the manic look in Su-bongs eyes had changed his decision. "Fuck you." The guy snarled at him before stumbling away to which Su-bong didn’t even hear him, he had already been walking back to the bar to refill his cup.

He had only came here because he wanted to see her. Almost three months had passed since their first real conversation and he had been dying to see her ever since. Even if he wasn't going to speak to her, he just wanted to make sure she was alive and well. He knew how vicious her brother and the rest could be.

"Now presenting," the ecstatic voice over the speakers had boomed just as loud as the music causing all the men to cheer. "Baby!" His head quickly snapped up the center of the stage as the men screamed even louder. How pathetic, he thought.

The music started playing loudly as Su-bong made his way back against the wall, but he had quickly stopped in his tracks once the clapping and cheering died down. He processed the music that was filling his ears, it was his own song.

He furrowed his brows confusedly, although excitement coursed through his chest as a spotlight flashed onto the velvet curtains. Once they had pulled open he quickly understood why all of those men were pathetically screaming for her.

His mouth slightly fell open as he watched her strut out on the stage to his song. Her body that was constantly covered by old, baggy clothing was out on display and he couldn't even believe it was her.

She smiled widely in the light as men threw bills and compliments at her as she walked down to the pole, sending major butterflies to his stomach. He shakily brought the glass up to his lips but his eyes stayed burning against her dewy skin. It was hard for him to swallow his drink since he had been getting all worked up over her shiny legs and pretty chest, all on display to his song.

The way her hips moved had everyone in a hypnotic trance. Her legs moved perfectly around the pole as she danced with a big smile on her face, men's needy hands had grabbed up at the stage as they all hollered and whistled at anything she'd do. But it was understandable. She danced passionately and so effortlessly. She knew how to flaunt every curve of her body with her moves that had only made the men more worked up. She had been doing this for years, and she knew exactly what they'd like.

Usually when she's dancing she never takes much notice of the crowd. All of the lights in the foggy venue had made it difficult for her to see anyway, but there was an older man who had sat a few feet away from the stage that her eyes connected with. A strange pit formed in her stomach as the short seconds of eye contact felt unbearable, but she quickly shook it off with a simple wink and a smile before turning her head away. It was a common thing in this type of situation but she hated the lustful look in everyone's eyes. It would always made her uncomfortable. But it was apart of the job that she was still learning to overlook.

Once her routine ended everyone screamed and cheered while throwing money onto the stage. Su-bong was still taking in the beautiful scene in front of him as he stood absolutely frozen against the wall of the humid venue. His eyes were pried wide open like he was afraid he'd miss something as she blew kisses before she walked off the stage with several bills in her hand, glistening in sweat as the lights made her look like she was glowing.

Once she was out of view from everyone she took a deep breath to regain herself before heading back into her dressing room. "Don't go too far," Her manager quickly stopped her with a yank of her small arm and started guiding her into the main venue. "Some guy already paid for a private room during your routine." They both had stepped out into the crowded floor and even though Su-bong was all the way in the back, he watched the unknown man guide her into a long hallway as she slipped from his view. He threw his head back with the glass to his lips, downing the burning sensation before pushing himself off the wall and harshly set the glass down against the first table he seen.

He dominantly weaved through the crowd and kept his eyes forward to the mysterious hallway she had been lead down. Even though people were bitching at him as he pushed through, he didn't even bother to turn around and apologize. Once he had made it to the hallway he watched just a sliver of her enter one of six doors that were lined up against the wall. A short man with a clipboard dressed nicely in black closed the door heavy door behind her. "Hey man, you can only be down here if you paid." Her manager noticed Su-bong standing there with a twisted expression on his face while his dark eyes narrowed at her door. "Hello? Did you hear me?" The manager waved his hands in front of his face obnoxiously and it took everything in his intoxicated body to not strike him. "Back out there unless you pay." He sternly shoved Su-bong with the clipboard and he stumbled back into the people behind him.

He held his composure though since he didn't want to risk being kicked out. He bit his bottom lip hard as his dark pupils stared down at the man in front of him, but he let it go for Baby. He had strategically found a table to sit at that still showed him a clear view of the door she had entered. He anxiously reached for his large cross pendant, flipping it open with his nail and popping a pill as his eyes frantically watched the door.

As (Y/n) entered the room she was met with the man she had locked eyes with earlier. Her breath got caught in her throat as he sat relaxed in his chair, his deceitful eyes calmly looking her up and down. She tried her best to mask how uncomfortable she was and how weird the vibes were in the small room. She had never felt this unbearable before for a private dance.

The music had began playing and she had started her dance, the large man kept his eyes on her as she approached him with a fake smile that masked the agonizing feeling forming in her gut. Her hands had grazed his shoulders and ran through his black hair while she started examining his character. His hands and neck were heavily tattooed and she assumed underneath his long sleeves the rest of his body was covered. A big scar was imbedding along the side of his rough face as well as a cut along his lip that looked only a few days old.

"What's your name sweetheart?" (Y/n) had asked slowly as she strutted next to him after caressing his backside, keeping her hand along his shoulder as she made fake intimate eye contact with him. She had learned the more personable she gets with the clients, the more they'd tip her.

"I don't think you need to know, Baby." His eyes didn't leave hers as she stood tall in front of him, swaying gently and running her hands across his chest.

"No?" Her tone was teasing as his large hands reached for her bare waist. "You like being secretive?" His hard fingers clasped around her as he smirked.

"I know you do" his eyes pierced through hers as she tried to shake off the disturbing gaze. She leaned her head down to his ear as his rough, calloused hands felt like a cage around her.

"What is that supposed to mean sweetie?" She smiled as she whispered gently in his ear but he started to deeply chuckle in response. She knew something was off but she was quite confused by the remark.

"You're really that dumb?" He whispered back to her while his hands gripped harder against her soft skin. She immediately stopped the act and tried to slowly step back but he didn't let her. Panic coursed through her brain now as her little hands started yanking at his wrist but he only began laughing at her pathetic attempt. “You think your little secret is safe? Distributing in our territory?”

Her heart dropped to her core at the words that just came out of his mouth. Without a second of hesitation she cocked her fist back and let it fly directly towards his smug face. His hands left her waist in attempt to stop the blow but it was too late. She connected her knuckles against his temple and quickly backed away towards the door but he was just as fast to snag her wrist to prevent her escaping.

"You bitch!" He snarled at her while she was using all of her force to try and free her left arm from him. She was about to punch him again with her free hand but he caught onto her body language. He swiped his leg near her ankles that immediately caught her off balance. She fell underneath her small heals and slammed her head hard against the dirty black floor.

The man stood over her as she was trying to push herself up and try to see through the spotty vision but he was quick to send a fist flying towards her head. Right as she had a clear view she noticed the hand and swiftly rolled over as it slammed against the ground. She now used her leg and swept it underneath his feet which made him collapse next her and she took that opportunity to get herself up and towards the door.

But he was faster. His trembling hands reached into his back pocket and grabbed the hunting knife that was folded neatly. He lunged himself towards her with the knife in hand and snaked his arms around her legs which had brought her down once again. The wind completely got knocked out of her as she began gasping for air, the new gash on her thigh wasn’t even noticeable while blood began to pool around her.

But the harsh grip around her hips had made her shoot her eyes wide open. Felt her bare skin being dragged against the splintered hard wood. She lazily swung her right fist but it was hardly accurate due to the fact her head was throbbing and none of her senses were intact with her brain. Her vision cut in and out as she flailed every single limb of hers around in any attempt to stop him. "You're making this harder on yourself." The man stopped pulling her and bent down to her side. Irritably he slammed his forearm down against her throat as her small hands tried to pry them off but there was no use. Her legs kicked and her shoulders were trying to push herself up. "Stop it!" He screamed awhile pulling out the knife again and sliced the side of her arm in an effort to silence her. The cool blade instantly drawn warm blood that slowly trickled down her shoulder and onto the floor as she started to lose consciousness from the airflow restriction. She still feverishly trashed around against the man in any attempt to get him off of her but his patience was quickly shortening. "Enough!" He struck the side of her head which knocked out her final drops of her consciousness.

The man sighed with relief as she laid completely limp underneath him. He slowly got up as he towered over the unconscious girl, dusting himself off like he had cared more about his clothing rather than the fact he had just knocked someone out. He exhaled tiredly as his hands ran through his greasy hair, pushing it back out of his face after it had gotten all messed up from the fight.

He bent down and slowly picked her sleeping body off the ground, slinging her bloodied arm over his shoulder and his other arm supported the rest of her body up by holding her waist. He couldn't been seen walking out with a limp girl over his shoulder, so he had to make the attempt to make it look like she was consciously using him as support.

Slowly he had opened the doorknob of the room peaking his head out first to see if there was anyone around. Luckily, all of the attention had been focused on the new dancer on stage. There was a fire exit door at the end of the hallway that was meant for employees only, but he had planned on using that door as his escape.

Although, not everyone's attention was on the stage.

Su-bong had lingered around the hallway area and constantly kept looking over his shoulder at the fourth door. He watched the man peak his head out but the man hadn't noticed Su-bong staring directly at him. The small action quickly alerted him to which he stood up from his table with confused, furrowed eyebrows. He watched him leave the room with (y/n)'s arm draped around the thugs shoulder her feet weren't even moving. Her heels dragged across the floor towards the end of the hallway with a small trail of blood following behind them.

Su-bong quickly started to move towards the scene. He roughly pushed past the people that blocked him while the man was already out the door with her limp body. "Hey!" Su-bong shouted as he sprinted down the hallway and slammed through the thick metal door with his shoulder. "Hey!" The unknown man didn't get far at all as the door shut behind him.

The man paused in his tracks and looked over his shoulder at Su-bong who’s silhouette was the only thing he made out. "She had too much to drink, I'm taking her home." The guy nodded his head down at her as if his excuse was believable with the blood running down her arm.

"Put her down." Su-bong demanded but the guy had just chuckled.

"Did you not hear me asshole?" He snarked at him as her body moved like a rag-doll against his own movement. This disgusted him more than belief causing his blood to begin boiling. The man started to chuckle to himself some more as he began walking back to his car.

Once he had realized this guy wasn't going to comply, Su-bong went insane. The flip in his brain had turned on as he went up from behind the guy socked him behind his head. His arms let go of (y/n) due to the blow and she dropped like a sack of rocks against the concrete parking lot.

The guy quickly swung back but Su-bong swiftly dodged it, sending another fist into the side of his face which knocked the punk straight to the ground. "Who the fuck are you?" Su-bong spit between his teeth as he kicked the ribs of the man. “You like beating up women? Are you that much of a bitch?” The man reached into his pocket to grab his knife and swiped Su-bong across his leg but that had only fueled his fire. Despite the cut only being a thin opening he wasn't even affected by it. Adrenaline was running through his body was he stomped on the man's wrist that held the knife causing him cry out even more.

"Help!" The man cried into the late night as blood poured from his mouth from how hard Su-bong had hit him.

Su-bong picked up the knife and crouched down menacingly next to the man who had pathetically attempted to punch Su-bong just how (Y/n) was doing minutes prior. He caught the man's tattooed fist, twisting his wrist back that it snapped instantly under his grip. The man cried even more, blood and tears covered his face as Su-bong looked completely unaffected, unsympathetic. "Shut the fuck up." Su-bong held the blade threateningly close to his throat. The man shook feverishly as he looked pleadingly up at the psychopath in front of him. "Who are you?"

"P-please don't," The man sobbed earning a lazy eye roll from Su-bong. "I have kids, I have a family please."

"I don't care." Su-bongs lip twitched as he moved the knife closer, leaning his head down towards the man as he stared directly at him. "Tell me who you are, I might let you live." He nicely spoke the alternative to the man and he feverishly nodded.

"M-my name is-"

"I don’t care about your fucking name." Su-bong drove his knee into the man's stomach which caused him to spit up more blood. "You know what I meant." The man's eyes frantically scanned Su-bong in front of him, afraid he was going to hurt him even more. "Why did you take her?"

"My boss." He shook, his lips trembling as he spoke. "I was sent out to retrieve her."

"By who?" Su-bongs voice spit like venom as the dim streetlights illuminated the both of them. The man didn't answer, his face only contorted more from crying. "Don't make me ask again."

The man stayed quiet as he sobbed. Su-bong waited patiently for a few moments as he watched the wailing man underneath him shake and cry. "I-I can't say. I-I- swore my-" and with that, Su-bong had stabbed the side of his throat twice without any hesitation.

He looked behind him to see if Baby woke up, but she still was laying against the cold concrete. He moved his attention back to the guy in front of him, rolling the dead body over to search the rest of his pockets. The grabbed everything that was on him. His wallet, phone, keys, and any other possessions that were with him. Then he had began dragging the body and placed it behind the dumpster that wasn't too far from where he had passed.

Su-bong ran up to (y/n) placing his fingers along her neck to check her pulse. The flipped switch back in his brain, his eyes completely saddened as a small frown formed on his face. He crouched down next to her placing his arms underneath her knees and back, scooping her up against his chest as he hurriedly walked to his car.

Chapter two

Chapter one

Tw- fem!reader, drugs, abuse, sexual topics. I’m not responsible for the media you consume

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The lighter felt heavier than it should in her hand. It wasn't much- just a scuffed, silver gadget with the faint scent of gasoline clinging to it- but to her, it might as well have been gold. Gifts weren't something people gave her. At least, not without strings attached. And yet, here it was. No strings. No conditions. Just hers.

She flipped it open with the flick of her thumb, the small flame dancing against the gloom of her apartment. A few years ago, (y/n)'s Brother, Gyeong, had presented her own apartment for her eighteenth birthday. It was only fair to her; she was a young lady who needed her own personal space. He had paid her rent and utilities every month for the work she does for him as well as fully furnishing the place. Although she knew it wasn't an act of kindness. It was just more of an advantage to control her life. If she didn't comply with his task he wasn't afraid to evict her that moment, leaving her homeless without much money to her name. She would be totally screwed.

It had been almost a week since her and su-bongs interaction, but she still couldn't shake off the impact of the small present. Everywhere she went so did the lighter. She wasn't letting her token out of her sight.

She looked over at the digital clock that sat on a bookshelf that was placed on the right of her TV. Four-twenty-three, almost time for her to catch the bus to her six o'clock shift. She had to make money on her own since she had barley profited of her brother and ever since she was sixteen years old, she's been dancing at a club downtown. It was even more dirty work but at the time it was the only place that accepted her, as well as the only place her brother had approved of. He didn't want her to be in any type of government system and he didn't want her in the mainstreams public eye. To him that was the whole point of her existence, which she started to believe as well.

her cell phone had began vibrating on the coffee table in front of her and the name 'Gyeong-rae' was displayed in bold letters across her screen. She had carefully placed the lighter that occupied her brittle hands in her lap before reaching for her phone from the seated position on the couch. "Hello." She answered quickly hoping she had picked up in a reasonable amount of time for him.

"Baby," His voice stung through the small speakers. She could picture him clear as day, sitting in his dark room with very few lights, smoking a cigarette and messing with whatever girl he had lured that month. "I need you."

"I have to catch my bus soon," her voice timidly protested against him as she could hear him exhaling smoke directly in her ear.

"I know," He replied in his normal tone of voice instead of the yelling she thought she'd be enduring. "I sent Su-bong to you, he should be there in a minute."

"Y-you gave him my address?"

"That's my address, my property." He quickly corrected her with venom laced in his voice. "I'll send over whoever I want, anytime I want." His voice was stern but he didnt raise it towards his sister. "I gave that douche the money already, he's coming by to drop off a bag. It's for Jang Hanseo, so take it with you to work."

"Okay." She mumbled, knowing she didn't have a choice. Hanseo was the owner of the club she had worked at which was one of the main reasons why he let her work there, Gyeong trusted him enough with her and Jang feared him just as bad.

"Thank you, baby."

"You're welcome."

"Have a good shift, love you."

"I love you too." She swallowed hard before he had quickly hung up the phone. Not even a few minutes later three loud knocks were heard echoing through her apartment. She jumped right to her feet, running to the door as fast as she could to prevent her neighbors from seeing him. The cold metal door lock clicked in her hands before sliding off the additional chain lock, swinging the door open rapidly.

Su-bong flinched at the flying door and before he could even gasp with surprise, she grabbed his sweatshirts' sleeve and yanked him inside. "Woah, excited to see me huh?" He teased her as she stuck her head out the door to look left and right to make sure no one had witnessed him at her place. She couldn't risk it. She swiftly closed her door, locking it back up with a racing heart.

"No." She stood on her tiptoes as she stared through her peephole for a few long seconds as the familair feeling of paranoia drowned her.

"Relax." His deep voice was irritably calm which irked her since she was in a small state of panic. "I came through the back entrance, no one seen me." He started to take in her home as he spun around slowly, not wanting to miss this opportunity to find out more about her. This was a huge step.

She finally backed away from the door and looked over at him feeling slightly humiliated and invaded. Her cheeks began to hue a light pink as her personal space felt completely violated. The one place she thought she could separate from her work life was now occupied by one of her brothers minions.

He didn't even notice her blushing face as he was examining all her expensive furniture, a bit shocked that she had owned all of this. He didn't understand how she could afford a nicely furnished apartment but not new clothes, or a car, or any items to make her apartment personable. It had looked like something you'd see straight out of a catalog. 

"Sorry." She sighed while looking up with crossed arms and immediately took notice of his new appearance. His formally dark hair was now bleached all around as it messily hung over his forehead.

"Do you like it?" He felt her eyes burning on the side of his head before he turned around and met her gaze flauntingly running his fingers through his hair. She nodded dully in response even though she could care less about him or anything he’d do to himself yet her small reaction of approval made him smile widely. "I knew you would." His eyebrows cockily wiggled at her as she just stared at him still calming herself down from the fact that he was in her apartment. "I have my very first gig this weekend, I wanted to change it up." He explained himself but he didn't even have to. His hair was not even the last thing on her mind. "Do you want to come? Front row seats to a brand new prodigy? Possibly a legend?!" His eyes widened excitedly with hope as his hands flailed around flamboyantly.

"No," her eyebrows knitted together almost as if she was about to vomit from the question, which Su-bongs smiley cheeks dropped quickly. "Im working"

"Ah," he nodded understandably. He knew she was going to say no but he thought he'd ask anyway. "Still dancing throughout the night?" He swayed his hips in a mocking manner while he hooked his fingers through his jeans belt loops. His eyes stayed on hers as he smirked knowing she hated stupid questions.

"Unfortunately." She huffed slightly at the joke, rolling her eyes before turning her back to him and walking into her bedroom. "I have to go, you should too." She grabbed her duffle bag that sat on the floor filled with all her cosmetics, different pairs of shoes, as well as a few different outfit changes. While she puts around her home frantically gathering all her belongings he watched her move across the space as if he were watching a dancer preform in a ballet. Without trying her movement was just as graceful. His upper lip trembled gently as his dark eyes got sucked in a trance.

"Your brother told me you have to catch a bus?" He asked while rubbing his mouth in an attempt to stop his face twitches.

"Mhm." She hummed, sitting back down on her couch as she slipped on her sneakers.

"That's got to take forever, I'll drive you." He moved closer to her couch, resting his hands on the back of it while peaking his head over her to see her reaction.

She sat still for a moment not expressing anything yet as she thought about the offer. She hated public transportation, it was her least favorite part of the day when she had to catch her bus for work. It was raining and she'd have to be walking a few blocks to a bus station that didn’t have no shelter. The bus comes whenever it wants to, the arrival changes every time so she always has to make sure she's there early. "Fine" she murmured while sinking down into her couch. She took the opportunity to rest as much as she could even if it was just a few extra minutes.

"Really?" He cocked a brow, walking to the other side of the couch to stand in front of her to make sure he heard her correctly. Her tired eyes looked up at him and nodded, which he excitedly smiled and jumped around like he had won a major prize.

"Stop." Her tone pierced through his ear like a dog whistle which he immediately obeyed. He clasped his hands together standing up tall and straight which somehow bothered her more. "Just," she hesitant with what she'd say next. He was harmless towards her and she knew that. In their five years of knowing each other he's never hurt her, he's never screwed her over, and he's always trying to make small talk and be pleasant. She glanced over at the lighter that was set on the coffee table in front of her then back up at him. He was still standing nice and tall almost looking like he was holding his breath. "Sit down." She hummed gently, scooting over to the corner of the soft couch and patted the cushion that was furthest from her. Even though she kept her distance like he had a contagious disease he was more than thrilled to take a seat with her. "Hey," she looked over at him as his head kept moving around like a chicken. His dilated eyes were looking everywhere as if he hadn't seen enough.

Her soft voice caught his attention from his trance as he snapped his head towards her with his mouth slightly agape. His eyes were wide as his hands held themselves neatly in his lap. He was trying to be as careful as he could. "Huh?" He asked with his foot drumming gently against the floor.

"I'm sorry for never being polite to you." She swallowed her pride which was not easy for her to do. She hated being vulnerable because she knows how people love to take advantage of it.

"It's alright," his nervous demeanor quickly dropped as the words felt like a bandaid covering up a wound. He felt a strange surge of relief, like he had finally achieved his trophy. She was a game to him, a very long tedious game that he was now finally going into level two after being stuck on level one for years. "I know you always liked me." He raised a singular brow with a cocky smirk plastered across his face. Like usual, she was used to the dumb teasing that she had no reaction.

"How'd you know?" Her monotone voice made him chuckle a bit as her guard slowly began to drop. She's never had a guest in her entire time of being here. She sort of liked having the company. It made the apartment feel less lonely and detrimental.

"It's easy to tell." Their eyes met each others from across the couch and he couldn't help but to smile at the emotional contact. "You have a nice place," he ran his twitching fingers along the soft suede couch, letting himself lean into the pillows that complemented the ends of the furniture.

"Thanks." She nodded but she would beg to differ. It's not that she hated the physical space, she just couldn't stand the emotional pressure of the apartment. It all in her brothers hands and depended all on her actions.

"But it looks like a display room, where's the personality?" He furrowed his brows with a small scowl on his face as if he were personally offended by her blank room.

"I don't have time to add personality," she replied dully which felt like a stab to his creative heart.

"Oh come on," he scoffed, "you need some decoration in here. It's so depressing"

"I don't want unnecessary shit in here," she shook her head at the suggestion.

"Why not? It's such a lovely space there's a lot of potential a-"

"I don't own this" she cut him off and his face crinkled into a confused expression. "My brother does. It's all under his name."

"Oh," his voice lowered, confused to why that was so horrible. But it clicked quickly in his hazy brain. "Oh." He realized looking almost sympathetic towards her, which was a new expression she hasn't seen. All that was known to her was his goofy side but it seemed like that was the only side he had. "I see you kept my lighter," he quickly changed the conversation topic. He didn't like the gloomy feel. "I knew I'd get through that stubborn head of yours." He teased her, but in reality he had barely broken her surface. 

"You haven't got through shit." Her eyebrows knitted together as his boastful energy was still present between them.

"Oh yeah?" He tilted his head to the side and leaned in closer to her speaking in a hushed, intimidating tone. "I know you better than you think." His voice sounded almost threatening as she held strong eye contact with him. "You wouldn't have kept that lighter if I didn't mean something to you, right?" And suddenly her body was tense. His head was hung low as his eyes looked innocently up at her through his uncomfortable words. "You wouldn't have let me stay in here for a goddamn minute." His eyes almost challenged her while she felt her breath get stuck in my throat. He smirked dovishly up at her, leaning back slowly in his original position on her couch. She sat there stunned. Was he right? Did she care for him? She didn't even know her own emotions in her head. The last person that she had truly cared for was her mother. But after she disappeared she hadn't cared for anyone else since. Not even herself. "Hey," He held his hands up to show he was defenseless. "You know you're allowed to express happy emotions like that, it's not embarrassing to care for someone."

"I don't care about you" she quickly snarked back while her cheeks began burning up. "Y-y'know what?" She pushed herself shakily off her couch as his eyes traced her every move. She bitterly stood in front of him while he was shamelessly man spreading with his arm draped over the back of her couch, his eyes looked up at the small upset girl that now towered him for the first time. "You're really full of yourself to be coming into my home telling me that I care about you, who does that?" She angrily pointed in his face completely letting loose and not even realizing it. Su-bong on the other hand was getting arise out of this, smiling up at her as his eyes sparkled with admiration. "You're a junkie piece of shit just like the rest of my brothers ass-kissers." She raised her voice but not enough to concern the neighbors. This was the most she had ever spoke to him at once and he was soaking it all in. Her degrading words didn't even bother him as he pressed his lips together to try and stop himself from smiling. She frustratedly paced back and forth in front of him while he used his one hand to cover his mouth as he sunk into the cushion. His eyes stayed on her the entire time like a motion detector. "I tolerated you the most out of all of them because you're the weakest." Her lips curled with disgust as his curled into a smile under his large hand that was decorated with scars, rings, and tattoos. Truly, what she had meant by weakest, was that he had never laid a hand on her. The others were ruthless towards her but her brother only did so much to try and make them stop but they never did. They had always seen her as an object, she was just a messenger and a body to them. "Now get up and take me to work." She huffed before walking out of the room to grab her coat as he sat there absolutely star struck. He had absorbed every pitch of her voice and it was still replaying in his head.

"Okay." He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart but it was no use. His clammy, tweaking hands shakily ran through his bleached hair as the sound of keys jingling snapped him out of his daze.

"Where are the pills?" She asked as she slipped her shoes on with one hand and held her duffle-bag with the other. He got up silently and grabbed his bag that he left by her door. He unzipped the bag shakily and handed her the brown paper bag that contained the drugs she was supposed to deliver. She opened up her duffle bag which revealed a lacy, skimpy wardrobe that he would never even imagine her looking at. She shoved the paper bag in her own, covering it with what she could and zipped it back up, slinging the duffle over her shoulder before looking back over at him. "Let's go."

"Yes ma'am," He saluted her like a drill Sargent as she shook her head heading towards the door as he followed right behind her. She locked up her apartment as Su-bong giddily stood behind her smiling away. (Y/n) started to feel slightly guilty at her small tantrum, for she had never exploded on someone with words before. It was usually physical and for a good reason, but this felt unreasonable to her. She glanced up at him as they walked down the long hallway but he didn't even look phased. He was strutting happily next to her with his head held high.

"Why are you smiling?" She hastily asked him as he opened the stairwell door for her and waved his hand for her to enter before him.

"Because," he skipped down the steps in front of her beating her to the bottom and holding that door open for her too. "I've never heard you talk so much."

She clenched her jaw while pursing her lips tightly together. She felt humbled, humiliated, even slightly ashamed at that fact. She spiraled in her thoughts as the cool breeze lifted her hair as they entered the parking lot while Su-bong happily danced to the beat in his head behind her.

She never wanted to be bitter towards innocent interaction, but she was. Cruel interactions was all she had known and the only way to counter that was being just as rigid back. That was imbedding into her instincts at this point. She was to be defensive, reserved, and quiet. Her brother had raised her to think that there was no use of wholesome conversation and that everyone was out to get her, so she had always shied away from innocent conversation. 'People will always hurt you. Nobody in gods given earth has pure intentions, so don't even bother with those sicken tricks.' He'd tell her, and it stuck.

She sat quietly in the passenger seat of his messy car as they drove in silence. He didn't mind the silence at all, but for some reason it was eating her alive. She was drowning in her own embarrassment. The fact that he had been so calm about everything bothered her even more. A part of her wanted him to yell back at her so she wouldn't have felt this way. She was used to it like that. "Su-bong," she looked over at him as they approached a stop light, swallowing the large lump that was drying out her throat. He glanced over at her with a cocked eyebrow as the corner of his mouth twitched subconsciously. "I'm sorry."

"I know," he hummed and looked away from her as if the apology affected him in anyway. But in reality, he never heard her sound more sincere and small. She had opened her mouth to elaborate a bit more but he immediately cut her off. "Let me show you my mixtape" he beamed excitedly as he nudged her elbow off his pleather center console and opened the latch that held it closed. Inside the center console looked like an endless pit of misalanious items. There was coins, wads of cash, tangled jewelry, empty pill containers, wires, knifes, and even a bowl for weed. That was all she could make out before he shoved his hand fearlessly in the small box, digging around frantically before he pulled out a small cassette tape. "Neat huh?" He obnoxiously shoved the plastic rectangle in front of her face and she quickly took it out of his hand since it was too close for her to even read the writing on it. 'Thanos tape 1' was scribbled messily across the plastic as he proudly watched her flip the tape around in her small hands even though his eyes should be on the road.

"Thanos?" Her thumb gently ran over the black ink that was permanently written across the smooth plastic.

