whatever

The bio currently says 20, and as I write this I am now 23. I would like to think that throughout these years and this year especially, I did a lot of growing that younger me would be proud of. 

Being kicked out of the house at 21 and leading up to now was the largest lesson. Sharing a space and establishing boundaries is the most challenging. I have a hard time dealing with the idea of taking up space. With anxieties stemming from my weight and size, I had to realize it was time to stop hating myself. It really inflicted a lot of self doubt that never let me enjoy ANYTHING.

Also, I walked out of a job so that was a moment I was very proud of.  

With some weight gain this year, it felt like a test of that new self-love. As much as I don’t enjoy the weight gain, I have to be grateful my body has carried me throughout this lifetime. I was not made to fit into other spaces, clothes, or people... in this life, I have the opportunity to make those things work and accommodate WITH me. 

So for my 23rd birthday, I bought a bunch of new clothes to celebrate myself. I didnt purchase a cap & gown for graduation afraid of the pictures, but if I dont celebrate myself who will? (I mean, he threw me parties for both situations)

when i was on tumblr i lowkey hated myself and i tried to surround myself by following people who i wanted to be. so i ended up putting all of this pressure on myself to be as pretty as those people and didn’t enjoy the fun of figuring out who i was.

the same thing happened with twitter and fuck that. the best time of my life began once i logged off this shit fest and began to freely express myself because i’m worth knowing.