𓆩♡𓆪 you look like a church i was never allowed to enter.
𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: Jackson, Wyoming, in the heart of winter. You’re twenty-four years old and have been in love with Joel Miller for so long you can’t even remember when it stopped being just a crush. Maybe it happened the day he taught you how to light a stove without burning your hands. Or maybe when he fixed the roof of your house during a blizzard without even asking for anything in return. Joel is fifty-six years old, with too many scars and too many ghosts. You still have a heart foolish enough to believe that love can survive any apocalypse. He keeps sending you away. You keep coming back. Until one evening, under a silent and cruel snowfall, Joel decides he can no longer ignore you.
𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Age gap (24/56) • pining • mutual yearning • emotional repression • romantic tension • Joel Miller being Joel Miller • winter • snow • heated arguments • touch-starved Joel • forbidden love vibes • unrequited feelings • nostalgia • American melancholy
Jackson was beautiful in winter.
It almost hurt to look at it.
The lights shining in the houses looked like stars trapped behind the fogged-up windows.
The snow had fallen all night, silent as a prayer.
Every roof was covered in a soft, white blanket.
Every fence seemed to belong to an old dream.
And in the midst of it all was Joel Miller.
As if every street in town inevitably led to him.
As if every time you looked up, he was there.
And that was exactly the problem.
And you couldn’t breathe normally anymore when he was around.
“You’re staring at my brother again.”
Tommy’s amused voice made you jump.
“Honey, you’re looking at him like he’s the last cake on Earth.”
Maria burst out laughing.
You blushed all the way to your ears.
Across the yard, Joel lifted a stack of firewood.
His sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
His gloves tucked into his belt.
His hair now flecked with gray.
His beard barely covered by snowflakes.
He looked like he’d stepped out of a photograph forgotten inside a Bible.
Something so beautiful it hurt.
Something that should never have belonged to you.
Joel had noticed everything.
Long before you realized it.
The way you seemed to appear everywhere.
The way you always found an excuse to stop and talk to him.
The way you laughed at his worst jokes.
The way you sought out his gaze in every room.
Because he knew what it meant.
And above all, he knew what it meant when, slowly, he had started seeking out your gaze in return.
God only knows how much he didn’t want to.
He’d spent months convincing himself it was just a phase.
You still had a future ahead of you.
Every time he saw you smile.
Every time he heard your voice.
Every time your hand brushed his by accident.
Something inside him cracked.
That afternoon, the snow kept falling.
You were leaning against a fence.
As if he could split feelings just as easily.
He’d been feeling it for ten minutes.
Finally, he dropped the axe.
The sound echoed in the silence.
His dark eyes immediately met yours.
Because something in his expression changed.
And within seconds, he was already crossing the courtyard.
Not hard enough to hurt you.
But enough to stop you from running away.
And he dragged you behind the stables.
Away from the rest of the world.
Back there, the wind was stronger.
It made the snow dance in the air.
You could hear the horses moving inside.
Joel ran a hand over his face.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
You really looked at him.
And suddenly your heart became too big for your chest.
As if those words were a bullet.
“See?” he said. “That’s exactly it.”
He pointed at the air between you.
His voice cracked just a little.
“I could be your father.”
Snow settled on his shoulders.
For a second, he suddenly looked tired.
“You still have your whole life ahead of you.”
“What if I want to spend it with you?”
That sentence hit him hard.
“Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“And you keep using that excuse.”
The tension became almost unbearable.
But only because he seemed to have forgotten how to move.
The kind of silence that exists before avalanches.
“I’ve loved you for years.”
“You protected me. You taught me how to live here. You were there every time I needed someone.”
He ran both hands over his face.
The word slipped out before he could stop it.
“Don’t call me that if you don’t mean it.”
Joel took a step forward.
Because now you were close enough to see the freckles hidden beneath his beard.
The tiny wrinkles beside his eyes.
The melted snow on his eyelashes.
“You have no idea how hard I’m trying to do the right thing.”
His voice was little more than a whisper.
Joel looked at you the way you look at something you want too much.
Something that could destroy you.
Something that could save you.
“I don’t think I’d be able to stop.”
For a moment, neither of you spoke.
Jackson was still living on the other side of the stables.
The windows were shining.
And yet it felt as though the whole world had shrunk to a few inches.
To the distance between your bodies.
To the distance between your hands.
To the distance between what you wanted and what you were afraid to have.
Joel looked down at your lips.
And maybe he really was losing it.
Because when he opened them again, it wasn’t just fear anymore.
There was something deep and terrible.
Something that looked too much like love.
And in the silence of the snow falling on Jackson, you realized something.
Joel Miller kept telling you to leave him alone.
But the way he looked at you?
That had never stopped belonging to you.
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