"Cool right?" He nodded excitedly but she really didn't understand it. She glanced back over at him as he was practically buzzing in his seat. He was proud to show off his work to her.

"Yeah." She murmured, handing the tape back to him. He inserted it into his cassette player in the middle of the interior and he turned up the volume knob as he sped quickly down the highway.

The strong beat quickly filled her ears while he began drumming his hands against the small steering wheel. This wasn't the type of music she was into at all, quite frankly it was her least favorite genre. But she had tolerated it, because it was him. He was tolerable.

He proudly belted his own lyrics over his tape, swaying his shoulders as his hands expressively moved along with the music on the wheel.

She had never experienced this type of behavior before by anyone and all she could do was stare at him. She thought about how free he looked while he sang and moved around, how he had looked like there was no stress pounding him into the ground. They had lived similar lives and have done similar dirty work in the past, yet, he seemed to have such a different approach to life than her. She was miserable, constantly. She had always felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders at every given moment of the day. She never could relax as much as she tried, her brain wasn't wired that way.

After about ten more minutes of his loud singing and fast driving he had pulled into the parking lot of the small venue. He parked near the front door before turning down the volume and looking directly in her eyes. "What do you think?" He asked anxiously, his tongue licked his dry lips as he tried to pick up any reaction on her dull face.

"It was really great." She lied considering she zoned out after two minutes of it but gave him a nod of approval. He excitedly made a fist and commended himself while beaming brightly at her. "Thanks for the ride." She hummed softly as she reached into his backseat and grabbed her large bag. She reached for his door handle and began to let herself out.

"Wait," he said sternly which made her pause in her tracks.

"What?" She snapped much more harsh than she intended.

"Are we friends now?" He asked softly with a genuinely concerned face.

Chapter one

PLEASE READ⇊⇊⇊

I just wanted to explain a little and write some disclaimers! This story is set way before squid game happens. reader and other characters are of age. I am adding my own tweaks to his character which may not be cannon accurate. This story contains heavy topics, i am not responsible for the media you consume. It contains abuse, drugs, violence, sexual content, fem reader. I appreciate all types of feedback :) I am planning on makin this a series, I already have multiple chapters written !!

Tw- drugs, abuse, fem!reader

-

The cool wind hastily nipped at (Y/n)s cheeks as she walked against the breeze, shivers being sent up at down her entire body despite being warmly dressed. The large hand-me-down jeans scraped against the damp concrete as her black hood was drawn over her cold head. Hair was constantly blowing out of place but her hands were to busy being jammed in the pockets of her brothers old tan canvas jacket that was visibly worn-out, gripping the wad of cash anxiously as while striding down the street.

She kept her head down in effort of keeping her cheeks warm while looking up occasionally to see how much farther she have to go. Not many people were out considering it was a Tuesday night and most people had to work early in the morning, as well as students having school.  The streets were mostly empty besides the occasional drunk man stumbling around and the drug addicts pestering on the side of the road asking for money.

It wasn't the best part of town for a young woman to be walking through this late at night but she didn't have a choice. When her brother needs her, he needs her. The consequences were never worth the pain and time so if she had to go at a ridiculous hour at night she did.

The familiar landmark of a green, rusted, bronze dog statue appeared in her view which was her remembrance point that it was the first alleyway directly after the piece they would meet. She had been in the same alleyway a countless amount of times that it didn't even bother her much anymore walking straight down into it. Well, she was afraid of it, but she had learned to tolerate it.

The wind now was blocked by the two buildings that left limited space on either side of her. She could finally comfortably open her eyes and pick her head in surveillance of the familiar place. The setting never, ever changes. The bricks on both walls of the buildings are graffitied beyond belief. Although it was barely visible in the night due to the dim flashing lights that hung onto the side of the building. It was littered with leaves, overgrown weeds peaking through the cracked concrete, broken glass and aluminum cans. Occasionally a load of dirty needles would appear from time to time.

She wasn't the type of person to get bothered by absolutely anything but the amount of suffocation that she felt every time she entered this alleyway is overwhelming. The constant feeling of a looming threat gnawed at her nerves that heightened her awareness of her surroundings. She was a smart girl, she knew how to protect herself and is quite frankly very good at carrying herself, but she didn’t have a choice. She has been trapped into her brothers business as a drug-courier and money collector since the young age of eight-years-old. No one would expect an innocent little girl committing degenerate crimes, right?

He was one of the most popular drug lord in all of Korea that had multiple high connections to powerful people. Police have been trying to investigate for over a decade, but the execution of the business was extremely well thought out so there was no room for error. For obvious reasons she was never allowed to use her name in public places, resulting in the lazily thought-out nickname 'Baby' since she had been the youngest in the business. She hadn't heard anyone say her real name in years. She was never allowed to go to public school, but her brother made sure to educate her all throughout her adolescence. Before she had gotten her own place, she was never allowed out of her brothers home. She was constantly monitored. She wasn’t allowed to make cell phone calls, she was only allowed to answer. Her phone got went through every single night despite being a crappy flip phone that barely functioned.

And yet, the most familiar part of this entire alleyway was leaned up against the moist brick walls with a cherried cigarette between his snide lips. "Baby," Su-bongs blowen out eyes darted quickly to her lifeless pupils. Her emotionless face stared up at him quietly as his slender fingers pulled the cigarette out of his mouth. "You're late." his overly expressing eyebrows raised in a mocking fashion as he looked at the girl.

She stayed silent for a moment while instantly remembering the countless number of times he has left her waiting in this alleyway for several, several hours. "Barely." She mumbled quietly keeping her eyes on his that would twitch from time to time. He would always excuse his twitching from a “muscle spasm condition” but she knew better. She had been around substance abuse her entire life. "Three minutes behind." She knew she didn't have to defend herself to him but she wasn't afraid to prove a point.

"You're never late, I thought something happened to you," he clasped his hands over his chest with mumbled words since he was still supporting the cigarette in his lips. The fake concern didn't amuse her at all, her stone-cold face remained emotionless as he felt like she was piercing an icy spear through his chest and into his soul with her tired eyes. "So, big brother send you out here this late? Hm?" He slowly began to push himself off the wall, fixing his slouched shoulders and cracking his neck to fix his tall, slender posture, but (y/n) didn't budge. She had never really felt threatened by him knowing that he was a little afraid of her brother and if anything had happened to his most loyal employee, he would not be happy.

She blankly stared at him in response to the question that he already knew the answer to. He chuckled deeply at his own joke and slowly began to move a bit closer to her. Her eyes narrowed on him, analyzing every movement so she could anticipate what his next move was. She knew how impulsive he was with his thoughts and how he is possibly insane even though they both never had personal problems with each other. But one wrong move at the wrong time, that could all change.

She averted her gaze to her dirty white sneakers as he inched closer to her in the claustrophobic alley leaving her nowhere to create a safe distance. He strived off of the small movements that she would rarely express, her drained eyes darting to the ground as he approached her almost set him on fire. The way her breathing visibly hitched in the freezing air as he bent his body down eyelevel with her made him smirk. "When will you stop being a puppet?" He whispered softly through his clenched teeth and sleazily reached behind her head and yanked her thick black hood off that offered limited protection from the cold. Thick cigeratte smoke left his lips and straight into her face which only irritated her. She could never recall a moment that his joking gestures amused her, yet he continues to display them after the last six years of knowing each other.

Her eyes snapped back up at his with strong pensiveness once the cold air pricked at her ears and neck, her fighting instincts were quickly alerted with how close he was getting to her which resulted in her quickly pulling her hands out of her pockets and shoving him off. "Stop being a douche." Her eyebrows furrowed together out of anger as he barely felt the force of her push. His feet shuffled back against the broken glass and concrete as he chuckled to himself with slight adoration for the small angry expression on her face. "Come on," she was practically shooting daggers through his head as she stared hard at him. "It's late and cold. I want to go," Her tone was sharp and demanding yet she was so softly spoken that the rustling of the wind was louder than her. Her stray hairs blew messily in the breeze before she stuffed her hands back in her pocket gripping the wad of cash with frustration.

"Still don't have a car?" He expressively tilted his head to the side like a confused dog as he smashed his cigarette against the brick. She gracefully shook her head no and pressed her lips together impatiently. "You had to walk?" His upper lip twitched then he tilted his head to the other side. His twitching was normal to (y/n) at this point that she hardly noticed it at this point.  "Let me give you a ride back to your brothers" he nodded his head towards the left of him indicating his car was parked somewhere around the alley.

"Are you fucking nuts?" Her harsh tone surprised him a bit as he threw his hands up in the air for quick defense. He knew better than that and she knows he does. All of the stupid questions he asks her are all things he already knows, but it's in his nature to pester her. "Stop asking questions you know the answer to."

"Okay, okay," he curled his lip, shaking his head slightly. "I was just trying to nice. I just want you to get home safe, you're very important to me." Although his tone was a bit sarcastic he genuinely did care for her. After doing business with her for years, he's grown very fond of their small relationship that's been built from the brief interactions.

"Cut the shit," she did not reciprocate his friendly playfulness, she never did. There was never a reason for her to be friendly, or playful. That was what her brother drilled into her head anyway.

"You know, I've known you for a very long time," He started one of his spiels that only made her roll her eyes. Even in the bad lighting he could still see the flash of whites of her eyes as she huffed. "And you've never been pleasant to me once."

"Business isn't supposed to be pleasant." She quickly retorted and silently prayed that this interaction would speed up but commerce with him always took the longest.

"You wouldn't have to even do this if you weren't so easily pushed around." His blown-out pupils mocked her as she swallowed hard but she didnt let his words even get to her. She knew she was a pushover; she didn't need to hear it from someone else.

"Just give me the bag." She snapped; her volume was a little louder than usual which made his brows shoot up with surprise.

"Alright," he dropped his shoulders in a defeated manner, turning on his heels slowly as he started walking towards the black backpack that was slouched against the wall. (Y/n) looked side to side checking her surroundings before pulling out the roll of bills in her clutched palm as she watched his every move. He never screwed her over once during their business, but she still would stay on high alert when the money and products were out. His eyes immediately darted to the fistful of cash which he grinned deviously.

They swapped items without any word. (Y/n) quickly unzipped the bag and shuffled around the items making sure everything was present. He had held the money tight in his hands as he began flipping through the several large bills. His head was already racing with the freedom and privilege this money provide even if it was for a temporary amount of time. She slung the bag over her shoulder weaving her arms through the straps and she pulled her hood back over her head. She gave him a brief nod instead of properly saying goodbye and without his response she was already walking in the opposite direction.

"Jesus Christ..." she whispered to herself quietly while keeping her head down on the gravel being kicked up under her feet. She reached one of her hands up to her chest pocket, removing the crumbled carton of slim menthol cigarettes from her jacket. She brought the box up to her lips, grabbing a singular cigarette with her mouth before shoving the box back. Then subconsciously she moved her hand down to her front right pocket of her pants where she had always kept her lighter.

Major disappointment filled her body as two of her fingers poked directly through the fresh hole that was ripped into her jeans. She had completely forgot that she got caught on a jagged fence during the walk, but she didn't know she lost her lighter. "Goddamnit..." she groaned, patting herself down like an officer would in a manner while praying that she maybe just misplaced it.

She didn't need it, she thought to herself as the unlit cigarette still lingered between her cracked lips. But the temporary relief that she would feel was needed.

she hesitantly looked over her shoulder to see if Subong was still around, and luckily, he hadn't gone too far. He had his back to her as he walked away with his head hung low and his arms were sporadically dancing to an imaginary beat that was playing through his head. She was scolding herself heavily for what she was about to do, she knew that he would get a kick out of her and drag their interaction out even longer than intended. But it was a long walk home. "Subong!" Her loud voice echoed against the brick walls and pinged angelically in his cold ears. He spun around so quickly that he had almost stumbled over his own feet as (Y/n) was already walking towards him.

He felt his ears burn against the cold air while his stomach was slowly dropping to feet. "Everything is in the bag!" He quickly defended himself since he had already jumped to the conclusion of why she's walking back to him. His hands slightly trembled at the strange anxious feelings running through him that was only enhanced from being intoxicated.

"I know," she murmured cooly as she looked up at him with the cigarette moving between her lips. "Can I borrow a light, please?" her expressionless eyes filled him right up before he exhaled gently not even realizing he was holding his breath. He began to laugh softly at himself; his tense posture quickly became lax.

"Hm," he hummed like he was truly pondering her simple question while tapping his chin and looking up at the dark cloudy sky. His black pupils then narrowed down at the shorter girl in front of him as his rough hands reached into his back pocket, pulling out a black lighter that was engulfed in a chrome case with skulls and crosses engraved in the metal. "How bad do you really need it?" His wiggling eyebrows playfully ridiculed her before she gently sighed. Of course, everything had to be a game to him. But she wasn't the person to play those games, she deals with enough bullshit that she did need more unnecessary convivences.

"Not enough." She pursed her lips in a bothered manner and turned her back to him to restart her journey back to her brother's home. His smile quickly dropped from his face as she started walking away and he scolded himself for a second. He knew she hated his jokes, his teasing, his demeanor, their interactions. He knew she hated him, but he still felt oddly enchanted by her and screwing up a moment like this is only adding more tension.

"Fine, fine" He swiftly placed his hand on her shoulder before she got too far out of reach. She paused under his touch, but he quickly retracted his hand off her knowing that could result regrettably. She spun back around slowly with the cigarette still loosely hanging from her plush lips, her tedious eyes lifted up to his that gazed at him with the slightest look of vulnerability. A look he's never seen. His lip quivered for a moment as he flicked his lighter with his thumb holding the small flame down to her mouth as she inhaled harmoniously. The small light illuminated her face for a moment as he watched her with reverence. He took notice of her sad, sunken eyes that were complimented with scarlet eyebags and the small scar that was engraved above her eyebrow. Her lips that wrapped around the cigarette were still an alluring shade of pink despite being cracked and dry, as well as a few small bruises down her neck that had the shape of fingerprints. The flame extinguished from the small devices as she exhaled with shut eyes to peacefully enjoy the buzz of the first hit. "What do you say?" He grinned down at her with slight amusement at her relief.

"Thank you." She opened her eyes and looked at him softly which he was shocked he had gotten a positive response of gratitude.

"Here," He reached his hand out that held the decorated lighter between his slender fingers to her. "Take it, for the way back." She looked at the lighter hesitantly while her eyes darted up from him, to the lighter, and the back to him. "Go ahead, here." He shoved the lighter closer to her as she glared up at him. She took her hand out of her pocket and grabbed it from him, her freezing fingertips gently grazed against his own before she slid the lighter in her coat pocket.

"What's the catch?" She felt overly skeptical, squeezing the metal in her pockets harshly.

"There isn't one." He confusedly tilted his head at the question as he took notice of how quick her soft energy changed into guarding.

"Then why did you give this to me? What do I need to do in return?" Her jaw clenched tightly as she slowly began stepping back away from him with flickering eyes.

"Nothing?" He cocked a brow at her hastiness then furrowing them together confusedly. "It's a gift, from me to you." He held his hands up to show her he physically was harmless. "Have you ever received a gift before?" He harshly spat since he was taking great offense to this interaction. He doesn't understand why she is so defensive now and why she thinks he'd hurt her when he's never done anything to hurt her.

(Y/n) swallowed harshly, her throat was beginning to feel slightly dry from embarrassment. She never was given something without an expectation for something in return, ever. "Goodnight." She quickly turned around and walked fast out the alley as Subong stood there in a shocked manner, watching her disappear around the corner.

He was drawn to her. It was the consistency of her pushing him away that attracted him. She was a complete mystery to him, and he wanted nothing more than to peer into her life.

…

Chapter six

Tw: SMUT! SUGGESTIVE! UNPROTECTED SEX! Minors plz dni, rough, fluff, Fem reader, p in v

Hii okay I’ve never really posted smut and haven’t wrote much of it, so feedback is always sosososo helpful because I just want to make sure I’m appealing to the reader!! Thank you for all your support <3

"they're closed i swear" his voice was muffled through the door. i opened the door in a timid manner, seeing him in the same position he was in before with his hands covering his eyes. "can i look?" he smiled and kicked his feet like a child.

"im scared" i set down my clothes and the box, holding the condom in my hand.

"don't be" he bit his lip with a wide smile as if he were trying to contain himself. "okay im going to open them" he sounded ambiguous and as soon as he removed his hands from his eyes i shut my own. i was afraid of his reaction, even though he was the one who wanted it on. he gasped loudly, making my whole body heat up as i covered my face with my hands with embarrassment. "(y/n) (y/m/n)," his voice was stern as i heard him walk up towards me. "i just have to tell you this now," he grabbed both my wrist into his hands and took my hands off my eyes. "i love you so much as an individual, i love your soul, and i love who you are" he smiled down at me as the lust regained back in his eyes. "but my love," his hands let go of my wrist and started to travel down my body. "i am so lucky that i have such a hot and beautiful girlfriend" his eyes scanned all over my body like it was his first time seeing me revealed to him. "do a lil' spin for me" he held my one hand up in the air as i smiled back up at him. as i spun for him, he immediately began spewing compliments. "oh baby," his voice was hoarse as i faced him after the full turn. "my god you are actually going to be the death of me" he dragged his hands down his now pink face, his eyes still looking me up and down.

"yeah, real smooth by the way" i grabbed his hand and aggressively put the condom in his palm.

"what?" he raised his eyebrows innocently as he began to cross his arms defensively. "is there an issue?"

"sort of" i brought my hands up to his shoulders and began to trace my nails along his arms.

"and that is?" his arms tensed under my fingertips touch as i dragged my nails softly down his biceps and forearms. feeling him stiffen under my fingers like this gave me a huge surge of confidence.

"i don't know when my mom is coming home.." my eyes batted up at him. i grew more egotistical as his eyes continued to roam all over my body, his cheeks were quick to begin heating up as well as mine.

"not anytime soon, she's having margarita's with my mom." he grabbed my hands and swayed me over to my bed making me flustered at how dominate he was. He threw the condom on the side of the bed quickly before he began gripping my waist harshly, guiding me on-top of my bed.

"are you sure?" i teased him some more, crossing my legs as he began to gently lay me down.

"i'm positive" he slowly began to crawl on top of me and his big hands pushed the back of my thighs apart. i was quick to feel his large erection in his sweatpants as his hips connected with mine. "is this okay my love?" his brows raised with slight innocence. i nodded as my hands reached up to hold his gentle but sinful face while his hands grabbed my knees and pushed them apart even further so he could get even closer to me. "you can tell me to stop at anytime" he leaned down and began to plant gentle kisses along my jaw, making me completely melt within his lips. each kiss was soft along my jaw, his warm breath hit my skin giving me instant chills.

he then began to kiss the sides of my neck with more harsh intention. his lips felt just as soft as he bit and sucked on my delicate skin. one of his hands reached down to my hip, gripping it tightly and the other hand squeezed my waist.

hot, tingly sensations ran all throughout my body as he did this, kissing me in all my sensitive areas and gripping me with desperation. "chris..." i slightly muttered, my breaths became heavy as his tongue glided from my neck to my collarbones. he began to peck and softly suck the sensitive area as my legs tensed on either side of him.

"you taste so sweet my love" his lips trailed down to my breast as my breath got stuck in my throat. i wrapped my legs around his middle, bringing him in even more closer to me. his erection was getting bigger through his sweatpants as it rubbed against my wet panties. "are you impatient baby?" he picked his head up from my chest as his droopy eyes stared down at me.

"Yes," my skin began to felt cold from the absence of his lips on them. he chuckled slyly before reaching his head back down to my lips, kissing them harshly as we both synced together. i could feel the immense amount of hunger from each of the kisses we shared. we were both needy and only for each other. our tongues began to slip into each others mouths as he started to grind his clothed member against me, making me lose it completely. "chris please.." i groaned softly into his lips, feeling more desperate by the moment. my panties felt soaked, we haven't even gotten into it but i was already a pleading mess underneath him. he laughed softly in the kiss, taking his hands off of me before pulling away and hovering above me. i still kept my legs tightly gripping around him so he wouldn't have much room to move. "stop teasing me" i looked sternly up at him as his smile was extremely cocky.

"i don't know what you're talking about" he grabbed the waistband of his sweatpants and slowly started to pull them down. his member poked through his boxers prominently, making my heart race. "but you know i grant my princesses wishes" he pulled down his boxers slowly, his cock immediately sprang out and hit his lower stomach. my throat became tight at the glorious sight of him. he started to stroke his cock a as i watched in lustful adoration. his arms were slightly flexed as he stroked himself, his face showing slight pleasure while his forehead began to grow a bit sweaty. "are you ready princess?" he looked down at me with a hungry, piercing stare, like i was a peace of meat to a lion. my heart dropped with the gaze he shared with me.

"mhm," i hummed before his fingers gently glided down my wet thong.

"you're so wet already love" he smiled confidently at the fact. his fingers pinched the soaked fabric of my thong and moved them to the side, exposing myself to him. "so beautiful.." he mumbled while bringing his hand up to my face, caressing it gently.

third person in sorry i cannot write smut in first person it's too hard >:(

as much as (y/n) wanted this, she was also very nervous. she's already sensitive as is, especially with them not fucking for several months. he could also get extremely rough with her. he doesn't mean to, but he gets so carried away in the moment.

"you can always tell me to stop" he looked down at her with soft eyes so she knew he was genuine. All she could do was nod in response considering her heart was swelling in her throat at how close his fingers were to her vagina. he gently moved the lingerie aside before gliding the tip of his cock around her clit.

her toes curled at the light sensation of his tip, only making her crave all of his length. "please chris," she whimpered as he now teased her entrance. tingles were being sent throughout her core that ached for him.

seeing (y/n) so desperate and needy for him only added more fuel to his fire. he had thought about this upcoming moment since the last time they fucked. chris loves his girlfriend to pieces, he loves her for who she is, and no matter what she looked like, he was there for her. but every now and then he'd thank the universe for being blessed to have a girl with hypnotic physically features.

chris gripped the underneath of (y/n)'s thighs, spreading them apart as he precisely lined himself up with her. gently, chris slowly began to push himself inside of her tight pussy, and immediately he had felt instant ecstasy. only her walls had suffocated his tip, but he was already sent to the moon. "baby..." he grunted with relief as he pushed himself deeper inside of her, going slowly so he could feel every inch of her clenching around him. "baby i missed you" his voice was shaky as he was fully inside of her now, standing there for a few moments so they could both take in the purely blissful moment. "fuck i missed you" he squeezed the back of her thighs in a way to get out the extra tension he was feeling at this moment.

"chris.." she whined gently as he noticed her hands clenched onto her bedsheets. he could tell she was extremely sensitive already, and he didn't want to push her limits. yet.

he pulled his hips back and began thrusting slowly, (y/n)'s breathing got much heavier. "does it feel good baby?" he gripped her thighs tighter as he sluggishly pushed himself in and out of her. he felt like his performance wasn't the best right now considering his own head was in euphoric clouds.

"mhm," she hummed wearily and he thought as if his knees were going to give out from her small moans and murmurs. "you feel so good chris.." it was a deadly melody to his ears, the way her ass would slap against his thighs, her heavy breathing, her divine whining, the way she said his name...

"you are so gorgeous" he squeezed his eyes shut and tried focusing on trying not to finish right then and there. "fuck baby..." even with his eyes closed, he still seen a perfect image of her in his head. his thrust became lethargic as he tried to stable his breathing. "baby i'm sorry i might finish" he panted, gripping her thighs so tight that his jagged fingernails were digging in her skin.

"don't finish yet" (y/n)'s eyes were basically rolled to the back of her head, the feeling of his cock hitting her walls was something she didn't know she needed. she couldn't help but feel a surge of confidence rush through her blood. seeing her boyfriend almost finish within a short amount of time was frowned upon with most girls, but it made her more cocky and assertive. seeing how vulnerable and weak he could get with her, how easy he could melt within her, he basically praised the ground she walked on. "take a break my love" her hands squeezed onto his wrist, his pace completely slowed and he listened to her words like he was under a spell. "lay down," she looked up at chris with gentle eyes that glistened with tears as some rolled down her cheeks.

"are you okay?" he limply shuffled himself onto her bed, resting his sweaty back against her cold headboard, his head lay wearily against her grey bedroom walls. "are you crying?"

"don't worry about me" she crawled up to him, throwing her leg over his torso and hovered over his throbbing cock. "are you okay?" she repeated his question, seeing how dreary he looked already.

"don't worry about me" he raised his brows in a mocking manner, his response was laced with sass. a small sleek grin formed on his face from her jaw dropping at his mimicking. his hands found their way up to her waist, guiding and lining her up with his needy, leaky cock.

with the help of his tight hands, she lowered herself onto his dick, taking him all in once again.  "fuck" she groaned, sitting weakly on his torso with his cock throbbing inside of her.  "you're so big.." she panted, placing her hands on chris's shoulders for support as she began to lift herself, feeling every inch of his cock in her.

he tightly gripped her waist for his own support as she began maliciously riding his cock. she bounced up and down on him, selfishly riding him for her own pleasure. but he didn't even mind, seeing his girl look like a complete goddess during the most filthy times was more than enough for him. "that feels good huh?" a smug smirk plastered on his face as her nails dug into the back of his shoulders, her tits bounced with every move as his hands began guiding her now to the pace he wanted. "you're so beautiful.." he grunted as he bucked his own hips to her rhythm.

(y/n)'s head was spinning. the physical pleasure would've never been the same if it wasn't for chris's constant reassurance and compliments, making her confident and enjoying herself more. he made her feel so good about herself physically and mentally, she was in a complete dream state. her hands lowered onto his back, gripping him for more support as she vigorously endured his length.

"chris.." she slurred his name as her head wearily dropped onto his scratched shoulders, her head was completely fogged and her body felt too overstimulated.

"i don't deserve you (y/n)" he mumbled into her ear as he planted soft kisses along her neck. the way she moaned his name would always give him an underlying feeling of warmth and bliss. "relax" he more demanded her than asked her, and she listened without a second thought. "there you go.." his voice was hoarse as she limply sat on him, her head still nestled in his shoulder. he began to move her waist with his large hands, grinding her tired body against his thick cock. "that's my pretty girl" he pushed her hips back and forth slowly, his dick practically aching in her. her whimpers were mumbled into the skin on his neck, making all of his hair stick up and goosebumps erupt on his arms. her breath was hot and weary as her chest was pressed against his, and tears still flooded her eyes that dripped onto his bare shoulder.

he lifted up her hips slightly so he had room to start savagely pounding her. the change of pace slightly frightened her, but in a good way. "chris..!" she cried out while feeling his hands move her up and down as his hips perfect synced up with his hands, fucking her harshly. "fuck chris..!" her head threw back from off of his shoulders, giving chris the magical sight of tears streaming down her face, her mouth slightly hung open from her screaming moans, and her disheveled hair bouncing with each thrust he gave her. in his eyes, she looked like a perfect angel that had just fallen from the sky. he was mesmerized by her and anything she has ever done.

"god you're so fucking perfect (y/n)" he grit his teeth as he picked up to an ungodly pace, stuffing her like a rag-doll. she screamed now, unable to hold back her cries of pleasure at this point. tears rolled frantically down her face as his huge cock fucked the brains out of her. "baby please can i cum?" his chest was erratically rising and falling, his eyes drifting down to where his dick was being submerged into her. everytime he'd trust into her, her thighs and ass would recoil in the most beautiful way, the sound of their skin slamming into each other was easily captured in his mind.

"y-yes!" she cried out, leaving trails of scratches down his back that she'd most definitely feel embarrassed about later. she would be lying too if she wasn't about to reach her climax as well.

"thank you" he was breathless as he slammed her hips down even harder onto his dick, her screaming rang throughout the entire house now while she held onto chris for as much stability as possible. she lost all thought as his new pace, her eyes were rolled to the back of her head as she began to slightly drool now.

"i-i think i'm going to-" she couldn't even finish her sloppy sentence before she released onto his cock, the feeling was an extreme sensation chris would never be able to get over.

"that's my girl" he cooed deviously at her and fucked her senselessly. "hold on a little longer for me baby" he grunted as he greedily smashed into her, taking in the beautiful sight of his overworked girlfriend in front of him. "god you're beautiful" words began to spew out of his mouth as he reached closer to his orgasm. "you're too good for me.." her ass mindlessly clapped against his thighs as her head was still in the clouds. “baby fuck,” his breathing picked up much more as he quickly pulled her off of him, effortlessly holding her up off his shaft as his cum shot up and all over his happy trail and the bottom of his t-shirt.

