Problematic Pocket Pastafazool

How am I supposed to let them in, when I know it's best for them to keep their distances from me.

How am I supposed to hold my loved ones close, when I know the right thing to do would be to set them free.

For me, loving someone means that I have to decided if I love them enough to let them live a happy and better life without me in it.

Child: doesnt want to spend time with them afterwards

Parent:

Child:*doesn’t want to admit their mistakes and starts keeping secrets from their parent*

Parent:

child: *doesn’t talk to parents about their issues and feels worse*

parent:

Child: *actively avoids academic achievement and becomes an atheist*

Parent:

Child: *never tells the parents about how they feel or their personal insecurities*

Parent:

- What is it?

Borderline anger is more than just a standard emotional reaction- it is described as “inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger."The reason anger in BPD is called “inappropriate,” is because the level of anger seems to be more intense than is warranted by the situation or event that triggered it. A person with BPD may react to an event that may seem small or unimportant to someone else– with very strong feelings of anger and unhealthy expressions of anger, such as yelling, being sarcastic, or becoming physically violent.

- What is the root cause? 

Borderline rage is rooted in abandonment issues, usually from pre-verbal times in a child’s life. Because the child has no language, the hurt is deep and often inaccessible except through therapy. Borderline rage will often come boiling to the surface in the most seemingly innocent exchanges. In my case, I could go from zero to nuclear in a matter of minutes when provoked. I, like most of the people who cared about me, was almost always taken by surprise because I simply did not know what caused it to bubble up and ignite into a frenzied explosion. 

- How is it ‘triggered’? 

Borderline rage is driven by fear and anxiety. Fear and anxiety about being abandoned by those we love. Fear and anxiety about being hurt again. Fear and anxiety about not being able to control one’s own environment and the relationships in which we are engaged.

- What are some symptoms? 

The wrath of a person with BPD often comes on quickly. The intensity of the rage is extremely strong; it can quickly escalate into homicidal thoughts. Depending on the self-control of the enraged person, people or property can be damaged.

Two incidents from my time at Larue D. Carter Memorial Hospital come to mind. In the first incident, a female patient began throwing things. As objects shattered and the pieces ricocheted, we sought shelter. I closed the door to my room and used my body as a weight to

- What do they feel like when they are having an ‘episode’? 

and people who are very close to Borderlines, regardless of whether it’s romantic or not! I have BPD and wanted to list some things that my partner does that really help me and our relationship, in case they can help anyone else <3

communicate!! with!! your!! partner!! 

ask them what things upset them

ask them what things you can do to ease their brain

tell them what things they do which upset you

tell them when you need space and time alone

tell them when you know you’ll be away

check in that the relationship is okay and both of you have your needs fulfilled

etc.

set boundaries for the person initially, and explain to them why these things are important to you. we’re not good at recognising other’s boundaries or understanding them innately. you can always change your boundaries, but let them know when you do

when you get frustrated and angry with them - which happens in all relationships between people, regardless of how healthy - have something you’ve agreed to say to them so they know you aren’t trying to hurt them or leave them, you just need to calm down.

try not to leave things angry or bad when you go away - try not to make the last thing you say at night sound snappy, etc. being away from our partners is always going to be tricky for us, and if you’ve left with something reassuring, it’s more likely that we’ll cope and you’ll get your sleep/rest/work/class/appointment/etc uninterrupted by us

expect us to need reassurances from you, and to need them a lot. understand that this really has nothing to do with you - whether you’re distant or not, things are good or not, etc, our disorder will always try to say things aren’t good. don’t be offended when we ask for reassurance, and if it’s tiring for you, come up with a specific set phrase or code with your partner to reassure them when they need it.

it’s likely that your partner will split on you at some point, and if you recognise that they have done and remove yourself from the situation as soon as possible, it’s likely that they’ll be able to calm down and split back soon. check in with them every couple of hours to remind them you care.

to the best of your ability - unforeseen circumstances omitting of course - don’t make promises you aren’t certain you can keep, and don’t say you’ll do something you don’t know you will be able to. saying that you’ll do something for/with us and then cancelling for something that could’ve been foreseen will make us panic.

try to watch out for the minutiae of how you interact with us. did you put a full stop on that text? did you say something which sounded unenthusiastic or uncaring when you didnt mean to sound like that? do you seem angry when you’re not? borderlines almost always recognise the emotions of others before people without BPD do, especially anger. if you can tell you sound frustrated, we definitely can. it might help to ask us if there are any habits you have which can trigger these kinds of thoughts

make sure they know how much you care about them, because they’ll constantly worry that you’ve stopped. tell them you love them, tell them you hope they drive safe, tell them you’re there for them. even though they know.

remember that a relationship isn’t a one way street. your borderline partner has a responsibility to work on their behaviour and not hurt you, or upset you, or negatively impact things. they will mess up sometimes, they will sometimes snap when splitting, or say something manipulative, or hound you for attention. and you’ll mess up sometimes as well. talk about what went wrong, what’s hurting who, and how you’re gonna work around it.

be honest. be completely honest. if it’s not working, tell them. if it’s going well, tell them. if something is hurting you, tell them. if you’re worried something is hurting them, tell them.

ive never really truly felt bpd anger much, due to the fact that i dissociate when im set off, but ohohohooo man has it been a friend of mine the past couple weeks

its.. absolutely horrible?

you can feel it?

like, physically, in your shoes, your feet feel weak, your veins feel like theyre being shot up with pure adrenaline

your eyes unfocus, your hair stands up, your chest burns, your limbs go weak and frigid almost, your muscles tense up

my ears, mouth, lips go numb and itch at the same time

sometimes its so intense i have to prop myself up on a wall, i have to meditate through it

pure, just, unadulterated, anger wells up inside of you, it feels like your head is filled with maggots and

you just look at your hands in front of you, theyre shaking, cold, and you want to punch something, hurt something, someone, somehow, but you really dont, you dont want to hurt anyone, but it feels like the only way to calm down is to do just that