Underrated

TW: Cancer, Mentions of death.

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The sun peeked through my sheer curtains as I laid flat on my bed reaching above me. It’s rays kissed my eyelids, the tenderness of warmth lingered on my cheek and I smiled into its warmth. I don’t get this feeling often.

Its unexplainable.

This feeling, much like motivation, is fleeting. Some days I let it slip through the tiniest crack of my fingers. Other days The aches in my body melt away over night as I wake with purpose. I uncover myself from my soft linens and sit up allowing my feet to dangle freely over my plush white rug.

I take in the warmth of the sun, the smile set on my face for the day. I yawned loudly, standing and opening the large window in front of me and breathing in deeply the cool crisp air.

I don’t get many days like this but when I do I feel it through my body. I feel light, airy, as if if I jumped just a little bit my body would simply float above the satin covers sprawled across my bed.

I sat back down reaching behind me to touch the only tangible thing in my bed other than my covers. My body followed my arms as I laid back, I caressed his upper left thigh with my hand and laid my head on his stomach. The rise and fall of his toned abdomen made me feel like just my head was on a boat floating ever so softly up and down a small tide.

He sucked in a deep breath finally waking up before reaching above himself and stretching then bringing his fingers back down and playing in my tree rooted like Locs. Twisting the fully closed ends in between his pointer and thumb before slowly making his way up to my freely new hair.

“You have to re-twist it soon right?”

I chuckled a little.

“Its retighten and yes baby I do. But I will do it after my appointment.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“I know you are you weren’t gonna let me go without you anyway..”

I stared at the ceiling as silence filled the room.

“Are you scared..”

It was more of a statement then a question. But Dom was mostly asking himself.

“No... I’m prepared.”

I stood where I once was before he woke and rounded our bed to his side. Taking his hand in mine and leading him to the our connected on sweet bathroom.

We washed out bodies together; the water from the shower head above rushed from our heads to our toes. He watched me under tired lids. The lazy smile he stretched across his face. I couldn’t help but trace his chest with my fingers. We stood, For what seemed like hours, in each others presence was merely fifteen minutes as we took turns washing our bodies we couldn’t help but love each other in the process. Even if it was for just a moment just to take our mind off of the task we had to

Overcome today.

He stepped out first drying himself feverishly as I stayed under the water that has now turned cold. The fog from

Our heat escaped the bathroom as he opened the door to the bedroom. I gave it a few seconds letting the cold water run down my neck and chest before turning it off and following in pursuit.

We dressed comfortably. I wore my shirred beige backless hemmed dress with white sandals and he matched with his light brown slacks and white turtle neck. We bonded in the kitchen making our favorites for breakfasts. French toast with bananas, sweet sausage and eggs with a side of chopped fruit.

I like tea.. He likes coffee. I like the smell of coffee... He claims he doesn’t think teas have a smell. I smile to myself at the arguments we have about whether they do or don’t.

It’s the first day of spring, although the sun is out it was still chilly.

“Don’t forget your jacket.”

I rolled my eyes with my back facing him and my right hand on our front doorknob.

“I don’t think it’s that cold outside.”

I tried to convince with no luck. He sucked his teeth making his way to our coat closet and pulling out both our jackets.

“You don’t ever think it’s ‘That Cold’, Alana.”

He took my hand in his as he led me down the hallway, to the elevator and down to the garage to the car. We walked in unison towards his truck, both rounding to the passenger side. He opened the door and I took the passenger seat as he shut my door and rounded to the drivers side.

We drove in a comfortable silence. The stereo playing a random FM radio and his hand clasped over mine on the center console. The streets were quiet as if the day was made for us. No traffic, no loud noise from impatient drivers slamming their fist on the center of their wheel and screaming out their window. The trees were green, vibrant and lively. Although today was the first day of spring it’s has been warm for weeks with slight rain showers allowing the plants of all different shapes and sizes bloom freely.

The people on the side walks walked with purpose as the sun followed us to our destination. I opened the sunroof, The breeze was warm I could feel it on every part of my skin as it blew through my locs and tickled the top of my head. My doctors office wasn’t far but I know Dom took the longer routs just to waste time. Finally pulling into the parking lot. He stepped out first from the parked car and I Waited for him to make his way to my side as he always made me do. ‘Don’t touch my door.’ Was what he always told me. He grabbed ahold of my hand with his left as his right hand held the door open. The wind once again embraced me, it flew past my covered arms, giving me goosebumps, and dipped between my legs lifting my dress. We walked once again hand in hand into the large brick building. Patients, Doctors, Nurses, and other medical staff filled the large common area seemingly wandering aimlessly although I knew they had an agenda.