(y/n) shuffled to the end of the bed, completely collapsing into her fuzzy blanket as chris stroked himself to get any remaining cum out from his member. "are you sure my mom is still at your place?" (y/n) looked over at the charming sight of her boyfriend leaning against the headboard, his hair extremely messy, forehead sweaty, cum all over his happy trail with his eyes stuck on her.

"positive" he took a deep breath to let his thoughts come back into his brain. "are you okay?" he crawled next to her as she still laid limply on the edge of the bed.

"i'm perfect" she looked up at him, her eyes were quite droopy with tears still stained on her face. his face was still disturbed with major concern, his eyes scanned every area of her body incase she was genuinely hurt. "chris" she reached up and touched his face, grabbing his attention fully. "i am okay" she smiled, which only caused him to smile back.

"i hate seeing you cry" he softly dragged his thumbs across her face, wiping up the remaining tears that fell from her eyes.

"i know" she watched him switch from being an animal to extremely gentle with her. that's one of the things she loved the most about him. he was always gentle with her. "they were happy tears though" she nudged his belly teasingly before he bent down and kissed her forehead.

"i'm going to be right back," he told her as he got up from her bed, his bare ass running out the room as she laughed at his child-like mannerism. (y/n) still laid there still while regaining her consciousness as he ran into the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth she kept under her sink and began to run warm water. he picked up the hem of his shirt and began to wipe off the cum that covered his stomach and his dick that was still slightly leaky. he jogged back into her bedroom to where she was still laying on the bed, staring dazed at the ceiling. "are you sure you're okay?" chris approached her now with the warm washcloth, and he gently spread her legs to see her pussy was still glistening.

"i promise im okay" she smiled up at him as he started to wipe the insides of her thighs. he then carefully wiped her glistening cunt of any remanding body fluids, but he was still mesmerized by her perfect, beaten pussy.

"round two?" he cocked a brow at her in a joking manner, his cock already starting to slightly stiffen.

"christopher..!" she grit in between her teeth, swinging her foot up to kick him in the behind. "you're crazy" they both began to laugh with each other before they each started to get dressed, but chris wouldn't let her move a muscle. he carefully took the lingerie off of her, and dressed her into her pajama pants and the sweatshirt of his she religiously wore even though it didn't smell like him anymore.

but that does matter right now, all that matters was they were both finally reunited again, and their love during their separation never changed and it never will.

Chapter six

First five parts are up <3

This part is suuppperrr long but it’s fun sooo

Tw: fem reader, suggestive!!!, angst, fluff

no one could have ever prepared me for how hard it was being in a long distance relationship. days turned to weeks, weeks turned to months. my life seemed as if it were flying by now since i was consumed with working full time at a populated restaurant as a server. me and chris tried the best we could to stay in touch everyday, but considering how both our lives are so busy, sometimes we'd only be able to text once maybe twice a day. we barley call much anymore, and he hasn't been back to boston in six months.

but i knew our connection was strong. it always has been.

but as much as he would reassure me, it was easy for me to get extremely down and insecure. the thought of another girl had always run through my head, or if he was losing interest, or if he really enjoyed the chase but not us actually being together. i knew he was afraid of commitment, and in times like these, it was hard for me to believe he still wanted to be with me.

but every month that we've been together, he'd always send me a package and tons of letters on our little anniversary date. we'd even have an over the phone dinner date. it sounds extremely corny, but it was so worth it. tonight was our nine month anniversary. i was more than anxious to get home to call him, and open the stuff he had sent me. he's always spoiling me.

i had three hours left of my shift, it was a crazy friday night with orders being thrown left and right, rude customers, and even worse tippers. it wasn't a good day for me at all. i had to work an eleven hour shift as well to cover the call offs. as much as i loved making money, this was totally draining. but i knew that at the end of the night i would be able to hear his voice and virtually celebrate with him.

the bell from the kitchen feverishly rang as dishes were flooding the counter. i was quick to snatch them quickly but carefully to take them to each table, being polite and sweet to each of the customers. i felt my overwhelmed body slowly shutting down. i was hot, gross, sweaty, and my mind was completely overstimulated.

i rushed to the back of the restaurant where my manager was helping the cooks with tickets and plating food. "hey im sorry, i need to step out for a minute" i more demanded than asked him as i wiped the beads of sweat coming from my forehead.

"be back in five, please" he nodded with extreme aggressiveness in his eyes as he said with those words. my manager was super sweet and understanding, but i could tell he was just as overwhelmed as i was.

i grabbed my cellphone from my purse and headed out into the back parking lot where i usually spent my breaks sitting against the wall and getting fresh air. i lazily sunk back against the warm brick, letting my body collapse on the cement. without hesitation, i called chris.

it rang for a long time before he actually picked up. "hey baby" his voice was quick to calm my overworked nerves.

"hi" i couldn't help but to smile at the little pet name. he's been calling me that for awhile now, but it always me butterflies. he still gives me butterflies.

"how are you doing? how's work?"

"crazy, we're fucking slammed" i took a deep breath while closing my eyes and leaning my head against the brick.

"awe" he cooed sympathetically, but i couldn't help but hear the array of voices in the background. "i'm sorry love"

"thank you," i tried my best to recognize the voices. it was hard to tell over the phone. "what are you up to?"

"just with a few friends" his answer was short. Which was strange to me because he never answered short, he was always going into detail about every little thing in his life.

"oh" i hummed. i wasn't sure what to make of it, i was most definitely overthinking it.

"i'm so sorry to cut this short but i really have to go" he was now slightly chuckling. i assumed his friends were trying to get his attention.

"it's okay" i swallowed hard and tried to cover the disappointment in my voice.

"i'll try to text you"

"thanks" i bit my lips as i felt my throat completely drying up.

"bye bye my sweet princess" his voice sounded and happy and it was hard for me to reciprocate his energy.

"wait" i held him up, hoping he'd still stay on the line.

"yes baby?"

"are we still going to call tonight..?" i asked sheepishly, afraid of his answer.

"why tonight?" his voice sounded genuinely confused as fits of laughter were happening near him.

"nothing. i'm sorry to bother you, bye" and with that i quickly hung up the phone as tears rolled down my cheeks. how could he forget? did he genuinely forget? i know he's busy... but how..?

the rest of the shift ended up being a bit miserable. even with how busy it was, it was all blocked out by the thoughts of mine and his conversation. millions of possibilities ran in my head to why and how he could’ve forgotten and that basically ate me alive the rest of the night. was it possible did he not care anymore? i was an insignificant part of his busy life, i wasn't a priority to him considering he had much bigger things to worry about. but why is he stringing me along then? just to know he has someone? so he doesn’t feel alone?

after i did my closing duties i didn't hang around like i usually did. i wished everyone a goodnight, grabbed my stuff, and left as fast as i could. there was nothing more that i wanted then to go home and cry into my mothers arms.

the traffic wasn't bad on the way home since its sort of late. barley anyone was out besides at the late night bars or clubs. once i turned down my street, i eyed up the sturniolo's home as if the triplets were magically going to be there. there were two extra cars sitting in their driveway from what their own cars, one of them looked like nate's, the other one i believed was justin's. it wasn't unusual that nate would sometimes go over there solo just to have dinner with them, or help mr. sturniolo out with home projects.

once i had pulled into my driveway a few houses down, i was welcomed with an empty driveway meaning my mom went out. the pit in my stomach grew as a few more tears slipped out of my eyes, wanting nothing but comfort right now. i walked into my empty, dark home with dread hanging heavy over my head. at least i had his card to open tonight, considering it came in the mail a few days ago but i always wait until the day of our anniversary to open it.

i didn't even bother turning on the house lights since i just went straight into my bedroom. the card was laying neatly on my nightstand near some of the trinkets and items from previous packages. as i sat down on my bed, i checked my phone one last time to see if i had any notifications from him.

i prayed there would be. i prayed that he had realized that he'd remember, and this whole night would make a good turn.

but he didn't.

i reached for the card and began opening it since we weren't going to open our gifts over facetime like how we normally do... how did he forget?

inside the envelope contained a store bought card with a corny quote on the front. this was also not like him at all. he always, always hand-wrote me letters that would be several pages long. this was adding to my overthinking, proving myself right that he could be losing interest.

inside the card contained a twenty dollar gift card to mcdonald's, and a continuation of the corny quote in the inside. the only thing that he wrote on the inside was a heart signed with his name after.

"are you serious..?" i took a shaky deep breath while speaking out loud to myself. he never, ever has done anything like this before. it's not that i'm not appreciative of his gifts big or small, I appreciated every single thing this man has ever done for me, but it's easy to tell how minimal effort he put into this. he couldn't even write 'love chris'? he couldn't write a little more? he always does.

i tossed the card on the floor, letting out all my tears instead of holding them back. i threw my phone on my bed and bitterly walked myself into the bathroom, turning on the shower before running back and grabbing some pajamas for after.

i just wanted to talk to him a little longer tonight. i wanted nothing but to hear his voice, and enjoy our anniversary together over the phone. but he couldn't even remember.

this was complete bullshit.

third person

chris in-fact did not forget their anniversary. currently, he was a few houses down from her in his own. justin, nate, (y/n)'s mom, and his parents all picked him and his brothers up at the airport a few hours ago.

chris had been planning this surprise for a few weeks now, and ever since he'd been planning, he's been wanting to tell (y/n) so badly. it was so hard for him to keep anything from her since she was basically his personal diary where he would tell her every thought that ran across his head.

he had sent her a shitty card on purpose just to add more to his surprise. but with keeping this secret from her, over the last few weeks it had been hard for him to even speak to her. everytime he'd hear her voice he felt extreme guilt. he felt like he was lying to her, betraying her. it caused him to be more distant which was also giving him major anxiety.

but finally tonight was the night his plan was finally going to unfold. all of the stress and tension was finally going to be released. his entire body was beaming, he felt so jittery and excited. it had been months since they last seen each other.

not to mention, the amount of gifts he had bought her was absolutely absurd. it took him, matt, nick, and nate to carry everything he had bought for her. he never cared spending the money on her. he enjoyed gift giving.

"she's home from work, she usually jumps in the shower right away once she's off" her mother peered out the window and chris's heart began to race. the love of his life was only a few houses down, just like the past. nick had grabbed the camera since chris had asked him to record it since they had all loved looking back at memories.

"come on, let's go" chris smiled widely, grabbing an arm full of his gifts and matt and nate did the same, nick carried as much as he could since he had already started recording.

they had all piled out their front door, running like children down the sidewalk to (y/n)'s house. they were all chuckling and laughing as the warm summer breeze lifted their hair. all of them felt nostalgic, remembering they used to do this all of the time.

(y/n)'s mom had left the back door open for them in advance before she left her house. they quietly opened her chain linked fence, being cautious of how rusted the hinges were.

all of them were filled with laugher, trying their hardest to open the sliding back door and keeping their chuckles as quiet as possible. chris's energy was extremely contagious, for they all felt overwhelmed with excitement and giddiness. especially because they know how hard it was for chris to keep the secret away from (y/n).

"wait" matt quietly shushed all of them as they all stopped dead in their tracks. they all stood around and looked at him, seeing what the problem was. "alright showers going, let's go" he smiled and they began to tiptoe on the steps leading up to her bedroom.

"we have to do this real quick" chris spoke low to them as he opened up her door slowly.

quietly, each of them flooded into her room and they all instantly got to work. nick handed the camera off to nathan as he began to arrange the rose petals chris had bought into a heart on her bed. matt and nathan scattered the helium balloons around her bedroom, as chris started to litter her bed with the gifts he had bought her. he had ended up buying her so much that he couldn't even fit all the presents on just her bed, he had to arrange them neatly on her bedroom floor.

"mom?" (y/n) called down her steps, causing all of the boys to freeze in their place. "are you home?" her voice sounded hurt, making chris's heart drop.

nick quietly made his way behind her door and shut off her lights that were near him. matt laid on the floor near her bed that was out of view from the door, and nathan hurried and took the closet. she sighed when she didn't hear a response, and her footsteps began approaching the room they were all in.

chris held onto the plush bear he got her, which the big bear held a number nine. he was buzzing practically, he anxiously rolled back and forth from his heels to his toes. he couldn't handle the anticipation, he just wanted to run out a hug her as tight as he could. his smile was ear to ear as he could hear the doorknob jiggling, he couldn't see anything since her room was now pitch black.

the doorknob jiggled, but she never entered the room. instead, they heard footsteps straying away from her room and down the steps. "are you fucking kidding me" nick whispered through gritting teeth, causing them all to laugh quietly amongst themselves.

(y/n) skipped down the steps and into her dark kitchen. she flipped on the light switch, and opened up one of her cabinets to grab a bowl. "what's she doing?" matt muttered as everyone listened carefully. once the sound of cereal being poured, they all began to laugh once again.

"cereal after a shower is crazy" nate peaked his head out of the closet and they all began to chuckle more. it was the best type of laughter, where they all tried holding it back but the more they heard each other they just couldn't. it was like getting the giggles in church but you have to be quiet.

"why it crazy though?" chris argued with his friend in the dark, clutching the bear to his chest as he began to sway around anxiously. "if you really think about it it's sort of an amazing comb-"

"be quiet!" nick lowly hushed all of them. the room became completely silent, not even their breathing could be heard. chris listened carefully to the footsteps approaching the door once again. his entire body was radiating as the wide grin came back onto his face. he wouldn't be able to hide it if he tried.

(y/n) wiped her dripping nose with chris's hoodie she was wearing with the hood draped over her head. the scent was almost completely faded from it. she tried her best not to cry anymore. she was so disappointed and upset, she had no idea what to even think. her shower didn't help clear her thoughts whatsoever.

slowly, her bedroom door creaked open and the hallway light spilled into the room. nick held his breath as he held the camera up towards chris. chris's heart was pounding so hard he was convinced everyone in the quiet room must've heard it. (y/n)'s hand wearily roamed her wall to reach the light switch.

once she had flicked it on, chris had finally burst. "happy nine months!" he screamed excitingly, gripping the bear so tight in his hands since he was ecstatic.

first person

my jaw had hit the floor.

my entire stomach filled with butterflies as i set my bowl on my dresser and ran into his arms that quickly welcomed me. he had swiftly dropped the bear he was holding while i jumped into him at full speed, wrapping my arms around his neck and legs around his torso. he stumbled back a little, but he was able to still stand as he held me back just as tight. this had to have now been the one-hundredth time i cried today, but these tears were good ones.

"my love..." i pulled away from him as he held me under my butt, we both looked in each others eyes with extreme adoration. "i missed you" my hand reached around his neck to his face as his eyes grew glossy. his smile was so big and genuine it absolutely melted my heart.

"surprise" he raised his brows and smiled as he spoke in a gentle tone with me. both of us started to lean in, slowly closing the small gap between us.

"woah! woah! woah!" nicks voice screamed throughout the room right as i was about to reach his lips. "do not" he held up his finger wagging it dramatically. my eyes went wide from complete awe as he was holding a camera that was pointed at us.

"nick?!" i looked back at chris with excitement and disbelief, then back to nick. chris set me down and i was quick to engulf nick in a hug. "oh my god nick, why haven't i seen you in so long?" he bent down and hugged me tightly around my shoulders as i strangled his neck, laughing at my reaction into my damp hair. "i'm going to kill you" i wiped my eyes from the tears that were gently falling, i felt an array of emotions all at once and my body didn’t know what to do.

"i'm sorry" he leaned back at me and smiled apologetically, pulling me back into him after i had just smacked his arm. "shit has gotten so crazy" he talked dramatically while i leaned against my best friend. "it wasnt intentional you know that" he squeezed my shoulder gently and platonically pecked the top of my head. "you know you're my best friend for life, no matter what" we both looked at each other and smiled, making me feel so much better.

"where's my matty b?" i stepped away from nick and looked around for matt. I knew he had to be here somewhere since he was usually never without them. as my eyes were scanning the area for him, i finally began recognizing my room. it was littered with gorgeously wrapped gifts and bags that spilled off of my bed. there was rose petals that were arranged in a heart with a nine in the center, and balloons floated against my ceiling. my heart had completely stopped at the display in front of me. "oh my god..." i froze in place as my hand covered my agape mouth staring at the array of gestures. "christopher..." i looked over at him with shock which he smiled widely and crossed his arms pridefully.

"i'm here" matt pushed himself off my floor, but i was so caught up in the scene in front of me his words were drowned out. i was completely lost in chris's overjoyed smile. "don't be too excited" his tone sounded sassy which immediately drew my attention back to him.

"awe matt," i quickly turned with open arms and pulled him right into me. "i missed you so much" i gave him a tight squeeze around his torso as his hands rubbed my back. "you're a jerk too for not seeing me sooner" i pulled away and nudged his stomach playfully as he chuckled from how ticklish he was.

"come on," he smiled down at me and kept his arm around my shoulder. He still gently rubbing my back before speaking again, "you know i didn't do it on purpose. like nick said, it's been absolutely insane down in l.a. for us"

"i understand, im just teasing you" i gave him one more tight squeeze before i slowly gravitated towards chris. He smiled warmly at me as he held up one of his arms in a welcoming manner. i leaned right into him as his arm draped around my shoulder and kissing the top of my head excitedly. my closet doors suddenly swung open, revealing nate with a goofy smile. "nathan?" i was more confused than excited, considering me and him went out for coffee this morning. "are you serious? did you know the whole time?"

"what? it's not my secret to tell" he grinned as i walked out from underneath Chris to hug him lovingly even though i was with him almost everyday.

"and you're a jerk, as well as the rest of them" i had nudged his arm with saying that, but i was prompt to head straight back into chris. i rested my head against his shoulder as i wrapped my arm around his torso looking around the room filled with an absurd amount of gifts and my best friends. his strong scent filled my nose, giving me a serene sensation i've been craving.

"alright, we're going to leave you guys alone" nick put down the camera as he watched me and Chris adoringly. He started to gather up Matt and Nathan like a mother.

"awe guys," i slightly pouted at the sight of them walking out of my room. as much as i wanted to be with chris right now, i havent seen matt and nick in months. I missed them just as much as I missed chris. "we have to do something tomorrow okay?" i walked over to both nick and matt, opening my arms for another hug from the each of them.

"promise" matt rubbed my back softly for reassurance of the plans.

"i love you guys, thank you so much" my eyes darted in between nick, matt, and nate. "ill see you tomorrow nate" i hugged him too since i didn't want him to feel left out. they all started to walk out of my bedroom, closing the door behind them. i didn't even have to let them out since they've been here so many times, it's like their second home. once i had heard the door close shut, I turned around slowly to face my goofy boyfriend. "christopher owen what have you done?" i asked in shock with my hand on my hips, looking like a mother who's about to discipline her child.

"was it too much?" he chuckled as i still stood in place, reality completely setting in for me now. i didn’t know how to feel at all, i was so down for months, especially today and then suddenly, here is the solution for my sadness standing right in front of me. but for one, i've been neglected all day long by him, and quite frankly the last month has been pretty rough communication wise. so he thinks a ton of gifts are going to undo the damage? but it was such a surprise... it seemed genuine if he had his brothers and friend here to help. it was hard to be mad at him, i could never stay mad at him, but the way he makes me feel sometimes is unbearable. "you're not talking right now i'm scared" he raised the large teddy bear up to hide his face childishly before walking closer to me. he started to reach his arms out to grab me with a smug grin. I didn’t know how to feel at all right now. truly, I’ve never felt more mixed emotions in my life.

"i'm seriously going to kill you" i pushed his arm away as he tried to give me a hug. his face completely dropped from a sly smirk to a tense, hesitant expression.

"what?" he pouted with glossy lips and his brows knit tightly together with confusion.

"you made me feel like a piece of shit all day chris, not even all day but the last month" my emotions felt extremely mixed. i am so much more than happy to see him, he’s the love of my life, but the way things have been going for us haven't been all too good. everytime I bring up that I wanted to talk about our issue and fixing it, he would always come up with an excuse to why we couldn’t talk right then, or not even respond at all. i knew he wasn’t the type to handle confrontation well, but if this was going to be the only time we had to talk about it, it was going to happen now.

"i-im sorry!" he slightly raised his voice that was laced with a bit of fear. "please don't be mad, i know you are though, but see, it was all apart of the plan" he smiled pleadingly while rambling and started slowly moving away from me. "listen baby, i know i've seemed distant for a little bit but you have to understand" he pressed his lips together as his eyes were showing extreme distress.

"understand what?" i cocked a brow aggressively without even meaning to.

"i started planning this surprise around two months ago, and ever since i booked the flights and told my brothers the idea, i've felt so anxious ever since." his tone was sincere and timid as he still held eye contact with me.

"anxious about what?" i asked more softly, my heart slowly began to melt. I hated hearing that he was anxious, I know how bad he struggles with anxiety but he refuses to talk a lot about it, so him openly using that term made my heart sink.

"every single time we'd speak, text, call, whatever! i always felt like i was lying to you by not telling you i was coming back into town for our anniversary, and that really, really stressed me out" he took a deep breath with his hand over his chest. “because it would just fucking kill me everytime I heard your little voice over the phone asking ‘am I going to see you soon?’ and I just had to say no” he mocked my voice but in a non-teasing manner. It looked as if he were having a small panic attack, his eyes frantically roamed all over my face and his chest rose and fell rapidly. I bit my lip guilty at the fact that I jumped to conclusions way too quickly. "and i cannot lie to you, ever, i had to lie and tell you i wasn't coming home anytime soon, i lied about upcoming events, i had to lie and lie and lie" he swallowed hard as my face completely softened from the anger I was holding onto. "i don't like lying to you. i never will ever again, and it was so hard on me to keep this from you since i tell you everything" he was anxiously rambling, our eyes locked strongly as he spoke. "i felt so guilty, i didn't even know how to talk to you for the last month. i'm so sorry." i stood there quietly while my eyes darted across the room at the substantial amount of gifts that were overflowing from my bed to the ground, then back up at chris who was rubbing his mouth; one of his subconscious nervous habits. "baby i'm really sorry" his brows knitted together as his eyes widened and he kept his hand covering his mouth. "please say something i'm really scared" he broke eye contact with me for the first time and looked around the room nervously.

my heart was completely melted. i felt so ashamed to even be passive aggressive towards him, he didn't deserve that at all. my lips pouted for playful sympathy as i started to walk towards him. i stood on my tip toes and i threw my arms around his shoulders, hugging his neck and running my fingers through his soft hair. "chris" i sighed and hugged him tighter as his arms found their way around to my waist. my head gently rested on his shoulder as i took in more of his cologne. "i love you, so, so much" i picked my head off of his shoulder and began to pepper kisses all around his cheeks, earning a lot of small chuckles and laughs from him. "you are the sweetest boy ever" my hands traveled from hair hair up his jaw to cup his face. his big familiar smile returned from earlier. "thank you" i smiled back up at him, caressing his cheeks gently as his eyes focused down on me. his face was completely relaxed now, no more tension, no more stress. just him.

he slowly bent his head down to my height and yanked me even closer to him. our bodies were fully pressed together now, and as much as we've been close and intimate, butterflies were quickly filling the insides of my stomach as i felt a blush spread across my face. his ears were tinted a soft pink as well as his cheeks, making me smile even wider at how adorable he looked. "you're smile is so precious" his eyes looked down at my mouth and quickly reconnected with mine again. i bit my lip to try and resist smiling and blushing even more, but i couldn't help it. "thank you for forgiving me my sweet princess," his hand swept gently across my burning cheeks, brushing away my stray damp hair.

"how could i not" my hands still held his gentle face as we both stared at each other with worship and appreciation. we both began to lean in and finally, after six long months, our lips softly engaged in a sweet, tender kiss. we were both so light with our soft touches, but the energy and compassion was radiating throughout the room. we breathed heavily against each other as my hands laced through the back of his hair and his big hands started squeezing my waist, pulling me into him even more as if we havent seen each other in decades. i felt him begin to smile in the kiss, making me blush even harder. his smile then turned to small chuckles as he pulled away from me and covered his mouth to try and refrain his laughter. "what?" i looked at him in an amused fashion, my eyebrows shot up with confusion as i immediately felt embarrassed. "did i do something? did my kissing get bad?"

"no, no" he waved his hands as his face was pink and his eyes were squinted shut from laughing so much. "i'm just really, really happy. i started laughing i’m sorry" he pressed a smile in his lips before covering his mouth again and looking away. "i'm sorry"

"do i have something on my face or what?" i immediately pushed myself off of him and turned to look in the mirror that's on my wall, checking myself up and down to see if there was anything laughable. "bad breath?"

"no," he whined, accentuating the 'o' before he came up behind and picked me up by the waist, squeezing me tightly. "i'm actually just so happy and giggly" he kissed my cheek before picking me up and spinning us around. i began to laugh now at his high energy, i could feel it shedding off of him and into me. "i'm just so happy to see my girl" he set me down but still kept his arms around my waist. he gently began swaying us both side to side as i laughed with him. "my girl, my girl, my girl" he sang the temptations song in my ear as his head laid on my shoulder. "now," he spun me around again and faced me towards my bed. "i want to see you open all your gifts" he let go of my waist and began to rub his hands together deviously. "i can't wait to see your reaction" he smirked down at me causing me to laugh.

"youre the corniest person i've ever met." i shook my head as he softly pushed me to sit on my bed. like a little elf, he handed me every single gift. each gift i had opened he would give an explanation for each item i've received. what meaning it had, why he picked it, where he got it and whatnot. he was completely ecstatic and had high reactions to my own. it was like he was the one receiving. each item he got me was expensive... price does not matter to me whatsoever, but absolutely nothing at all was cheap of what he got me. i felt so horrible and guilty at the same time. "chris i feel like a spoiled brat right now" i shyly looked up at him as i held a dior necklace in my hands, the same one i have only mentioned one time to him months ago.

"you are a brat" he was laying on his side across ny bed, his arm propping his head up as he watched me open the gifts. his eyes were slightly drooping now, making me almost fold completely.

he had to have been tired from a long day especially with flying, that always made him excessively sleepy. his eyes tiredly looked up at me, his hair was a bit messy, and his bicep was slightly flexed as he held his head up. "am i?" i jokingly challenged him, trying to bother him on purpose.

"oh yeah," his voice was slightly hoarse as well, making me tense up. "you're a little spoiled brat" he widened his eyes in a silly manner, nudging me in the back with his foot. "look at you blushing" he cooed at me in a high-pitched voice, reaching his hand that wasn't holding his head up to pinch at my thighs.

"cut it out" i covered my face and looked the opposite direction, only getting more flustered. i couldn't even control it at this point.

"stop, look back" he whined childishly but i didn't listen to him just to push his buttons. "see you are a brat you don't listen" i heard him shift on the bed and quickly i felt his hands slide against my waist. he rested his head on my shoulder, pressing me against his chest. "what? you dont like being called a spoiled brat?" his fingers gently crept from my back up to my neck, pushing my hair away softly as he craned his face in my skin.

"you're so annoying" i leaned against him, tilting my head to the side so he had more room to nestle his face in. i was such a sucker for him.

"am i?" he mocked me as his hot breath hit against my skin, sending chills immediately up my spine. "if i'm so annoying then why do you have goosebumps?" he gently pressed his lips into the side of my neck, completely making me cave into him. i didn't even know how to tease him back, his touch was easy to make my head spin. "c'mon my love let's open the rest of the gifts" he now pecked a kiss underneath my jawline as his hands slid underneath the hoodie i was wearing, gripping my bare waist tightly. his hands felt so warm against my skin.

"don't tease me" i snapped out of the trance i was in, taking my head off of him so I could look up at him behind me. his eyes were still droopily tired with a cocky smirk across his face.

"what? i'm not doing anything" he pretended to be innocent behind his lustful blue eyes. i looked him up and down with pressed lips together as his fingers started to rub tiny circles in my waist.

"are you going to let me go so i can keep opening your gifts?" i collected myself so i could shoot back at him.

"i'm never, ever letting you go" his sexy smirk turned into a large smile and he quickly kissed my forehead. He started to shuffle around the bed some more and scooted closer towards me.

"corny" i rolled my eyes at him before he completely picked me up on the bed, and threw me to the other side.

"who you callin' corny" he began to tickle me as rose petals now scattered everywhere, and i began laughing as hard as i could.

"chris! im going to kill you!" i roared while trying to swat his hands away until i finally lunged up at him. i started to push him off me as and began feverishly hitting him to try and get him to stop tickling me.

but considering all of his years fighting with his brothers, he swiftly grabbed my hands in an instant, and tackled me against the bed. "you're so cute" he had big puppy dog eyes as he was fully restricting my limbs since he was on top of my arms and legs. he began peppering kisses all over my face as i tried to squirm and move out of his grip. "awe," he cooed down at me as my face was cringing away from him. "you'll never be able to get away" he teased me one more time before getting up to sit calmly at the edge of my bed.

