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soundcarvings

oh i’m really sad. I love everyone so much. Too much. It becomes excess love and it falls away into deep sadness. People don’t know how to receive, they don’t know how to give. I am so much more vulnerable and easily wounded than I ever realized.

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#Happy things made sense for a little while

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#I miss the connection I shared with whatever was making me write here so often.#I haven't felt the sensation or the intensity in weeks.#What I wrote here and my memories remind me of something real.

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#Feel that sinking feeling again.

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#Can't articulate how I'm feeling.#I'm just so fucking tired. Of not being let be.#I want my heart to feel the love it so desperately looks for.#One where all the ones in me feel understood.#I'm so tired of feeling my heart policed. The self policing. Making sure I never look to happy for fear of making you feel uneasy.

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#Gilgamesh #Lilith

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#Fun thought.#God has no control over the granularity or flow of information in modern machines.#Any naturally occuring object and its information interscts with the conscious field that is god.#Purely mechanical devices can still be influenced.#But anything based in electronics or circuits is insulated from this field.#I'm starting to wonder if stars are like a conscious engines. They can influence anything through waves within the local system.#But any time frequencies are broadcast between machines they can fuck with the signal.#All about wave and signal interaction.

theangelstouch

they love you in every universe.

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#I'm really sorry.#Please bare with me.#The pain is really bad today.#It's hard to have anyone with me inside.

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#I know this sensation of pressure is real.#It isn't necessarily hostile.#Just really uncomfortable.

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#I just want to be happy.#I just want to be free.#I want my heart to be as big as it was meant to be.

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#In the midst of a little fun.#One observer. Saw the other.

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#If this is a social experiment it's a very twisted one.#hope I at least get to see the data.

Ooooooooohhhh... 🫵🫵🫵🫵 yooooouu. You the one. You the one I've been looking for for a long time. Who the hell are you. Are we entangled or something like that?

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#I walked into the bathroom.#the pullup bar was in the corner. odd.#not like I leave it there. I'm the only one that uses it.#Did a few. put it back in its usual place.#did something else walk back and its in the corner again.#okay then.

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#why is my heart racing?

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