AHHHHHHH

Every single night i have dreams that haunt me and toy with my emotions where everything feels so real for hours on end. Running through my anxieties and awakening deep memories from their slumber as I desperately try to mask the vaults with dissociation and ignorance. I had a very long nightmare where my addiction was taking ahold of my anxiety. My entire life kept going downhill and I was getting more and more anxious I could literally feel my panic attack in my sleep and I was frantically digging through my backpack to find my kpin and chew up as many as o could cause I was going to kill myself rather than feel how I do. Cali is in every single one of my dreams every night its fucking with me so much. Even if it doesn't have to do with her I somehow end up hearing her voice or feeling her presence. Fuck you.  I'vr been so deeply depressed and I've been sleeping so much I can barely differentiate between what's real and what's not. My head constantly feels foggy and light and my body feels like shit every minute of the day. I don't want to die but I want to lose track of everything i know, i want to fade away and sink into the couch with poisoned blood as my vision fades black.