"you're so crazy" i tried to kick him but my legs didn't reach. he just smiled and shook his head, laughing away at his own actions.

"crazy in love" he said in a nerdy voice before collapsing and laying completely dead in my bed. he sighed dramatically like how they do in movies, making me laugh even more at him. everything felt so perfect. so normal. for the first time in months i felt complete. he was truly my other half.

i crawled over to him as he pretended to be dead at the edge of my bed, his eyes were shut and his tongue was hanging out. i laughed at him and pinched his side, and surprisingly he didn’t even flinch. "that's so unfortunate" i sighed loudly like he did but his eyes still didn’t open. "well, good thing i can go to my other boyfriends house in my new victoria secret set, lacy, reveali-"

"what new set?" only one of his blue eyes opened and i immediately started laughing at his immaturity. "you got a new set and didn't show me?!" both his eyes now opened widely as i sat above him.

"not concerned about the other boyfriend or?" i joked but he quickly responded with scoff.

"i know you don't have another boyfriend because i've demolished every single male who looks your way" he raised his brows dramatically with a know it all attitude, cracking his knuckles goofily and nodding proudly.

"demolished is a crazy word choice" my hand reached down to his head that was rested near my lap. i started to gently run my nails through his hair and he instantly smiled at the sensation. He looked up at me lovingly, and returned the gaze. “you’re so weird,” i giggled down at his silly lovestruck smile.

"show me the new set" his expression looked eagerly at me while wiggling his eyebrows.

"you are the worlds biggest cornball" i slapped his arm and he pinched my thigh as his comeback. "i didn't actually get one"

"boo" he shoved a thumbs down in my face before putting his arms behind his head, showing off more of the veins in his along his forearms and wrist. "don't worry," he brought back his devious smirk that made my heart drop. "i got you one."

"did you really?" i was shocked, not expecting that at all from him. "how did you know what size to get?" i tilted my head in curiosity.

"i know you inside and out baby" he winked jokingly at me, instantly causing blood to rush straight to my cheeks.

"i hate you" i laughed in an embarrassed manner while feeling the cockiness radiate off of him.

"it's in that pink bag right there" he lifted his arm out from behind his head and pointed to one of the unopened bags on the ground. "try it on" he demanded, but quickly changed his demeanor. "please" he softened his hard face to a pleading one.

my cheeks were most definitely as bright as a tomato as i stood up from my bed, stepping over gift bags and reaching for the pink one. "this one?" i asked while holding it up as he nodded with a wide smile on his face. "oh my god.." i bit my lip nervously.

i set the bag down on my dresser and began to move the tissue paper over to reveal a smaller box inside. chris started to shift around in my bed, sitting straight up with his hands neatly in his lap. "i'm really excited" he clapped his hands as he carefully watched my expression through the mirror. "but if you don't want to try it on it's okay" he quickly threw up his hands in defense with big apologetic eyes.

"no, no, i will" i turned back and looked at him with the box in my hand.

"are you sure?" he asked, his lustful attitude quickly left as he double checked.

"yes baby" i smiled and didn’t hesitate to walk out of my room into the bathroom. i didn't mind changing in front of him, but i wanted this to be a surprise since he was on the edge of his seat.

i walked down the hall into the bathroom and quickly opened the box. inside there was a white lingere set. the top was very lacy and displaying, definitely not covering up much. as well as the bottoms, they were lacy just like the top, with not much coverage.

of course, he'd pick the one with the least amount of fabric.

i began undressing myself from my pajamas and into the lingerie. i have no idea if this would fit considering how small it was... i carefully clasped the bra and turned it around the right way, weaving my arms into the delicate straps. i dropped my pants, and slid on the tiny thong.

i looked at myself in the bathroom mirror, and surprisingly, it hugged everything perfectly. it accentuated my breast as well as my thighs, making me feel like a super model. although it was extremely sheer and revealing, it made me look amazing.

Chapter five

First four parts are up <3

HIIII omg im so sorry i didn’t write for so long i was so down but im back and i want to update as frequently as I possibly can <3 thank you all for your support :,) also if there’s any suggestions or any type of request i am soooo down to do lil one shots or headcannons im feelin creative 😛😛

Tw: Fem reader

the rest of my vacation with the triplets flew by. despite me and chris finally admitting our feelings to each other, it didn't make things any different between me and the rest of his brothers. i still spent extreme quality time with nick and matt, as well as having special evenings with just chris. but unfortunately it all came to an end, where now we were all walking through the airport with mopey, sad looks on each of our faces.

matt and chris carried all of my bags through the airport, not even allowing me to take my small carryon. my hand anxiously was gripping onto nicks arm around as we went to take a seat in the waiting area, listening carefully for my flight to be called. "i'm so sad" nick pouted, looking down at me as matt and chris sat across from us. "it felt just like old times when we were constantly together"

"i know" i sighed and leaned my head on his shoulder, both chris and matt were equally upset. "but it's not like we're never going to see each other again" i tried smiling and nudged both chris and matt with my foot.

"why don't you just move in with us?" matt looked at me with full seriousness, causing me to actually laugh at his wide eyes.

"my mom is all by herself at home, i couldn't do that to her, you know that" my eyes looked between chris and matt's since they were both awaiting an answer. "and i have a job that is most likely pissed at me for taking two weeks off"

"just quit your job" chris shrugged and we both exchanged weary smiles.

"you know i also can't do that" i kept eye contact with him, the same comforting eyes I’ve know since birth still sending butterflies right to my stomach.

"we'll come visit super super soon" nick reassured everyone, mostly his sad brothers. "we'll have a fun day with you and nathan and everyone else, soon, i promise" he looked down at me with a smile.

"i'm looking forward to it" i smiled back at nick, and looked back over at the other two. chris was definitely the most devastated out of all of them. It’s making my heart sink.

after about fifteen minutes of light conversation, they announced my flight over the p.a. system. all of their eyes widened as if it were an shocking surprise, making me slightly giggle. "i don't want you to go" nick pulled me into a big hug as i stood up. tears were threatening my eyes as i was in his tight embrace.

"stop it im going to start bawling" i shakily laughed in his tight hold.

“I’m so sorry we haven’t been around much, or the fact we haven’t flown you out sooner” he rubbed my back before pulling away from each other.

"don't be sorry, i know you guys are busy" i used the back of my hand to wipe the tears.

i went to matt next, hugging him just as tight as he rested his head on top of my own. "thank you so much for everything" he held me close and i could hear in his voice he was getting choked up as well.

"no, no, no" i pulled away from him and looked at his damp eyes, similar to nicks. "thank you for everything" i smiled gently and gave him one last hug before they called my flight once again. "i love you guys so much" i looked over at nick and matt, both of them looking as if they’re trying their hardest not to let any tears slip.

"text us once you land" nick grabbed my hand and held it gently, giving it a squeeze before i turned around and looked at chris.

his eyes were already bloodshot as his lashes were wet with a constant flow of tears. seeing him like this finally broke me and tears began to leak steadily from my eyes. "walk me to the gate?" i asked him softly, and all he could do is nod. "bye guys" i turned around and waved at them, and they both said goodbye back. i held onto chris's hand as we started to walk towards my assigned gate. we were both silent, the energy was very different from how he normally is. "can you say something?"

"i'm sorry" he swallowed hard as the gate came into vision. "i feel so devastated" he sighed and sniffled a little, breaking my heart more and more by the second. this reminded me of the time they visited boston awhile back, but i was the only one who was available to drive them to the airport (which i hate saying my goodbye's to them) and he was just as emotional leaving as he is now. he's always been so emotional with me.

"it's okay" i pushed out a smile and we both stopped a few feet in front of the gate. "it's not like we're never going to see each other again" i scoffed trying to cheer him up, but his entire face was becoming red and blotchy. "awe, chris" i stood on my tiptoes, throwing my arms around his neck and pulling him to me.

he didn't hesitate to bend down to my level and snatch my waist quickly into his strong arms, holding me the tightest he's ever have in his life. "i know i'll see you soon but," he took a shaky breath into the side of my neck, his tears wetting his hoodie i was currently wearing. "damn i feel like we finally just started life together" he emphasized the ending, pulling me in closer. "it was such a small taste of everything i wanted, and now it's already gone"

"we have always been in this life together" i comforted him as best as i could, lacing my fingers through his soft hair as his head sunk more onto my shoulder. "it's not gone, it'll always be here, i'll always be here" i pulled away from him, holding his face as he stilled gripped strongly on my waist. "i hate seeing you cry" my breath hitched in my throat as i let out a small laugh. my thumbs swiped across his cheekbones as he stared intently down at me watching my every move.

"i love you" he faintly said trying to choke back tears, making my heart flutter.

"i love you too" i stood on my tiptoes once again and reached myself up to his lips. i held his face as our lips connected gently, kissing each other slow and soft yet so passionate as if we were going to be separated for eternity. his lips tasted a bit salty from his constant flow of tears as he held me even tighter. this wasn’t like him either, he hates public display of affection.

the p.a. system announced their third, and final call. we both pulled away from each other, holding each others eyes with our own. "i'll be back soon, i promise" he bit his bottom lip most likely to prevent it from trembling. his eyes still streamed with tears.

"i know you will" i gently brushed his hair to the side so i could see his eyes more.

"ill text you every second of the day" he swallowed and nodded harshly. "and call you everyday, no matter how busy i am" he brought his hands up to my face now, cupping it as we looked intensely in my eyes. "ill send you presents and letters and i'll always be available to you okay? one call away, one text away, one flight away, no matter what time of day, do you understand?" i nodded as tears weld greatly in my eyes at how caring and loving he is. i quickly kissed him once again, my time is now running up with him. "my sweet princess," he pulled me into another hug, gently kissing the top of my head with his hand holding the back of it. "i love you so much"

"i love you so much" i took a deep breath trying to prevent myself from sobbing.

"call me when you land" as we pulled away from each other, my heart instantly felt empty. i grabbed my carryon bag from his shoulder, to which he instantly kissed my cheek and put on a small smile. "i love you (y/n)"

"i love you" my throat felt like it was completely closed up, my heart felt slightly broken. i pushed my own self to start stepping towards the entrance, my feet feeling like cement and wanting to stay here with chris. i wiped my nose with the hoodies sleeve, his scent instantly filling my senses causing more tears to fall. i wanted to look back behind me at him again before i was on, but i couldn't bring myself to it. if i had, i would've probably ran right back to him.

i boarded the plane with a sniffly nose and wet eyes. i kept my eyes down at the floor trying to avoid all the stares and looks from concerned passengers. as i sat in my seat the flight attendant was going over safety instructions and material, but it was hard for me to even focus on the information. this was definitely the hardest goodbye i've said in awhile.

~

once the plane landed, my phone came back into service and already tons of messages were piled up all from chris.

chris<3

i miss u already

plz i hope the plane turns around im manifesting it

did it turn around

r u back in la ?! plz say yes

i hope u have a safe flight

u looked super cute in my clothes the lil sweatpants hoodie combo is sooo cute

but only my sweatpants and hoodies...

I CANT WAIT TO TALK TO UUUU

did u land yet??????

r u safe?? did the plane crash????

MY PILLOW STILL SMELLS LIKE UR CONDITIONER IM GONNA CRYYY

I MISS U

I LUV U

i'm scared what if the plane did crash i think id die

na id come find it and save u the moment it happens

nicks editing the car video now that u we're in u look so gorgeous i miss u

ur always so gorgeous yoyhe always been

**youve

text me when you can

i smiled at the plethora of messages, but i was only able to text back a little since i had to board off.

chris<3

i just landed, ill txt u when i can !!

i love u sm

as soon as i sent those text my phone instantly pinged with a message from him as if he'd been lingering on the message screen. unfortunately i couldn't open it right away considering i was already being nudged and pushed from the large crowd.

once i was off the plane i grabbed my luggage that was being put through on a conveyor belt. after i grabbed all of my belongings, my eyes started to scan the busy airport. "(y/n)!" i heard my name being shouted from behind me. "we're over here sweetie"

i turned around to see my mom, mr. and mrs. sturniolo, and nathan standing near my mother. they all waved me over and as much as this day was heartbreaking, this brought a large smile to my face. i quickly jogged over to them as my mom held her arms open for me and i had no hesitation running right onto them.

"i missed you" i hugged her tightly as she hugged me back.

"i missed you too (y/n)" she said warmly as we hugged each other for a long, long time. i was more of a homebody, being back in boston with my mother felt amazing. "did you have fun?" she asked while smiling down at me.

"i really did" i smiled back at her and quickly began greeting mr. and mrs. sturniolo with massive hugs as well. after all, they were like my second parents. especially mr. sturniolo, considering i never had a father figure in the house.

"did they behave?" mrs. sturniolo asked with a little grin.

"of course they did" i giggled a bit before giving nathan a big hug as well. "thank you guys all for coming" i looked around at the small group that came to greet me from my long trip.

"awe, of course sweetheart" mrs. sturniolo gave me a big smile of gratitude, lifting my spirits completely.

we all started to head out now, mr. sturniolo grabbed one of my suitcases and nathan grabbed the other one and my carryon bag. i repeatedly tried to tell him that i could carry my own stuff, but they refused to let me.

the adults walked a little ahead of us while discussing dinner plans with each other. "so" nathan began, looking over at me with mocking eyes as we trailed behind the rest of them. "you and chris finally came to your senses?"

"shut up" i glanced up at him, my face immediately burned up at the mention of chris. "how do you even know?"

"how do i know?" he scoffed teasingly down at me to which I hit the side of his arm. "hm, how would i know (y/n)?" he continued the teasing and talked to me as if i were a caveman. "it's not like i've been best friends with them for a just little while now" he looked down at me while making a goofy face to which i only rolled my eyes. "it's not like he told me the second it happened"

"did he really?" a smile now broke across my embarrassed face.

"i swear" nate nodded, dropping the sarcasm. "man, i've been hyping him up to do that since we were like, fourteen i think?"

"seriously?" i giggled a little, now trying to regain my composure. since i grew up with the triplets, it was inevitable that nate would also become a huge part in my life as well. i remember me and him didn't get along well at first, but as the years passed he became one of my best friends. we still consistently hangout with each other even when the triplets aren't around. "thank you for coming" i smiled up at him, earning a small grin back.

"of course" he slightly chuckled as we entered the busy parking lot. "i sort of missed you"

"awe..!" i dramatically cooed at him making him embarrassed now. "you missed me?" i jokingly pouted my lips and covered my heart.

"i take it back" he shook his head slightly as we finally approached mr. sturniolo's car. as much as i missed the triplets, i was extremely happy to be back in boston.

~

"what did you do tonight?" chris's voice hummed through my phone as i had him on speaker. i was putting away all my luggage and clothing from the trip as we finally got a chance to talk.

"well," i began to fold some of my pants and put them neatly back in my drawer. "your mom had me, my mom, and nate over for dinner tonight" i paced around my room putting each item back in their respective drawer. "and then after nate took me out for ice cream"

"he took you out?" chris's voice sounded extremely guarded.

"not like that you jerk" i shook my head as if he could see me. "you know what i mean, cmon it's nathan"

"i know, im just teasing you"

"right" i replied in a slightly sarcastic manner.

"did anyone talk about like... us? did our parents say anything?"

"of course they did" i giggled and sat down on the edge of my bed. "it was the hot topic of the dinner table"

"well what did they say?" his voice became shy with that question.

"my mom was mad that i didn't tell her, but honestly they were all pretty happy with it. your mom is also mad you didn't say anything to her"

"i'll have to call her later and catch her up then"

chapter four

first three chapters are uploaded <3

tw: fem reader, fluff, intoxication

"here (y/n)" chris threw a hoodie and sweatpants at me with my reaction time completely delayed, i couldn't even catch the clothing. "oh my" chris laughed, stumbling over to pick it up by my feet.

"chris can you unzip my dress please" i reached my hand around to the zipper in the back, but had no luck finding it.

i turned my back to him and i quickly felt his warm fingertips brush against my back, moving my hair over my shoulder. chills were shot through my entire body as he slowly unzipped the silky dress, and once it was finally fully undone his hands slowly crept on my waist, pulling me right against his body. "do you know how pretty you are?" he reached his head down to my shoulder, his breath warming my neck.

"stop it" i leaned back into him, unable to take the compliment.

"seriously" he picked up his head and kissed my cheek, giving me a squeeze. he helped me get dressed into his clothing, even getting on his knees to unstrap my heels. the sweatshirt and sweatpants fit oversized on me, but chris still looked at me as if i were a model. "come on" he jumped into his bed after turning off the overhead lights.

i happily crawled into his bed, right into his open arms. he was only in sweats, his warm chest was comforting against my cheek as i snuggled right on him. "i hope this isn't a dream" my eyes closed gently.

he chuckled softly and moved his hand up to my face, caressing his thumb over my cheek as we both looked at each other. "i'm sorry i waited so long" his eyes moved around my face before he pursed his lips.

"why are you sorry?" my voice was almost a whisper as i spoke.

"i don't know" he swallowed, his thumb softly rubbing my cheekbones. "i just wish we could've just.." he paused while his face looked like he was trying to find the words. "just been us without any doubts between each other"

"i think that made the moment so much more special" i leaned against his large hand, reaching my own up to graze my nails against his forearm.

"i'm pretty sure that i've always been in love with you" his eyes were droopy and tired, i know he was drunk and just talking but i took in everything he said with major consideration.

"have you?" i continued to brush my nails against him, trying to egg him on to talk more.

"one hundred percent" he bit his lip in an embarrassed manner, trying to hold back a smile as a blush already spread across his cheeks.

"you're so adorable" i giggled, our legs were become intertwined by the minute.

"when you started dating that one guy, (y/n)" chris sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. "i thought i was going to lose my mind"

"oh stop it" i continued to quietly laugh, trying to be considerate of the rest of the house. "what about that time you took that one girl to prom our senior year, that made me crazy" i softly nudged his chest and he started to laugh.

"oh cmon" he took his hand off my face and slid it down to my waist. "you know i was looking at you the whole time" he grinned down at me with tired eyes. his eyes drove me crazy. "i've always been looking at you"

"you're such a romantic" i smiled wider as my fingertips brushed against his bicep.

"only for you" his eyes tiredly looked at me with a blush still on his face. "i'm so grateful that you're here with me right now"

"awe, chris" my lips pouted gently with how sweet he was being. "me too" i reached my hand up to his face now. "but i leave in a week and a hal-"

"i don't want to think about that right now" his eyes saddened but his blush was still prominent. "i just want to experience now" he tugged my waist a bit closer to him. "im experiencing my dream come true" he looked away shyly for a second, but was quick to reconnect his eyes with mine.

"you're going to make me cry" i held him and his face as if it were going to be the last time ever. "again" i giggled a little and so did he.

"after twenty years of admiring you, and seeing you grow as such an amazing woman, i fell in love with you more and more everyday. even as kids!" he was speaking dramatically now, rambling on as the alcohol still lingered in his breath. "and i'm still so nervous around you i try not to be but i could never help it"

"i've always been nervous around you too" i admitted since he's deciding to talk all of his feelings out. "i don't know how you couldn't tell"

"probably because i was just as nervous" his eyes darted around my face.

"you hid it really well" i pursed my lips together trying to hold back a smile. "you were always making bold moves on me though, but i really never took it into consideration"

"why not?" his eyes trailed down to my lips then back at my eyes, sending shivers down my spine despise being against his warm body.

"i didn't want to mess things up" i said as he now slid both his hands around my waist.

"i know this should be spontaneous and stuff but i just really want to but i can't do it without your permission" chris's tone changed from sleepy to anxious now, making my heart drop.

"what?" i furrowed my brows with confusion.

"can i please kiss you?" his pleaded with his eyebrows raised innocently, but i couldn't help but to laugh. "stop laughing" he whined, but before he could say anymore, i reached my lips up to his, closing the few inches that was between us.

we kissed each other so gently, as if we were each going to break if we touched each other anymore. i slowly kissed his bottom lip and my heart just about exploded. i never thought this day would happen.

we pulled away slowly from each other, my hand rested on the back of his neck and his were still tightly on my waist, so we couldn't move that far away.

the admiration in his eyes is something i'm never going to be able to forget. the way he looked at me so passionately in such a soft manner, his eyes looked hungry yet so giving and full of love. he quickly moved back in towards my lips, with much more force than the one we just endured.

he slightly hovered his head above me while we kissed, his hair slightly tickled against my face as we rhythmically moved our lips together, picking up in pace as time went on. his hand rubbed the side of my body slowly as his other arm propped him up now while my hand slid up the back of his neck, lacing my fingers through his hair.

his hand was hesitant on the bottom of my waist as his lips gently tugged at mine, making me almost fold completely.

i carefully lifted my leg up and straddled his side, indicating it was okay for him to proceed forward. all of the hesitation quickly left his body once i set my leg down on him since his hand swiftly grabbed my ass, squeezing it gently as he kissed harshly.

"chris," i slurred in between kisses but we didn't stop. "you have no idea how long i've been wanting this" i quickly put my lips back into his, and instantly felt a smile in between each kiss. the hunger and passion wasn't shy anymore, we both just let out completely.

after about almost fifteen minutes straight of us just making out with absolutely no interruptions, we had finally pulled away from each other and caught our breath. i was sitting in top of his torso now, his arms folded behind his head as my hands rested on his lower stomach. "stop it" he started to laugh a little as i looked at him with a cocked brow. "your hands, you know i'm ticklish" he raised up his knee and slightly nudged me from the back, making me giggle and slide my hands up to his chest, which the movement made him slightly jump considering how ticklish he really was.

"sorry" i laughed. he reached his hands down to my legs which were straddling his waist, and he began to rub my thighs over his sweatpants i was wearing. his hair was a bit disheveled considering i couldn't take my hands out of it and i began to fix his chain that got flipped around.

"you're so pretty" he smiled up at me, his hands traveled up my waist holding me tight.

"stop it" i covered my face with my hands.

"i cannot believe im experiencing this right now" he sighed happily, his hands trailing up my back and pulling me towards him. he puckered his lips and make kissing sounds, making me giggle a bit before reaching my head down to kiss him gently.

"i know this is really great and everything," i sighed before laying my head on his chest, his hands gently massaged my butt. "but i just really don't know what's going to happen when i lea-"

"please can we talk about that in the morning" chris's voice was mumbly as if he were falling sleep. "trust me im not avoiding the question, i am just so happy right now and i don't want to think about that" his hands slipped underneath the hoodie i was in, rubbing my bare back with his big hands. "you make me feel so happy" he took a deep breath, his eyes were fluttered shut.

i couldn't help but to smile at how sleepy he was, and the words he had just spoke lighted my insides. i adjusted myself on him, now laying on the bed but my head and one leg was still resting on him as both his arms were still wrapped tightly against my bare waist.

his breathing quickly shallowed and he didn't speak anymore besides some mumbles. i kissed his cheek, and whispered goodnight, and all

i got was a hum in response. i giggled quietly, snuggling my head right in his chest.

~

i jolted awake to the sound of the door being shut, quickly realizing no one was beside me. "i'm sorry, i slammed it on accident" chris gritted his teeth with wide, apologetic eyes. "i just had to go to the bathroom" he picked up his covers and got back into bed.

"it's okay" i yawned and stretched my arms behind me, his room was completely dark with his led lights still on, i wasn't sure what time it was.

"i'm so sorry, you looked so peaceful when sleeping" he opened his arms and i sheepishly crawled into them, still not fully awake. i closed my eyes once my head was on his chest, wrapping my arm and leg around him as his arm held my shoulders, his other hand touching my thigh. "awe, are you still sleepy?" he asked quietly.

"a little" my eyes were still closed as started to massage my thigh. "what time is it?"

"around ten" he hummed gently. "i'll be quiet, try to go back to sleep" he pushed the hair out of my face and quickly kissed the top of my forehead. "was that too much?"

"no" i couldn't help but giggle a bit.

"i just don't wanna overdo it since we literally sort of just got together..." he spoke shyly, his voice was a bit hoarse and tired as well.

"and making out last night wasn't overdoing it?" i teased as my eyes fluttered open, looking up at him and he was already looking down at me.

"i'm sorry" he sighed before rubbing his eyes in an embarrassed manner but before he opened his mouth again i cut him off.

"i was messing with you" i pinched the side of his bare stomach, making him flinch slightly with a little laugh.

i closed my eyes again and his arms shifted a bit so that they were both around me, only so he could hold up his phone. i peaked my eye open out of curiosity and being nosy to see he was scrolling on instagram. "holy shit..." he mumbled with a slightly confused tone. "my instagram is completely blown up right now" i lifted my head and opened both my eyes to look at his phone with him. he went on his notification center, and seen a ton of tagged photos of him, with several likes and comments.

"what is this?" i reached my finger up to his phone tapping on the post, and quickly my heart dropped. the venue we were at had uploaded a ton of pictures and videos from last night to their page, it seemed like each influencer and content creator got their own post. the first photo on the triplets post was of nick carrying me out of the venue, matt had chris's arm in a lock and both me and chris were smiling so wide, matt had a an extremely irritated face, and nick was looking over his shoulder at the camera with his mouth slightly hung and eyes wide. none of us looked horrible in it, but it was the whole fact that i was thrown over nicks shoulder, reaching for the camera while being carried away. "oh my god..." my hand covered my mouth as chris started to chuckle a little. "this isn't even funny"

"look how happy you look though" he stayed on the photo zooming in a little on my face. "this is so cute" he cooed, still laughing softly.

we swiped through all the photos. there was multiple of me dancing on the floor with nick, one with me, nick, and matt and i was squeezing both of their faces next to mine, and two of me and chris that will forever be my favorite photos. the one photo was completely candid, his hands on my hips and mine in my hair, looking as if i were swaying my hips and his face was filled with the upmost admiration. he had a smile plastered across his face and his eyes were looking down at me with love. "aw chris" i pouted my lip at the photo, looking up at him and giggling. "you look so cute"

"only because i was watching you" he kissed my cheek before resting his head down on my shoulder.

"oh stop" i rolled my eyes playfully and clicked on the comments. multiple people were commenting on how stunning everyone looked, mostly positive. 'rip chris girls' was mostly prominent though in this section, making my heart race a little. i knew i was most definitely going to get hate for this. 'she ain't even all that💀' i continued to read all the comments in my head as i scrolled, chris held the phone still for me. 'bro got desperate' i pursed my lips now, trying to show no reaction in front of chris. 'as long as he's happy😅😅'

chris quickly snatched the phone away from my view. "don't listen to those people" he wrapped his arms around my shoulders, squeezing me very tight. "seriously" he pecked my cheek and picked up his phone again, going back to the post. he swiped to the photo of us, and started to share it to his story.

"are you sure you want to post that?" i bit my lip nervously before looking back up at him.

"i don't care" he shrugged and smiled, making me feel ten times better. the song he posted to the story was 'dream girl' by crisaunt, making me a little more nervous for what fans were going to say, but i shouldn't even let that get to my head. 'my dream girl' he wrote underneath the repost, and without hesitation posted it.

"am i your dream girl?" i slightly mocked his post, to where he set down his phone and quickly started to tickle me. "h-hey!" i tried to grab his arms but i couldn't stop laughing.

"come on that was a stupid question" he still tickled me through the fits of laughter.

"okay, okay!" i hit his arm but he still wouldn't budge. i swiftly moved out of his grasp, sitting on the other side of the bed to where he couldn't reach me. "i thought you were going to let me sleep?" i hit his leg with the back of my hand.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry" he smiled widely, opening his arms for me to lay in.

"you're probably just going to tickle me again" i started to get up from his bed with a slight pout. "i'm going to go back to sleep in my own room" i started to walk towards the door and right before i could grab the handle, his hands scooped around my waist and carried me back to his bed.

"no you're not" he set me down and stood above me. "i'll be quiet now i promise" he jumped on top of me earning a loud groan. he quickly nestled his head right in my neck, his arms wrapped slightly underneath my waist. "can you play with my hair please" he lifted his head with a pleading smile. i cupped his face with both of my hands as he was still looking up at me, both of us just gazing at each other and grinning. i reached myself to him as he inched towards me as well, engaging in a long, sweet kiss. "i think i love you" his eyes were wide and his mouth was still slightly agape.

"you think?" i licked my lips and cocked a brow.

