- chl

A/N: This probably will be deleted in the next few days or so, I haven’t decided. I’m still not quite comfortable with my writing again, but tonight it gave me exactly what I needed. Very Unedited 

You completely ignore Shawn’s text telling you he’s on his way up to the apartment. Instead you’re thrown into a heavily annoyed scramble, grabbing papers, untangling yourself from the blanket you’d been using, grabbing your phone from the charger on the wall, and slamming your laptop shut as you rush to get to the guest bedroom. 

You make it down the hall just in time, can hear him opening the front door as you close the one behind you tightly. You consider locking it but decided against it knowing that that would be a tad bit over dramatic. You sigh, shutting your eyes, trying to just breathe even though you know it’s probably useless. You’re so worked up, so far in your own head, that you can already tell it was going to take more than one night’s sleep to shake this. 

“I gave you everything I had. I loved you with everything I am,” her breath came out unsteady, knuckles white from digging her nails into her palms. “But somehow that isn’t enough.”

“Maybe you did love me with everything you had. But you never let me do the same for you,” he pointed out, the tension in the air making it hard for him to breathe.

“You constantly shut me out. How can you expect me to fully love you if you never let me in?” he takes her fist in his hands, gently unwrapping her fingers only to find crescent marks printed on her red palms.

“You know how hard it is for me to let people in. I already let my walls down for you,” she looked down on the carpet, the patterns seemingly becoming more interesting as the clock ticks before she finally whispers, “but you only made me remember why I built them so high.”

“We’ll get you guys out of here and then I can deal.” (The Death Cure — Chapter 15, Page 71)

that, my fellow anon, is an actual line said by newt. mind you that newt said ‘you guys’ and not ’us’. this could only mean that he put minho, thomas and brenda’s lives in front of his. he cared about saving his friends’ lives more than he did about his own. it didn’t matter to him if he escaped as long as the others did. does that strike as ‘an ass’ to you? 

“If you had the Flare and knew what you were about to go through, would you want your friends to stand around and watch?“ (The Death Cure — Chapter 38, Page 184)

you mentioned that ‘he didn’t care what his friends thought and even left them’. you see, that’s where you’re wrong. read that line from chapter 38. if you look into it closer, you’ll understand that he did fucking care about what his friends thought. he didn’t want them to see him turn into something he wasn’t. especially not around minho and thomas, because he’s grown really close to them. imagine if you were newt. imagine your friends and how miserable and hurt they would feel if they watched you change into a whole another person because of an incurable disease.

“I hated the place (The Glade), Tommy. I hated every second of every day.” (The Death Cure — Chapter 55, Page 249)

"Put me out of my misery." (The Death Cure — Chapter 55, Page 249)

let me remind you that newt was depressed and broken. he was so shattered that he was ready to let go. he might have seemed fine, but in reality, his thoughts had been feeding his brain with negativity. but even as hopeless as he felt with his own life — damn it, even when he found out he wasn’t immune, he kept pushing. he could’ve given up. i mean, imagine all the suicidal thoughts that had been accumulating in the back of his head. still, he pushed himself to hold on. not for another day, week or month, but rather until he made sure his friends were alright.

okay so let’s round this up. he left his friends, god damn he even left minho who he had been close friends with in the glade, to make sure they wouldn’t be as hurt as they would be if they saw him turn into a gone crank. he put other peoples’ lives in front of his. he got hold of himself and tried to hold on until he made sure his friends were going to be alright.