h y p o c o n d r i a c

Okay okay okay, my obsession over this show (and this episode of season 4 in particular) just will not die. And I love to rant. And I'm procrastinating writing the next chapter of Let Love Find You. So let's get into it.

The situation: Vox Machina goes and finds Scanlan after not seeing him or hearing from him in over a YEAR to see if he'll give them Mythcarver or come with them to help defeat this WO and his cult.

Despite not wanting to see them, Scanlan takes VM up on their offer to hang out and smoke some spice. Once Grog inadvertently blabs the reason why VM was there in the first place, we get the most heartbreaking view of Scanlan's vision as it fills with tears.

Stabbing me directly in the chest would hurt less.

And Scanlan lets loose on the whole group. Tells them that they never actually loved him in the first place - only kept him around because of what he did for them. Says (truthfully) that they don't even know him and asks the most iconic line of the entire lament: "What's my mother's name?" For the cherry on top of this sundae, he ends his rant by saying: "The smartest move I ever made was leaving you behind."

Now, I'm gonna be writing a short fanfic detailing the scene where Pike's standing there as he says that last line so I won't be unpacking ALL of that here. But holy shit, dude. Pike literally just lost her grandpa and is feeling more lost than ever, and you basically proved her worst fear that you didn't want to be with VM anymore (not his REAL family, indeed). It'll be a miracle if she comes out of this season without abandonment issues.

So here's the question: Who was wrong? From this corner of the peanut gallery, it's both. But Scanlan just a little more so.

What VM did (no matter how understandable it was for the current situation) wasn't okay and Scanlan's hurt is 100% justified. If my friends didn't talk to me for over a year then showed up under the guise of wanting to hang out but really wanting something I had, I'd be pissed too. I'd question my friendship with them. Want to get away from them. Ask myself why they hadn't bothered to get in touch sooner or why it took some big event for them to check in.

However.

When Scanlan left the group (which he did on good terms), he basically vanished. It's implied that not only did he not check in on anyone and let them know where/how he was, but he made himself purposefully hard to find. Hopping from one place to another is expected - that's part of the world tour. But creating a fake nickname, "The Meat Man" for himself, and only having connections through spice dealers is indicative that he wanted to be done with VM until he was ready to go back to them. If he ever actually did want to go back. I noticed that in the Chateau, there were no signs of his friends at all. There were lots of paintings of himself or a couple of Kaylie and the band (there was still the picture of Kami in his room), but any reminders of his friends (the people he fought and bled and nearly died with) were nowhere to be seen.

Oh, except for that painting of him and Pike on a horse. That he shoved unceremoniously into the back of his closet. Buried away until it collected dust.

Again, the chest stabbing is sounding like a much less painful option at this point.

Communication is a two-way street, but not if you take away your half of the street. I get that there were probably ways the gang could have found him using magic, but they were all dealing with their own shit, too. In all that time, they all should have reached out to each other but it was a lot harder from the gang's perspective because they wouldn't have known how to even contact him. If Keyleth had known where he was, she would have sent him an invite to her Aramente ceremony. He could have found out about Vax's blight and been there for him. Maybe he couldn't have done anything to prevent Wilhand's passing, but he could have supported Grog and Pike instead of letting them carry the weight of their grief on their own.

Scanlan's absence has already had a ripple effect on Pike. She's been hurting this whole season in part because all her friends went off and did their own thing, but not seeing Scanlan was huge for her. Even to the point where she confessed how much it hurt her to not have him around, so hating him seemed like an easier option. Spoiler alert: It was not.