The curious Mind of Chloë

Three years ago today I arrived in Cape Town. And I’m even more in love with this city than ever.

Isn't it funny how life leads you to wherever you need to be and presents the lessons you need to learn no matter what choices you make. Or one could say that it is the choices you make that create the lessons. It’s like an ebb and flow, a give and take of energy. Either you are in control or you are just letting things slip through your grasp.

I originally moved down to Cape Town with the intent on studying my honours at CPUT.  That changed due to financial circumstances. But I can honestly say that I am so very grateful for it, as I’m not sure I would've experienced the things I have if I had been studying. I think I can pretty much say that I have had the best three years of my life. They haven't been easy, on no, but they have been rich and bursting with energy. I have low days and I have high days, but as apposed to my general outlook on life and depressed demeanour in Joburg, here I feel awake, fulfilled, bright.

In these three years I have gained the most precious of friends, built better relationships with old friends and learnt a great deal about myself. In the last year I let myself love again, be vulnerable, even if it didn't work out and I was hurt. The pain just makes me realise that I’m living, I’m here and I tried. I have done things I thought I would never of even think of doing, been on so many adventures, moved house 5 time sand met the greatest souls along the way.

Work has been up and down, inconsistent and I’ve often thought of getting a “normal” job with a pay check at the end of every month as it would just be easier, but as soon as I make steps to do that, something pulls me away and back on the freelance path. Which I am also grateful for as all the experiences I’ve had and the people I have met have cultivated in me a passion to follow my heart. I am now pursuing a crazy path that, if you had told me three/four years ago that I would be doing, I would've just laughed in your face. Whether it works out or not is a moot point because it doesn't actually matter, what matters is that I try.

The biggest lesson I’ve learnt from Cape Town, is that if you don't try you will never know.

Thank you Cape Town for letting me be myself and providing me with the lessons and people I need in order to keep me sane and on my path. Wherever they may lead.

Here are a whole bunch of pics, in no particular order, of my life January 2014-present:

Since going on a bit of a fitness and health drive I’ve been finding out a lot about myself and my thoughts, habits, and the way I deal with different situations. I never knew that food had such a vast control over me and the way I dealt with life, as I always considered I was a pretty healthy person due to my strict upbringing (in regards to food and health) as I was a very premature and sickly child. 

On the 1st of September I started the #SugarFreeSeptember Challenge where I cut out all sugar, including bread/carbs/fruit (as those = glucose/fructose = sugar). I started out confident and determined, by day 4 I was exhausted, hungry, and was suffering from massive headaches. I knew I was going through sugar withdrawal. But by day 6 my head and my eyesight felt clearer than ever and I was way more energised. 

Now what I want to talk about is not how I failed in keeping to the strict no-sugar/carbs thing for a whole month (because I did fail, not too badly mind you, at least I didn't go eat chocolate fudge cake ;-) I just strayed a bit with some freshly baked breads, champagne and honey in my tea). 

What I want to tell you is how much I realised I rewarded myself with sugar. In the past, if I had a slightly upsetting day I wanted to automatically reach for a chocolate or croissant etc. We constantly say to ourselves “oh, but I’ve had a shitty week, I’m going to reward myself with *insert food item here*.” Have you ever noticed that it is nearly always food that is our go-to in times of stress? And more so than not, something sugary. This is easily understood because when you taste sugar, the brain lights up in the same regions as it would in an alcoholic with a bottle of gin. Dopamine, the so-called reward chemical, spikes and reinforces the desire to have more. Dopamine levels spike when you are in love and when you take cocaine. Sugar also fuels the calming hormone serotonin. 

[Image from: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2625451/Forget-fighting-fat-sugar-causing-massive-rates-obesity-claims-new-film.html ]

So you see, we are ADDICTED. Sadly we have become a society that needs sugar to make us feel better.

Here is a really great video that explains the effects of sugar:

We all know that sugar is bad for weight and diabetes, there is enough research out there now to know that. But what I found out was MY OWN attitude towards food was so warped. We are a society of quick fixes and over indulgence, potions and pills, and using medication to fix a problem instead of prevention.

Now, instead of reaching for a packet of M&M’s or a can of Coke when you are feeling stressed, rather treat yourself with something your body and mind needs (and will thank you for!), and remember fruit juice is pure fructose i.e. SUGAR!. 