The secretary gave us directions to outpatient. When we arrived I signed myself in and got my blood pressure taken. We sat in the waiting room listening to the chiming bells and awaiting a nurse to announce my name.

His large fingers danced in my open palm as we watched whatever they had on their main television. A few minutes have gone by since we’ve been seated and I rested my head on his shoulder trying to stay awake.

“Alana Cole.”

my head lifted in response as the nurse smiled from the door way ushering us through. We followed her to an empty office and before she turned to leave she smiled again.

“Dr. Andrews will be in with you in a moment.” She shut the door.

We sat in silence, something that seemed to be in a common repetition for us today. But I could tell this silence more than the others. It was tense. Dom bounced his left leg nervously and roughly massaged my left hand. The weight of the world was on his shoulders for some reason. He breathed heavily and ever time he exhaled he pursed his lips like he wanted to whistle, blowing his cheeks out. I rested my right hand over his eager ones.

“Calm down baby.” I caressed his cheek taking my free hand turning his head away from the door where he stared waiting for the doctor.

I kissed him softly hopefully taking his mind off the inevitable that was sure to come. Even if it was for just a moment.

The doctor entered. Dom stood shaking his hand. I mimicked to not seem rude although it wouldn’t have made a difference.

“How are you guys this morning?”

He asked unease though he tried not to show it.

“We’re doing okay. A little timid if I’m being honest.”

Dom answered. He was scared.

“Well let’s not waste time then.” Dr. Andrews stood, pulling an image from a file folder with my name labeled on it. He attached it to a white board with an LED light on it to see more clearly.

“As you can see here we are in the early stages of Three. Which is a little further than what we were hoping for as far as surgery goes. The tumor has spread from the lower muscular tissue on the left side of you brain down to your left shoulder and c-v in your spine. That’s where the tightness and soreness you were talking about come in. It is still treatable with some chemo radiation therapy.”

“How early can we start therapy?” Dom jumped to the edge of his seat.

He and Dr. Andrews pondered through treatment strategies. I couldn’t help but fall into my own diseased mind. Their voices faded away as I took in my surroundings...

More importantly Dom’s face. His dark curly hair that contrasted perfect with his light brown eyes. The specs of green the surrounded the edges of his iris. His smooth brown skin was Arguably lighter than mine as I spent more Time Outside then he did. His chiseled jaw was perfectly even and his beard connected from his hair line to the end of his chin. He was always so clean shaven. His eyes curved down like a falling crescent moon. And he had the nose bridge of a Nubian prince. His smile was a bright as th-

“How does that sound Ms.Cole..”

Breaking away from my thoughts I smiled at him. I didn’t hear a word he said but did it really matter.

“If I don’t go through with treatment how long would you estimate my time.”

“Oh I’m-. we would have plenty of time if we started this week.“

“If we didn’t?”

“Alana he’s saying we can start trea-“

“I heard what he said baby.... I just want to know.”

The doctor pondered.

“I would estimate roughly eight- ten months if you refuse treatment..”

I nodded understandingly. Picking up my purse and going to shake his hand once again.

“Alana the chances of chemo going well outweighs anything else. And once we are able to shrink the tumor to a manageable size surgery would be just as easy. I would like you to take it into consideration.”

I knodded again holding his one large hand in both of my small ones.

“Thank you.”

I looked back at Dominic expecting my stance to be a signal to him to follow but he seemed to be still processing my choice.

“Dom let’s go.”

he stood from his chair, still dazed by the conversation that happened mere seconds ago, and walked towards the doctor shaking his hand with begging eyes.

“You two have a wander full day.”

We made our way back to the car. The sun was higher in the sky, the heat more prominent. The rays hit our faces as we walked towards the parking lot. I was a foot

In front of him. He treaded slowly behind me but his long legs didn’t allow him to fall far behind. I reached the truck before Dom waiting for him to open the door. He stopped just a hair before me and squinted up at the sky. He took my small hand in his and held on fully as apposed to me holding his pointer and middle. And squeezed . He pulled me

Into him and held me longingly. Kissing the my forehead like it was the first time we were meeting after years of separation but at the same time like we were parting again.

“I love you.” He whispered to the top of my head.

“I love you more...”

“You can be so selfish sometimes...”

He continued. Tears stained his face, falling in pattern onto my forehead and down my face.

“How do you manage, with so much love around you, how do you manage to be so selfish Alana.”

