Huh?

Jack Zimmermann watching Heated Rivalry: “When are they going to play hockey?”

girl the pattern you see is not divine or malevolent forces trying to reach you through the veil it’s just because you’re good at pattern recognition keep it moving

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

judas was probably like "jesus has pulled off so many wacky things, he'll get out of this one lickity split, and i get three shiny coins out of it, too"

if i don't get to speak in hyperbole (which is my greatest joy in life) literally every single day i will explode and die.

sorry yeah, you're actually not allowed in the grocery store anymore. yeah, everyone thought it was super weird when you were rummaging in your wallet for your debit card and it was making everyone super uncomfortable and taking a long time. sorry

for a while i tried being as Not weird, gross and cringe as possible and i tell you i was deeply depressed the entire time. turns out you need to be embarrassing to enjoy life to the fullest

[ Text ID: I am doing my best to not become a museum / of myself. I am doing my best to breathe in and out. ]

mutuals introduce me to your local ecosystem. I won't be invasive. I'll be very chill about it