"i love you" his eyes never left mine, they were filled with innocence and fervid, instead of last night when they were passionate and hungry. "i've always have" he swallowed nervously but never broke eye contact. "i promise you i always will (y/n)" he was stern now, much more serious than his goofy attitude from before. my heart raced so rapidly, i felt like i couldn't even speak. "it's my dying wish to make you feel loved, but by me only" he cracked a slight grin, my eyes started to prick with tears but i tried to keep my composure while holding his face still. "i swear that has been my life goal, to be happy with you. my future, my family, a good career, and i had always pictured you coming along with me, because i swear i don't think i would've made it this far without you" he took a breath from talking, but he was quick to open his mouth again. "i swear, my only purpose of being born is to adore you forever and ever and how could i ever be mad at that?" a few tears slipped from the corners of my eyes, but i still smiled at the words that have just been said to me. "i am so grateful and blessed that you are in my life (y/n), i love you so, so much"

"i love you too" my one hand began to stroke the hair out of his eyes as he picked up his hand from underneath my waist and started to wipe the tears away from my face.

"no need to be a crybaby" he joked now, his eyes squinted slightly as he laughed.

"you're so perfect" i giggled at how adorable he looked right now, wiping my tears while smiling away.

"how can i be perfect when im staring at perfection itself?" he cheekily grinned at me, kissing my cheeks that still had remaining tears in them. "stop crying, seriously" his lips still peppered my cheeks, making me laugh a little.

"i'm sorry, i just feel so relieved" i giggled and he pulled away. "it feels like i've been waiting for this for an eternity" i sighed and wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly while he still tried kissing my cheek. "i was so out of hope honestly, never thinking it was going to happen, especially with you being back and forth all the time from home to l.a."

"me too honestly" he pulled away from the hug. "i'm so glad we have each other, for sure now" he gave me a reassuring smile before kissing me on my lips once again. "and i'll never ever let go" he laid his head back down on my chest and more tears slipped out of my eyes.

"since when were you such a romantic?" i wiped my face with the back of my hand.

"ever since i could consciously remember you" he giggled and so did i. my hands made their way to his hair, playing with it gently as he started to turn the t.v. on.

his weight on me gave me the ultimate comfort, making me feel so cozy and warm mentally and physically. all of the new feelings since last night is so overwhelming but in the best way possible. but that feeling was short lived. "chris, i really want to talk about what's going to happen when i go back home"

"do we have to?" chris groaned childishly, his face turning into a pout.

"yes" i pushed him off of me and began to sat up, complaining under his breath at the fact he had to move.

"i really don't want to talk about this" he inhaled sharply as he stretched his arms out behind him, his face quickly wiped of a smile.

"i know, but moving forward we just need to figure it out.." i sighed, pushing some of my hair out of my face. "i just need you to answer this honestly, either way i wont be hurt, i just need to know the truth"

"alright..?" he cocked an eyebrow with confusion laced through his voice.

"i want you to tell me, as much as you've been reassuring me i want this to be the real answer" i felt my eyes widen a bit, which he responded by nodding feverishly. "do you see this as a little fling for while i'm here or do you actually see this going somewhere?"

"are you serious?" he jumped and lunged towards me, grabbing my shoulders and holding them gently. "(y/n) did i not just go on a spiel about how devoted i am to you?"

"okay," i couldn't help but blush at how quick he responded to that question. "but you've always talked about how scared you are of commitment and how you're a afraid of getting a girlfriend and everything like that"

"i'm afraid of committing to anyone else but you" he said in arrogant tone, looking at me as if i were dumb. "i'm afraid of getting a girlfriend besides you, duh" he scoffed.

"chris come on" i nudged his chest with my hand, his eyes looked like they were in shock still. "what's going to happen when we're apart for weeks on end, possibly months and there is another gir-"

"don't even finish that sentance or i'll be sick" he held up his hand in a protest to cut me off, which i was about to continue but i couldn't help but laugh at his disgusted face. "never, ever will there be another girl, there never was, never will be, it's only been you" he shook his head in disgust still, "i couldn't even imagine my life with someone else"

"do you mean that?" i smiled gently, the blush spreading rapidly now across my face.

"of course" his face softened, his hands traveled down my shoulders and into my hands, holding them in my lap. "and you know i'll come visit much more often, even if it's without the other two" he started to rub my hands gently with his own. "and if i'm traveling i want you to come with me, everywhere. all expenses on me, i just want you to be with me" he was now beginning to ramble, but i knew there was no point of trying to stop him. "and i know you have your job and mom back home and everything else but you know i would have you moved here with me immediately" he smiled warmly at me, lighting up my insides.

chapter 3

go read the first two parts :)

tw

fem!reader, substance use, underaged, suggestive, fluff, slight harassment

"what if you did these pants with this shirt?" i held up one of the several pairs of pants scattered across matt's bed, as well as a button down i took from his closet. "i think that's the best option"

"yeah, it looks good" he approved finally after showing him at least twenty different outfit combinations he could do.

"finally" i set down the clothes he wanted to wear away from all the other clothing on the bed, and started to put away the other options.

"thank you" he got up from his bed and started to help me put away the array of clothing.

"you're welcome" i smiled up at him while hanging his button up shirts. "if i took a nap would you make sure im up?"

"for sure" he nodded as we finally got the last bit of clothing neatly set away. "you're tired? didn't you just go out to eat?"

"that's why i'm so tired" i rubbed my exposed belly gently, which caused him to laugh a little.

"(y/n)!" nicks voice boomed from downstairs. "where are you?"

i turned back and looked at matt, who looked slightly annoyed. "does he have to be so loud all the time?"

"of course" i smiled and started to head towards the door. "i'm going to watch t.v. if you wanna join me?"

"i will in a bit" he ran his fingers through his hair. "i better shower"

"ill see you down there" i closed matt's door behind me and walked down the steps, looking for nick. he was in the living room on his laptop, the t.v. had a basketball game on while he was typing away. "you're watching the game?" i asked him as i sat down closely to him on the couch.

"no, it was left on from someone earlier" he looked over at me while he had a blanket draped across his back.

"what are you doing?" i reached over and grabbed another blanket, quickly cuddling up in it and leaned against nick.

"editing this stupid video" his eyes focused on the screen which displayed the three of them in matt's car. "you can change the channel, i'm not watching this" he handed me the remote as i watched him cut down clips. once i changed the station and got more comfortable on the couch, i tried my hardest to stay awake.

nick ended up putting his laptop to the side saying he needed a break, and together we both watched a silly reality t.v. show. we'd make comments here and there and laugh, but my eyes were fighting terribly. eventually i gave in, resting my eyes peacefully and letting myself sleep.

~

"both of you need to get up!" matt's voice frightened my peaceful slumber, as well as a shake on the arm. "i've been trying for like.." he paused as i brought my hands up to my eyes and rubbed them slightly. "ten minutes"

"alright, alright" nicks voice next to me grumbled irritatedly. now that i was fully awake, i realized that me and nick both fell asleep on the couch. my head was still leaned against his side as his feet were propped on the autumn in front of him.

"what time is it?" i sat up and stretched my arms, my senses waking up slowly.

"four thirty-ish" he looked at his phone and sighed. "we're leaving at seven"

"shit..." i threw the blanket off me and quickly stood up in a frenzy.

"you have two and a half hours to get ready" nick got up as well, sort of mocking me that i needed so much time.

"i need all two and a half" i giggled and quickly turned around the couch, heading into my room.

"i'll be in your room in a bit" nick raised his voice as he headed up the steps into his room.

i went to the bathroom and quickly did my skincare before applying the makeup. suddenly i felt like i was in rush, the two and a half hours did not seem like enough time whatsoever.

but i didn't rush my makeup, i took my time with a slightly smokey black eye with a little eyeliner. nick ended up coming to my room halfway through my routine dressed in a white dress shirt with a navy tie that matched perfectly with his pants. he sat on the bathroom sink as we talked back and forth while getting ready.

i decided to leave my hair natural for the event, brushing my fingers through the few knots i had and my face and hair were done after an hour. "what do you think?" i looked over at nick, who was still sitting on the bathroom counter.

"i think you're stunning as always" he looked up from his phone with a little smile, making me smile as well.

"i'm so nervous for some reason" i walked out of the bathroom and went over to the dress that was still draped on the office chair. "i'm not going to know anyone and just be weird and follow you guys everywhere"

"i think you'll recognize some people" nick sat down on the edge of the bed. "you know, you just have to be yourself and everyone you'd talk to is going to love you"

"thank you" i covered my heart and gave him a little hug as he sat limp on the bed. "you're the best"

"i know" he was snarky as he patted my arm in a comforting way. as i changed he covered his eyes like a child, constantly reassuring me that he wasn't peaking, and there's no way he would ever want to. it made me laugh, but once i was changed into the silky black material he helped me tie the back. "god you look amazing!" he screamed and waved his hands with excitement, making me giggle and stare at myself in the mirror.

he stood next to me in the mirror and we both admired ourselves and each other. "we look great" i fixed my hair before slightly posing. nick pulled out his phone with the camera up, so i posed next to him with arm resting on his shoulder and my head tilted. he posted it to his story with the caption, 'my best friend is hotter than urs'

"are you guys almost ready?" chris yelled from what seemed to be the living room.

"yes one second!" nick yelled back as he picked up the black stilettos and handed them to me.

"thank you" i smiled and slid them on my feet, adjusting the straps around my ankles so they'd fit perfect.

i grabbed my phone and lipgloss before following nick out into the main living area where both matt and chris were standing with their backs faced to us on their phones. "everyone hold the applause please, no flash photography" nick announced jokingly while we entered the room, almost as if we were being presented at an award ceremony.

once they turned around, both of their faces had the same exact expression like they were mirrored. both their jaws dropped with joy filled in their eyes and they quickly started throwing compliments at me. "stop my face is going to turn beet red" i held my hands over my cheeks with a big smile. matt was in the outfit i had helped picked out, a black dress shirt with slim khaki-colored dress pants with a popped collar, and black shoes. chris on the other hand clearly got his way, all dressed in black. black dress shirt, black pants, black shoes, and even a black tie.

as we waiting for our uber to arrive, chris and nick wanted us to make a few tik toks all dressed up and of course we did, all of them not really serious at all and us just messing around and showing off our outfits.

matt got a notification that our uber was here, and quickly we headed out towards the door. chris lingered behind me as i trailed behind matt and nick. "i just wanted to seriously let you know you look absolutely gorgeous" he bent down and talked quietly near my ear as we walked into the driveway.

"thank you" i turned my head up and smiled at him, taking notice of his gold jewelry. "you don't wear gold" my finger lightly touched his earring, then his necklace.

"we're really matching now" he smiled and fixed his gold chain, but he quickly held his hand out as we approached the steps.

"you're adorable" i held his hand gently while walking down the cement stairs. matt was already holding the back door for me of the uber. truly, it was princess treatment all around.

i slid into the suv and was a little smooshed in between nick and matt, chris sat in the front and politely was making conversation with the driver. the venue was about twenty to twenty-five minutes away according to the gps, which that gave me plenty of time for my nerves to start shaking up with the amount of overthinking that could be done.

which, unfortunately, that whole car ride was just filled with me thinking about how terrible this night could possibly go. i'm basically just going to be an annoying leech to them because i won't be comfortable with anyone else there. everyone else there, they're all strangers to me. they're probably going to have a ton of people and friends to catch up with, and i'll just be awkwardly there, burdening them.

"what is your issue?" nick tapped my hands that were subconsciously twisting the rings around each of my fingers. "your face is so pale now, you look sick... you're not sick are you?"

"no, no" i quickly felt all the boys eyes on me when nick said that, concern washed over each of their similar faces. "no i'm okay" i waved my hands slightly to try to get all of their attention off of me.

"you're not going to be bothering us at all (y/n)" matt placed his hand on my knee in a consoling way, all of them verbally agreeing with him.

"we literally invited you to come with us, we want you to be with us" chris joined in with the reassurance, and suddenly my nerves were feeling calmer. im not sure how they could always read my mind, but they were always keen to seeing right through me like a translucent sheet. "you've never been a bother to us before, why is now any different?"

"well, i don't know" i shrugged and looked over at nick considering chris's eyes were giving me too much butterflies for right now.

"see, you're overthinking, relax" nick squeezed his hand over both of mine, making me smile a little

"sorry" i sighed and started to nervously fix my hair, trying to get my mind so heavily off the subject.

"don't be, we're going to have so much fun" nicks overall vibes completely lifted me up, his presence to me was completely calming now and i felt so much more relaxed, and now actually excited to go.

after another ten minutes, we slowed down in front of a large club venue where many people were walking in, and loud music was already blasting to where i could hear it inside the car. we all thanked the driver before matt slid out first, holding the door open for me and nick.

my heart started to race a little with seeing the flowing crowd of recognizable people walk in, all seeming to be popular on social media and content creators. there were hardly any windows that could peer into the inside, but it was easy to see the bright flashing multicolored lights spilling out of the doorway as people entered.

i didn't even notice matt and nick walking ahead of me since i was too busy staring at the venue. "you ready?" chris's voice slightly startled my trance, i didn't even realize he was waiting for me.

"yeah" i looked up at him and nodded, the setting sun made him look like he was glowing, and his eyes were accented with the rays. "i still can't believe you got gold jewelry" my fingers reached up and i touched the gold stud earring, my heart racing more from him instead of the crowd.

"what? i had to match" he started to walk now, and i quickly followed next to him. we lost nick and matt within the large sea of people that we were approaching, but we weren't too worried considering we were all going to the same place.

"i feel like there's legit going to be a million people here" i looked around at all the people dressed nicely, thinking of how easy it would be for me to get separated within the crowd.

"it's okay," chris reached down and grabbed my hand before maneuvering through some people to try to get in. "i'm not going to let you out of my sight" he read my mind once again, and i was quick to tighten my grip around his big hand as we were close to the door.

we had to check in with a bouncer since this was a 'private event' even though the whole world seemed to be here. the club was loud, music blasting, people talking, dancing, drinking, everything that would be happening at a club scene was going down before my eyes.

i pulled my hand out of chris's, immediately thinking about the girl he was telling me about. "we probably shouldn't be holding hands" i talked loudly over the music but only so he could hear.

"why not?" he bent down to my level so we could hear each other more clearly.

"that girl you like is here, i don't wanna mess that up" he snaked his arm around my waist and leaned his ear down to me as i spoke, people slightly bumped into us as the scene became more packed by the second.

"you-" chris was cut off by nick and matt, nick quickly linked his arm with mine and yelled down to me.

"lets go get a shot! let's go dance! come on" he dragged me away and i looked behind me at chris who looked a little bit shocked at how quickly i was taken away from him.

"you don't think they'll id?" i held onto nicks arm tightly as we walked through a group, people greeted him from left and right. 

"no, it's an open bar" he shouted back down at me. once we approached the bar nick ordered us both shots, well, he ordered us each two shot's. i wasn't complaining, i did love to party, but the whole process of getting ready, arriving, and warming up the event was always nerve racking to me. we downed both the shots quickly, the strong taste making my face cringe slightly and my sense all the more aware.

as we made our way to the dance floor, nick decided to take me around and introduce me to some of his friends. most of them even recognized me from being in older videos and i was flushed by compliments from everyone he introduced me too. everyone was polite and sweet, and i tried the best i could to be just as respectful. i didn't want my small reputation to get ruined.

"should we take more shots?" nick looked down at me with a devious look in his eyes, and i couldn't say no.

after an hour i completely settled into the party, my confidence was peaking from all the compliments i received from nicks friends, and the alcohol was doing its work, turning me into a complete social butterfly.

i wasn't afraid to talk to anyone, dance, walk around by myself (even though nick was always following), and i didn't even feel insecure when someone would take our photo. i felt like i was on top of the world. although, i hadn't seen matt or chris in awhile and i had felt the urge now to go and hunt them down. i looked around for nick but i seen he was in a small group talking. i didn't want to disturb him.

i started to walk away from the dance floor that i had been living on, feeling a little woozy from all the drinks. not to add the flashing lights making it harder to see. "excuse me!?" i began to tap on random people's shoulders, hoping i would find them sooner. "have you seen a group of triplets?" a tall, messy blonde haired boy turned to face me with a drink in his hand.

"i'm sorry?" he cocked a brow, giving me a small up-down look with his eyes.

"i'm sorry" i threw my hands up in defense. "i'm looking for my friends" i looked over my shoulder and then back at him. "they're like," my words felt all mumbled in my mouth, and i began to heat up and sweat more than i already was. "they all look the exact same!" i stumbled over my words a little as the tall boy just laughed down at me.

"the sturniolo's?" he smirked, his brow still cocked a little with confusion.

"yes!" i nodded quickly, my fingers subconsciously playing with the rings that decorated my fingers. "do you know where they are? i seriously can't find them. chris, matt, where are they?"

"you're their friend that pops up in a few videos yeah? (y/n)?" he ignored my question, but i was a little more surprised at the moment that he had known who i was.

"y-yes" i slurred, nodding my head excitedly. "i can't believe you knew my name, that's really sweet of you"

"would you like to get a drink with me?" he reached down and grabbed my fidgeting hand. as his hand held mine, i had instantly felt negative energy coming off of him.

"no, no, i think i had a little too much" i pulled my hand quickly away from him but he only stepped a little closer. "i really need to find my friends"

"come with me ill help you look" he slightly cocked his head to the side towards the door, reaching down once again and taking ahold of my now clammy hands.

"no, i think i can find them, im sorry to bother you" i quickly turned around but was stopped by him grabbing my wrist and pulling me back towards him.

"c'mon" his eyes were hard as he looked down at me. fear overtook my body as i instantly froze, afraid to move or deny him. he was much, much taller than me, definitely stronger than me. i could get hurt if i didn’t listen to him, but i didn’t want to. i felt stuck.

"i-i-" i tried to sputter out, but my words seemed to be taken right out of my mouth when i had felt someone else's hand gently on my waist.

"is there a problem?" chris's voice and touch had quickly sent a whole wave of relief through my body, the guy instantly dropped my hand once he had seen chris's holding the small of my back.

"no man, she's drunk and really wouldn't get off me" the guy quickly defended himself with a lie, my eyes darted up to chris's. the soft, glowing blue eyes that i had seen earlier had disappeared into an cold, piercing stare at the guy in front of me. "you have to control your girl"

"will do" chris guided my waist away from the guy, and we both quickly started to leave the crowded area.

"chris i wasn't on him" i swallowed hard as a few booths came into my vision, but that was quickly blurred by my watering eyes.

"i know you weren't" he chuckled softly and let me slide into the booth first before he sat down right next to me. "are you okay?" his eyes softened now once we made eye contact, his fingers gently brushed hair away from my face.

"yes, i was just trying to look for you guys and asking people where you were and i just really had an urge to see you" i covered my face with my hands, my emotions spilling out all at once. i felt as if i had a motormouth.

"how much did you drink?" he pulled my hands away from my face so we could look at each other, his eyes were still extremely gentle and calming through the vivid flashing lights.

"i-i don't even know!" i cried softly, but he started to laugh a little. "don't laugh at me" i crossed my arms and side eyed him, now truly feeling embarrassed.

"i'm sorry, i'm not laughing at you i swear" he threw his arm around my shoulder and pulled me into him, letting my intoxicated self cry on his shoulder. "don't cry please," he brought his hand up to my face and wiped off the tears with his thumb.

i pulled my head off his shoulder and was about to say something, but i was immediately caught in his eyes. everything seemed to replay in my head, from us being children, teenagers, and us now as young adults. he was always dragging me around, letting me cry on his shoulder, taking care of me. the soft purple light on him made it a little hard for me to see, but i knew exactly what i was looking at. his hand on my cheek wiping away my tears, the safe and comforting feelings i got from him… i was looking at my person.

but i had interrupted my own daydream by pushing his hand away from my face, and i wiped off my own tears. "i don't want that girl to get the wrong impression incase she see's" i swallowed the brick in my throat, taking a deep breath and straightening my posture that was slightly leaning towards him.

"she won't" chris seemed slightly offended when i had pulled away, the same facial expression he had given me earlier today when i dropped his hand. "c'mon, want to meet her?" he started to get up without my answer, so i was inclined to go but the major knots piling up in my stomach did not want me to. i had to act like i was unbothered as we weaved through people, his hand reaching back and grabbing ahold of my wrist so i didn't get lost. we were now near the back of the club, where the bathrooms and mirrors were placed along the walls where only a few people lingered in and out. "okay are you ready?" he asked, turning around to face me and i felt my stomach churn. i was definitely going to vomit now if i didn’t before.

"yep" i nodded, and he looked over his shoulder into the crowd.

"close your eyes i want it to be a surprise" he smiled gently but i couldn't even reciprocate the smile back. i closed my eyes anxiously as my throat began to dry up. in this moment, i wanted to do nothing but run away before i seen her. she was going to be stunning, i already knew it. there was no way i would ever compare to her, and i didn't even know who she was. "okay no peeking" he placed his hands over my already closed eyes, and began to softly push me into a different direction. "okay she's near.." he guided me with him to wherever we were walking, but quickly stopped. "okay, okay... she's right here so be my wingman okay?"

"yes okay just uncover my eyes" the snarky tone accidentally slipped, but i didn't even want to uncover my eyes. my heart raced as i felt his hand come off of my eyes but my eyes were still glued shut. i took a small breath to stabilize myself physically and mentally, and slowly peeled open my eyes.

as my vision came into focus, i was standing right in front of myself. "she's so beautiful yeah?" we stared at each other through the reflection of the mirror, my stomach instantly went empty. but not in a bad way.

"stop messing around" i turned to him and hit his chest, my eyes quickly started to look around the empty area for another girl. "if you're messing around you know it's not funny" i looked at him with angry furrowed brows, shaking my head. "chris you know it's not funny to mess with an intoxicated person"

"(n/n) stop" he was still smiling with a blush spread across his face. "i'm serious" he pursed his lips together as he stared sternly down at me. "you are the girl at the party that i am so crazy about but i am so scared of what you are going to say" his face stayed affectionate and serious but his body language was extremely timid. my heart was pounding, pounding louder than my head and the music blaring around us.

it was hard for me to speak. every ounce of knowledge i had was completely gone and my mind only was consuming the words that had just been said to me. my face was quick to change from the angry, confused, tensed muscles and completely softened. my senses were somewhat coming back to me. "you're not lying?" my tone of voice changed as my eyes peered directly into his. i felt like i couldn't even move or breathe.

"no" he swallowed hard, stepping back a little. "you're not giving me a positive response" he scratched the back of his head and looked down at the floor. i've never seen him so shy... "i know that me admitting this could ruin everything between us, everything between my brothers, but i just couldn't hold it back anymore" his eyes looked at me through his lashes but quickly back down at the floor.

confidence and boldness strung along heavy through my veins now, my whole entire heart feeling like it's been lifting up to the sky. "chris" i reached for his hand and pulled him near me so he could hear me better over the loud music. "did i not make it completely obvious?" i began to laugh at myself a little, his face quickly lifting up with a smile. "chris you have no idea" my hands then reached up and cupped his face which was now smiling widely. "oh my god…" i sighed with relief, quickly pulling him down to me and hugging his neck tightly. "you have no idea how much i adore you and how completed i feel when you're with me" he pulled away from me and i rested my hands on his chest gently. "and how much i think of you and want you and need you and how special and handsome and-" i cut myself off from rambling, the words spewing right out of my mouth as he looked down at me with the most pure eyes. "i've always felt so connected with you in a way that i've never felt with anyone else, and i don't think i will ever feel this with another soul"

"i'm sorry i told you in a blaring club. it's not as romantic" he bent down to my ear, slightly snaking his arm around my waist and pulling me in closer to him.

"you could've told me this in a landfill and i would still be just as thrilled" i couldn't help but wrap my arms around him again, hugging him closely to me. "thank you for telling me" i quickly kissed his cheek before resting my head back on his shoulder, enjoying his embrace.

"thank you for not turning me down" he rubbed small circles on my back, but i quickly pulled away knowing i would get too comfortable and just want to be cuddled up with him.

"everyone is going to get suspicious" i smiled up at him, which his face was still pink with now a lipstick kiss stained on his cheek. "oh im sorry," i covered my mouth as i began to laugh a little.

"what? what?" he started to frantically fix his hair, wipe his face, and adjust his chain.

"no, no you look fine it's just i accidentally left a lipstick stain on your cheek" i reached my hand up to wipe it but he pulled his head away.

"no, keep it" he stood proudly now, making me extremely worked up. "let them be suspicious" he said boldly, making my cheeks heat up. he placed his hand on my waist before guiding us out into the more open areas with still the mass floods of people swarmed everywhere.

the next few hours were spent on the dance floor with chris, drinking a lot, and just letting ourselves loose almost as if we were celebrating. it felt like no one else was in the room with us as we danced together, laughing, being slightly intimate, and it was great not having to rethink about my actions since i had gotten the confirmation. his hands would rest upon my hips as i swayed to the music, alcohol was extremely pungent in our breaths whenever we'd speak to each other, but it just enhanced the moment even more.

we took many photos together, from people with professional cameras to spending about fifteen minutes in the photo booth giggling and posing, everything just felt perfect.

third person

"we should probably go find them" nick looked over at matt who was sitting near him on a stool. "our uber is going to be here soon right?"

"yeah, it's going to be hell though looking for them through this" matt narrowed his eyes towards nick, nicks stomach dropping at the look in his eyes. "you didn't let her drink did you?" matt asked with heavy concern, nicks face almost going pale.

"i didn't let her she did on her own" nick lied, slightly afraid of his brother.

"great" matt stood up from the stool and rubbed his mouth, quickly scanning his eyes through the room for any sight of chris and (y/n). "she's with chris though right?" matt asked for slight reassurance, which nick nodded feverishly. "the ubers close let's get them" and they both started to venture through the club.

it wasn't hard to find them, because they were back on the dance floor together and it was as if they were the center of attention. "oh my god" nick mumbled and covered his mouth out of embarrassment. chris and (y/n) were both dancing in a non-embarrassing way, but the way they were slightly touchy with each other almost sent nick through the roof. "did he tell her?" nick gasped next to matt as they both watched.

"yeah he said he was going to tonight" matt couldn't help but to smile at the two. both nick and matt knew that they deserved each other, and finally, it was out.

"well, he shouldn't be doing that here! that's going to get on the media so quick with all these people!" nick slightly panicked and rushed onto the floor, matt following closely behind him. "hey, guys we gotta go" nick spoke quickly, grabbing both (y/n) and chris by their arms and trying to drag them out.

"oh come on, we just got here nick" (y/n) was very drunk, and it had been known once nick got a whiff of her breath and she could barley even stand when he dragged them.

"our uber is going to be here soon, we have to go" nick got stern with the two of them, but each of them refused to go with him and planted their feet as if they were rooted to the ground.

"c'mon just a little longer" chris pleaded, his neck tie hung loose around his neck with his collar open now, looking a bit disheveled from when he first arrived.

"don't tell me you're drunk too" nick rubbed his eyes in a stressful manner, looking over at matt for backup.

"i don't want to go yet" (y/n) crossed her arms like a child and began to step back into the dance floor, but quickly nick grabbed her hand and yanked her back.

"alright," nick tried to drag his friend along once again, but she didn't move. "fine" he let go of her hand and in a few swift movements, she was being thrown over his shoulder and carried out.

"hey!" she giggled loudly and slapped his back as his arm securely held her waist, his other arm dragging chris along. "nicolas!" she cried out, laughing with every single step he took.

"can you take him please" nick handed his brother to matt, and they were quick to move towards the exit. a few photos were being taken of the group causing nick got extreme second hand embarrassment for his intoxicated best friend, hoping she wouldn't remember because he knew how embarrassed she would be.

"nick!" she was consumed with laughter as he irritatedly pushed open the door, the fresh, brisk air nipped at her bare skin as the wind gently blew her hair.

"you are acting crazy!" nick grabbed her waist with both of his hands and set her down gently on the concrete sidewalk. "sober up or you're gonna get in trouble!" nick scolded her quietly through his teeth, almost as if he were parenting her.

"shut up" she crossed her arms with an overly dramatic eye roll, leaving nick in absolute shock.

"you did not just talk back to me" he now jokingly shot back at her, biting his knuckles with raised brows. "please get back over here" he snagged her hand as she started to slightly wonder off away from them.

"where is chris?" (y/n)'s eyes grew extremely sad, her whole entire face now dropping as her lips turned into a frown. "where is he?" she was so unaware of her surroundings, she couldn't even comprehend he was right behind her, standing closer to matt.

"right here, dumbass" nick grabbed her shoulders and spun her around to face the other brothers who was standing behind them.

"don't call me that" (y/n) frowned up towards nick, but was quick to start staring at chris. they locked eyes with each other, trying their best not to smile and giggle with just a gaze. she slowly began to walk towards him and he opened his arms, welcoming her without hesitation.