He was angry though he didn’t let go. I was dying and there was nothing he could Do about it.

‘How could I love him and do this to him.’ Is what he wanted to say.

I don’t know how. So I kept quiet.

He wasted no time reaching behind me and opening my door. I sat down and he closed the door roughly trying not to slam it. He made his way to the drivers side.

I watched as he started the engine and put the car into reverse. He tried not to look at me. For the first time I couldn’t tell what he held in his eyes. The mixed emotions that swirled in his golden iris’s were clouded by tears he refused to let fall.

Sitting forward he put the car in drive and clasped his hand over mine on the center console. The drive back home was hotter and the radio played louder to void what would have been an uncomfortable silence.

This piece is dedicated to the beautiful Maintenance Guy in my apartment who always fix my needs but will never know how much I want to fix his..🥴💖

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The move was smoother than I expected. With the upcoming heat wave that was about to hit the beautiful upstate New York, I thought moving into a new home and transitioning into a new job at the same time was going to be a pain in the ass. Everything has been falling into place perfectly so far and I have little to no complaints. Perfect timing if you ask me.

I fortunately found this apartment by the skin of my teeth, and at the last minute.

My relationship with my mother was getting worse by the day. With her finding new ways to get under my skin and me thinking of new ways to kill her and hide her body for good. The mental state she was putting me in was either gonna put me in a psych ward or jail.

The search I went on after our last argument is what got me to this point. I was determined to leave and never come back, I didn’t have time for negotiations or dilemmas, so when the private landlord messaged me back on Craigslist after I basically harassed him about the place I didn’t wait another second, taking a look at the place on the same day, signing the lease three days after that, and getting the keys a week later.

It was small but it was mine. And it met my needs enough as far as having a wall splitting between my bedroom and the living/kitchen area and being on the whole other side of town, far away from my mother.

Now here we are a month later and the heat of upstate New York is making my back itch, unfortunately that’s not the only thing doing that.

“Yes Brandon I’ve tried turning it off and back on it still won’t work.” I huffed through the phone at my landlord. My air conditioning picked the perfect time to cut off on me right after I came back from a run and the last thing I need is to already be hot in a hot ass house.

I turned the switch one more time loud enough for him to hear over the phone. He sighed through the speaker making me roll my eyes. Brandon owns the small building I live in , having only four tenants you would think he’d be more willing to come and help out whenever needed but he always made excuses. He isn’t even the one who does the matenance. His brother Derek does. And when I say he can maintain me anytime.

I Mean That!

“How long did you leave it on for, you probably shorted a Circuit.”

“I didn’t leave it on long, it was off most of the day I just turned it on before I went on a run and when I came back it cut off.”

He sighed again. I could tell he was rubbing his temples at me and my lack of electrical knowledge. This is the third time I’ve called him this week. First my Stove broke, then I needed a light switch, and now my AC. I could tell he was starting to regret giving me this apartment.

“Can you just call Derek for me if you can’t come please.”

“I’m surprised you don’t have his number with how many times he’s been there.” He muttered.

“Soooo you will cal-“

“-I will give you his number for YOU to call him since you are in such Dyer need of Air conditioning” he belted cutting me off. I sucked my teeth ready to comment back but instead I agreed silently. After spitting out his brothers number with the struggle of him repeating the last three digits slowly, I hung up and proceeded to dial the number making sure to add his contact info to my phone.

The phone rang three times before a low voice came through the speaker.

“Hello” I sucked in a breath as my core began to warm up, making me more hot than I already was.

“Um hey Derek? It’s Lana, I was wandering if you have time my AC isn’t working and I called Bran-“

“-I’ll be there in an hour.” He cut me off. The fuck is wrong these niggas and not letting me finish my sentences.

I nodded, realizing he couldn’t see me and mentally face Palmed.

“Ok I’ll leave the front door unlocked.” With that I hung up, taking a look at the clock on my wall, before heading to the bathroom to take a cold shower.

~~

The knock that rapped at my door was hard enough to break it down. I jumped from my couch and made my way towards it. Trying to stay as cool as possible, I only put on a thin crop tank top and pajama shorts, though my body was hot my nipples stayed hard from the cold shower I just got out of not 5 minutes ago.

I swung the door open and expectantly stepped to the side for him to enter. He stood at the door staring at me.

“Please come in.” I said snapping him out of his daze.

