I don't know what I'm doing. I feel like the bar is so low for my expectations of success but I can't reach it.

I feel like the reason why I'm still alive is only because I'm a little bitch that can't go through with it.

I know I'm very analytical (?) and over thinking, but sometimes when my boyfriend comes home after weeks apart, his body language does not indicate he misses me. I'm not asking to have insane making out PDA, but try to hold my hand at least once? Hmm.

My birthday is coming up and I'm going through a rollercoaster of emotions. Some moments I feel good. But then the loneliness and dread hit. I feel overwhelmed but also I feel I'm lacking. Literally watched a TT where the person gave me a virtual hug and it made me cry.

People who do their best to bring people together always end up the loneliest.