Things you can do: Take yourself for a walk (even better, walk your doggy), play with your cat, do some meditation, see a friend, watch the ocean, do an activity you enjoy, drink some water, or just close your eyes, breathe in deeply for a minute. You will feel so much better for it! Leave the cakes and cookies for those actual special occasions … and remember not to over indulge when in that moment. 

In conclusion, I think it’s all about being AWARE, aware of what you are putting into your body and subsequently your mind …

… This is one of the things I am working on at the moment.

If anyone has some good resources/info let me know!

Thanks for reading!

Some great info:

Films/videos: That Sugar Film, Hungry for Change, Dr Joanna

I have now been living in Cape Town for a year and 7 months! I can't believe it! Time does flies when you are having fun (and stressing your balls off trying to get your fledgling business going).

When I decided to move to Cape Town and leave my very cushy job with the best boss anyone could ask for in Johannesburg, it was with turmoil in my heart. I thought about how I was going to make a success of myself, by myself. But I knew that if I stayed in the concrete jungle, in my comfort zone, I was never going to break out of my depression. Don't get me wrong I was happy in a sense, but not challenged, not enthralled, not in LOVE with where I was. 

I like challenges I’ve realised. Like “lets move to London by myself with no work experience straight out of Uni”, yes that will work out well … um not.

So moving here, on basically a whim, was a big step. And the best step I have taken so far. But having done the whole poor-cant-get-a-job stint in London when I was 21 made me so much more equipped to what was going to be thrown my way being in a new place. Also, a few more years of real life and work experience under my belt really helped.

It took nearly exactly 1 year to start actually making some money off of my work, and now I don't know what to do with myself, I have so much work with some really awesome clients! I have made some amazing friends, rekindled old friendships and realised what is really important to me in life.

Being in Cape Town has enriched my soul, sparked my fire and made me want to be the best person I can!

Thank you Cape Town, for letting me love again. <3

Pic by my amazing Friend Brendon Wainwright

Hi, I’m Chloë, I’m 26, a freelancer, and I haven't been in a serious relationship for over 4 years.

Sometimes I feel really pressured that I'm apparently not where I should be in life because I don't have a boyfriend/significant other/in a committed relationship. I get looked at like I'm defective somehow, like there is something wrong with me. People constantly ask "Why don't you have a boyfriend?" (ffs there are multiple reasons and none at all other than circumstance) or “You should get a boyfriend” (okay brb, just going to pick one up at the Boyfriend store, I wish).

I will tell you something, its hard. Its hard hearing those things all the time. It makes you feel more lonely than you already are, like you are missing something. “Life is now complete because I have him in my life” and all that bull. 

Scrolling through Facebook and Instagram is a constant reminder that all my friends are getting married, are already married, have a child or are jetting off somewhere romantic with their longtime love and I’m not. Not to mention getting invited to dinner and having to sit either at the head of the table or awkwardly not sitting opposite anyone because you are the only single person. And not to mention the pity in their eyes, I even get this from my newly coupled friends.

This has made me think. Am I feeling this because I actually need (and want) to settle down with someone or is it because that is what everyone else does and expects of you? Is it because that is how a life lived is judged as being a good/stable/proper one by all these social constructs we ourselves have set in place?

Well, I think its both. As much as I want to shout “I’m an independent woman and I don't need no man to complete me” (fierce I know), I realised that these constructs are what keep us sane and striving for more. Love is an amazing feeling, especially when that love is returned. Its addictive. Its what we crave as humans. 

At this point in time, I have been determined to get my career to where I want it, all my energy goes into it which sometimes feels like I leave no space for anything else. But I would like to be able to share this journey with someone and learn things that only come from being in a relationship. Although, I’m picky as all hell, and I get scared. I’m scared of real honest to my heart commitment to someone else. To letting them get in there. Because hell, they could just rip it all back in an instant (which has happened before, 4 years ago). Yes I know I’m rambling on a bit here.

But YES, I do want a significant other, I want to look at someone and feel the overwhelming joy it is to know that that person is yours and more so that you are theirs. BUT I don't want someone to complete me. I don't need anyone to complete me. I want a whole soul to join with my whole soul. 

I just need to open myself up to it. I know this.

So, I’m sorry I’m single, but you don't have to keep reminding me … and I don't have to keep letting myself be reminded.

x

Words by The Amity Affliction

I'm finally free of those emotional shackles that bound my heart, I can feel the grip that held me stagnant has gone, I'm light and whole again. What an amazing feeling it is to be free.✌️

I never really fit in anywhere, Until I was imprinted in his arms. I pretend to be okay, It's a farce that keeps the calm.