After stepping in and taking the largest step to get around me, he made his way to my AC. Bending down in front of it to inspect the problem, I couldn’t help but stare at his backside. The black wife beater he wore clung to his long torso as the tool belt he wore wrapped around his lower midsection. The muscles in his back contracted as he went to work on the broken machine. I couldn’t help but imagine sinking my teeth into his shoulder as he fucked me standing.

“Come here for a second.” He motioned me towards him with two thick fingers. I walked to the side of him bending over fully so my tank top fell from my chest and exposed my breast slightly.

“You see this.”

He said holding up a long white cord that I haven’t noticed before running along the floor.

“Yes I see it. What about it.”

“This Ms.Lana, connects to the generator in the basement. It was knocked out of the AC so all you have to do is...” he drifted off plugging the cord back into the box. I closed my eyes, embarrassed by my own lack of observation. I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before and now he Probably thinks I’m some young damsel in distress who can’t plug in a simple cord.

“I’m sorry I swear I would have not called you to come out here if I’d seen that... I promise I’ll pay more attention.” I declared, my dark face getting hotter by the second.

“It’s fine don’t worry about it that’s my job.... How’s the shelf holding up?” He asked standing to his full height of over 6 ft, adjusting his tool belt on his hip. I motioned for him to follow me to the kitchen where he had assisted me a mere four days ago with my stove.

“It’s doing good thank you so much for putting it up for me.” I smiled gesturing towards the small shelf he put above my stove to hold my seasonings. I turned back towards him in enough time to see his eyes leaving a lower part of my back side. I smiled at him nonchalantly, acting like I didn’t notice before brushing past him to get to the living room. He followed in close Pursuit. I stopped abruptly not realizing how close he was behind me before his Lower abdomen collided with my back. I gasped at the impact as He grabbed ahold of my arm to keep from sending me to the ground.

“My bad I didn’t see you.” He smiled down at me, going around me to pick up his tool box.

“If that’s your way of calling me short then we’re gonna have a problem, Derek.” I pouted crossing my arms over my chest which made him laugh. He made his way towards the door, resting his hand on the knob he paused shaking his head and turning back towards me.

“Can I ask you something. It might be totally off and if you disagree then just say that okay.”

I nodded in response, raising my eyebrows in curiosity.

“Lately I’ve been feeling like... you know... somethings going on...”

My face contoured into an expression of confusion.

“Again if I’m wrong than we can just ignore I even said anything.... but lately it seems you’ve been... flirting with me...?” He Ended it in a question like statement, like he wasn’t sure but at the same time he knew.

“You think I’m flirting with you... ha” I chuckled a bit surprised at his lack of forwardness.

“Yes and I don’t want to make things awkward but I jus-.... you know what never mind.” He shook his head trying to shake the thought he had away.

“If I was flirting with you how would that make you feel...”

“I don’t know what you mean..”

“I mean.. the lack of ring on your finger indicates that you’re not married at your big age, and every time Brandon talks about his kids you jump on that wagon and gloat about your niece and nephew so I’m assuming you don’t have any yourself. Based on that info alone I would say you’re on the market. So if I WAS flirting with you how would that make you feel..?” He paused for a moment obviously in deep thought.

“I don’t know... I’m like twice your age.. I was literally a teenager when you were born.”

“And so was my mother.. that didn’t stop her from laying down and having me. Also I’m an adult so no matter the age gap I am old enough to make big girl decisions.”

With that being said I turned on my heel and strutted over to my dining table, giving him a full view of my ass. I stepped on my high rise chairs and turned to sit on my table legs spread.

“If I ,A grown Woman, decides to flirt with a grown man, as long as the feelings mutual I don’t see a problem... Do you.?”

I smirked at him as he dropped his tool box and made his way towards me, stopping right in between my legs before resting his closed fist on either side of my hips.

“Even if I didn’t see a problem with it. What makes you think I want you...” he grinned down at me, I puffed out my chest and let my clothes breast rub ever so softly against his.

“Then, like you said you could leave now and we can forget this conversation ever happened..” he leaned in closer , I could feel his hot breath across my lips, I smirked at his attempt to keep direct eye contact with me despite our chest now pressing against each other firmly.

“I’ve always said I like my men how I like my fine wine.” He raised an eye brown at my comment. I couldn’t help myself as I stuck my tongue out licking his bottom lip before finishing my one liner.

“Aged, and a little Rough..”

With that being said a switch in his eyes indicated I wasn’t the only one feeling the heat between us. He swiftly grabbed me up by my ass, cupping both cheeks in his large hands before grinding our lower abdomens together. I yelped, surprised by his sudden act before grabbing the back of his neck and smashing our lips together.

