chieART

Thank you for everyone’s warm response from last year’s 31witches, and everyone who has been asking for another list for 2017! I’m so happy to know that I can help people like this!!! I hope you enjoy the list!

Please tag your posts with #31witches or #21witches2!

Want a similar list? Check out 2016′s list, or Modern Witches Daily!

GOOD LUCK, EVERYONE!!

(FAQ under the cut)

This is, unfortunately, a common problem with Fi-users. Because all they can focus on and feel is their own emotions, and so many of them have a super high standard of personal behavior, in an argument they may take an extra share of the blame. Instead of naturally focusing on what the other people did (like a Fe might), the Fi might instead stare at themselves and think, “Wow, this is all your fault. If you had not been rude, they would not have gotten upset at you,” instead of, “Wow, that was really immature of them to react like that to a simple mistake.”

Since you have to work through your emotions before you can focus on other people – go ahead and work through them, but remember this: not everything is your fault. Other people share part of the blame. It takes two people to have a disagreement. It takes two people to have a fight. It takes two people to have a misunderstanding or create a problem. And no one is at the mercy of their emotions. You cannot always choose how you feel, but you can always choose how you react to those emotions and treat other people.

Admit when you were wrong, and strive to do better, but do not always take the blame. Especially if the problem has nothing to do with you. Let’s say two mutual friends have a super argument. For whatever reason, you feel guilt because you did not stop it. The same Fi that tells you that you are responsible for your choices can tell you that they are responsible for their choices. If they are responsible, this is not your fault and really none of your business. If you choose to be a mediator and help them fix it, so be it, but the fact that they had an argument has nothing to do with you or your sense of self worth.

I don’t know how to say this without being blunt; the best I can do is offer you consolation in that I have struggled with this my entire life – but: you cannot make everything about you. Not everything is about you. When you take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you, when you make a situation all about you (even in self-blame), you are being selfish. I know Fi’s natural tendency is to focus on oneself, but you can control it, you can learn to distance yourself enough to ask, “Is this even really about me? No? Well then, I’m not going to feel bad about it or draw attention to myself over it.”

I’ll give you an example: about ten years ago, someone in my neighborhood committed suicide. I did not even know he existed before that moment, but for weeks I felt guilt as I wondered if… had I been friendlier, might he have felt less suicidal because he had more friends to talk to? I was making a situation about someone else’s choice all about me! And I didn’t even KNOW THE GUY. Beyond sadness someone took his own life, the grief was not even mine. I was stealing it. And I was believing in my own self-importance while berating myself in even thinking: you could have fixed him. I saw the aftermath. I saw he had family and friends. How could one more person, how could I, have made a difference? I couldn’t have. He made his own choice, it had nothing to do with me, and it is not my fault, because I am not responsible for what other people choose to do. I feel sorry for his family, but I am not to blame.

The second part of your ask is also a common problem; because a Fi’s sense of self is based in oneself, and their own opinion of themselves matters much more than anyone else’s opinion of themselves, unlike the Fe, other people affirming them does not help their ego or reassure them they are a good person, if they do not believe it. So you are going to have to start talking to yourself better. You are going to have to recognize your self-worth. You will have to learn to admit to your good traits, and the positive things about you. And you are going to have to self-talk, every single time a negative thought about yourself comes into your mind.

Since you are disconnected from other people’s emotions, you are making up things in your own mind and projecting them onto other people. You would hate someone to do this to you! So don’t do it to them!

No one loves me.

Wrong. People love you, you just can’t see it when you self-hate.

So, make no one loves me into: I choose to love myself and others.

And then treat yourself like you love yourself.

How would you talk to the person you love most in the entire world? Would you tell them: no one loves you, everything is all your fault, you are worthless? No! So why would you talk to yourself that way?

If you make a mistake, do not tell yourself: you stupid idiot, you always screw this up, tell yourself well, I made a mistake and I’m going to learn from it. Making mistakes are part of life. This means I’m totally normal. And I still like myself.

I can tell you from an outside perspective, being around someone you love who is full of self-loathing is the most awful feeling in the world. Telling them good things about themselves that they ignore or shoot down is extremely frustrating. I have realized I am often that person, and it’s devaluing the people around me to have a negative or super critical view of myself, because it tells them: what you say about me doesn’t matter.

Never, ever negative self talk in front of other people. And don’t do it at all.

You owe it to yourself and your friends to be compassionate to yourself.

♥ Ice Cream Palette Art Challenge ♥ Send a flavour + a character and I’ll draw them in those colours ♥

I’m having a lot of fun doing palette challenges, so I made some of my own~

Feel free to use!