Chop0ffmyboobs

I remember elementary school. Almost all of my friends were boys because I just didn't feel like I could relate with many of the girls. My least favorite colors were purple and pink, not because I didn't actually like the colors, but because they were 'girly' colors (so dumb). I hated that my parents wouldn't let me get my hair cut short like the other boys, and I absolutely hated being called a girl.

On to middle school. I had finally made friends with a group of girls much to the delight of my parents. I wasn't doing good in classes though, so about halfway through middle school I was transferred to a private school. It was heaven to me. I think almost all of my friends there were lgbtq, and taught me a lot of the things about my gender and sexuality that my parents were hiding from me. Around this time I started to go through puberty, much to my horror and disgust. I started binding with ace bandages and compression tops.

Around that time was the first time I remember trying to come out to my parents. I don't remember what I said, I think I wanted to tell them about a crush I had on one of my friends, who was also afab. I just remember their response, to tell me that my friends were a bad influence on me, and that I needed to stay away from them. After that they started limiting how much time I was allowed to be out of the house, so I wouldn't be able to spend my free time with my friends.

I made it through somehow, on to high school. I stayed close with some of those friends from middle school, but my parents were pressuring me more and more to stay away from them. I still wasn't allowed to get my hair cut, and was very limited in what clothes I could wear.

I tried coming out to my parents again, this time more about my gender. I was sick of the girly clothes and wanted short hair. That summer, they sent me to a 'wilderness adventure therapy camp'. I don't want to talk about it here and now but it fucking sucked and as a result I was diagnosed with c-ptsd. I was flown directly from the camp to my new high school, a boarding school in Michigan.

Over the next few years I struggled, trying to convince myself that I wasn't who I was. In my last year of high school my boyfriend bought me a binder as a surprise, and that when I started to really identify as transgender. The next two years I was on and off about my identity, sometimes I'd ask people to use the right pronouns for me, but for the most part I had given up hope.

Finally, 2019. I'm not sure why or what prompted it, but I was finally fed up with my body. I cut my hair short, bought a bunch of binders, and I don't think I've gone outside without presenting male or nonbinary since then. I managed to get my hopes too high though, when I told my mother that I wanted top surgery. I was just trying to be polite, and ask permission to use their insurance, but I should have just done it without asking.