He opened up immediately letting my tongue slide into his mouth. We fought with our mouths for dominance as he lifted me up slightly and held me tighter with one hand. I clung to him taking a Chunk of his slightly graying hair into my hands. I felt him hit my inner thigh slightly sending wave shocks to my core, before finally unhooking the latch too his tool belt and letting it fall to the floor.

We broke apart as he roughly sat me back on my high table, both reaching to take our very thin shirts off. I assisted him in unbuckling his pants as he stood watching me, rubbing my thighs. The rough cargo fell from his waist revealing his skin tight boxer briefs and his bulge at almost full stand. I reached down cupping him into my hands, rubbing softly along his shaft as he threw his head back in pleasure. I took this opportunity to latch onto his nipple as I wrapped my hand fully around his clothed dick. It was thicker than I expected which made me excited.

I watched him through my lashes, listening to him moan in pleasure as I snuck my hand down his boxers and begin to pump his full erection. The friction from the end of the table mixed with the thought of him in my mouth made my pussy throb. I couldn’t help myself, I pulled away from him, jumping off the table and falling to my knees. I pulled down what was left of his undergarments, watching his cock spring to life. I didn’t hesitate to lick him up and down from the tip of his dick down to his balls before completely engulfing him in my mouth.

I took as much as I could, gulping when it hit the back of my throat so that it added suction to his tip before pulling back fully and repeating. This made him jerk as I swallowed him whole without struggle. I felt his dick pulsing in my mouth giving me a signal that he was close. I stopped all together with my last pull back, lingering on his tip. He began to get frustrated taking my hair into his hand and slamming me back down to fuck my throat. Tears welled up and my eyes as I stared up at him, mouth gaped and tongue holding the bottom of his shaft as he pumped himself in and out of my throat.

“Fuck” Derek choked as he held my head into his groin one last time before letting go and snatching me back up. He hoisted me up by my waist throwing me slightly into the air so that he was holding me under my legs. I grabbed onto the back of his neck once more as his moved my pajamas shorts to the side and lined his shaft up with my entrance. He rubbed his tip against my soaking lips before slowly forcing himself inside of me. I shivered in response as his cock stretched my pussy. He stilled himself letting me get comfortable before going any farther, watching me as I squeezed my eyes shut bringing my forehead to connect with his.

“You okay babygirl..” he asked me breathlessly, I nodded in response taking a deep breath before beginning to bouncing on the tip of his dick while trying to hold in my moans.

God he was So thick.

I rested my head against his hard shoulder and listened to his grunts as he fucked me in the air with little to no effort.

The sweat the accumulated between us made it difficult to keep a hold of him as his strokes became more rough. He noticed my struggle to hold on and sat me back on the dining table before positioning him self lower and drilling into me. I couldn’t contain my screams as I bit down on his shoulder. His jagged breathing in my ear made my spine shiver sending me into over load. I couldn’t hold myself back as my climax took over my body, throwing my head back I gave him access to my exposed breast and he began so suck on my right nipple. I rode him through my orgasm watching as his dick slide in and out of me.

He’s rhythm became sloppy as he feathered kisses along my chest. pumping a few more times before pulling out and nutting on my stomach. I smiled as the sweat that built on his forehead dripped onto my chest.

“That was fun.” I perked up.

As if on cue his phone began to ring. He pulled away from me searching in his pants for his phone retrieving it from the right pocket.

“Hello... Hey yea I was just heading back” he muttered breathlessly through the phone, I assumed he was talking to his brother the way his dameaner changed. I watched as he struggled to put his pants on before scuffling to collect the rest of his stuff from the floor.

“Yea I checked it... Yea it’s Fixed.” He said glancing at me indecating his brother was talking about my AC. Yes it’s fixed alright.

“Yea she has my number so she shouldn’t have to call you anymore.... Ok I’ll be there soon.”

He hung up picking his up his tool belt and walking over to me. I had just finished putting my my tank top back on before he took my face in his hands and planted a hard kiss on my lips.

“I’m happy the feeling me mutual..” I bellowed through the kiss making him smile. His cheeks began to redden, it was almost comical how I, a mere 21 year old, made this grown ass man blush.

I walked him to my door after he picked up his tool box. He tried to throw it over his shoulder but winced and nearly dropped it again, taking a look at his shoulder, teethmarks where I was biting him still lingered and were bright red. I rubbed his shoulder softly apologizing with my eyes before opening my door for him.

“If you need anything... Anything. Don’t hesitate to call me.” I smiled at his ‘Willingness’ to help.