Yesterday my coworkers and I sat around the lunch table and watched George Floyd be murdered. Now I’ve seen videos of killings before—Ahmaud Arbery. Philando Castille. Eric Garner. Tamir Rice—and in the past I have kept my feelings silent.
I would watch these videos and be stirred to the core, but a little voice would tell me to keep my social media presence lighthearted. Don’t get all “political”. I saw plenty of people speaking out and thought it wasn’t necessary for me to add to their voices. I’d watch these videos and read the reports and would tell myself it was ok to wait and form an opinion later when all the “facts” were in instead of going with my gut and airing my disgust and anger and sadness.
But this video won’t leave me alone. I couldn’t sleep last night because George Floyd’s gray, silent face haunted me. I tried to understand what could possibly possess a man to kill a calm, restrained man and to look on smugly as that man cried out for his mama and gasped for breath. The only answer is evil. Evil disregards the value of human life. But evil is not just in the murderer. It’s in the man who stood idly by and let it happen. It’s in the system that continues to let these things happen. And it’s got a piece of me if I refuse to speak up against it.
In my mind I’ve always been anti-racism. I’ve tried to work on identifying and quashing the racist ideas in my head that my culture has told me were normal. Its a process, and I haven’t always done it right or said the right things and I’m sure I’ve offended someone in the past. But I still like to think of myself as Not-A-Racist™ . But if equality (like my faith) only exists in my mind and not in my actions and words, can I really say I believe in it?
As a physician I have attended many code blues and have helped offer comfort to hospice patients in their final hours. I understand what air hunger looks like. I can only begin to imagine what it feels like. How terrifying it must have been for Floyd.
As a foster parent, a precious little black boy has been entrusted to my care. He calls me mama and he cracks me up. He’s smart and handsome and loving and full of energy. The thought of something like this happening to him one day sickens and terrifies me. As I teach him how to handle his emotions I can’t help but worry about what might happen to him one day if he’s not in complete control of himself. What will I tell him if he’s still with me in 10 years? Comply so you’ll live? George Floyd was restrained, pleading for breath, and eventually quiet and completely still, yet the cop wouldn’t get off his neck. Silence didn’t save his life. And our collective silence won’t save any future lives.
As a Christian, I know that all humans are made in the image of God. That image gives all of us value, and our value is not decreased by our sins or even our disbelief. Nothing any of us could do or say makes us less precious to our Heavenly Father. Why can’t we look at each other and see the Father’s image? Think what it would change. Racism would be gone. Violence, oppression, inequality, injustice, all gone.
This post won’t make much impact. In the grand scheme of things, it does very little to make the system better. But at least it will let others around me know where I stand. I won’t be party to continued apathy, silence, and so-called neutrality. Hopefully this won’t be one solitary intense post. My intention is for it to be the beginning of something permanent.
White friends, join me in listening to your black friends. Let us hear their experiences and put ourselves in their shoes. Let us recognize our privilege and use it for good. Let us not sit quietly when we hear racist jokes and comments. Let us stand beside our black and brown friends and collaborate with them to come up with solutions to end this nonsense.
Black friends, help us white folks. Have difficult conversations with us. Expose our prejudices in love and teach us the truth. The only way this mess can be fixed is if all of us who are tired of the racism become intentional about teaching our friends and children how to value other people. We have to do better. We just have to.
“For the Lord will not forsake his people; he will not abandon his heritage; for justice will return to the righteous, and all the upright in heart will follow it. Who rises up for me against the wicked? Who stands up for me against evildoers?
[...] Can wicked rulers be allied with you, those who frame injustice by statute? They band together against the life of the righteous and condemn the innocent to death. But the Lord has become my stronghold, and my God the rock of my refuge. He will bring back on them their iniquity and wipe them out for their wickedness; the Lord our God will wipe them out.”
Psalm 94:14-16, 20-23 ESV
