a woman.

I’m not suicidal, but i think about it.

It’s such a recurring thought, that now I dream about it.

Do i want to live or be a Hannah Baker?

But she allowed 13 reasons to send her off to her maker.

I’m not suicidal, but i think about it.

And smoking all these trees ain’t gone do shit bout it, but make me go home and wish i could quit... or maybe i really just need some liq.

I’m not suicidal, cause that’s selfish.

Looking down on myself, like damn my moms don’t deserve this.

Daddy’s pride and joy, even he couldn’t see this.

Friends doing they own thing so they just oblivious.

And my little brother needs me, so this shit is serious.

I’m not suicidal, but my mind isn’t clear.

The anxiety is taking over, so forgive me for not wanting to be near.

the giver never wins, is what you’ve shown me.

introducing me to the broken and lost men of the world, their emptiness became my burden.

and in turn i’ve lost my peace of mind.

you allowed them to break me physically and mentally

you watched and allowed me to remain open and vulnerable to the attack on my soul.

still giving love while reaping no benefits.

still giving love when they continue to keep secrets and leave me in dark

i no longer know the meaning nor have i experienced the satisfaction of what it is to be loved

life with me will never be a walk in a park

i am a never ending maze of possibilities praying that one day you allow them to see me.

reach for me and know that i can be their peace

we were meant to be.

God made you perfectly, imperfect for me.

he sent me through the storm cause he knew you’d be my peace.

and in you i learned to love myself so i can be better for you, grow with you, even conquer the world with you

wave my white flag and surrender my all for you

i don’t see a future without you in it

nice house with a white picket fence,

watch you teach our sons the basics about defense

my father is many things but perfect.

a gemini man stuck in his selfish ways.

it’s crazy how i won’t hear from him for a couple of days, that turns into years.

and when he comes around, i need to remind him, that i didn’t ask to be here.

i am not your mistake or fuck up.

i was the wake up call for you to grow up and step up.

you had one job and you still showed up half assed.

when you didn’t clock in, my father figure did it class

unconditional love, and he’ll give me his last

walk with your head up, shoulders back, class was in session

any real man can be a father, was the objective to this lesson.

this is for the real men, the true father figures

holding down the house, and stacking generations of heirloom figures.

the ones who never miss a game or a dance recital

niggas are scared of good pussy

this pussy has a degree, that pussy has a full time job

but all you care about is a bum bitch that only knows how to slob on your knob

see niggas are afraid of good pussy

they wanna be in the “talking stage” with good pussy for three years

then good pussy gets boo’d up and you in her inbox talking about bullshit past years

seeeee y’all niggas are afraid of good pussy

y’all don’t wanna settle down with the pussy that cares about you more than she does her self

y’all wanna chase after the beggin po pussies, that only care about the next pussy and not her personal health

the pussies that want you to take care of her and them bad ass kids, cause that other nigga left.

man y’all niggas really settle for weak pussy, and y’all can’t tell me shit

Freedom is something i owe to my ancestors

Shackled and chained

Battered and hanged

Freedom is owed to my great great grandmother

Freedom is owed to Mamie Till

Because young Emmett didn’t have to be beaten and killed

Freedom should’ve been to those who deserved it

The ones who kissed ass still haven’t grabbed ahold of it

Freedom was given but more of an Indian trade

We have rules to our freedom...

Freedom of speech but we still can’t speak

Marching on the streets, and we will still get beat

This modern day slavery makes my stomach weak

All lives matter, don’t get me wrong

My black brothers and sisters have been putting on.

but

Freedom is just a figment of my imagination

Freedom is something unknow

My black beast

I yearn for you

You give me nothing but sweet kisses

and broken promises

I see the beauty in you

I see why they keep you locked away boo

Trust me i’m selfish and protective too

In the time of heat you are unleashed and revealed

To the sweet succulent black rose, sitting in her silk shield

She’s different and won’t open up

She like them boogie girls, so stuck up

But trust me King she’s worth it

The one your mom sees and says, “damn son she’s perfect”

Even your pops is proud

And your boys think she’s cool so they tell you keep her around

But my black beast you’re tough

She’s fragile she doesn’t like it rough

So protect her... care for her... caress her

I love me, i love me enough for the both of us

i love me cause your incompetent

you say i love you to me like it’s supposed to be a compliment

And i’m supposed to just accept the shit

Running back and forth between common sense and stupid shit

Damn...

All eyes on me, like look at this bitch... don’t she know that nigga ain’t shit

it’s embarrassing, to even think you was mine

breaking bread on your boys but i ain’t see a dime

In a GStar set thinking you fine, but nigga i bought that so it’s really mine.

And no this ain’t about the money

So don’t get it twisted and start actin funny

Love is something foreign to you

Love to you is a quick nut

But i’m not meant to be just a simple fuck

I’m the type to give a nigga my all and leave him stuck

Trust me i’m more than just a good fuck

I need a love that allows me to be free

I’m in love with the male version of you.

He’s so toxic but he always comes through... with a couple inches to send you through the roof

But man his heart is bulletproof, yet damaged

My lover and friend, i’m dealing with a heart i can’t mend.

I wish i had the tools to fix you

I’m asking mother Earth to please heal you

Even though i have you in the Palm of my hand, I’m Torrn

Between a rock and a hard place like they say

But this love isn’t going my way

i had a deep love

a deep love that i can’t get back

a love that hurt me so bad, i thought about closure… this girl had me thinking about bullshit ass “closure”

what am i to do with that? nothing but an excuse, and excuse for pain that i can not excuse for it pained me so deep it’s trauma

i’m traumatized by a friend, a friend i loved so deep. my light in every room, i breathed different knowing you were there, your presence was a joy, but nothing was greater than the black joy you birthed.

i’m hurt you didn’t get to experience my joy, but instead you gave me a day of hate.

i had a deep love though, and that love won’t let me breathe and i’m okay with it. that love was perfect and not even at its peak, that love was omnipresent..

a deep love that i can’t get back

a deep love that doesn’t know where she’s at.. with me.

15 the perfect flower died out

i though i was grown but man did i find out

i found out just how low these niggas could be

Nigga i’m drunk you suppose to comfort me

But instead your filthy hands keep touching me

I thought maybe this is what i want but my mind is so blurred from the liq i keep tryna snap up quick

Rough hands caressed my black rose

i just layed there stuck and froze

The deed is done and the fire is burned out