"you cannot be serious" nick blankly stared at the two, shaking his head with annoyance. "god stop p.d.a. is fucking killing me" he raised his voice with sass, making chris and matt chuckle a little. but (y/n) was just so unaware of her surroundings when she was held in chris's arms, the only thing thing that filled her ear was his heart and muffled voice, as well as the rhythmic pattern of his breathing.

"will we be home soon?" she asked into his chest with worry laced through her voice, which immediately perked all of their senses.

"what's wrong?" matt bent down to face her as she was nuzzled right up against chris's chest.

"i just really need to lay down" she was completely out of it, not even conscious of what she was saying at this point.

"we'll be back soon" matt laughed a little at how drunk she was, and chris was almost about to fall asleep standing up. "i swear they're both nodding off right now" matt placed his hand on chris's back to stabilize him, looking at nick with a bit of concern.

"how great will this be loading them into the car" nick nodded his head at the uber that pulled near to them, matt and nick both engaging with a stressed side eye.

"alright guys here we go" matt pushed chris, who also dragged (y/n) along into the van.

"i'm going to lose my fucking mind" nick rubbed his face while watching his two intoxicated friends slide into the vehicle.

matt sat in between chris and (y/n) in the very back seat, nick stayed in the middle row while both chris and (y/n) were obnoxiously loud. nick kept apologizing to the driver, who said he was quite used to this.

matt reached his arm around (y/n)'s shoulders, seeing that she kept slouching and leaning over to where she couldn't even sit up straight for a second. "get your hands off my girl" chris's words were extremely slurred, almost to the point that matt and nick could barley even make out what he said.

"what?" nick started to laugh back at them, matt now was growing irritated.

"you guys are fucking stupid" matt grumbled, pushing (y/n)'s head back lightly so it wasn't tilting down.

"no we aren't matty b" (y/n) pouted, the car ride quickly making her feel more dizzy than she was before.

"please keep your head up" he held her forehead with his two fingers, both matt and nick exchanging concerning looks.

"don't worry she'll be fine" nick tried waving off matt's worried expression. "it's not her first time around" nick rolled his eyes and looked back at the road. "we are not taking care of them when we get back"

"but nick-" matt's concerned voice was cut off instantly.

"they did this to themselves" nick was clearly agitated, but he didn't actually mean that. he would die for the both of them if he had to.

chapter two

go read the first part ;)

tw

fem!reader, fluff ?

i was slightly startled awake from the faint snoring next to me which, i wasn't used to sharing a bed. my eyes peaked over next to me to see chris on the other side of the bed, sleeping on his stomach with his arms sprawled as well as his legs.

my eyes admired his hand that was near me, the sunlight exposing the veins that were still prominent even when asleep. the beams had also showed his jagged, bitten nails and the tiny scar that goes across his thumb from an accident that happened when we were children. it wasn't even noticeable, but i'll always notice it.

my hand carefully made my way up to his, my fingernails traced along each finger of his gently to see if he would wake up, but he didn't. what was i even doing right now..?

i knew i was going to get hurt later in the day, when i would see the girl he told me about last night at the party. i can imagine it in my head, the scenario playing out like a movie scene. he was in my bed now, sleeping on the other side next to me, yet it was going to be looked at as nothing. he thought of this as nothing, just something friends would do. we've known each other for so long it would always just be nothing to him.

regret filled my body as i started to pull my fingers away from his limp hand, but suddenly, his hand squeezed my fingers so they weren't able to move. my breath got stuck in my throat, i thought he was dead asleep... "what are you doing?" his voice was extremely groggy and his tone seemed dazed.

"i-i didn't think you were up" my heart pounded at the sudden movement he had just shown, which still had me in shock.

"i woke up a little bit ago" he didn't pick his head up from speaking into the fluffy pillow.

"you sounded like you were asleep" i murmured and he relaxed the grip he had on my hand, but i quickly pulled it away.

"why are you doing that?" he whined, reaching around the bed for my hand but he couldn't find it. "come on" he seemed slightly agitated.

"chris i don't think the girl you like would appreciate you cuddled up in bed next to me holding my hand" i stared at the floor as he laid still for a moment.

"i think she'd very much like it" he snapped back causing me to furrow my brows. this girl had to of had some weird kinks...

"you're so weird" i groaned and swatted his searching hand.

"do you want to go get breakfast?" he asked, peaking his dull blue eyes over my shoulder scanning my face for a reaction.

"sure" i looked back up at him, which he was now grinning ear to ear.

he jumped over me off the bed, his bed head was extremely messy and slightly tangled, and he stared down at me from standing up. "come on" he cocked his head to the side to indicate me getting up.

"the bed is so cozy though" i pulled the blankets back up to my chin and softly rested my eyes. "five more minutes" quickly i had felt cool air hit my exposed skin, the warmth of the blanket being ripped right off of me. "come on..!" i groaned and tried to curl myself in a ball to preserve heat, but in a few swift movements from chris, i was being picked up and carried out of bed. "stop!" i hit his arm repeatedly but it looked like i had no effect on him.

"alright you're up now" he set be down on the floor of my room. "don't pout" he mocked my face and i nudged his chest. "get ready" he began to walk out of my room, my eyes lingered on him as he shut the door.

i went over to the temporary dresser i had put all my clothes in and pulled out a pair of loose fitting jeans, and a white tank. i wasn't going to get fully ready, i wasn't up to it. plus i would be getting ready for hours tonight before the party.

i put my hair in a little updo, considering i have major bedhead as well. i sprayed a light layer of perfume, grabbed my phone and headed out towards the main area.

chris was already ready and standing in the kitchen, and he was writing a note on the counter with a sharpie.

'sorry matt took the car, brb, (y/n) + chris' and he ended the small note with a smiley face. i looked around him to see the time on the stove, which it was still a little early for the other two to be up. chris tossed me matt's keys over the counter, "ready?" he asked, his hair was mostly hidden underneath a backwards cap while he was in baggy jeans and a graphic t-shirt.

"mhm" i hummed and looped the keys around my finger before following him outside to the garage. he held the door open for me and i walked out in front, and he lightly jogged around to the drivers side of the car and opened up the door for me. "thank you" my eyes looked up at him before sliding into the seat, and he shut the door gently. he opened the garage and slid into the passenger seat, pressing another button on the garage door opener that was sitting in the car that seemed to have open the gate. "where are we even going?" i asked him as i started to reverse the car out of the driveway and into the street. he pressed the buttons again to close up the garage and gate.

"uh," he hummed in a thinking manner, rubbing his mouth with his brows knitted together. "i'll tell you where to go" i felt his eyes looking at me but i was focused on the road to look back over.

he turned on his music as we drove through the somewhat busy streets with slight bickering here and there because he would give me directions last minute. but after fifteen minutes we arrived at a little diner, where the parking lot only had a few cars and looked a little dead.

he jumped out of the van as soon as i parked, not even giving me a chance to turn off the car. he ran around the front, and i couldn't help but to laugh a little. he swung the door open for me, offering his arm like a gentleman. "m'lady" he talked in a goofy accent, making me laugh a little more.

"you don't have to open every single door for me" i stopped the car and took off my seatbelt, grabbing the arm he offered me and got out of the car.

the warm breeze hit my skin as we walked across the parking lot while both my hands gently held his arm as we walked into the restaurant. of course once again, he held the door open for me and let me walk in first.

he quickly snatched my hand up again the second we walked into the restaurant, looking from side to side. "you could've got stolen" his fingers lightly drummed against the back of my hand, and i couldn't tell if he was being sarcastic or not.

"you were right behind me" i looked up at him as he was looking around the rest of the diner. "i don't think anyone would snatch me"

"right" he scoffed and a hostess came to greet us. chris of course was extremely polite while speaking to her, and she showed us a booth.

we sat on opposite sides of each other, the waitress pouring us two cups of coffee from the pot she was holding and said she would be back soon to take our order. "i dare you to drink this without putting anything in it" i tapped my fingers along the mug, his eyes looked down and back up at mine.

"that's disgusting" he curled his lips, wrapping both his large hands around the mug as if he were warming them.

"you're disgusting" i nudged him with my foot under the table, and he rested his face in his hands with an admiring look in his eyes. "stop staring at me"

"how could i not" he said in a goofy tone, still holding his head up with his hands. "did you sleep good?"

"yes, very good" i began to pour some sugar and cream in the hot coffee, stirring it gently. "did you?" i looked up from my cup and he was still staring at me.

"of course" he finally stopped gazing and picked up a menu. "what are you feelin'?" despite having my own menu, he still held up his for the both of us to look at.

"uh," my eyes scanned over all the choices, everything seemed appealing. "i don't know" i bit my lip and looked over at him. "what are you getting?"

"probably some pancakes, bacon, sausage, the whole sha-bang" he was nodding his head as he listed off the choices.

"the whole sha-bang?" i giggled a little at his word choice. "what if we share this?" i pointed at the stack of five pancakes with the two choices of sides.

"you don't want your own?" he looked back at me with a confused look.

"you know i'm not going to be able to finish a meal by myself, i always end up taking it home" i looked at the menu again as his eyes lingered on me for a second.

"well you have to eat, i'm making sure you eat a lot if we share" he sounded like he was assuring himself more than me.

"don't worry i'll eat" i sat back in my seat since we had decided.

"what sides do you want?" he bit his bottom lip while studying me.

"you pick"

"no, come on i feel bad if you don't" he sighed in a stressful manner and i couldn't help but giggle.

"i'll seriously eat anything you choose" i gently hugged my torso while he looked like he was under pressure. "i literally cannot choose it's all up to you"

"okay fine" he grumbled and set down the menu, shaking his head slightly.

"why are you in such distress?" i laughed and he lurched forward towards me over the table.

"because i feel bad and want to make sure you get what you want!" his eyes widened as his body was almost halfway over the table, and he bounced right back in his seat. his reaction made me laugh more, his legs started to bounce a little.

"you're already hyper and it's still early" i softly kicked his leg to try and get him to stop bouncing in his seat.

"what can i say," he paused before grinning. "you make me full of life" he said sillily earning another kick from under the table. "stop playing footsies" his foot stepped on mine to try to get me to stop.

"ouch," i fake winced, pulling my feet back and exaggerated my frown.

"did that actually hurt?" he sat up and leaned his elbows on the table now, a look of concern in his eyes.

"it hurt so bad" i sarcastically placed my hand over my heart and tilted my head to the side, acting as if i were truly in pain.

"drama queen" he played with his hands on the table and the waitress came back, ready to take our order. chris ended up ordering for us anyway, doing all the talking and whatnot. seeing him switch from being a little hyper to super polite and sweet will always make me happy. fifties music filled the air of the diner as well as the smell of breakfast foods and coffee. light chatter among the other tables was to be heard while me and chris sat in a comfortable silence waiting for our food.

but of course that didn't last long, and we ended up talking for ten minutes straight until our food got brought out. chris immediately grabbed the silverware while thanking the waitress, unwrapping the napkin that held the forks and knifes for me. "thank you" i smiled gently and grabbed them, looking back up at him. he started to cut the large stack of pancakes on his side into little pieces, almost as if a baby were going to eat them. he then flipped the plate around so the cut pieces were on my side, sliding me a bottle of syrup. "i can cut my own food" i opened the syrup and started to drizzle it on my side of the plate.

"i like doing it for you" he cut his side up in much larger sections, and started to scoff down the pancakes.

"christoper!" i lightly scolded, covering my smile with my hand since i had food in my mouth.

"what?!" his cheeks were filled like a chipmunk as he chewed obnoxiously just to annoy me. the rest of breakfast he ended up eating most of the pancakes and sides, plus everything i couldn't finish. i didn't really feel guilty for not finishing my portions since he did easily. "did you eat enough?" we both looked at the cleared plates in front of us.

"yes, yes, thank you for finishing mine" i laughed a bit while looking back up at him, which he had syrup dripping down his chin. i grabbed a napkin at the end of the table and reached over, dabbling his chin while he resisted slightly. "i might have to pull out the mom trick for this one" i pulled my hand back and licked the tip of my thumb, his eyes watched as if he were in a trance.

with my other hand i reached back over the table and held his chin with my thumb and pointer finger, and using the thumb with saliva i began to wipe off the sticky syrup that was stuck on his chin. "don't do this to me" he quickly licked his lips and watched me attentively.

"what? i'm not even doing anything" i got the last bits off his face before removing both my hands and wiping them off with a napkin.

"you are so naive" he folded his hands on the table and we strongly locked eyes for a few moments before the waitress came back.

"could i offer any dessert?" she asked while taking the empty plates. i looked over at chris since i wasn't much prepared for this question.

"yes please" he answered immediately but his eyes shot over to me, almost as if he were asking for reassurance. i nodded and smiled at his gentle blue eyes before he turned his attention back to our waitress. "could we just do a vanilla shake please? two straws" he held up two fingers as he spoke. she jotted down the ticket, and left to go put the order in.

"a shake at..." i pulled out my phone to check to time. "nine thirty-eight in the morning?" i laughed a little and he just shrugged. when checking my phone i had also noticed a few text from nick and a missed call from matt. "your brothers are trying to contact me"

"what are they saying?" chris asked, folding his hands back on the table.

"i don't know," i opened my messages to see nick spamming me asking where i was, and why i didn't come to his room last night. "is it okay if i call them back real quick? is it rude if i call in here or should i go outside?" my finger hovered over matt's number.

"just call them here" he pursed his lips and without hesitation i called back matt. the phone rang only once before he picked up.

'hey' matt didn't sound fully awake as he answered the phone.

"hi matt" i laughed a little at his sleepy voice, chris started leaning across the entire table to eavesdrop on the conversation.

'did you take my car out this morning? i haven't been downstairs to check yet but nick told me there was a note or something'

"yeah, i'm sorry i didn't ask you. chris wanted to get breakfast" i pushed back chris's forehead since he was so close to my ear, trying to pick up on every word.

'no no it's okay, don't be sorry' he yawned loudly with a slight groan. 'you're still coming with us to the event tonight right?'

"yes of course" i started to twirl the ends of my hair with my finger nervously, feeling chris’s eyes burn through me.

'when will you be home?'

i don't know why, but i smiled at the fact that he said home, as if it were my home too. "within the hour i think" chris now began to pout since i pushed him away, he crossed his arms like a child and slouched in his seat.

'okay cool, do you think you could help me with an outfit? i have no idea what to wear'

"awe matty b still asking me for fashion advice” i bit my lip from laughing because he wasn't so fond of the nickname we all gave him as children. “of course”

'thanks' he chuckled over the phone, making me laugh as well. chris's brows were furrowed together as he stared daggers through me, but i stared right back. 'what are you going to wear?'

"yesterday me and nick got a little black silk dress" my fingers still twirled around my hair, chris pursing his lips gently as he watched.

'i'll wear black too so we can match'

"both of your brothers said the same thing" i smiled as chris almost jumped out of his seat.

"said what?" he tried to get my attention but i ignored him.

'seriously?' matt's voice was dull over the phone.

"seriously." i repeated him. "you three figure that out i'm staying out of it" my eyes darted at chris and he still had a pouty frown.

'chris will most likely kill us just so he could match with you' matt chuckled and so did i. i looked back up at chris who was still giving me those childish eyes.

"you think he would?" i mostly said that to tease chris, and to really grab his attention i placed my foot on top of his and nudged his shin lightly.

"think i would what?" chris's eyebrows shot up as he gritted his teeth.

'i know he would, i don't think i'm even going to attempt to argue with him'

"that's cute" i covered my smile with hand, looking at chris with every intent of keeping him on edge.

"what is cute?" he tapped his foot underneath mine making both our legs bounce slightly. "alright," chris swiftly reached over the table and took my phone right out of my hand. my jaw dropped at how quick this all happened. "sorry, we have to go be back soon, goodbye matt" chris spoke quickly on the phone before hanging it up, tediously staring at me.

"you are absolutely insane" i stared at him with shock as he still kept my phone.

"you're insane" he shot back at me, kicking my foot off the top of his. "how am i supposed to act when you're talking about me in front of me?"

"how do you know i was talking about you?" i tilted my head as i rested it in my hands now.

"you said something and then touched me like i was supposed to listen" he argued, but i wanted to push it further.

"what if i just wanted to touch you?" my lips slightly tugged upwards in a cocky manner, seeing that i could get him riled up without even doing much gave me a surge of confidence.

"you are really an inexplicable person" he scoffed, rubbing his mouth with a little smirk plastered on his face. as i opened my mouth to say something, the waitress set down the vanilla shake in front of us with two straws. "thank you" chris looked up at the waitress as she walked away. "do you want the cherry?" he asked as he picked it off the top of the whipped cream.

"you can have it" i smiled before pinching the straw closest to me and bringing it up to my lips.

"watch this" he spoke with the cherry in his mouth, and i silently waited for him to show me whatever it is he wanted me to watch. after about twenty seconds he stuck out his tongue with the cherry stem tied in a knot. "impressive huh?" his words were mumbled since he spoke with his tongue out.

"you show me this every time you have a cherry like it's something new" i took another sip of the shake, and his face saddened a little. "but, as always, it is extremely impressive" i praised him so he still felt the validation.

he took the cherry stem out of his mouth and set it on a napkin, and he took a sip of the shake. "this is absolutely amazing" he threw his head back after tasting the shake, causing me to giggle at his reaction.

i bent my head back down to take another sip, and he did at the same time as well. both our faces were so close together, his eyes were softly gazing at me through his dark lashes. i tried my best not to smile, but it was inevitable. "stop it" i leaned back into my seat, crossing my arms in an embarrassed manner.

"i can't help myself" he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. he pointed it up at me and i heard the camera shutter sound effect.

"chris stop" i immediately felt embarrassed with the camera being pointed at me, trying to cover up my face that was now probably red.

"oh come on you look so pretty" he cooed as he focused on his phone, rapidly snapping pictures. i couldn't tell if he was messing with me at this point. he then reached out across the table holding his phone with the front facing camera, getting both of us in the shot with the shake. he started to record as he set up his phone against the napkin dispenser. "alright watch this, you only see this in movies" he talked to himself on the phone and he looked at me, holding onto the cup and leaning into his straw. i looked at the camera and giggled as he was taking a little sip. i of course took a sip too at the same time so he wouldn't be mad, i looked at the camera still as he looked towards me. i ended up moving my eyes up to meet his, and we both started to laugh again. "i've always wanted to do that" he stopped recording and smiled down at his phone with the shot he got.

"you're so corny" i leaned back into my seat trying my best to hide the blush that began to spread across my face.

"could i post this?" he showed me a screenshot he took of the video where im looking towards the camera, smiling with the straw close to my lips and he was sipping, gazing admirably at me.

"i don't care" i examined the photo more, even more butterflies seeing the way he looked at me when i wasn't looking at him. "but don't you think that might stir stuff up? i'll probably receive fifty threats within a minute" i bit my lip as he just shook his head.

"don't even worry about that" he was on instagram now, posting it on his story and tagging me. over the years, i grew a small following because of the boys. i would be in a few videos or tik toks they made considering that i was with them most of the time back when they only lived in boston, and i guess their fans are fifty-fifty about me. i never read the comments, or looked at my direct messages because i knew if i did i would just hurt myself.

i tried to stay off of social media, but i did like posting here and there, and of course i still kept it to keep up with the triplets while they’re back and forth.

at the end of our meal, this ended up snatching the check before i could even get a chance to take out my wallet. he repeatedly told me that he was okay with paying, yet i still felt guilty since he did let me splurge yesterday. when leaving the restaurant, he held open all doors for me as well as the drivers side, and we were finally back on our way home.

chapter one

disclaimer!

yall i know they’re sober okay it’s just for the story, i have like seven chapters of this written up n i just wanted to see how one part would do so far :) i might not get everything accurate but it is just a story so don’t come for me ! plz!

tw

fem!reader, fluff, substance use

"did you want to stop anywhere else before we go?" nick turned to me as my bags were clustered together on my arms as he only had a few.

"i think im okay" i looked down at my purchases, not even remembering what i had bought within the last previous hours since i had just fully splurged without a second thought.

"i think so too" nick chuckled and pulled out his phone while we stood on the busy strip of shops and restaurants. "let me get an uber and we'll head back" he didn't look up from his phone as he spoke, his hair gently blew in the wind that had a hint of sea salt lingering behind it.

i felt exhausted. i had a busy day out with nick. we went to the beach, went shopping, ate dinner, basically spending our whole day together. but this wasn't even the most busy day i had within the last two weeks with them.

the sturniolo family and mine had grew up together for as long as i could remember, in fact, me and the triplets were only born a week or two apart. my mom and their mom were childhood best friends since seventh grade, so they had also grew up together as well. they’ve always had plans as little girls to have babies around the same time so they could through motherhood together. it was always a childhood fantasy until it had actually happened, and ever since i could recall me and the triplets have never been separated… up until they had moved out of our hometown and to los angeles. they had often come to visit, but unfortunately they were extremely busy now than ever since the fame had rapidly taken over.

but they had spoiled me and flew me out for three weeks with them after not seeing them for six months. it was an unexpected present they had sent me and watched me open it over facetime. and i'll never forget their and even my own reaction.

i was about a week and a half into my trip, and already i've been extremely spoiled and so nicely treated by them. it was nothing new, when we were younger they had always treated me like a princess and the princess treatment still carried over twenty years later.

after about five minutes our uber pulled up to the curb we were waiting at, and we carefully slid in with all of our items. we talked quietly amongst ourselves, both of us feeling extremely dreary from our long day out. "we should deliver ice cream or something" my eyes lazily scanned the crowded ice cream stand as we drove by it.

"you said you were full after dinner" nick averted his gaze from looking out his window and looked down at me, laughing softly.

"ice cream sound amazing though right?" i cocked a brow, knowing i am going to order the ice cream with or without him.

"you're right" he sighed in defeat, rubbing his mouth in a contemplative way. me and nick were always the closest out of the three. i loved them all with my entire heart, but nick was truly my best friend. we would be able to sit in silence for hours just comfortable with each other's presence, hanging out for hours on end and being able to talk about absolutely everything. "what are you going to wear to that party tomorrow?" he broke me out of my daydream as the roads became more familiar as we got closer to their home.

"i think that little black dress i bought would be nice, no?" i turned to him, sort of thinking about the idea.

"you can never go wrong with that" he agreed. "i'll wear all black with you if you end up wearing that" he offered, making me laugh a bit.

"that would be great" i said wittily, my dreary head shifted its way onto his shoulder. "i'm a little nervous for the party"

"how come?" he pursed his lips, his eyes now shifting down to connect with mine.

"well i wouldn't know anyone besides you guys" the uber stopped in front of the house so we can be let off. we politely thanked him before shuffling out, grabbing all of my bags with me.

"well, you don't need to know anyone else but us" nick reassured with a little smile as he began to punch in the gate code.

"i wouldn't want to be annoying though and just leech off of you guys the entire time" the gate opened and we started to walk through, quickly the front door swung open.

"trust me you aren't annoying anybody here (y/n)," nick continued to reassure me as my eyes watched matt slightly jog down the front porch steps and to us.

"why didn't you help her with her bags?" matt looked at nick and nick quickly defended himself from his brother.

"i tried to, but she wouldn't let me" nick locked the gate back up as matt grabbed some of the bags off my arms without even asking me.

"i could've carried them myself" i looked up at him with a smile.

"you looked like you were struggling on your way up" he didn't even look at me before taking the lead and walking back inside, me and nick following him. nick side eyed me behind matt's back with his lips curled into a scoff, making me slightly giggle.

"did you guys eat yet?" matt asked as i made my way to the guest room that was tucked away within the first floor.

"yes" i heard nicks footsteps go up the stairs and my other bags that matt was holding rustling behind me as i made my way to my room for the time being.

once i was in my room i set my bags down and sat down on the bed, watching matt set down everything else. "thank you" i reached down and began to untie my shoes, ready to get into my pajamas after the long day.

"of course" he smiled gently and looked at me for a few long seconds before speaking again. "chris was looking for you all day today" matt rubbed his eyes with a slight smile.

"really?" my brows furrowed together but i couldn't help that i was a bit excited from hearing that. the name 'chris' even has me in a chokehold. we all grew up together, we grew up the same way, we all seen each other just as frequently as the other, besides nick, who i was inevitably closer with and hungout much more one on one, but even ever since we were little kids, me and chris's bond has always been slightly different, and everyone would be able to tell that no matter who you are. but i would never let myself act on those different feelings. i never wanted the ruin the dynamic between all of us.

"mhm," matt hummed, making his way to the door. "let me know if you need anything" he shut it behind him as i stared down at my feet for a moment.

i pushed myself off my bed and made my way towards the bathroom that was connected to the guest room and began to do my nightly routine, thinking about what matt had said but not taking it too far into consideration. i put my glasses on as the last step of my routine and quickly changed out of my clothes and into my pajamas, plaid fleece bottoms and a little tank top.

i slipped on my beige slippers and grabbed my phone before heading to nicks room, but before i could even open my door three knocks startled me. "can i come in?" chris's voice was muffled on the other side of the door. i opened the door which he seemed surprised, his eyes were extremely droopy, his hair was messy, his pajama bottoms sagged slightly revealing his boxers and he didn't have a shirt on. "oh..." he took a step back. i smiled and moved out of the way, giving him entrance into my temporary bedroom. "where have you been all day?" he asked, launching himself onto my bed and instantly cuddling up in the blankets.

"i was out with nick, i told you that, but i guess it just turned into an all day thing" i turned around and looked at him, and now that he was in the light i could see his eyes were a bit pink as well. "are you only coming to me because you just smoked?" i still stood and watched him as he got comfortable.

"no, no, no" his droopy eyes quickly went wide and he sat up, "i missed you today that's all, and i just happened to smoke. coincidence"

"got it" i couldn't help but smile at him and i made my way towards the edge of the bed, keeping our distance although i felt my skin on fire. i wish that the feelings would go away, but after several years they never had.

"you got a little sunburn on your cheeks" he reached his hand up and gently brushed his thumb across my cheek.

"is it bad?" i pulled myself away from his hand and touched it with my own, feeling the slightly irritated skin. i didn't even notice it in the bathroom.

"no, not at all" his tired eyes locked with mine. "it's cute" he grinned, making me smile too. he knew what he was doing. i felt like he had known i had a crush on him, but sometimes i think he's completely oblivious to it. i am sort of hoping he's more on the oblivious side.

it wasn't unnoticed that i would get a little more nervous whenever he was around, a little more aware. with matt and nick i was fine but with chris, even though i knew i could be myself around him, i still felt a small edge.

"do you really think so" i said sarcastically and put my hand under my chin, posing my face so he could see all sides.

"i really do" he chuckled, putting his hands behind his head now as he laid back down. the soft light in my room prominently brought out his light muscle tone along his strong facial features. "what are you going to wear to the party?" he asked me, referring to tomorrow.

"i bought a little black dress today" i looked behind me at the plethora of bags scattered around my room.

"that's always a classic" he nodded, the corners of his lips upturned.

"i spent so much money..." i sighed, still looking at the bags.

"did you use my card like i told you to?" he asked, now propping himself up on his elbow.

"as guilty as i am, i did" i scratched the back of my head and looked at him, his face washed over with excitement.

"well technically..." he now had deceitful look in his eyes, making my stomach churn. "i bought all these clothes so you have to give me a haul"

"you want a haul?" i couldn't help but to giggle a bit.

"please" his icy blue eyes looked up at me as i began to stand up, sending chills through every part of my body. "especially the victoria secret bag, i want a try on haul"

"cut it out" i turned my head to him as he was smirking at his little remark. "thank you by the way, you seriously did not have to give me any money"

"i wanted to" he watched me carefully now as i picked up all the bags and set them down on the bed. "so what did you get?" he sat himself up now and leaned against the headboard. "show me the dress"

i shuffled and dug around into some bags until i found the dress, his face immediately dropped as soon as i pulled it out. "what? is it ugly?" i was taken aback from his reaction.

"no not at all" he was looking between me and the dress. "it's just that..." he hesitated before speaking making me more nervous.

"just say it! am i too big for this dress? will it not compliment me?" i started to panic now, of course my thoughts quickly spiraling. that was nothing new to me.

"no! absolutely not!" he jumped up in quick defense, still looking at the dress. "it just looks like the size of a t-shirt…" he mumbled so softly, making me laugh that all the anticipation was for nothing. "it's not funny, it's too short" he started to laugh along with me, snatching the luxurious dress away from my hands. "are you sure this says dress on it? are you sure you didn't get it in the shirt section?" he started to look at it closely now, looking at the tags and everything. "it's so silky" he started to rub it against his face like a child with a blanket. "this is silk right?"

