my awesome transfem chip analysis post
As it stands I think Chip would find out very late in her life. She had never even considered transfemininity as an option for her. She's aware of other trans women around her but in her mind she's just always been a man and it's never been something she's truly questioned. So maybe it's something completely unsuspecting that tips her off. An offhand comment or joke. She reacts a bit strangely but ultimately lets the moment pass, and later she wishes she hung onto it a little longer. But it sticks in her mind and she's left wondering why she reacted like that and eventually she's thinking about it at work, at home, while she's trying to sleep. She walks in circles around the answer, she knows it's there but she doesn't want to acknowledge it. She tells herself she has more important things to worry about, she tries to push it down but it never goes away. If anything it only gets harder to ignore. Eventually she tries to reason with herself. Even if she did want to be a woman, who would see her as such? She's tall, has a strong build, her voice is deep, and she's harsh and intimidating. In her mind, nobody could ever see her as a "real woman", therefore it's not a desire worth pursuing. Maybe some day she gains the courage to talk about it to the people closest to her, who support her, of course, but I don't think that was ever really the problem. I don't think she could ever be public about it, maybe she puts in a request to have her honorifics changed on paperwork but it's not taken very seriously. People still call her sir and man and she just bears it because she doesn't think she's feminine enough to have the right to correct them.
I think a lot of suit models are male by default, it's a consequince of business being so male-dominated. Feminine models are often designed in an appealing way and are placed in more submissive roles, meant to take orders instead of give them. The overwhelming presence of masculine models is even more exemplified in models meant for manual labor, such as the chainsaw consultant. Chip's model is bulky, it's strong and rough around the edges. The ideal figure of a powerful man. Straying outside of that would be out of the question. This makes not only Chip's transfemininity but also her being disabled a sort of betrayal to her purpose. And in cog society, if you can't fulfill your purpose, you can't stay alive. Because of this, Chip is further incentivised to repress her feelings and bear more pain than anyone should have to, just to keep her job. There is absolutely something to be said about Chip's head quite literally being a chainsaw. To C.O.G.S she is nothing more than a tool of violence, and the override is what makes her easier to control. It's what keeps her on a leash. And when the override starts backfiring, starts gradually breaking down Chip's body and malfunctioning, just as any tool that's outlived it's purpose, she is dropped. If she can't live out her role in society, she is useless. She plays the role of a man for a world that ultimately does not accept her, where she will never be able to realise her identity. She gives up her autonomy and lays down her life as a stepping stone all in the name of career success because she is obsessed with making something of herself. If she is not working she does not deserve a place in the world.
But sometimes, when it's just her and her loved ones, she gets the chance to bloom into that woman she wishes she could be, and for just that moment, she feels content. A moment is more than she could ever ask for.
