𝐈 𝐚𝐦 𝐨𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐛𝐥𝐫. ╋━
If it weren’t for the unbearable, gaping void of boredom that is these empty holidays, you would not be subjected to me right now.
Don’t forget: you love my posts. You are illuminated by my infinite, unmatched wisdom.
But. Something happened these last few days. I liked a boy. It was humiliating. It made me spiral and reevaluate my entire existence.
I realized I’ve never actually opened up to you people. So today I will. Talking about my desired reality and my experiences doesn’t hurt anyone, and honestly? It’s therapeutic. As you well know, it’s not every day someone tells you about their little “second life.”
I fully 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐝 three months ago.
It was one of the strangest, most desperate, most deeply annoying nights of my entire blessed life. But when I woke up in my desired reality, I didn’t even clock it. For me it was just a Tuesday. I was in the living room of one of my family’s houses in Rio. The sun was setting. I was mildly disoriented. That morning I’d gotten back from my involuntary imprisonment in Switzerland, aka boarding school. The date read December 21st, 2023. The clock said 6:47 PM. The couch was obnoxiously comfortable. The tropical view was obscene.
It only hit me when I tried to remember what had happened in that weird dream. The second I did, I went looking for my beloved brother. To give him a warm hug.
By which I mean to drag him by the hair for abandoning me in the living room.
The truth is, I wasn’t even sure I believed it had happened. Because this had always been my life. That’s the thing no one tells you. When you’re in your DR, you think like the version of you who’s always lived there. So it’s not as cinematic as the community makes it sound.
The first few days were genuinely magical. I’m sure they’re some of my most prized memories. Interdimensionally.
About my DR: I only have one. For now. And technically, it’s a super rich kids dr. My family is disgustingly rich. The kind of rich that gets accused of running a cult because they’re too successful. But relax. 𝘞𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘦𝘢𝘵 𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘪𝘦𝘴. That’s a Rothschild thing. We’re Portuguese. Naturally more refined. With a very sincere and very unhinged taste for surrealist parties. Very 𝐋𝐮𝐢𝐬 𝐁𝐮ñ𝐮𝐞𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞.
My family is a nightmare. But my internal monologue 24/7 is: “I Miss My Terrible Rich Family” in the Succession way. Glamour always comes with collateral drama. My cast of characters is unhinged. My grandfather is a despot. My father is clinically insane, but everyone excuses it because he’s “charismatic.” And my boyfriend… dear god, grant me patience. He’s an ice cube. Daddy issues. Chess addiction. Political theory. And the deranged habit of saying “tripalosky” at 2:00 AM.
“Your boyfriend is so cute”
“He has such a mysterious aura”
No. He’s just a fortunate man with catastrophic social skills. It does not help that he’s obsessed with programming. I did not order this.
(sorry for complaining about my hegemonic and overly-educated boyfriend)
I could go on. My father’s crimes. How much fun I have with my cousins. My uncle, the tragic filmmaker. How brigadeiros taste better over there… but that’s for another post. This one has a point.
𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲.
I’m not saying take it off a pedestal. Do whatever you want. Nothing is stopping you from shifting. I’m just saying it gets easier when you realize it’s normal. At least it did for me.
Your DR is identical to this one. Nothing essential changes. The material stuff does. But the feelings? The same. I still get sad. I get bored. I fight with people. I make up with people. I get sick. I procrastinate. I get anxious before big events… etc.
Shifting doesn’t fix you. Or maybe it does. I don’t know. Is wanting more just part of being human?
Žižek would say that, in fact, dissatisfaction is the reason for our existence, it is what drives it, but let's set modern philosophy aside for a moment.
Before I shifted, I had ridiculous expectations. I thought it would be a before-and-after. And it was. Just not the movie version I had in my head. And I’m not ungrateful, this life is a blessing. It’s just that you get used to it. I think what was blocking me from realizing I’d made it was those stratospheric expectations. It’s much easier to shift when you accept it’s your life, not some fantasy you’d die for.
𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲.
I’ll write more about my DR if you want. You can always ask me things. Thanks.