"stop it" i took it back from him with a smile, his eyes were still somewhat in a trance on the dress. "yes it is"

"i'll have to keep an eye on you all night if you wear that" he huffed, running his fingers through his hair. "are you going to wear like," his gaze averted up to my eyes, and i held it strongly. "wear a jacket..? like one that goes to the floor and you just button it up all the way and the dress underneath it so technically you're still wearing it out"

"i'm in los angeles, i didn't think i needed a jacket" i scoffed, neatly laying the dress across the desk chair that was in the room. he looked like he was in deep thought now. he licked his lips and wiped his mouth, all of his subconscious habits coming into play. i was now standing at the foot of my bed as he looked contemplated, but i was ready to go into more of the haul.

"nick let you buy that dress? for how short it is?" his pink eyes looked me up and down making me tense.

"christopher" i snapped at him, shooting my eyes up to meet his. "it's not that short"

"what shoes are you wearing?" he asked. he crossed his arms in such a graceful manner, accentuating his chest.

"i was just going to show you" i dug into another bag and pulled out a shoe box. inside the box revealed gorgeous, sleek, simple, shiny black stiletto heels. "what do you think?"

"i think that maybe with those on you'll look a normal height" he snarked, earning glare.

"seriously?" i cocked my head to the side, challenging him to see if he'd go any further.

"sorry" he pressed his lips together to try and mask his smile. "all i know is that you're definitely going to be the center of attention"

"yeah right" i put the heels back in the box and had also set them down by my dress. "im not going to know anyone there besides you guys, ill be following you guys around like a lost puppy" i retorted, moving some of the bags aside on my bed and sitting back down.

"there's no issue with that" he seemed a bit relieved taking in the fact that i would be near him all night. "i would be glad to accompany you to this party" he bowed his head like a prince would and spoke in an extremely formal accent, earning a small laugh. "i'll wear all black too"

"i think nick already is" i remembered him saying something about that in the uber.

"but i want to match with you though" he slightly whined and pouted like a child.

"well that has to be arranged between you guys" i put my hands up in defense and his eyes seemed to drift from mine and fixate my chest area. "what are you doing?" i covered my chest with my hands, watching his eyes carefully.

"i was looking at your necklace" he scoffed, and i quickly set my arms back down.

"oh" i giggled lightly and scooted a bit closer to him. "do you like it?" i asked him as his fingers gently brushed against my chest, and he held the small gold lion pendant.

"i do" he looked up softly at me. "did your boyfriend back at home get it for you?"

"you're such a dick" i slapped his arm away and a smile slowly crept up on his face. "me and that guy dated for a month, he cheated on me anyway, you know this..." i felt humiliated. "why do you still tease me for it?"

"because i told you he was a walking red flag" chris leaned back against the headboard, crossing his arms like how he had them before.

"please forgive me for being young and naive" i said in a snide tone, shaking my head. "what about you?" i asked him with a stern tone.

"what?" he cocked a brow.

"have you been with anyone within the last two years?" i asked him, sort of hoping the answer would only go one way.

"absolutely not" he shook his head, still holding eye contact with me. "(y/n) you would've known"

"well," i placed my hands in my lap. "do you have any interest in anyone? you've had to have met so many people in l.a."

"why are you asking me these questions?" his face began to hue a pink, just like his eyes. it gave me a small ego boost, seeing that i could also make him nervous.

"what? you can bust my balls all you want but i can't?" i teased him and he bit his lip nervously.

"she's going to be at the party tomorrow" he said, making my heart sink to the bottom of my stomach. i always set myself up to self sabotage, but it's better for me to find out from him than anyone else.

"yeah?" i kept a smile on my face, staying strong.

"mhm" he hummed, licking his lips and keeping his gaze in my eyes. a small bit of tension built up in the room and i felt like it was my fault.

"then you better not match with me because she might take it the wrong way" i anxiously began to fidget with the rings on my fingers.

"no, she better like it" he quickly came back making me a little confused but still a bit dejected.

"you're bold christopher" i slightly tilted my head to the side, taking in his dominate tone.

"i really wish i was" he sighed and stared at me with a slight look of regret in his eyes. it was a little off putting since it was hard to read him in this moment, the tension now flooded the room and it felt like i was drowning in it.

"then why aren't you?" i pushed him a little further.

"because i'm scared" he still looked strongly at me.

"scared of what?" my fingers made their way back to fidgeting with my rings. the vibe in this room was so off putting yet i still feel extremely relaxed with chris.

"rejection" his eyes became even more droopier as he spoke. "commitment"

"chris you know you could have any girl that you want" i couldn't help but to laugh a tiny bit, chris, scared of rejection? seriously? i understand commitment, he's always had an issue with that.

"there's only one i want" he held his pointer finger up in my face, indicating the number one.

"well," i softly pushed his large hand away from my face, but he ended up resting it in my lap on top of my hands lazily. "why not make your move at the party tomorrow? you said she'd be there right?" his hand started to feel all the rings on my finger, sending shivers down my spine with how gentle he's being.

"i will" he stared at our hands mingling, looking deep in thought. "you mess with your rings a lot, even the other day in the restaurant when you were ordering when we all went out to eat"

"i guess it's a nervous habit" i tried to pull my hand out of his soft grip, but he harshly grabbed it back.

"i wasn't done looking yet" he didn't even look up at me, just softly held my hands with his one.

"i think you're just trying to hold my hands" i grinned and looked up at him, and his eyes returned back to mine.

"so what?" his head lazily tilted to the side. "is it okay?" i nodded and watched his every move. "just like when we were younger" he chuckled to himself.

"i know" i sighed, laughing at the memories. "you did not let go of my hand when you were a toddler" he reached his other hand over now and started to play with both my hands. "i was dragged along everywhere with you"

"you wear so many rings" he held up my wrist to his face, inevitably pulling me in closer to him. "you don't like being dragged along with me?" his voice became tired now, but it was even more attractive.

"what more could i want in life?" i retorted, earning a small, sleepy evil eye from him. "you look so tired"

"im tired of you" he said scornfully, causing me to withdraw my hands from him and lean back with fake shock.

"you're extremely sassy tonight" i gave him a fake sad look and his face softened.

"i didn't mean it, come on" he quickly reached over and grabbed my arm, yanking me towards him and quickly engulfing me into a big hug. "you know you're my favorite person" he mumbled into my hair as i laughed at the sudden movements, being a bit taken back.

"you're my favorite boy ever" i told him, and i couldn't help but to wrap my arms around him as well. i was so happy to be in l.a. with all of them again. ever since they've been moving around back and forth i always felt a little empty without them in my hometown. i know that they were always one call away, but it would never be the same than me riding my bike to their house like i did when i was young, knowing i could go to them whenever i needed to.

"what about nick?" chris didn't let me go, but i wasn't upset about it. his hugs were always my favorite.

"that's our secret then" i pulled away from him as his arms still lingered around my middle, and we sat there just staring at each other for a moment.

"can we have a sleepover?" he asked, excitement filled his tired eyes.

"i guess" i laughed a little, my hands subconsciously rubbed his arm that was resting on me. ever since we were children chris has always been touchy with me, never in a weird way, so i never really accounted on that for a yes or no confirmation if he had similar feelings for me or not.

"hooray" he geek-ily smiled at me, earning a little laugh. "we haven't had a sleepover since sixth grade"

"i don't know what you're talking about, i was practically at your house every weekend in high school sleeping over" i cocked my brow, taking my hand away from his arm.

"yeah but you were always with nick" he rubbed his eyes with one of his hands, the other still loosely holding me.

"we're you jealous?" i teased him, but he just rolled his eyes.

"really?" he said in a dull tone, his eyes looking like they were trying to fight awake.

"i'm teasing you" i couldn't help but to feel the sleepiness as well.

"tell me about it" he groaned, covering his eyes with both his hands now and he looked up at the ceiling.

i giggled a little and swung my legs over the mattress, and started to move off all the rest of my bags off the bed that i hadn't shown him yet. "aren't you going to show me everything?"

"tomorrow, i'm tired" i set down all my bags on the floor and tossed him the television remote. "turn something on" he caught it with ease and i made my way to the light switch.

the only light that filled the room now was the t.v. and the moon spilling in from outside. it was such a calming scene, especially with chris in the room. as nervous as he made me he will always, always put me at ease.

i crawled into my bed, keeping as much distance as i could from chris. i didn't want to seem like i was pushing it at all, or annoying him in anyway. i pulled the blanket up to my chin, tucking myself in next time him, grabbing hold of the teddy bear that was gifted to me several years ago from the triplets and hugging it to my chest. "you still have that?" chris's groggy voice was close to me now.

"of course" my eyes focused on the t.v., seeing he had put on some movie. i wasn't sure what it was though. i was too tired to care right now.

"you took it with you on your trip?" he still sat up against the headboard, slouching a little as he looked down at me.

"it's like my security blanket" i looked up at him, his face being dimly lit by the television.

"awe that's adorable" he cooed at me, a slight pout formed on my lips. "why don't you hold me like that?" at this point he had to be taunting me.

"i don't think you're a teddy bear" my fingers laced in the teddy bears slightly matted fur.

"let me me be your teddy bear" he sang to me in his sleepy voice, referring to the elvis song.

"oh my goodness" my face was flush, but im sure the sunburn covered it up.

"please" he begged, pouting his lip out and widening his eyes like a puppy. i knew he was just high, and he probably wouldn't mention any of this in the morning, but it was also just how our dynamic worked.

"c'mere" i set my teddy aside freeing the space and opened up my arms to welcome him.

"yes" he said joyful to himself, quickly shifting himself on top of me. i grunted a little at the weight, since he plopped himself on me without any hesitation.

i wrapped my arms around his neck, hugging him slightly as he got comfortable with his head on my chest. his fluffy hair tickled my face and i gently pushed it away with my fingers. "you're such a baby" my fingertips softly traced along his back, my eyes shifted to the screen.

"remember in middle school at that one little party we went to" he murmured into my skin, his hot breath against me made my hair standup.

"not really" one of my hands began to play with his soft hair. "that was so long ago, how do you even remember middle school"

"i don't know" he mumbled.

"why?" i was talking softly now.

"i remember it was the first girl-boy party we ever went to and how exciting it was" he rambled with slurred words here and there. "and we played spin the bottle remember?"

"sort of..?" i tried to dig deep into the memory but it wasn't really anywhere to be found.

"it was your turn and you were so nervous" he chuckled lowly, but i was still confused to the point he was trying to make. "but it landed on me"

the embarrassing memory instantly came back.

"oh god" i sighed, rolling my eyes a little at the story. "why are bringing this up?"

"i don't know i just remembered it" i could tell he was lying. i didn't want to push the conversation further. "was i a bad kisser? is that why you don't remember?"

"christopher..!" i whisper yelled at him, taking my hands out of his hair and off him and tried to push his shoulders off me but he didn't budge. he probably had felt the heat radiating off my body from how embarrassed i was.

"what?" he chuckled slightly at my reaction, resisting to move off of me. "put your hand back in my hair please" he mumbled but i didn't listen to him. "please, it feels so good" he whined wearily, my heart began to pick up at the choice of words he used. "remember when you used to do my hair as a kid"

"why do you remember so much?" i put my hands back in his hair, softly pressing my nails into his scalp and lacing my fingers through his locks.

"god, i don't know but i just love this feeling" he groaned, nestling more in my chest. "i missed you" he blurted out, his eyes shut all the way now. he talks so much, i wouldn't doubt that he sleep-talks as well. but i never ever minded it. the way he could change the subject and talk to people and never make it awkward was just such a strong quality of his. "i miss being at home and you're so close to me-" he cut himself off quickly. "well i meant us"

"i missed you too chris" i let my eyes fall since they were fighting to stay awake at this point. "a lot"

thank you everyone who gave my first chapter a read, i appreciate ever single person who decided to click on it. thank you <3 i should have more written by monday, i’m away this weekend. thank you again <3

tw: abuse, fem reader

i sat on the couch, making myself stay up until mike needed to be up. it wasn't that hard to stay up, since the new information abby spilled to me had me worked up. i sat on the couch for the next half hour smiling like an idiot.

ten thirty came quick, and i felt my throat go dry when i had to get up. i've never been inside of mikes room, let alone even waking him up.

i walked on the side of the hallway to make the floors less creaky. my hand lingered in his doorknob, scared to open it, but i have to wake him up. my hand slowly gripped the knob, and i turned it slowly.  his breathing was loud, almost as if he were hyperventilating... "mike.." i whisper yelled from his doorway, hoping it would wake him up, but his breathing only intensified. "mike.." i repeated a bit louder, my fingers began to pick at my cuticles nervously. his breathing only picked up more, and i stepped a bit closer to his bed. "michael..?!" why wasn't he waking up? what is happening? 

i walked right up to his bedside, his breathing still increasing in pace. "mike..!" i whisper yelled once again a few inches away from his face. although he was sleeping, his face endured major panic and stress. "mike..!" i put my hand on his shoulder and shook him lightly, but he didn't budge. "mike!" i panicked now, both my hands gripped his bare arm, shaking him vigorously.

i was then vigorously startled by him jolting upwards, his hands reached for my waist, his head buried into my stomach as he gasped for air. "who took him!?" he didn't seem like he was fully awake yet, his fist clenched so tightly on the fabric of my sweatshirt, and i felt how sweaty his head was as he leaned on me.

i myself couldn't move. i had no idea what was even happening. everything was happening too fast, and everything seemed too stressful. "mike..." i had my arms raised since he lunged at me, but now i set them on his shoulders and pushed him back a bit to see his face, which was streaming with tears. i think he was finally awake and somewhat conscious now. "what's wrong?" i asked, carefully looking down at him.

"i'm sorry" he immediately went back to his quiet self, putting his hands in his lap and his eyes on his bed.

"don't be sorry.." i said gently, never seeing anything like this happen before.

"thanks for waking me up" he stood up as i was frozen in place, but i think him standing it indicated me to leave. "i didn't mean to grab you"

"it's okay" i quickly and embarrassedly walked out of the room. i had no idea what just happened, but his quick touch made my face warm up. i was pathetic. i sat back down on the couch, listening to mike shuffle around in his room. i was still trying to process all of the events that had happened.

his soft footsteps were to be heard coming closer, and i intentionally stared at the t.v. to act as if i don't care. "i'm sorry" mikes voice was to be heard above me. he was leaning on the couch, both his hands rested on the back of it.

"it's not a big deal" i swallowed, i tried acting nonchalant and carefree but my cheeks were burning. "what happened..?" i questioned softly.

"um.." he grumbled, clearing his throat before walking about the couch and sitting in the recliner. "just a bad dream" he sighed, sinking into the chair and watching the television. "why are you watching this?" mike had a small smile appear on his lips as he looked back at me.

"abby had it on" i rubbed the back of my neck anxiously, trying to find something to occupy myself with so i didn't look like a fool.

"abby really likes you" mike muttered as he licked the insides of his mouth, focused on the television. "she talks to you more than she's ever spoken to me in her whole life." mike sounded a little upset. "how do you do it..?" he asked quietly.

"well i used to have a sister," i spoke without thinking, hitting myself since i worded it wrong.

"used to?" mike sat up a little, his head turned completely towards me now. "what happened?" he seemed oddly invested, making me more nervous.

"oh, nothing" i shook my head at his strong responses. "i just haven't seen her.."

"why not?" mike leaned back on his chair now, but his body was still facing me.

"growing up, you know" i spurted out, picking at my cuticles once again.

mikes eyes looked down at my hands and then at my face. "why haven't you actually seen her" he spoke softer now. his eyes seeming warm and welcoming, roping me into trusting him.

"um.." i stammered, breaking eye contact with his compassionate brown eyes. they made my heart flutter. "it's a long story" i smiled falsely and picked more at my nails.

"i have time" mikes eyes were still on me. i looked over at the clock and it was only ten-fifty.

"i haven't spoken to my family in four years" i boldly said, since he was being bold as well and talking to me a lot this evening. "it's sort of hard to explain" my throat felt tight. "i actually haven't seen anyone in four, five years" i smiled a bit to trick myself into thinking i was alright.

"we're you taken from them?" mike sternly looked at me, still with a soft, sleepy face.

"no" i shook my head, my cuticles had to have been ripped off completely by now.

"do you had a bad relationship with them?" he continued asking.

"no, we were actually all extremely close" i finally broke eye contact again.

"what happened..?" mike said gently. i don't know why mike was so talkative tonight, maybe because it's later at night and he's still not awake..?

"i've been dating this guy," my lips pursed as all of mikes sweet, gentle emotions suddenly dropped to become slightly devastated. "a-and ever since we've been together i've slowly been cut off from the world, not by my choice, by his" i felt the aura change since his face did. "it's mostly my fault that i get hurt" i looked back up at him. "an-"

"why is it your fault?" he cut me off, growing aggravated.

"i make mistakes" i answered honestly. "i deserve it honestly, i mess up a lot"

"are you joking right now..?" mikes brows cocked up as he looked at me with disbelief. "do you actually think this way?"

"think like what?" i began to grow embarrassed, my cheeks flushed red.

"you don't deserve that (y/n)..." he looked at me with extreme worry. "if you make a mistake, you make a mistake, you don't get punished for it.." mike swallowed hard, leaning back in his chair.

"you don't know the mistakes i make..." tears pricked at my eyes, consistent memories were now flooding my brain.

"like what?" i believe mike picked up on my body language because he softened his tone.

"if breakfast isn't ready," i choked on my tears now. "if i didn't clean up the house good enough" my emotions felt like they were about to burst, like rushing water on a weak dam, everything came out. "if i don't have sex with him" tears rolled down my face and i tried as hard as i could to hold back sobs. "asking to go outside" i wiped my nose with my sleeve. "asking for new clothes" i held my face with both of my hands, trying to figure out what strange feelings i was experiencing. everything seemed to be flooding out of me, like i had finally burst. "asking to get a job, asking him to not cheat on me, asking to sleep in a bed, asking to be treated better..!" i began to sob now, i grabbed a pillow and quickly buried my face into it so i didn't wake up abby, and so that mike wouldn't see me cry. this is truly one of our third or fourth real interactions we had with each other over the last year, and i don't want him to think i'm crazy.

i cried hard. i've never cried so horribly in my life, even after i was hit. i felt my whole body ache, everything was hurting, even my head.

i was pulled out of a trance when the couch cushion next to me sank, and the pillow i was holding up to my face slowly was being taken down. "i'm sorry" i pressed my lips together, quickly wiping my eyes trying to look put together as he set the pillow aside.

"please, don't be sorry" he was so close to me that i smelled the mint toothpaste he had used. my insides were once again empty, in both a good and bad way. "you don't have to feel sorry for what you feel" he looked down at my hands in my lap. "your fingers are bleeding" he looked at my fingers then back at me.

"i'm sorry" was my subconscious response. i was then surprised by his movement of raising his arms up and wrapping them over my shoulders, pulling me into him.

this was something i'd never expect. ever.

i gave into the hug since it was so warm and inviting. my head leaned on his shoulder as more tears poured out of my eyes. "don't be sorry for anything anymore" he whispered, making my heart flutter. i haven't been hugged so warmly, so wanted in forever.

anthony's hugs always felt cold, they never gave me a sense of warmth and security unlike this. i've never had this feeling before, ever. i finally squeezed him back, feeling content. i never expected this to happen, crying in mike schmidt's arms, feeling tranquility and relief i've been trying to get for years.

"thank you" i coughed up and began to pull away from him, not wanting to overstay my welcome in his presence this close.

"let's get the blood off your fingers" he stood up, waiting for me to get up before he started to walk into the bathroom. i followed him, and for the first time i wasn't afraid of following a man. he flicked on the lights and opened the cabinet that also doubled as a mirror. he didn't have a lot of medicine or medical supplies, but he had just enough. he grabbed bandaids and hydrogen peroxide, and looked down at me since we were so close in the small bathroom. "can i touch you?" his eyes looked down at my hands. i nodded, and he slowly grabbed my hand that was bleeding from me picking at it. his hands were rough and warm. they were big like anthony's, but not scary. his one hand was three times the size of mine. he carefully cleaned out the little wound, his fingers holding my shaking hand still so softly. i've never been touched with such delicacy, my knees were about to give out. he wrapped the bandaid around my finger, i watched carefully. i've never been taken care of like this. all of these feelings were overwhelmed and new and extremely different.

"t-thank you" i stuttered, overwhelmed and unsure of the new feelings.

"are you hurt anywhere else?" his voice was still low for abby's sake. it was hard for me to swallow as he asked that.

"my back" i was honest with him now, i didn't have the urge to lie anymore.

"can i see it?" mikes eyes seemed worried, looking at my eyes in a frantic manner. i nodded, turning around and grabbing the hem of my sweatshirt. i was hesitant to pull it up, but i closed my eyes and did. i didn't want to see his reaction whatsoever. i lifted it was much as i could. he gasped lightly, and his breathing picked up a bit. "(y-y/n)...." he stuttered, his voice extremely shaky. i didn't open my eyes, and i didn't want to. i didn't want to see his face. "how long have you left these untreated..?" he asked as he now grabbed the back of my sweatshirt and raised it more.

"i don't know" my face felt hot.

"it's still bleeding, it's on your sweatshirt" he held the hoodie up still. "this could be serious"

"it's not" i quickly replied. "it'll heal" i grabbed my hair and moved it off my back and onto my shoulders.

"your whole back... it's bruised, some wounds infected and bleeding" he described to me what i already knew. he slowly set down the hem of my sweatshirt and i opened my eyes. he bent down and reached into his cabinet, grabbing a small rag. he poured some of the peroxide in a rag, and with his free hand without the rag, he lifted up my sweatshirt once again. "this will sting" he warned, and started to clean the bigger wounds on my back. it did sting, but it wasn't as bad as what i've experienced in the past. "um.." he cleared his throat, taking a step back. "do you think you can take your sweatshirt off..?" he asked in an extremely shy manner. "it would just be easier to clean everything you know" he was quick to speak.

"yeah" i swallowed hard. my fingers reached for the hem of the sweatshirt again, and i slowly pulled it up and over my head. my face was beet red now, and i bet he could feel the heat intensifying off my body. once it was off, mike went back to cleaning out the wounds all along my back.

i clenched my hoodie tightly in my hands, the pain of the cleaning wears getting to me, but the pain was overpowered by his slight touches along my bare skin. his rough fingers would slightly graze my back every now and then, making my insides disappear. "are you doing okay?" he checked in on me as he was cleaning my back.

"yeah" i squeezed my sweatshirt closer to my body.

"almost done" his voice was raspy, making my breath catch in my throat. "i can get you clean clothes as well"

"thank you" i murmured, hugging my sweatshirt.

"all done" he set down the rag and reached over me to put away the peroxide and the bandages. "i put put bandages on the open stuff" he slightly sounded accomplished in his tired voice.

"thank you" i repeated myself again, covering my chest with my hoodie.

"i have something for you" he moved past in the bathroom and into the hallway. he walked into his bedroom, looking back at me as if to follow him. i did, and i walked into his bedroom once again that night. he reached into his closet and pulled out a navy hoodie, tossing it on the bed. he then went into his drawers and pulled out sweatpants as well. "just so your more comfortable" he said quietly.

"you don't have to do this mike" i felt my eyes wanting to tear up.

"i want to" he stepped towards the door as i walked to his bed to grab the clothing. my back was turned to him as i set down my dirty hoodie on the bed. "i don't mind doing this for you, you know. it's only fair, you've been babysitting abby for so long without much pay" i felt his eyes burning against my bare skin that was only covered by a cheap bra. he's already seen my bare back, but this felt so different. as i reached my arms through the sweatshirt, his scent immediately filled my nose, and i still felt his eyes trace along my body as i pulled it over my head. "i-i have to go" he stammered, and grabbed his keys that were on his nightstand.

"thank you mike" i turned to him, smiling gently as his face was bright red, even his ears that peaked out from his curly hair were pink.

"you're welcome" he looked down at the floor as he leaned against the door frame. "you can sleep in here if you'd like, if you haven't slept in a bed for awhile.." he kept his gaze on the floor. "i'll see you when i get back"

"can you lock the door when you leave?" i looked at him as he regained eye contact with me.

"y-yeah" he stuttered once again, nodding quickly.

"have a good day" i tried to not cry. i was overwhelmed. "thank you"

"of course" he scratched the back of his messy hair. "call me if abby or you need anything" he said before he walked out of the door frame. i heard him shuffled around the kitchen before he grabbed the keys and walked out, and i heard the door lock.

i slipped out of my old jeans and into the sweatpants, everything feeling extremely comfortable. a feeling that i've been needing. i kept mikes door open incase i would hear abby and she needed me. i turned off his lamp, leaving the room in darkness. i picked up his comforter, and slid myself into his bed.

this was strange, but nice. his scent filled every single one of my senses. it was comforting. i was warm, relaxed, nothing to worry about. i was overwhelmed with support and happiness, but i knew it was going to be short lived. i would have to wake up and go back home tomorrow.

i didn't want to think about that now. i just wanted to blissfully enjoy my time in bed, something i wouldn't forget.

my eyes lazily stared at the nebraska poster, and my body sank more into the mattress. every ache in my body felt relieved. i guiltily pulled up his comforter to my nose and smelled it, and couldn't help but to smile. everything felt different.

i was able to sleep peacefully that night.

~

sunlight leaked through the blinds, waking me up softly. i felt extremely well rested, and my surroundings surprised me a bit this morning.

i forgot i fell asleep in mikes bedroom, in his clothes.

i pulled the blanket over my face to hide my blushing from myself, just to be more intrigued by his scent. i smiled to myself more, feeling youthful and blissful. i felt innocent again. i rolled over with a smile still on my face, focusing on his alarm clock.

my feeling of bliss quickly left my body when i had read the time was nine-fifty.

i jumped out of bed, springing to my feet with the uttermost panic rushing through my veins. i felt myself loosing my breath, and it became hard to breathe. i rushed out of his bedroom, and straight towards the door where i kicked my shoes off.

i began slightly hyperventilating, unable to think straight as i tried putting the wrong shoes on the wrong feet. "hey.." mikes head peaked up over the couch, his eyes that were fatigued had a sense of panic as well. "what's going on?" he now stood up, watching me intently as i couldn't tie my shoe.

"why didn't you wake me up?" my tone came off as snarky, but i didn't mean it to.

"y-you we're sleeping so comfortably i couldn't.." his eyes were wide as they frantically scanned all over my body.

"anthony is going to be pissed, i already messed up yesterday, i can't do this again" i panicked and for my shoes on, standing up and heading towards the door.

"(y/n) can we talk" mike's voice was somber as i reached for the door handle. my brain told me to walk out of his home, but my heart didn't let me. "i can't let you go back there after knowing everything" his voice sounded unsettled and upset.

"where am i going to go?" i turned around to face him, his face didn't look quite phased, just exhausted, but his voice was strong.

"here" he said gently. "for a bit, to get you back out working, and connected to friends and family, to get you help" he looked extremely serious now. my heart sank.

"i don't know" my hand slipped off of the doorknob. "i can't live here for free, i can't do that to you, and what would anthony do, if he finds out i'm trying to get away from him he'd kill me"

"he's not your problem anymore okay?" mike reassured me, giving me the most comforting warm eyes. "and i would love to get help with abby during the day. yesterday it was nice to sleep a little before work"

"what happened yesterday when i woke you up?" i completely changed the subject, slipping my shoes back off and i could tell his aura changed when i did. "why were you freaking out?" i wiped my tears from my eyes and brought the attention on him.

"i had a bad dream" he told me the same thing he told me last night.

"that didn't seem like just a bad dream" i relaxed a bit, tension lifted off my shoulders as i came to terms with what i was doing.

"it really was" mike watched me closely as if i were about to run out the door.

"about what" i walked back into the living room, mike following behind. i sat on the couch, and took a second to get my heart back to normal.

"when i was younger, me and my family went on a camping trip," mike sat on the other end of the couch, looking a bit disheveled that i brought it up. "it was perfect" he watched the television now, not looking at me. "me and my brother were playing, and for a second my eyes were taken off of him" he shook his head in disappointment. "he was taken." my heart hurt for mike as he told this story. "i dream about this every single night, and it just gets worse every time" he opened up to me, and i understood him more. "i've been taking medication for it for years, it's not really working anymore"

"i'm sorry mike" i frowned looking at his face carefully. his face still displayed the weariness of the sleepless night. "did you sleep yet today?" i asked him, now understanding why he is so tired all the time.

"no" he pursued his lips. "i had to get abby up and breakfast and to school" he explained his morning, making me feel bad.

"i'm sorry" i looked at him still. his face and body just looked so tired, but so nourishing to my eyes. he didn't have a mean tone with me, he didn't look upset with me. it was relieving.

