calcifer

There just comes a time when you meet someone who will make you realize what kind of 'keeping' you deserve. It may overwhelm you for a moment, asking why you are receiving too much. But girl, you deserve these niceties all along.

Throwback to when I got engaged early this year. The best thing that happened in my life so far! It wasn’t the cheesiest or the grandest proposal story you will hear. It was simple but very romantic.

Gosh! I miss Boracay!

How frustrating is this lockdown because of the current pandemic. 😞

Year 2017 is leaving. Here comes the year that follows and if ever (I absolutely think 2018 won’t have it yet) the time machine is already available, I have to read this to serve as my guide.

January You’ll try to be so organized and plan your whole year just to feel right. Some will be a bit overwhelmed as to why you have a lot of calendars in both your office and home desk. Work loads are noticeably less by this month so make the most out of your time.

February Your desire to experience something new is very much eminent during this month. You’ll learn more how to adjust because trips and visits to other places will be done. You’ll meet someone new through something you ventured yourself into. It will surprise you how fast things will progress. I’m warning you to protect yourself from that person. You’ll feel the challenge because you’ll think your differences are too much but then again, believe with your gut feeling that his kind is still very familiar coz you know it so well that he’s the kind you’ll get tired of. You won’t expect it but you’ll be attached to that stubborn child whose age is almost the same as yours. Also, never ignore your bestfriend’s efforts to speak with you–he’s a necessity in your life. Protip: you’re not an ultimate grammar nazi but c'mon, someone who can speak English as one of his native languages but still fails on basic grammar was a WARNING SIGN already. Geez.

March Don’t be overindulged if you develop more friendships in and outside your professional life, it’s normal. If someone sounds like he doesn’t wanna be accountable of you being in his life and would reason out that you wanted the relationship to continue in the first place, that person is a pain in the ass (figuratively but not literally I guess). You don’t even need a five-minute silence for that. You only do that for important situations, right?

April You’ll appreciate your family even more. You and your siblings will be so much closer than ever so treasure that because in the following months, you three won’t see each other as much.

May I know you value sleep and you can do it effortlessly but by this month you’ll start to be deprived of this luxury because of your ever-changing schedule. Thanks to your boss who likes to give you extra loads of work with deadlines that you have to comply.

June Many roles will be added on your shoulders. Being the second eldest child in the family will be the main reason here. Don’t get overwhelmed or confused coz you got this.

July For once, if someone makes you doubt about your value as a person or if it even makes you ask yourself a when-did-you-become-this-needy kind of question: ‘am I ugly?’, just stop it. You deserve someone so much better. The thing is, he’s just good at making himself look bigger but the truth is, he’s a hollow person. The kind of substance that you long for a person is very far from him. Well, let’s just say that he may have the capacity to be that person but you know it won’t be natural. It’s like putting a fish out of the water–you know it’ll survive for a time but it’ll die eventually if not placed back to it’s natural habitat. So again, end it.

August You may experience some emotional breakdowns in between your activities. Don’t feel sorry for feeling that way, it’s just natural to feel bad for situations and moments that get the shit out of you. Just somehow enjoy that experience, it makes you more human. By the way, you’ll feel your father’s presence more often now, quite uneasy but you’ll get used to it. Again, listen from your brain when dealing with your heart. If a person exhibits his immaturity repeatedly and is never contented of just being with you, for the nth time, enough for that person. What’s worse is, never hope even for the slightest possibility that he may change his mind when he says that he’s not up for anything serious. Trust me, he’s being honest and it’s worse if you keep on hoping because it’ll end up with a counter-reason of “I told/warned you”. His kind is clever enough to not put the blame on them in the end. They’re a hindrance for your growth as a person. Protip: never say 'I love you’ if you just got pressured by a someone who loves to meddle around your life. It’s a big NO!!!

September You’ll start this month with a busy schedule but it’ll make you happy somehow. So far, your worst birthday will happen too (you should’ve said yes when the reason for declaring it the worst asked you if you hate him) but don’t let that get you down because there are some travels that will compensate for that day. You’ll be roaming around for your new role in your 'job’.

October This is apparently the busiest month of 2017 but you’re good and resilient so again, you got this. By the way, don’t mind your mom if she bugs about the things that you should and shouldn’t do. She just wants the best for you too.

November First time to visit your papay’s grave and it will get you emotional. You’ll wonder why you didn’t cry during the time when he just died. Late feelings again I guess. This is the most emotional month of all, prepare a box of tissue handy.

December It’s the time when you will see the value of people you already have. You’ll realize you don’t need to constantly reach out for the affection that you want from others. There’s a person who will serve as your light and you should value that person. You won’t feel like you are an option.

This blogpost is actually too short to post coz Rach’s 2017 is so much more complex than this narrative.

Getting back to my old life–downloaded good ebooks and checked out some good places to hang out alone or with some good companion/s. You know you’re with good people when you feel like you’re growing whenever you’re talking or just being with them. I love how I feel like my existence means more than all these dilemmas in life.

What to do when sleep is not available? Talk with your best friend instead. It’s gonna be worthwhile, I promise.

I remember the time when we usually have the same schedule and we’d see each other almost every day. There were times that I had the tendency to be clingy/needy and it sometimes irritated me but he’s cool with it. I don’t miss you…, I miss us.