Ciara Nellie

Writing Tool 7

 Fear Not The Long Sentence

 Tumblr seems to be home to a lot of words and short phrases… So brace yourself. Here come a couple long sentences!

Original: Radio was one of the greatest innovations of its time. As new form of communication, radio quickly became widely popular and changed the way our entire culture operated. Beginning with radio waves and audion tubes, radio has transformed over time into technologies like XM radio and broadcasts over the internet. These same transformations have also shaped these transmissions and communications in our society. The radio started a new media revolution. It was one of information transmission as well as a spread of music and culture.

 Edits: Radio was one of the greatest innovations of its time. As , a new form of communication, radio quickly became becoming widely popular and changeding the way our entire culture operated. Beginning with radio waves and audion tubes, radio has transformed over time into technologies like XM radio and broadcasts over the internet. These same transformations have also shaped ing these transmissions and the communications in our society. The radio started a new media revolution. It was one of ,one of information transmission as well as a spread of music and culture.

On this edit, I broke away from the previous list format and tried to help my thoughts flow more through the ethos, logos ,kairos, and pathos. It was interesting to see where they overlap in my head and also how they are independent concepts. 

Gender Bender

My Gender Rebel and Gender Conformer!

For the Gender Rebel, I went and just clicked male in the beginning, when I only had the 2 choices, and then tried to find similar traits to me (freckles and eyes and such).

Rhetorical Analysis

Ethos: On this Buzzfeed page, it isn’t exactly an “article” type of piece. With that in mind, the resonance in which the piece has been written created credibility. As the reader, we relate to the formatting of the page as well as the fact it has the Buzzfeed title supporting it. After the first few pictures we begin to agree with the writing, only increasing credibility.

 Pathos: The voice in this piece created a lot of emotion for me as the reader. There is a certain harshness in the wording, making the viewer realize how these types of statements, when applied to the heterosexual identity, seem to hurt a lot more. It takes the viewer from an outsider looking in, the being the insider who is feeling the discrimination.

 Logos: This is the strongest element to the piece. It breaks free of the typical format in which most writers format their thoughts, and finds a way to drive home a concept without the need of paragraphs or annotations. The argument has complete logical sense, seeing as these are phrases most of us have heard in the homosexual context but have never thought of applying to the heterosexual. This is also where they gain strength with the use of pictures and lists, a Buzzfeed favorite.

Tool 10 - Cut big, then small

When reading this tool, the first couple words struck all to close to home. "When writers fall in love with their words, it is a good feeling that can lead to a bad effect." Sometimes I write (a lot) and have a hard time deleting a single word. So I decided this was an opportunity to challenge myself. I took a rather personal piece of writing that I wrote for another class about the dangers of driving in cars, and worked on cutting it down. 

Original: "

The second I became responsive and regained my senses, I went completely numb. Every inch of my body, inside and out, was no longer functioning. Shock. A white noise flooded my ears as I stared at the wheel in front of me. The sky was no longer in my window, instead there was sand and weeds on the ceiling. Slowly, I began to comprehend what had just happened. I could see my cell phone, flung backwards onto the sunroof, the GPS next to my face, the plastic snowflake shaped air freshener broken into a thousand pieces. My skis, heavy and sharp, were lurking close to the back of my head. What remained of the windshield lay inches from my face. As soon as I took in my surroundings, my vocal chords finally began working. The screams came from my lungs, my stomach, my entire body. I began to realize that I was completely alone, a desolate Colorado road rarely traveled. Suspended by a seatbelt digging into my gut, I reached back to my phone. My hands shook so ferociously I could barely even grip the turquoise case. 9-1-1 dwelled on the screen, no connection. Trying again, and then once more, I screamed even louder with tears pouring down my face as a came to terms with the fact that I had no way of getting help."

Post-Edits

There are so many different ways in which writing occurs in varied contexts and situations. Over the course of an average school day, a student is most likely writing papers, reading the writing of others, composing emails to fellow students and professors, writing a quick thank you card to the grandmother who sent birthday money, as well as writing text messages and using social media. We all adjust our writing or comprehension based on the form or context in which it is placed.

The writing process of a text message is usually simple, requiring a smaller amount of thought and is more casual as a form of communication. We might ask friends for advise on what to say or hesitate before pushing send, but usually the brief sentences are sent back and forth quickly.  A scientific paper, on the other hand, requires me to first read and analyze data, write a hypothesis, attend office hours, send some emails to clarify or work with peers, and then complete the paper. In the end, there is always an audience, but the way in which I present myself to the reader varies. 

I have realized writing for the blog is quite different in comparison to just writing a paper for a professor or TA to grade and return. Now my audience has expanded, beyond the simply academic, and to my peers. I find myself comparing my thoughts and writing, wondering what to keep and how much (apparently a lot) to delete. 

Rhetoric has always seemed like a bit of an intimidating or “dirty” word (As Losh and Alexander call it). Lumped in with the writing section in CU course requirements, how much of it do we really understand? It is the key in conveying a message to an audience. How do we write, what is the context, is there a sense of permanence, can we really facilitate discussion, and how do we deliver our thoughts in writing? I think that here on our blogs, we are beginning to dismiss the concern that technology negatively effects our writing and beginning to establish creditability and discover what rhetoric really means (or trying anyways!). 

Hi!

My name is Ciara Green (pronounced Kira) and I am a Junior here at CU studying Ecology and Evolutionary Biology. I live in Libby Hall, where I have been an RA for the past 2 years. This semester I am also taking Organic Chemistry, Evolution, and Primate Behavior. I also undergrad TA for the General Biology course. My hope is to someday apply to veterinary school or to work in the improvement of zoos and aquariums.

I am a Student Ambassador here on campus and the president of the EBIO Club. My hometown is Telluride, Colorado, where I lived with my parents and little brother up until moving to Boulder. I was in a graduating class of 4 people (tiny I know!) and spent the majority of time out of class either skiing, horseback riding, or just playing outside. I am a bit of an animal lover, so I had to include my pets! I have a horse named Red and a dog named Tonto. Last year i rescued Tonto from a kill shelter outside of Fort Collins, and we have been best friends ever since. 

3 random facts:

My favorite color is turquoise

I am terrified of feet, always have been!

I love to throw pottery on the wheel

Here are some other places you can find me online:

http://www.pinterest.com/ciaranellie/

https://www.facebook.com/ciaranelliegreen