Chaos

And if you have sex with someone other than your partner without telling them, well, then you’ve just exposed them to whatever diseases that other person might’ve been exposed to. That’s a risk they didn’t consent to.

You are literally allowed to walk out of a doctor's office and never come back. You're allowed to self advocate and say "I don't know why you think that's acceptable to say to a patient". You can say "I'm not going to take this"

Which I know is probably obvious and also, extremely difficult to do on the spot. And if you paid a copay, it's even harder because it feels like a waste of money. I think if you're paying to be treated like shit that's not getting your money's worth.

I'm talking about like, genuine disrespect, neglect, malpractice, or true discomfort. Including but not limited to:

Inappropriate comments or demeanor. Ofc there's the obvious crazy "holy shit a doctor just said that?" Comments but I also mean "Well MAYBE if you lost weight you wouldn't have to be on heart medication 😒" "Kinda funny how everyone claims to have POTS lately..."

Poor bedside manner. "I doubt you're in that much pain all the time" "Sometimes in life you need to suck it up. It's not a scary procedure" "It's just a shot, you're not 4 calm down"

Treating you like an addict for needing/requesting a controlled substance. Not like "hey I'm concerned, do you need addiction resources or are you good?" But interrogating you or denying you something that would improve your quality of life on the basis that they are suspicious of your intentions. Some doctors just don't feel comfortable prescribing some things in general and that's one thing, your gp probably won't give you anxiety meds but if they give you an attitude and act like you're trying to fool them, they're an asshole.

Assuming you're lying about your symptoms/conditions. Not as in, you didn't meet the criteria and didn't get diagnosed (you're allowed to get a second opinion) but "Yeah lately everyone seems to think they have chronic fatigue syndrome" "if you truly had (condition) you'd be doubled over in pain right now" "Do you know how rare that actually is? I've met like, 3 patients with it"

Being way out of their lane. Your rheumatologist should not be saying "Is there an actual reason you're depressed? It doesn't look like you've tried every option"

That "I'm the one with the degree so stop talking and listen" attitude. Iykyk.

Not following protocol or respecting your comfort or needs.

Being clearly ignorant when it comes to the issue you're there for. Things like a therapist that tells you dissociative disorders aren't real, that personality disorders are a reflection of your character, or "yeah I can tell by how you're talking to me right now, you're clearly not autistic"

It's always a good time for more Goo Snake <3

My dad has 4 half siblings and two step siblings. They're all a decent bit younger than him. When I was a teenager, we went to a family reunion, and I realized something—my dad did not respect his siblings. He looked down on all of them. He saw them as fuck-ups and overgrown children. My dad had the American dream: well paying management job, suburban house, wife, and three kids. My aunt and uncles did not. Excluding my aunt, none of them were married or in serious relationships. They hadn't really settled into long term careers. Several of them were working the kind of jobs that get called "Unskilled labor." So he looked down on them because the youngest one was in his thirties (and several were much older), and yet none of them had "settled down" into what he saw as lifelong, permanent careers and relationships and lives. He was polite to their faces, sure, but I heard how he talked about them behind their backs, to my mother.

And then a few years ago, we visited his brothers again for Thanksgiving. And I realized something again--he respected them now. He saw them as equals. Why? Well. All of a sudden, every single one of them had serious, committed romantic partners. They didn't even need to still be with those partners—one of my uncle's fiance passed away from cancer before they could marry—just having had one showed that they matured into a real adult participating in society. In fact, at one point, my aunt was telling my mom about how one of my uncles was no longer living in an apartment she owned, but instead, after having a steady girlfriend for about a year, he moved in with her. And my mom literally said to my aunt, "wow. Look at that. He finally grew up."

One of the lines that frequently gets repeated about anti-aspec sentiment is "why would anyone hate asexuals/aromantics/etc? They aren't even doing anything." And that's exactly it. In the eyes of amatonormative culture, we aren't doing anything. Adults are supposed to do things. That's how you become a member of society.