cheese brains.

Surprise I came back on this blog to just say that I didn't realize all the shit I repressed about myself. I was talking with sherry today and she told me that she used to pack lunches for me when I was doing summer camps with her and she made sure I eat. I didn't realize that I stopped eating after my dad died and apparently my grandparents didn't fucking notice that I stopped eating. If they did they didn't do anything about it. My grandma was always on a diet when we were kids so I guess that meant that we were too and the other day she told me I was lazy at eating when I was younger and that I was picky but I really don't think I was. I think I just told them that so I could not eat. I don't remember. I've been looking at my black and white blog a lot lately and I feel disgusting about myself. I didn't know that I was that small I thought I was so big but I didn't even have anything to lose in the first place and I'm really afraid because I did that to myself and I feel like I'm a different person I don't recognize that as me. I've been feeling sick today so I haven't eaten anything but like 10 bites of soup and I'm afraid because I don't give a shit that I didn't eat and I don't want to go back to that place