"not your fault" mike stretched out and rested his arm along the back of the couch, his head leaning back as he closed his eyes.

he looked so attractive.

comfortable silence filled my ears as he kept his position on the couch, i would glance between him and the television, taking in his striking, heroic self. i looked back at the t.v. with a light blush across my face. he wouldn't notice, i could tell he was dozing.

suddenly, booming knocks came from the door. mike didn't even jump like i did, he just opened his eyes in a frustrated manner. he sighed deeply before pushing himself off the couch. the striking knocks knocked impatiently again. "alright, alright" mike yelled, my heart was pounding as loud as the knocks. "shit.." he muttered, looking back at me on the couch. "go in the other room" he said quietly as he looked through the door. "i don't know who this guy is, i'm not risking it" he pointed to the kitchen were i quietly moved. my heart was pounding out of my chest. the knocks came impatiently once again. "yeah?" mike opened the door in an irritated way.

"yeah hey" anthony's voice pierced right through my heart.

"can i help you?" mike leaned against the doorframe. i watched him carefully from the kitchen. i crouched down in the corner, feeling extremely afraid.

"yeah, um.." his voice interrupted the sweet peace i've been experiencing. "you know my girl babysits for you" he sounded upset. "she didn't come home,"

"really?" mike did his best to sound concerned.

"do you have any idea where she went?" anthony reached his head into the home, looking around slightly before mike stepped forward to back him up.

"she left right when i came home" mike glanced at me quickly. i held my breath. i didn't know what was going to happen. if anthony caught me here, in a lie, i don't know what he would do. i covered my mouth to not let out my small sobs of built up anxiety.

"alright" anthony lingered for a second. "you sure she didn't mention anything?"

"positive" mike answered. i admired how he wasn't afraid of anthony. he didn't look phased at all. his eyes were still sleepy, but his face was stone cold.

"alright matt" anthony seemed a bit defeated but his voice was still vicious. "let me know"

"will do" mike shut the door and locked it, and once he did he immediately jogged up to me. "are you okay?" his face softened as he bent down to my level as tears fell from my eyes.

"yeah" i nodded, wiping them up quickly. he stood up and held out his hand for me to grab to help myself up.

i reached for his hand and he gently held onto mine, pulling me up carefully. "are you hungry?" he asked and let my hand go.

"mike you can go to sleep" i slightly smiled at his effort to stay awake.

"can i get you something to eat?" he avoided what i had said and reached for his bread. "is toast okay? i'm sorry it's all i have"

"that's perfect" i leaned against the countertop as he moved around the kitchen.

"go sit" his eyes pointed in the living room, and i didn't object. i sat where i was sitting on the couch before, and waited for him to come back.

it didn't take him long, he brought me a few pieces of toast and a glass of water. "thank you" my heart melted at the action. he sat down where he was sitting before, but a tiny bit closer.

"no problem" he stretched his arm on the back of the couch like it was before, his head leaning back with closed eyes as well.

i ate slowly since my stomach felt like it was a mess. once again, my eyes grazed between him and the t.v. seeing him be so stand off-ish to one of the most terrifying people i know made me feel... safe. i felt protected.

i ended up staring at him now, daydreams and fantasies filling my head each second my eyes lingered on him. he stood up to the man who takes advantage of me, and lied for me, with no fear. he cleaned my back yesterday, my fingers, gave me a place to sleep and fresh clothing. the schoolgirl feeling came back, of crushing on someone so hard, giggling and being happy and nervous around them. he was perfect. i'll finally admit it to myself. the last year i've grown fond of him because he showed me the bare minimum, but not it was beyond the bare minimum now. i hope this wasn't out of pity. i zoned out on him, not realizing that i did until his eyes slightly opened and he looked at me. "what?" mike asked, indicating me staring. i looked straight down at my lap, and as much as i tried to hide it, my cheeks felt like they were set on fire. "what?" he repeated now in a slightly teasing voice.

"nothing" i swallowed, i even now felt my ears turning pink.

he looked at me for a second and a slight smile appeared on his face before he leaned his head back again and closed his eyes, his small smile still remained.

i blushed even more.

even though he caught me once, i couldn't help but to look even more. since yesterday he grew more friendly and fond of me. he was always friendly, always asking about my marks and how i was, but he never took it to this extent.

he was quick to fall asleep. he had only shut his eyes for five minutes until his whole body seemed it drifted with him. i was afraid to move, i didn't want to wake him up. he had a long night and morning, he needed to sleep.

i finally removed my eyes from his sleeping, innocent looking face and to the television. it was still abby's cartoons the t.v., that assumed she watched before she went to school this morning. i didn't even move myself to change it. i was too scared of waking him up.

his breaths became more shallow, and now his mouth hung open the slightest bit, indicating he was fast asleep. his body even began to shift from a sitting position to a laying down one subconsciously.

he looked extremely uncomfortable, and i felt awful. if i had just moved then he would be able to sleep on the whole couch, or maybe i should wake up him to take him to his bed?

mikes sleeping body leaned a bit more towards the bottom of the couch, and i couldn't help but to laugh slightly. i don't know how he fell asleep so quick, or how it knocked him out so fast. quickly, his limp body immediately collapsed on the couch, his head was barley touching my lap, yet still a bit on it.

my cheeks flushed.

i didn't know what to do. my whole body became warm as his sleeping body was somewhat on top of me. little snores escaped his lips as he crashed. he had to be fast asleep now, and i thought about how i would move or how easy it would be since he's asleep.

i felt like i was in a severe slow motion film, i was moving so slow to make sure he wouldn't wake up at all cost. "where are you going?" his sleepy, groggy voice muttered, pausing me right in my tracks. he didn't even open his eyes to speak.

"do you want to go sleep in your bed? it would be more comfortable..." i quietly said, looking at his face that was on my lap.

"i'm more comfortable here" he sounded like he was sleep talking, barley even conscious.

"oh.." i hummed, he scooted himself more onto me and straightened out his legs.

"you stopped my nightmare" he grumbled, getting himself comfortable. "last night you did" he slurred, seeming like he was unable to speak. "i felt" he stopped talking, his head leaning back as if he fell right back asleep.

"what did you feel?" i whispered softly to try to get him to continue talking, but i knew his body was going to give out soon.

"serenity" he stammered before lightly snoring again.  "c-can you do the thing you do with abby" he stammered quickly after. "please" he whined slightly in his sleep.

i pressed my lips together to try and hide a smile, even though he was out cold on my lap and couldn't see me. i carefully slid my hands in his messy curls, and his body relaxed ten times more. it gave me a sense of accomplishment that i could make him relax that much.

my fingers slowly and gently laced through his hair, his sleep became more deep, his body fully relaxed now. i felt the nervous butterflies, and they were intense. this was a scenario i'd only ever daydream about. i didn't expect this to actually happen.

his breathing was deep, his snores were soft, and it brought me a sense of peace as well. it made me sleepy seeing him sleep. my eyes felt droopy, and even though i slept so much last night, i let myself rest.

my fingers still interlaced with mikes hair, my one arm draped across his shoulder. my eyes were fighting to stay awake. his weight felt so comfortable on me, and the fact that i could ease him like this made me at ease. i reached behind me and draped the blanket on his softly, quickly putting my hand back in his hair since he made a face.

this is my first time using this platform to promote my writing. i usually post on wattpad, but mike schmidt and josh hutcherson is trending sm more on here <3 thank youuuu for giving this a shot :) this is going to be a longer series, but i was also thinking if this was successful to take request. thank you <33

tw: female reader, abuse

my eyes lazily scanned the television in front of me, not even taking in the words of the sitcom anymore, my body was just shutting down and getting ready to sleep. i gave into my body, and closed my eyes. the feeling of bliss and comfort ran through my body as my state finally seemed to be at peace.

right as i was about to drift, the door lock jingled, making me sit right back up on the couch. soon after, mike walked in, sighed as he closed the door softly behind him. "hey" he hummed as i began to stand up.

"hi" i rubbed my eyes and stretched my back, as i made my way towards the front door where my shoes were.

"everything go okay?" he didn't make eye contact with me as he moved to the kitchen to sit down.

"yeah" i yawned, slipping on one of my shoes.

"i'm sorry i can't pay you right now but possibly nex-"

"don't worry about it mike" i cut him off as i slipped my other shoe on. "seriously don't" i smiled lazily at him. "i like abby anyway, she's my only friend" i said in a sarcastic tone, but i myself wasn't sure if i was joking or not.

"okay" he pursed his lips and looked guiltily down at the table.

"i'll see you tonight" i opened the door to leave his house, instantly feeling the warmth and safety leave my body as i looked at my house across the street.

i lived a few houses down from mike. we were mutuals, we never said much to each other before his little sister ran away from his home, and fortunately she didn't get far because i caught her and brought her back to mike. that was how i ended up getting a babysitting gig, and a chance to leave my house.

i made my walk slow. i didn't want to enter my house. it didn't even feel like a home. but sooner or later, i couldn't drag it on much longer or he'd get suspicious.

i quietly walked up my porch steps, holding my breath as i slowly opened the front door. i slipped inside, quietly slipping off my shoes. i looked at my floor carefully to make my way to the living room, i knew which floorboards creaked and which ones were silent.

once i securely made it to my living room, i laid down carefully on the couch, making sure it wouldn't creak as well. after living with him for three years, i've gotten really good at being silent.

i felt myself breathe again, and i looked up at the same ceiling i've been staring at for the last few months i've been sleeping on the couch. my body was exhausted, and i let myself go into a nice slumber for a bit.

that was short lived.

"you didn't make breakfast yet?" we're the first words i heard when i was shaken awake.

"no i'm sorry i fell asleep" i sat up, my heart pounding instantly.

"why do you look so worked up baby?" he cooed at me, kissing the side of my head which had a bruise on it, and i tried not to cringe from the pain.

"bad dream" i stood up quickly and went to the kitchen as he trailed behind me. his footsteps just as loud as my pounding heart. i was so afraid. i pulled out the breakfast items we did have, and began cooking for him right away as he sat at the table.

i really didn't want any problems today so i tried moving as quickly as i could. i couldn't tell what mood he was in today.

once his food was made and his coffee was ready, i served him right away. my throat felt extremely tight as the plate hit the table in front of him, and he looked up at me with tempered eyes.

i stood there patiently like how he always like me to whenever he tries my food. i felt my sweat being drenched along every single area of my body. i tried not to look nervous but i believe it was obvious.

he shoveled some of the food into his mouth, eating fast but not looking satisfied. i already felt tears pricking at my eyes but i tried to stay strong. "this taste different" he mumbled, and my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. if i tried to run, it would be ten times worse.

"i did everything the same anthony" i smiled warmly, subconsciously backing away slowly.

"no, no, no," he laughed, it wasn't a good laugh, it was a laugh that i knew all too well. tears pooled at my waterline. "it's different." he stood up and his chair shot out from underneath him. at this point, i closed my eyes, preparing myself for anything. "you didn't follow the recipe.." he gritted nastily between his teeth as i felt his hand quickly go around my throat. i choked, opening up my eyes and looking at his frightful green eyes that had nothing but anger filled in them. he slammed me into the table as i gasped for air, my head was extremely light and i didn't know my surroundings very well anymore. my vision was blurry from lack of air and tears. before i knew it, i turned around and his fist was flying quickly at my face, and i had no reaction time or space to move.

my whole world went black. i couldn't see or hear anything for a few seconds as my whole body collapsed onto the floor. his footsteps trailed off and up the steps, my limp body was in shock of everything that just happened, but it was nothing new.

nothing new.

i cried hard on the kitchen floor. everything happened so fast, i felt like i had no time to counteract anything, but it wasn't anything different from a normal day to day experience.

i laid on the floor until he left for work, my body was taken over with fear and shock, unable to move while he was still here. i was scared to even breath. my head was throbbing against the cool tiled floor, but my heart began to beat faster as his footsteps came closer to me. "i see you later" his unsettlingly large hands caressed the back of my hair. "this wouldn't of happened if you messed up love" he whispered as he hovered over me.

"i'm sorry" i sniffled, unable to get any more words out.

"no worries" sweet venom dropped of his tongue as he spoke. he stood back up and headed for the door, slamming it behind him.

i gathered all my worth and courage to make myself stand up. i should just lay on the floor, for eternity. my life is not going to change. ever. it didn't change a year ago, it didn't change two years ago, it didn't change four years ago. i am stuck here forever.

i walked into the bathroom to see the damage that has been done. my neck had the beginning stages of new bruises of where he had choked me over the old ones faded ones, and my eye was extremely swollen and already changing color.

it was going to be difficult to try and hide my face now. anthony didn't let me buy makeup. he hasn't let me out of the house in years. the only time he lets me out is to babysit abby, because it is my only source of income as of now. he doesn't let me get s job, i have no money, so if i did leave him, i'd have absolutely nothing. that's why i didn't have a choice. i had no friends left, no family left, he had closed me off to everyone.

tears weld up in my eyes looking at my destroyed face, as well as the bruising along my neck. i have old bruises on my ribs, arms, and legs that had also lingered in pain. i took a deep breath to calm myself down since i started to overthink now. this wasn't as bad as i'm making it to be. people have much worse.

i walked to the freezer and grabbed a bag of peas and went to the couch where i slept, turned on the television and placed the frozen peas on my eye. it sent a nice cooling sensation on my face that felt extremely relieving.

i barley watched the t.v, and just soaked in my racing mind. i couldn't stop thinking, i tried focusing on the show in front of me, but i couldn't. i thought about running away. who would i even go to? who do i even talk to..? abby? mike? that's it?

i imagined what it would be like to run away to mikes house. me and michael haven't talked that much besides small interactions. he was a simple guy i guess, not much to say. but he was very sweet and welcoming, i feel like there's no bad bone in his body. i've always noticed how pale he is, how his eye bags were a distinguishing characteristic, how his hair isn't really tamed. he doesn't seem to try too hard with himself, but with his sister, he gives it his all, and that really defined him for me.

he was cute.

i always found him attractive. it was a guilty secret i had since i've been with anthony for so long. i believe i found him attractive because he's nice to me. i haven't been treated that great in four years, so when he did the bare minimum such as saying hello to me, asking how i was doing, my heart would flutter.

i would never tell him, but his house became such a safe spot for me. whenever he'd come home, i would always get a bit disappointed, because that means i have to go back to my home. sometimes, i'd imagine myself being with mike. would he ever hit me? i giggled out loud to myself at the thought. he barley speaks to me, he would not put his hands on me. i think he would be kind, and so sweet.

i found myself blushing underneath the cold peas, smiling at the thought of mike. after not being let out for four years, mike was the first person i talked to besides anthony. to me he was like an angel. it was like a breath of fresh air the first time we talked, there was so fear of being struck, there was only gentle words and small talk that gave me hope.

the smell of his house gives me relief. everything about it just feels homey. more of a home than i have ever received.

i then fell asleep due to the happy thoughts and daydreams i had for the next half hour.

~

i jumped awake to the sound of the phone ringing loudly against the wall. i rushed quickly to it, not even being fully awake. i picked it up in a panic, worried if i didn't answer it in time, he would he would be upset. "h-hello?" the words stumbled out of my mouth, since my brain wasn't fully functioning yet.

"hey, it's mike" michaels monotone voice comforted me over the phone. he didn't even have to say anything soothing.

"hey" i sighed in relief, licking my lips nervously.

"sorry for calling you so early but uhm..." mike paused as my heart was still trying to slow itself down. "you don't have to," he hesitated. "abby was wondering if you'd like to come early for dinner tonight?"

"oh.." i was sort of shocked by the question.

"like i said you don't have to, she just wanted me to ask.."

"no, no," i snapped out of the trance. "yeah i would like that" i replied. "i'll be over in five?"

"i'll see you then." he mumbled and hung up the phone.

i stood by the phone in shock for a second before turning up the steps to change my clothes. i haven't bought new clothes in years, all my clothes are old and don't fit, or just unappealing. i wasnt complaining though, because i still had clothes.

i pulled on a baggy pair of jeans that were two sizes too big. i grabbed a hoodie, making sure the hood could cover my neck. the swelling on my eye fortunately went down, but it was now purple. i'm not sure how to hide that. just using another cover up story about how i fell will work.

i slipped on my shoes and quickly walked out of the house before anthony got home to mikes house. my favorite time of day was the walk to mikes. my steps felt lighter, but it was also a game of trying not to be seen by anthony. anthony knows i go to mikes, but seeing him still worries me that he'll stop me and make me go back home.

before i knew it i arrived at the schmidt residence, and i freely knocked on the door. "coming..!" a muffled voice yelled, the footsteps were quick on the inside of the house. the door unlocked and quickly swung open to reveal mike, his hair messy and he was wearing jeans and a crewneck. "hey" he looked down at my shoes, then looked at my face, resulting in a slight gasp. "what happened?" his voice raised ever so faintly that i actually heard emotion in it... that was a first.

"i just fell" i quickly used my excuse that was repeated to him a few times before. his eyes were still wide as he examined me, his firm brown eyes frantically scanned my face.

"(y/n)..." he stepped outside, closing the front door behind him making me step back to let him out. "you've told me that five times, at least" his voice was stern, but low. i don't think he wanted abby to hear.

"i'm clumsy" i'm gave a fake grin, which he didn't budge at all.

"i know we do not talk, i don't know you much as a person, but are you safe?" he pursed his lips, his eyebrows furrowed as well, his eyes locked onto mine making me extremely intimidated. "i've seen the marks on your neck before, i've seen them on your wrist, every time i've asked it was the same excuse and it's not my business, but this has been going on since you started babysitting" he rambled for a second as i adjusted my hood. "you don't even have to fix your hood because i see the fingernail marks and ring around your neck" his hand quickly moved towards my hood to try and pull it back down, but i flinched subconsciously, closing my eyes and looking away, expecting a blow. "what is going on..?" he drew his hand back with a softer voice.

"i don't know why i thought you were going to hit me" my voice was shaky as i tried to laugh it off, but tears filled up my waterline. no one has ever asked me if i was okay. "that was just a weird reaction" i blinked rapidly to try and calm my wet eyes, and cover my tracks completely, but i don't know if that is an option anymore.

"stop" he held his hands up to show he meant no harm. "i don't know what you're going through okay" he slowly moved his hands in front of my face to reach my hood, and pulled it down softly so he could look at my neck. "but this is concerning." he looked at my neck and my face again. "you show up to my house with strangle marks and a black eye, are you safe?" he ask again, making it more thorough.

tears began to fall silently down my face as i tried my best to keep them in. "why are you concerned?" i whispered, unable to speak louder because my throat felt like it was closing up.

"i don't know" mike seemed confused now, still examining me as if i were a zoo animal. we stood in silence for a few moments, both of us unable to process everything that was happening. the silent moments of us looking at the ground and unable to look at each other became an extremely harsh tension.

a few minutes has passed and the familiar engine of anthony's car roared down the street. it wasn't loud, but it was loud to me. i knew exactly what it sounded like. "shit.." i sniffled and wiped my face. "i can't be seen outside please"

"why?" mike looked down the street at the car. i got closer to mike and tried to scoot around him and he didn't let me past him to the door.

"p-please" my lips trembled as my arm was stiff against his body, trying to move him out of the way. i've never touched him before. we were never this close before, but my body turned into a fight or flight mode as i tried pushing him out of the way of the door. "please he's coming closer i can hear it please" i begged, and mike then quickly let me in the door.

i quickly snuck past him as he stood outside, watching the car pass without blinking. "who was tha-"

"(y/n)!" abby's voice was loud as she jumped into my arms, mike didn't close the front door though, he was still standing outside, intensely watching the car pass.

"hi abby" i stroked her hair gently as her small arms wrapped around my hips. i looked back up at the door, and mike was finally now walking in.

"i helped make dinner" she smiled widely, i felt mikes eyes linger on us. "wait.." she paused, her little face filling with worry. "what happened to your face?" her small hands reached up and barley held my cheeks. she gently pulled down my face closer to hers, and stared. i know she didn't mean to do it. she was young, and when kids see something they aren't used to they will stare.

"i fell" i gave a fake smile, mike then walked to the kitchen to leave us be.

"oh.." she frowned, pushing some of my hair away from my forehead. "mike does this whenever i get hurt" she puckered her lips goofily and gave me a small kiss on my forehead.

i couldn't help but to smile, a real genuine smile. "thank you" i hugged her tightly and she giggled.

"are you hungry?" she grabbed my hands and pulled me into the kitchen where tomato sauce and pasta lingered in the air. "i'll make you a bowl" she moved quickly around the kitchen, acting as if mike wasn't in her way completely. "sit down, i'll make it" she said excitedly again, which i couldn't help but to smile. she stood on her tiptoes to try and reach a bowl in a cabinet. mike effortlessly grabbed it, handing it to her slowly. "i would've got it" she grumbled at him, but he didn't protest.

she messily scooped me a bowl, sauce was getting on the stovetop and some noodles spilled out of my bowl. she grabbed a fork before quickly turning around to serve me. i haven't been served in so long.

"thank you abby" i said warmly, my insides feeling like they've been lifted after the strange day. i watched michael carefully and cleanly scoop abby and himself portions as she grabbed drinks for everyone. i felt useless just sitting at the table not helping them serve.

they sat down at the table with me, abby right next to me and mike across. he set abby's bowl down in front of her as she grinned widely. we all began to eat, abby watched me intently as i took the first bite. "is it good?" she asked eagerly.

"amazing" i looked down at her and nodded. she smiled with spaghetti in her mouth, making me smile more.

abby talked a lot during our meal. it was good, because her talking so much didn't give me much room to think. mikes eyes were on me a lot during the dinner. every time we'd lock eyes, he'd look straight down at his bowl. i knew he was looking at my eye and my neck, it didn't make me feel too good.

once we were finished, abby ran to her room to avoid cleaning the kitchen and to draw. i helped mike since it was the most i could do. i washed the dishes and handed them to him for him to dry and put away. the silence was tense... the only sound to be heard was the dishes clanking in the sink as i washed them. "abby was really excited that you were coming" mike broke the silence with somewhat off topic subject.

"really?" i smiled, not looking at hin but the bubbly suds on my hands.

"yeah" he murmured as i handed him the last dish. i watched him as he dried and reached up in the higher cabinet that abby couldn't reach before.

"is there anything else i can do to help?" i looked around the clean kitchen, just double checking before i left to accompany abby. he shook his head no, both his hands were on the countertop as he looked down. he looked like he was contemplating something, but i'm not sure what.

i began to walk out of the kitchen, but quickly his voice stopped me in my tracks. "thank you" he mumbled, his lips were pursed and i felt my body melt as he looked at me.

"y-yeah" i hummed, and quickly continued walking to abby's room. i felt so dumb for stuttering, for even feeling an empty stomach whenever he talks to me. it was all stupid. i knocked softly on the wood door and let myself in. "hey" i smiled as she was sitting and coloring, nothing new.

"hi" her small voice filled my ears, making me smile more.

"whatcha makin?" i walked over to her desk and looked at her drawing.

"us" her full attention was on the paper, and my eyes began to examine it. from the figures on the paper, it looked like she had drawn herself holding my hand, mike on the other side of her, and a few bowls of pasta. it warmed my heart, i felt extremely fuzzy inside after looking at the picture.

but, that feeling was quickly removed from my body after i had seen the purple markings around my eye she made. i tried to not let it get to me, but it was, and it was getting to me hard. the more i looked at the drawing, the more i realized that on my character had marks all over it. even the ones i thought she'd never seen before.

i felt like my heart stopped pumping. my head felt extremely light and my insides felt empty. "can i sit on your bed?" i said gently, backing up and feeling the bed against the back of my legs. i sat down, feeling like i was unable to move.

she kept humming and drawing, the scratching of the pencils against the paper felt excruciatingly loud. everything hit me all at once, my feelings, my actions, my regret. seeing myself some someone else's perspective opened my eyes tremendously. i've never had another perspective besides anthony's, it was just what he thought and what was okay for him.

mike then barged in without even knocking, me and abby both looking at the sudden barging of the door. "i'm going to go sleep before work" mike mostly looked at abby and she nodded quietly. "if i'm not up by ten-thirty do you think you can wake me?" his tired eyes looked back at me, and all i could do was nod. "abs make sure you get to bed on time" he said before shutting abby's door.

i looked over at the small clock she had on her nightstand it was around eight o'clock. "how about bedtime in an hour and a half?" i suggested, which she complied nicely. she never gave me a fight. "do you want to get into the shower? after we can watch t.v." i offered, which she stood up quickly.

"okay" she giggled, setting down all of her supplies.

"i'll set pajamas out on your bed and i'll wait for you in the living room" i watched her run out of the room, and i heard the bathroom door swing open with a squeak.

i took my time getting up from abby's bed. although i wasn't laying down, i haven't sat in a bed in a long time. the mattress felt so cozy and inviting, but i was babysitting, and i was not about to lay in her bed. i went to her pajama drawer and pulled out a set of pajamas for her.

i walked into the living room where the television was leaving whatever was left on and sinking into the familiar couch. i wasn't used to mike being home when i was here. mike usually put abby to bed since he changed jobs, and i would come around eleven for him to go to work. his old job i used to babysit for him during the day, and once again, i never seen him besides a few minutes before he left and when he came home. i felt nervous with him in the house, i don't know why. mikes always been nice to me, i had no reason to be nervous.

i don't know if nervous was the right word. i had constant butterflies around him but not in a bad way. it was a good nervous. a type of nervous i haven't felt in years. i couldn't help but smile. i smiled at the warm feeling. the weird feeling. i felt like i was on the playground again with my school friends, giggling about a boy i thought was cute. did i have a crush? the good feelings left once again. i couldn't have a crush on him. i have a boyfriend. that's wrong in so many ways...

i felt myself frown, and focus back on the t.v. what else was there to do. i heard the shower shut off, and i knew abby would be joining me eventually.

after ten minutes, abby had finally got herself together and joined me on the couch. she beamed as she lifted up my arm and laid her head on my lap. she reminded me of my little sister. i haven't talked to her in years, but i do love reminiscing about the memories me and her had shared. we shared a bedroom which housed countless nights of giggles and secrets. we were extremely close despite the five year age difference. i protected her with my life, and i would do anything to see her again. "can we switch the channel?" abby said softly, pulling me out of my head.

"yes, yes of course" i reached for the remote on the side table and handed it to abby. she flipped through the channels mindlessly as i placed my hand on her damp hair, running my fingers in them.

she ended up turning in a cartoon, nuzzling her head against my thigh to get more comfortable. i draped a blanket against her, and not soon after her breaths became deeper. this is what we used to do before mike switched jobs, and i sort of missed it. "does your eye hurt..?" abby randomly spoke up.

"um..." i hummed, thinking about it. "not really" i spoke quietly, since i didn't want to wake up mike.

"mike seemed a bit worried" she giggled a little bit, instantly making my heat up. "he barley even talked!" she seemed to wake herself up now talking about her brother.

"doesn't he barley talk anyway..?" i furrowed my brows in a confused manner, instantly making abby laugh some more. her laugh ended up making me laugh, and i tried to quiet us down.

"he does talk" she pulled the blanket closer to her chin as i stroked her brown hair.

"not to me" i smiled down at her and she sleepily smiled back. "does he not like me?" i asked in a joking tone, but i sort of meant it.

"well, duh" she replied as if i were dumb.

"just asking" i acted defensive in a silly way, making her laugh.

"he might like like you" abby continued to giggle as she said the next sentence, making my whole body heat up.

"like like?" i gasped in an over-exaggerated way, but truly my cheeks were probably as red as her pajamas.

"don't tell him i told you," she began to whisper and look around as if he was here. "one time he asked me if you had a boyfriend" she covered her mouth and my heart dropped. my body froze, my hand stopped moving in her hair and my eyebrows shot up.

the good, nervous, fuzzy feeling came back. my head rushed with silly thoughts, as butterflies fluttered in my stomach. 

once my sense came back i ended up giggling with her. "shh.." i shushed her nicely. "mike is sleeping" i smiled down at her and began to play with her hair again.

she continued with watching her cartoon as if she just didn't break the biggest news to me, and my mind kept pondering. i didn't pester abby no more about mike, since it was getting close to her bedtime.

twenty minutes later, abby was fast asleep in my lap. i looked over at the clock, and it was nine forty-six. i carefully scooted out from underneath her little head, and stood up. i stretched out my back, and prepared myself to carry her to her bed.

i bent down and scooped her carefully into my arms, i was used to her weight since this isn't the first time i've done this, but she was still a tiny bit heavy for me. i stabled myself once i fully stood up with her, and tried to quickly and quietly make it to her room without falling. i wasn't the strongest person, but i tried.