AHA, the chub pile doesnt stop from getting fatter

((the most real ask i have received thus far))

[As if things literally could not get any worse than they are now, Dave looks down and... well.]........fuckcome onseriously??am i pregnant??????

(…the second i pry my fat ass from the jaws of this shitty death trap chair im going to strangle myself with a kittens severed spinal cord until ive sustained enough brain damage via suffocation that i cant tell which way is up and i think robin williams standup is hilarious)

[Dave points straight at tumblr user sammneiland and aggressively flips him the finger. The chair collapses.]

!!![Oh fuck. Something under Dave's skin tingles and it's weird and he doesn't like it. Scared and breathless, he places his trembling hands on his rather puffy, exposed belly as it slowly resumes expanding, his hips, thighs and arms catching up with it. He feels the new fat stretch his skin thin and unbearably sensitive and he feels like a steadily inflating balloon and fears he may at some point burst. The chair underneath him creaks in protest at having to support the sudden influx of frightened squirming hyperventilating tubby boy and he prays it doesn't bust apart, toppling him to the floor as his sides widen and his belly bloats and blubs up and out and the seams on his jeans tear open, exposing more and more of his delicate flesh.]

((i grab the author of this book by the throat and yell 2 inches from his face 'HOMOSUCK IS FOR FAGS'))

((IM LAUGHING MY ASS OFF WHATS EVEN GOING ON AM I RECEIVING SIGNS FROM GOD AGAIN))

((THIS IS SO FUKKING IN CHARACTER WHAT IS DAVE STRIDER FROM HOMESTUCK DOING IN THIS COMPLETELY UNRELATED BOOK ITS SO ACCURATE..... ACCURATE DAVE))

((I JUST RANDOMLY FOUND THIS BOOK AT THE SCHOOL LIBRARY AND IM C R Y I N G ))